Feeling at a loss.

[JuicyDrop]

Hi all.
We picked up an 8 week old fox red Labrador puppy on Saturday- much wanted and years of waiting until ‘the time was right’. We have a five year old son who is on awaiting an assessment for autism but has been round his aunties dogs all his life and never shown any real fear.

My son is not coping too well at all with the new puppy and my mum guilt is horrendous. I feel like I’ve ripped his life in two. Puppy is a nibbler and he seems to do this the whole time he is awake. He’s going for our hands, our feet, the sofa, our clothing. I’m sure this is all normal but it’s non-stop. I try redirecting him everytime with one of his toys but it lasts for a few minutes then he starts again on us. My son is not coping with this at all and has become actively scared of the puppy. I’m having to be on hand 24/7 to intervene if he jumps up at my little boy- it’s becoming impossible to leave him or the puppy alone for even a minute to make a drink or cook. I hope this will improve when my son is back at school tomorrow and I can have dedicated time to start training some better habits.
The puppy himself is doing well apart from the biting- he’s weeing outside and telling me when he needs a poo. He’s sleeping all night in his crate if I’m beside him on the sofa- aiming to move that distance over time. He does not like being left alone though through the day- he won’t actively go to his crate for a nap and sleeps at my feet during the day. I’ve tried giving him ten minute spells in his crate with the door shut through the day just to hang washing out or spend some time with my little boy but he howls and cries the whole time.
I suppose there are already some puppy blues and I hate admitting it- it’s more the impact it’s having on my little boy which is a curve ball we didn’t expect at all. Got the school runs starting tomorrow and still not sure what I’m doing with the puppy- I’d naively thought that he’d sleep in his crate while I was gone for the half hour it takes but it’s seeming that’s not going to be possible either. I don’t drive so haven’t got a car to take him with me or anything and he’s too heavy to carry that distance.
just here for support really- this puppy was much wanted and still is. I just feel so stressed out with it all.

Photo of the nibbler.

Gorgeous puppy❤️. I have no advice really, other than to say the puppy is displaying perfectly normal behaviour, which they grow out of.

Wow, he is gorgeous, fantastic colour and his behaviour is just normal puppy behaviour.

He is gorgeous and in his slightly more calmer periods my son adores him. I’m hoping with time and age they will both become thick as thieves. I think my little boy will benefit from being back at school from tomorrow and having some time away.

Oh he’s beautiful! I had a 3yo when we got our puppy. The first couple of months were hell. She chewed the walls, DC’s toys, socks, anything she could. I several times had to detangle her from DC’s hair which she thought was a plaything. I had holes in my clothes and bloody scratches down my legs where she’d jumped up and her needle claws had ripped my clothes / skin I just sat and sobbed a good many times.

But - this is normal. This is what puppies do. And it is all completely, totally worth it. We have the most wonderful dog now, after a lot of training. She’s perfect on the lead, brilliant with both adults and children, and makes everyone she meets smile. I adore her. Neither of my kids love her like I do - they both spent up to about age 6 telling her to go away, but now at least show affection to her! The kids are older, the dog is older, and everyone gets on. It is HARD but it is worth it - just keep going and know it will get better. Also totally normal to not be able to leave them at this age; they’re so tiny and they’ve been taken away from their mother. He’ll calm down. Hang in there!!

I use a real thin long line on puppies/new dogs tied round my waist - long enough that they can still explore but ultimately you have them in seconds.

it’s more work but it means you can instantly redirect rather than having to catch their attention first - makes it less stressful for DC or cats (I’ve had both, I did the same thing 😂) so I find it more work but for much less time than if they’re loose.

You’ll see things about online about tethering puppies with a 6 ft lead, I don’t do that, just a real lightweight longline the longest I can find when I go to buy one - doesn’t need to be sturdy as I’m only using it inside and mostly I want them to not notice it’s there.

My autistic DS also hates bitey puppies - so it takes the onus off him having to deal with it and you just need to keep stressing that the puppy is only doing it because he wants to play with him but doesn’t know how and he will grow out of it.

I would put your puppy on a lead or long line as suggested and only allow supervisied play with your son, biting and lunging is normal. I know it might be difficult but try and not let your son wave his hands about the dogs face, also nap your puppy overtired dogs are not good for anyone, pups need 16+ hours sleep a day, it doesn't sound like you were expecting the dog to be such a handful but now you know you will just have to readjust your whole life around a small furry deamon😀

Honestly, I would return the puppy.

This will get a lot worse before it gets better and young children (even neurotypical ones) have a terrible habit over winding up and over stimulating puppies and thus encouraging terrible behaviour. In eight months the dog will likely still be mouthy, but 20kg+. Do you really want to deal with that?

