Puppy Blues

[daydi]

Hello
I I have a (very cute to look at) 16 week old puppy and I’ll admit, I didn’t foresee it being so hard I guess I was naive. I am really struggling!

I am home most days and when I’m not my DP works from home in the same room as him so we are usually always around. He jumps up at the worktop and table and it’s relentless. No matter how much training we do for that matter it doesn’t change. If there is food around he becomes chaotic on another level! He barks when he’s shut in his pen and when we are in the house and it’s so loud and non stop but we struggle to eat if he’s out of the pen. He still bites sometimes, is that normal? I have an almost 4 year old and he tried to bite her the other day when he was playful. He also harasses her when she’s walking around so she spends all her time at the table drawing unable to play in the lounge anymore

We take him to puppy training but his attention span is really minimal so it feels like we get no where with training. I walk him twice a day for 20 minutes as advised and that helps him quieten down for a nap but after that it’s back to chaos!!
Please tell me it gets better. It’s making me resent him. DP and my daughter love him but I don’t

At 16 weeks your puppy is still a baby and you have a toddler too. It’s going to be difficult for a while. You might get through it and you might not. My two main suggestions are

1 Get some helpful routines in place eg At dinner time get a tuggy toy and play some tug for a while before you put him in the pen, then pop him in with a kong/ cow hoof/ wooden log to chew on and get on with dinner. Ignore the whining or barking. After dinner get him out again and do some training for treats. Repeat the is every day and he will learn that at dinner time he goes in the pen and that’s that. Set up similar routines for other times of day.

2 Divide and conquer when it comes to DD and DDog. Young children move fast and are noisy and are VERY stimulating to puppies. Split it so you and DH take turns with either DDog or DD. Set up a barrier so DD can play in the living room and DDog is in the kitchen with one of you. When in the same room put her on a stool out of the way. Have a lead on DDog in the house so you can grab it and control access to DD. In time you can teach her how to interact with DDog but that’s a way off right now.

I have bred Labradors and once took a puppy back from someone who had young children and couldn’t cope. I was very happy to place this lively pup with a family with older children and all was well. OP if it really isn’t working just take pup back to the breeder. Theres no shame and no need to struggle.

Thank you @VanGoSunflowers and @Theweedygarden!

@21ZIGGY if I say ‘I know this breed’ people just tell me that I’m wrong, or they know better or that I’m arrogant. So, there’s literally no point in saying ‘I’ve bred goldens for 21 years, never had a puppy returned, lived with them for 45 years, won several JW and know the breed better than I know my husband and here’s what I suggest etc.’ because I’d still upset someone who would claim I don’t know enough, or I’m wrong, or my experience is limited because of ABC.

As it is, my girl is about the same age - give or take a few weeks or so - as OPs. So I can, slightly, empathise. I’m not going through any of this. Not because I’m an amazing dog owner, or even because I’m experienced, but because I’ve taken my own advice - training, training, training. That’s all I boils down to in the end; training, dedication and, if you’re really desperate, gin.

Six months it eased so much but our dog nipped until one and a half, calmed down hugely then. Puppy training classes at that age are preparing him more than anything, keep going, you’ll get there! It’s sooooo hard, I cried and had regrets so many time but now I barely remember why!!

@daydi we got our pup in April when he was 8 weeks, he’s now nearly 9 months! I promise it does get easier in some respects. However, adolescence is hard too and so in other respects it will get harder before it gets easier.

I have to say, I’ve been on this board since we got pup and @LandSharksAnonymous knows her stuff and always gives incredible advice. I’ve not had a recommendation she’s made fail me yet.

I have a DS who is 6 and in hindsight I would have waited till he was older to get pup as my son absolutely does wind him up. Not because he’s mean or naughty but because he wants to play with and cuddle pup, and as this is his first pet, he has had to learn how to do that safely and in a way that is respectful of pup’s boundaries. So particularly I would concur with the advice about keeping them seperate where you need to.

Im doubling down on the training at the moment as we enter the adolescence phase……wish me luck 😂

I’m an experienced dog trainer and found my puppy REALLY hard. Really hard. It took until around 18 months to start seeing any of the hours of blood, sweat and tears we put in! At 3 she’s wonderful and the stress has been so worth it but it’s hard and my mental health took a real bashing.

Hang in there. Training classes weekly (look for a KC club - cheaper and often better) and just grit your teeth, be kind to pup and yourself and it will come good.

I’m glad I’m not alone I’m this, you’ve all made me feel much better!! Of course you can have a picture!!🥰

Oh stop it❣️ What an angel ❣️

Stunning x

Aw gorgeous pictures ❤️ 🐶

Gorgeous baby ❤
Honestly, we've all been through it @daydi
I hadn't expected puppy blues because I was on my ninth puppy but it still hit me hard. It is so bloody exhausting.
One day at a time and you'll get there. The puppy support thread can be a safe haven on the bad days.
Oh and truly @LandSharksAnonymous is amazing when you get to know her.

Oh he’s beautiful!

