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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

Old dog - am I awful for feeling like this?

39 replies

Greenscreennightmare · 20/10/2025 17:34

We have a terrier-type dog, so a small mongrel. She's about 17-18, we rescued her when she was about 2-3. She's always been closest to me but my husband and adult kids love her too of course.

She's lost a lot of weight in the past few years and is pretty much skin and bone now. She eats and drinks plenty. She had a cruciate ligament op 5 years ago and I don't think it made much difference, she has a problem with her hind quarters which have drooped but she still potters about the house.

She's blind and deaf, she's incontinent for the past couple of months and gets distressed if left alone for even a few minutes (we also have a 3 year old dog who keeps her company). She sundowns every evening from after dinner to 9pm.

Given all the above, I feel that it's time to think about having her PTS. My family however are appalled. They say that she's happy, and she is because I'm retired so I'm here at home with her most of the time.

But, I'm so sick of cleaning up her mess, she's ruining the laminate floor and we spend a fortune on doggy pads, mats etc. She's on painkillers and Prozac. Whenever I ask the vet if we're doing the right thing keeping her alive he just says, well she doesn't seem unhappy.

What do you think, am I a terrible owner wanting to put her down? I don't know if I have her interests at heart or if I'm being selfish, but honestly she's like a pooping and peeing machine and rarely ever goes outside the door.

Opinions/advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
LandSharksAnonymous · 20/10/2025 17:41

I say this a lot, but I don't think anyone actually believes a dog like yours (blind, deaf and incontinent is a horrible trio) is happy and living a good life - they just can't bring themselves to say goodbye.

In your position, I would set out your concerns to your family and make it clear that you no longer believe the dog has a good quality of life and, most importantly, this about the dog, not about them. A vet will never advocate putting to sleep, but there are discussions you can have around quality of life and check-lists you can do which can help people understand that the decision is the right one.

For what it's worth, I don't think you're selfish. It's easy to think you're being selfish when other people don't have the strength to say goodbye - but you are absolutely not being selfish, or a bad owner, or giving up on her. I think your dog is incredibly lucky to have an owner who doesn't want to prolong her suffering.

BeMellowAquaSquid · 20/10/2025 17:42

I think you’re brave coming on here and asking.. if she’s not in pain and the incontinence isn’t masking anything untoward and she’s happy then yes you are being unreasonable in my opinion. I hope she doesn’t get told off or sense your frustration because that would be so cruel in her last part of life to know she was an inconvenience.

AnOldCynic · 20/10/2025 17:45

I think your family are awful for wanting to prolong your dog’s life. Do they do ANY of care/cleaning? I don’t rate the vet’s opinion much, the longer they are alive the longer they are profiting from you…

EleanorReally · 20/10/2025 17:47

you are not being unreasonable.
she is incontinent. that is not the best way for a terrier or you to live
is she incontinent in her own bed?
be kind to her op.

EleanorReally · 20/10/2025 17:48

a lady near me had her dog pts when she could no longer go on walks.
and the vet agreed.
so she now walks alone, without her old dog.

Nannyfannybanny · 20/10/2025 17:49

I don't think youre selfish at all.. poor doggo won't understand what is happening,it's no life for a dog. We had similar with our last d doggy,CCD. I said to our vet of 25' years,"but he's eating and enjoying walks" she said that wasn't a guarantee of a good quality of life. He cried all night,we sat up with him in turn for a year..

DisplayPurposesOnly · 20/10/2025 17:50

No, I dont think you're awful. I think its reasonable to question whether her quality of life is good, as that's all that's important to her. Animals dont have existential dread.

That said, I dont know the answer. I had to have my much loved elderly pet to sleep two weeks ago, made easier by not having a choice. I've kept four of my pets company whilst they were put to sleep, it's hard to say goodbye of course but the actual process isn't that bad.

Wolfiefan · 20/10/2025 17:52

Oh OP it’s so hard isn’t it. I would argue that this isn’t a “happy” dog. What did she used to enjoy doing? Sniffing? Walking? Playing? Meeting other dogs? Chasing squirrels? How many of those things can she do now?
Our vet said it wasn’t just about preventing suffering but preserving dignity when we had to make this decision for our 19 year old cat. That decided me. She had none. She had stopped doing everything she had ever enjoyed and wouldn’t ever be able to do them again.

ErrolTheDragon · 20/10/2025 17:54

No, you’re not being awful at all.
ime vets are unlikely to give their opinion on whether an old dog has reached the point where PTS is the kinder option - it’s got to be the owners decision. Everything @LandSharksAnonymoussays makes sense.

goldenautumnleaves25 · 20/10/2025 17:56

Better a month too early than a day too late. From your description, she is very close to “too late”. Blind, deaf and easily distressed- she isn’t happy!

TheProvincialLady · 20/10/2025 18:02

A lot of people congratulate themselves on keeping their old pets alive long past the time when it is kind, dignified or fair. I have no patience with them and it’s particularly unfair that your family aren’t even the ones dealing with the incontinence. Let the poor dog go.

Tanya285 · 20/10/2025 18:04

That's not the life she'd choose OP, I think the fairest thing is absolutely to put her to sleep. I'd hope someone would do the same for me in that position tbh. She's probably only tolerating her situation because she's doped up on prozac and pain killers.