And ten minutes in a crate, alone, during the day is far too long for a breed bred to please and be with people. You can’t leave the puppy alone for the school run if it’s already showing signs of being distressed - it could cause serious harm to itself (I know a dog that got its jaws stuck in the bars of its crate and ended up requiring a huge operation)

I don’t say the above to be nasty or unhelpful. But you got the dog on Saturday and it’s Tuesday now. That’s four days. You didn’t go into this with your eyes open and it’s not going to get better anytime soon.

They do. Puppies bite hard and it’s never ending and hell.
We got a staffie this year, now about five months and has stopped biting.
I was told to stop redirecting as you are engaging with them when you do this, playing with them. We just walked away from the dog, ceased any level of engagement or 5 mins in her pen if she entered the bite zone. It was like having a flying vampire bat around the house, leaping at you and taking chunks of your clothes or flesh. That’s no exaggeration.

DD spent most of the time upstairs, her only contact initially was giving a command and then give the dog a treat, give the dog breakfast and that was it. DD cried and wanted her gone. They are now best buds.

You can’t walk them far initially so it’s a very hard period to go through.
Ours was initially put in her pen for 2 hour naps twice day (it’s not a crate as such, it’s a pen and it’s huge). She would fall asleep immediately. I’d open the door once she was asleep and she was often asleep 4 hours a time before waking up. It’s where she gets her treats. We are at home, so we’re in the same room. She’s been free roaming the house now for about six weeks. She still has her pen, the door is open and if you close it she will cry. She can come and go as she pleases.
I couldn’t have coped without that pen. She’s a bed, a water bowl and a place to lie outside of it.

Thank you for all the comments- I take it all on board.
I suppose we have underestimated it slightly, no denying that. I did not expect my son to react as he has and obviously he is always my main priority. He doesn’t play upstairs sadly- never has done. He’s not a fan of being alone- so his play space is downstairs and this has been taken over by the puppy.
I may see about a playpen to give the puppy some space to play and my son also.
The puppy will settle in his crate through the day if I sit near him until he falls asleep. However the minute I move he wakes up and follows me. So he’s not getting long naps as he won’t settle unless I stay still in the room he is in. If my son walks around the house etc he doesn’t seem to wake, only me. And more often than not he’s preferring to sleep by my feet so he’s very much a Velcro puppy to me but nobody else.
He’s doing great with his toilet training, eating well and sleeping well on a night. We’ve also started some basic commands with him and he appears to be picking that up quite quickly. So for 8 weeks he is amazing really - I just don’t know how to encourage him to nap on his own if I’m busy in another room of the house. That would be a big help for him to learn so I could then spend time with my son playing so he doesn’t feel so left out.

Do you not close the door on the crate and maybe cover it so it is cosy for him? It can take weeks for them to settle into a routine though he has just left his litter mates so he will be discombobulated, if you have to would you consider going back to the breeder there is no shame in that.

If you put him in his crate for short periods then take him out he should eventually start seeing it as his bed give him some of his food as a treat in it,

Honestly, and I say this with kindness as a parent of an autistic child, I think your DS is too young. We got our pup last year and my DD (also autistic) was 10 and it was still really tough. She is at the age where she is happy occupying herself in her bedroom and that was her ‘safe space’ as dog wasn’t allowed up there, but she still really struggled with it. She’d been asking for a dog since she could talk and is such a huge animal lover but she absolutely hated him for the first few months. He’s now 15 months and they are besties now but he’s still a teenage shitbag and makes her cry often! I wouldn’t have been able to manage if she was any younger. Having a puppy is absolutely brutal, and it’s months until they stop biting.

You might find it’s better once your DS is back at school as it won’t feel as full on and you can dedicate some solo time to the pup. Do you have a pen for the dog, or a baby gate so you can section off a bit of the house and keep dog and DS separate?

Where did the breeder keep the puppies OP? My breeder used a huge pen for the pups, mum could come and go as she pleased.

I just walked in the house and put my pup in her pen and left for the room for five mins, then ten mins, then another ten mins on the day we got her.

You need to make the pen their happy place, do you have a kong and doggy peanut butter or natural no sugars peanut butter? Can you get in there too? You want them to love their pen, it’s not forever it’s a just to help them and you. Could you move the pen to another room so your son gets his space back?

There’s no shame in returning the pup now, someone will snap him up, just don’t wait until he’s older. Good luck.

Google crate games and dont go faster than the pup wants to.