We have a lab so similar temperament. The puppy days were hard he was too excited to learn. (Other than toileting which he got instantly) we kept going hoping he would settle but actually it got harder around 4/5 months because he became a teenager. He suddenly refused to train and would ignore us. We tried a couple of dog trainers with limited results and eventually a dog behaviourist who did help. But tbh it was mostly time , he calmed down a lot around the age of 2 and is pretty easy now at almost 5. But he still mouths occasionally although it’s a lot more gentle without sharp puppy teeth. But he needs a lot of walking and stimulation even now.

We have a 1 year old black lab and the puppy blues are no joke. We love him but it's been a hell of a year. 16 weeks is still so little and things got easier when our dog's puppy teeth fell out, at around 5 months. I won't lie and say that it's easy now, but that really intense new puppy phase you're in won't last much longer and you will notice it all getting gradually easier when things like toilet training, teething and sleeping through the night fall into place. Ours is now a teenager which brings another set of challenges, but I don't miss those early days you're in. If you can, I'd really recommend crate training and putting your puppy on an enforced nap schedule. Puppies need a lot of sleep (about 18-20 hours per 24 hours at the age yours is), and if nothing else it will give you set times where you can get stuff done.

Coming from an owner of a different breed, I’ve found over the years that pups also need to be commanded to switch off and settle. Much like with toddlers, making yourself really boring and creating a calm atmosphere with the command to ‘settle down’ works wonders. Obviously when you’re sure they’ve had good exercise and interaction first.

I totally agree, it's absolutely vital for pups to quietly settle without needing stimulus. It's especially important for us because we don't crate. We teach "settle" for daytime naps and "sleepytime" for night. With our current girl I found that as soon as I sat at the dining table with a drink, book, laptop etc, she would settle at my feet almost immediately, and she still does this now at 18 months. While play is important, they also need a lot of sleep.

I STILL feel somewhat traumatized by my old dog's puppyhood, and she died this past spring at nearly 13! She was my best friend, and my soul feels crushed without her, so she was worth the trauma in the end! Good luck!!

I have a pup of a very different breed, more laid back, but we still have our moments and the first few weeks is a baptism by fire and I always forget how hard it is. Things do improve with time, feeling overwhelmed in the first few weeks is totally normal. For me, what helped is making sure pup gets enough sleep (like a human toddler as overstimulation is a nightmare) and I have a very fixed daily routine. It means I know what I’m doing (even when I’m too exhausted to think too much) and pup knows what she’s doing and what to expect next. Some days are wonderful, some not so much but it does get easier with training and as they adapt to how your household works. Good luck, I know it’s hard work with young kids too. When I got my last boy 15 years ago my DD was 4 and it can be a juggling act.

I’ll preface my advice seeing as you said @LandSharksAnonymous should have done….im a Goldie owner but also an experienced dog trainer/behaviorist

Puppies are REALLY hard! That’s why they are so damn cute - you’d want to throttle the little sods at times otherwise!. I regularly have clients in tears over ‘what the hell have I done’ thoughts at this stage. So your feelings are completely normal and your pup’s behaviour now is not indicative at all of the dog he will turn into
100% the ‘biting’ sounds totally normal for this age - and for a long time to come I m afraid. And you can’t train breed characteristics out of a born retriever ever. He will want something in his mouth when excited and if you don’t provide an outlet (mine all get something put in their mouths before interacting with someone when babies and repetition means they learn to do so independently as they mature ) they will use your arm or clothing
Also they generally need to be taught how to settle down and chill. It definitely does not come naturally
Mental stimulation is more important than physical - and no, kongs don’t really count imo! Training, playing together with toys and ‘life lessons’ are what’s needed.
What are life lessons? As an example my 18 week old pup is currently at my feet learning not to jump either at me or other members of tts family while we eat lunch. She’s also had family guests today where her lesson was how to politely interact with visitors. Managed with a lead at points and good behaviour rewarded when it occurred. Definitely NOT left to her own devices to get it wrong…..that’s setting them up to fail.
It takes time though and just when you think they’ve sussed it, they regress! Calm,fair training and consistency are the only ways through it, and eventually you will be rewarded with an awesome dog

If you think this is hard try a Weimaraner 😂!
our big moment was when we realised that we had to enforce down time.
in a way it’s the most important and relevant part of early training.

when I recognised that a baby puppy was not so different to ti a new born it all made sense.

do you relent trying to put an over tired newborn to bed? It’s never gonna happen 😢

also to add, the baby pup months are hard. You will question yourself multiple times day.

but perseverance is the key. Set a routine and plough on.

our pup is now two and a half and is JUST becoming the dog that we dreamt about

Puppies are so hard - I remember thinking when our Lab cross Retriever puppy was small that he was harder work than a human baby!

They do get easier once their big teeth come through though, also once they are reliably housetrained, also when they get used to being left alone/self settling and when you all understand each other a bit more.

Your feelings are normal and the puppy is gorgeous. The early weeks are just one stress after another to a degree that can bring you to tears sometimes but they do mature, honestly.