Grief is overwhelming - pet loss

[Soulstirring]

I lost my girl yesterday. We made a hard decision and I’m driving myself insane querying whether it was the right one. I physically hurt I’m so sad, I can’t breathe. I loved her like one of my children. I’m writing this here as apart from my husband who feels the same, I’m not sure anyone else truly understands and I need to get it out. I’m not expecting answers just need a space to vent.

She had a catastrophic injury and perhaps could have made a recovery to some degree with surgery. Maybe I should have fought harder for her but to couldn’t bear her to suffer. Was it best for her though. We miss her so much already. The house feels empty.

You have my sympathy. It is the worst part of having a pet. You made the best decision you could for your girl. You can’t do more than that. Be kind to yourselves

I'm truly sorry you're going through this. Losing a dog you love like family is a deep and painful grief. Not everyone understands that but I do.
You and your girl found each other in this chaotic world and because of you she knew safety, love, and home.

You spared her pain, even though it broke your heart. That is love at its most selfless. The pain of losing her will lessen but it takes time. In the meantime, be kind to yourself x

So sorry - you made the best , a hard and right decision for your girl .
We would all overthink and do the ‘ but what if ‘ in our heads after a loss but your girl is now at peace .

Big hugs to you. I went through the same back in May. My whippet's kidney failure had taken a turn for the worse very rapidly. She was then properly incontinent in her bed, which I knew for her would have been extremely distressing. She was losing her marbles and had changed. And she had lost a lot of weight. She did not seem fully terminal to me, I felt maybe we could have a bit longer but the vets (I asked 2 opinions) were adamant she was in pain (liver was packing in too) and the choice was either 3 days in hospital to keep fluids and up and do more investigation or PTS. I chose to PTS as she was a nervous creature and hated the vet. I felt there was no point in delaying the inevitable. I was on my own (husband away) and opted to do it in my garden. I was not prepared for the whole signing papers and giving the go ahead for the final injection. Nor her falling gently on me. It broke me. The responsibility of making that choice weighted heavily on me and I still feel guilty about it. Maybe she could have a couple more weeks of sunshine and cuddles or maybe not. The vet was adamant that she might pass away during the night, which she said is not good and might mean an emergency trip to the vet full of worries for her. I decided to trust the person with the degree and knowledge. I feel I did the right thing but the weight of it is hard to bear. I have been told two things that have helped: 1 - better too soon that too late, 2 - this is the cross we bear and the responsibility we take on when they become ours. I spoke to the Blue Cross pet bereavement service, they helped and my other dogs ended up with 6 walks a day for a while as I could not bear my garden for some time. But time does heal, and it does get better. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve and this too shall pass.

Our husky had a stroke and was pts 6 weeks later in February . Initial thoughts were a vestibular episode..
Heartbroken we can't yet speak about her..
1 ddog has a small window left as sh has bladder cancer and it's spread to her leg bones..
Not even sure we can ever get another....

I’m so sorry, we lost our boy a few months ago and it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I still think of him every single moment of every day and miss him so much. He also had a terrible accident and he had an operation but took a turn for the worse and the only way to try to save him was to start all over again. The worst part is the decision had been made be partially based on finances as his treatment had already cost £8k and he only had £5k of insurance 😭. It would have been at least another £8k before ongoing treatment to reoperate and we just don’t have it. I’ll never not feel guilty that we couldn’t have tried but the poor thing was so poorly it probably would have been more for our benefit than his if we’d tried.

Afterwards, I said I could never go through the pain of losing a dog again but… a puppy has already made it into our lives as we couldn’t cope without. He’ll never replace our wonderful dog but he’s perfect in his own right and he brings a source of comfort (and distraction!).

Today has been a hard day as I had to take our puppy to the vets for a routine appointment and it was so triggering. I’ve felt so sad all afternoon 😢.

Also, I never knew that heartbreak felt like your actual heart breaking I thought it was just a figure of speech 💔.

I’m so sorry you’re going through his. I dread the day my furry son leaves us. He’s my little shadow, with me more than anyone else. Unless someone really has a strong connection with their animals I don’t think they’ll get the strength of the grief. I do though, so post away.

I lost my girl 18 months ago.
I was bereft as she died at the overnight vet so I wasn’t with her. I’m still grieving her and can’t face having another as it’s just too heartbreaking to go through again.
be kind to yourself and cry all the tears. It’s better a day too soon than a painful day too late with suffering.
you did the right thing for her even if it was the wrong thing for you
it’s being a good owner and it’s not your fault at all

I lost my boy this year and I feel you, it's a raw, powerful grief because not only did you love them with everything you had, you also were responsible for them. This means that guilt weighs in and just makes it unbearable. We also had to make decisions, we chose to operate and sadly complications meant he passed away alone at the vets rather than with us. There is guilt with every decision because you never know what the alternative ones would have ended up like, but that doesn't mean the one you made was wrong.

I'm a few months down the line and I can smile when I think of him for the most part, but I do still cry when certain things crop up. Be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. Time heals.