Alternatively, ill have the pup 🥰😂

As well as the crate have you thought about a stair gate on a downstairs room doorway? You could have him on one side and your son could play in the other, so they're close but no biting. At least for a while each day. Or an old fashioned playpen that's metal and put the puppy in there.
If you're only out for half an hour for drop off and pick up, maybe chose one where you take the dog and one where you don't. It doesn't thave to be the same one each time unless you want him to get into that routine. Half an hour is fine to leave him in his crate, they whine and cry anyway and he needs to get used to periods of being alone otherwise you won't be able to go out without him when he's older

Its pretty normal puppy behaviour but I have to say I would probbaly not have got a puppy with a 5 year old, especially one who is ND. We waited until DS was 8 and he could just about cope, although he wasn't keen on the dog for the first 6 months or so.
Anyway, pup is there now so you will just have to do training training and more training. One thing we should have done was involve DS with the dog more, he was DDs dog really so she was very involved along with me and DH but DS wasn't really and both him and the dog had to form a bond a bit later which was hard.

No I honestly appreciate that.
We want to work at it and keep going. As I type this today has been a better day overall- the puppy has slept in his crate for good naps and not seemed as disturbed by household noises. He’s also not woke up and followed me as much. Him and my son have had some good play time together- he’s still wary of the nipping but has seemed a bit more comfortable around him.
Annoyingly we have just got rid of our old baby gates but it’s certainly an option to have some more. The kitchen is total puppy proof so I could put him in there at times so my son can play.

Everyone I’ve spoke to has told me I must not leave him at all and I went into a panic. It is literally 30 minutes and some evenings, like tomorrow, my husband is home early from work so he can sit with the puppy while I pick my son up.
my two sister in laws both got their dogs from puppies and both had to leave them relatively soon for the school run- I’m not saying this is right but they do appear to be okay adult dogs now with no separation anxiety whatsoever.

When we went to view the puppies they were in a playpen in the couples living room. When we went to pick him up he had been moved to an out house but still in a playpen with his siblings. She said they had become too much for the house. He comes from a working line- well dad is a full time worker and mum helps out occasionally but is more a pet.
I have just today purchased some peanut butter for his kong. He has been going in much better into his crate today- he just cries on waking if he can’t see me. He still struggles to settle on his own and will cry completely if I leave the room while he is awake. I don’t know how long this lasts as I’ve not given it chance- I go and soothe him after a minute.

Id probably carry the pup to school tbh I wouldn't leave such a small dog at home yet

They have to get used to it and half an hour really isn't a long time. Id start with putting him in the crate with a little treat or two and going out of the house for 10 minutes. Do that a few times, not necessarily every day, and then go up to 15 minutes and so on. I've always left my dogs with some treats whenever I leave and I say the same words to them so they get used to the pattern. Then they'll know eventually that all this means is you're going out but you'll come back.
You could try a puppy sized Kong, with something suitable for a puppy inside - with my adult dogs I've put pate in them and frozen it. We use Bakers soft food as treats, I think.tjey do a puppy one. I've only had one pup, all my other have been rescue, but the process is the same

@JuicyDrop I've never had any complaints from neighbours that any of my dogs have howled or barked. I bought a small camera that records to see what my current rescue does when we're out and all he does is find a bed to lie on and come in to the lounge to see if we've come back every now and then. Then sometimes he chucks the cushions off the settee. We haven't left any of our dogs for longer than 4 hours. And it's rare that we do that.

I wish I could but he weighs a lot more than you think. And also dogs aren’t allowed within the school grounds - I have to physically take my son to his classroom door as he can be quite anxious on going in and all the noise in the playground.

Poor you. Puppies are really hard work and quite horrible really. When mine (terrier) was a baby we'd be sat snuggling with me coffee in hand one minute and the next minute I'd be wearing the coffee with a mouth clamped round my arm!

It really does stop but it can take a while. Mine stopped biting around 6 months but then carried on mouthing on and off for another year.

It depends if you can all just suck it up for 18 months or so and put the work in because if you do then you'll have an amazing pet. If not then there is no harm returning puppy. Plenty do. He will not be in any way damaged by it.

A practical suggestion is a room divider - they are amazing for keeping pups and kids separate. We used one not for children but to stop pup bothering our cat and it worked a treat.

pup needs to be with a human though for quite a while yet - leaving too long too early and you run the risk of separation issues which are one of the hardest things to deal with in an adult dog (the number one cause for rehoming).

I am a trainer of many years but this was our first puppy and by god it was a shock. We'd had older rescues with significant issues but never a puppy. She has just turned three and is a wonderful dog who you can see the work we put in but it was a hard slog and neither myself nor my husband at this point would do it again willingly!