RedRosie · 20/10/2025 18:06

Bless you @Greenscreennightmare , and your little dog. I'd say it was time.

Sagaciously · 20/10/2025 18:10

Our dog was doubly incontinent, and that was just one of a litany of health issues. Because she was eating and drinking, I now realise we kept her going far longer than we should have.

Your dog is a great age and has probably had a fantastic life. Don’t feel guilty.

averylongtimeago · 20/10/2025 18:21

We have had to make this decision several times over the years. It is never easy, but you have to think of the dog, not yourself or your family.

Terriers are such active little creatures, all that hunting, sniffing, running around. How much of what your dog loves can he do now? He knows he shouldn’t mess in the house- it’s one of the first things he learned as a puppy, he is distressed when he is alone, he has trouble settling- you know the answer.
Put him first.

We lost our oldie this spring- the decision this time was easy as she had cancer, the vet came to the house and she passed peacefully on her bed, in my arms. Don’t fear the end, it’s worse for you than them, peaceful and pain free.
Im sorry

HonoriaBulstrode · 20/10/2025 18:37

I always think that if you're at the point of wondering whether it's time to let him go, it probably is time.

CherryogDog · 20/10/2025 18:38

As a previous poster said, better a month too soon than a day too late.
It's a horrible position to be in, but it's the last act of kindness that you can do for her.

SpanielsGalore · 20/10/2025 18:42

I was in a similar position a few years ago. I was the one with the dog 24/7, dealing with all his issues. I felt it was time to let our dog go, but my OH and DS disagreed. OH went as far as accusing me of wanting to murder DDog.
DS changed his mind when he dog sat for a couple of days, and saw how bad DDog had become. It took the vet telling my OH that PTS was the kindest option for him to face reality.

In your case, I think the kindest thing to do is to let your dog go. It doesn't sound like she has much/any quality of life left.
I once read an article written by a vet, which helped me make the decision. It basically said don't wait until their whole life is shit before making the decision. Do it whilst they still have some quality left.
In my case, my dog enjoyed his food and a short walk. So he had 30 minutes of pleasure a day versus 23.5 hours of pain and confusion. What ratio does your dog have?
Wishing you all the best. It's a bloody horrible decision to have to make.

MorningFresh · 20/10/2025 18:45

It's time, sorry. Its the last kind decision you make for them, but also the hardest.
She is a very great age and has had a lovely life. My vet told me that dogs hate to soil in the house and it makes them depressed. Why would you want that for your beloved pet? 💐

Strawberryflavoureddogbiscuits · 20/10/2025 18:55

My beloved little dog got cancer, I couldn't imagine life without him, I look back and realised we kept him going longer than we should have but he was only 10 and I wanted him with me longer.

I was grieving and realise now I was being selfish.

logplant · 20/10/2025 22:30

My dog died a year ago - I miss him terribly, still cry and although we thought we’d timed it right / I still wonder whether we should have done it sooner. I miss him so much though. It’s hard as hell to lose a dog.

abracadabra1980 · 20/10/2025 22:43

17/18 is extremely elderly and I agree wholeheartedly with the first post. I have worked in welfare and had to deal with dogs being put to sleep - always for medical reasons and remember they are extremely stoic when it comes to pain. They can be in agony and still drag themselves up to eat, or to be with their loved one or pack. There’s a saying that “nobody regretted putting a beloved pet to sleep too early, but many regret leaving it too late”. Don’t leave it too late. Sending hugs 🤗

noctilucentcloud · 20/10/2025 22:51

From what you've written I think it's time. I have an elderly dog and have already started to think about my lines in the sand for him - incontinence, distress from dementia, pain and not wanting or being able to go for a potter are all on my list. I don't think you're being selfish. You have his best interests at heart.

Original poster
Greenscreennightmare · 21/10/2025 00:07

Thank you all so so much for your lovely, kind words and your understanding. She was actually really confused this evening, she paced until 11pm. So I think my mind is made up, but I'm heartbroken at the same time.

@BeMellowAquaSquid - she's quite stiff and is on an nsaid for arthritic pain; I can't honestly say that she's happy, the things that used to make her happy, like walking in the park or at the beach, or pottering in the garden, or gnawing on a bone are all things she can't do any more. She doesn't even remember that she used to love to sit on my lap!

She absolutely doesn't get told off, for anything, but if she did she wouldn't hear it as she's stone deaf. I love her so much, this is breaking my heart. She's such a tough old girl (she had a hard start in life, never saw or felt grass until we got her, didn't know how to play etc.) Now however I feel that the "right" thing to do is to let her go, and others here have confirmed this for me.

I'm so grateful for everyone's contributions and I can see things much more clearly now. I'm very glad I asked, I was feeling like a monster for even having these thoughts!

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 21/10/2025 00:44

We put ours to sleep last year. He was 15. He had had annual check and other than being quite blind and fairly deaf he was still enjoying his food and walks. Then three weeks later I was back in - he’d basically fallen off a cliff health wise. He struggled to get up to stand, though he could walk once he did. He went on very short walks but after a few days at one point he whimpered to stand up, I helped him, he slowly walked in to the garden to pee and fell over. I knew that was the end. He never ever messed in the house and I thought he would soon not be able to hold it or we wouldn’t be there to help and soiling himself would be so stressful for him. We put his down two days later and I had to carry him to the vets. Don’t prolong your poor dogs pain for sentimental reasons.