What helped me was I planted a tree in his favourite spot in the garden and I put a photo on the wall that displayed him at his happiest. I also called the vets afterwards (twice!) for a total explanation of what happened which helped stop the 'what ifs'. Find something that will help you come to terms with it and you can start the healing process. I still have his favourite toy by my bed, so it's ok if it takes a long time x

Sorry for your loss , we lost our boy last November , he had a stroke in the early hours and by 3am was gone , he had been on treatment for high BP for a couple of years . My husband still can’t talk about him and we will never get another dog because I can’t go through this again let alone my husband . I’ve lost lots of animals over the years but he was my heart dog .

So many of us have known and share the heart rending pain & sense of loss you are experiencing right now - it does get better. When I had to make the decision to have my girl pts some months ago, I kept a candle burning in the room she spent most of her time in until I could manage better.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know how much you’re hurting. Sending love 🐾❤️. Your last act of the deep love you had for your pet, was to end their suffering. You did the right thing.

It’s a difficult situation faced by many pet owners many times over in the lifetime of a human being. Many people have multiple pets and do the best for them at every life ending situation. We gibe thrm the best but they are temporary friends and not human beings. Losing a child would be a lot worse so it’s important to be rational about a pet. Remember the best bits!

We lost our beautiful Springer Boy over 5 yrs ago and will always wonder if we made the right decision..and probably always will. Just like the decision we had to make with our two beloved cats over the years..
You can only do what feels right at that very moment armed with the advice from experts and the information we have. It doesn't make it any easier but you eventually get some kind of peace as the pain eases I think.
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this pain.

I’ve had animals all of my life. They aren’t like family. They are family.

Because we are the ones that often have to make the final decision for our pets, the grief can be further compounded as we agonise over whether we did the right thing or not.

Your lovely dog had a terrible injury and animals do not understand recovery and recuperation. They don’t understand that however many weeks bed rest that they might heal and be able to out again, they become weary and depressed and the mental suffering is hard for them.

You did the best thing for your dog, you ended the suffering.

My mother used to make a scrapbook for family pets and we as children would make cards or notes to add to the book. It gave us comfort. Although it’s the digital age now, it’s still a comforting thing to do, print out favourite photos and perhaps write about a few cherished memories.

Time helps with healing but your grief now is raw and distressing and you have to let it run its course. It takes time to stand down from the every day routine of feeding and walking and the companionship your dog gave you and if anyone doesn’t understand that, then I pity them.

But it’s always going to be a short family life with an animal. We do need to plan for life without a pet because it’s as certain as night follows day. Many people do get a new pet. It’s not a replacement exactly but it’s a new life and if it’s a dog, walks and companionship starts over again. I’ve lived in my house for nearly 40 years. Neighbours have had many dogs over the years and no one, apart from us, has stuck at one.

Same. I've never felt anything like it since losing my dog in April this year. I've lost cats and that has hurt but not like this. I guess because she was mine and my shadow that it has hit me much harder.

Time is a healer but I am still having moments and crying about her. I was looking at a map of our local area for something or other and started looking at one our regular walks and ended up just sobbing as I was remembering how much she loved them.

You have done the kindest thing that we can do for our much loved pets and not allowed them to suffer or be frightened @Soulstirring I would just say allow yourself to cry and be sad and not try and put on a brave face. Apparently somewhen you will be able to look back and smile, which I can to some things, but I can't watch any of our videos of her as it's just too hard

I lost my girl nearly 2 months ago. She was my heart dog and I still cry for her every single day - if anything the more time I have to process it, the harder I grieve for her.

There's no way to make it better. Grief is grief. Just put one foot in front of the other.

Thank you all for your kind words. I’m so sorry so many of you have gone or are going through the same thing. I’m so lost without her. I think the shock and speed of her loss has made things worse for me, I can’t process how we set off for a normal walk, her little bum swinging, so excited and asking us to hurry.

@Soulstirring I get this so much! How can he have gone from a normal walk on a normal Sunday in his absolute prime to… gone? I still can’t process it nearly 3 months later at all. I wish I could be of more help but there’s no way to fix it 😭. Another thing I’ve struggled with is that because it’s “just a dog” you’re expected to carry on as normal, when you’re deep in grief.

Sorry for your loss. Many of us here understand how deep the pain is. I truly love my dog aa much as I love any other member of my immediate family. That bond is deep and profound. How many people love us so unconditionally and provide so much joy? Don’t be ashamed of the depth of your loss x

3 years on for me and I'm crying now 🤷🏼‍♂️ I miss my boy more than humans I've lost.

Two things give me comfort. I was able to give him a controlled, pain free death rather than a panicky, possibly painful emergency. Also he was treasured every second of his life, he could not have been more loved, what a lucky boy ♥️

Just back from having our beautiful girl pts. Actually had to stop on the way home and puke in a layby...
She was prefect at 10pm last night.. Massive stroke at 12.30. Went peacefully at 9.30. .
Life just got very sad.

Oh you poor thing. I’m so sorry — it sounds like she was surrounded by love right to the end. Sending you strength as you process it all. Be gentle with yourself ❤️