Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

My husband is refusing to get a dog and I’m crushed

44 replies

Woof76 · 19/08/2025 16:48

Name change for this one

Been with my husband 15 years since I was a late teen. When we got together I knew he had allergies but they were never horrendously bad (sometimes he would be fine in the room with an animal and other times he would have a sniffly nose but nothing extreme).

As the years have gone on he’s always said we will look into a hypoallergenic dog (I’m well aware there’s no dog 100% hypoallergenic) but he agreed to viewing and spending time with the dog/puppy and if he was OK we would get one.

Our children are primary age and are absolutely desperate for a dog, as am I, I’ve been desperate for one my whole life! My husband has told me today it’s not going to happen. He won’t even borrow someone’s dog to try and see if his allergies flare up or not and he’s not interested in viewing any hypoallergenic dogs.

I understand there are bigger issues out there! But I am so upset. I’ve always wanted a dog and the thought of never having a dog in my whole life is so sad to me. Pets bring so much joy. 😢

OP posts:
TheFlis · 19/08/2025 16:59

So he doesn’t want a dog and his allergies are nothing to do with it. I would be pressing him for a proper explanation as he’s been lying about giving it a try.

LandSharksAnonymous · 19/08/2025 17:04

Oh OP, I would be devastated.

I agree with PP - he doesn't want a dog and never has. It's fine to not want a dog. But, stringing someone along - who is a dog person and wants nothing more than a dog - is cruel.

I'd be clear to him what this means to you and how betrayed you feel - because it is betrayal in a way as it's one thing to not want a dog, it's quite another to string someone along for 15 years.

Ultimately if he is adamant he does not want a dog, then I don't think there is much you can do because I think both adults in a relationship must be on board about any pet.

But, personally, I could never forgive the lie.

Zempy · 19/08/2025 17:12

This would be a deal breaker for me. I am so sorry OP 💐

Hiptothisjive · 19/08/2025 17:16

Our nanny was very allergic. We got a hypoallergenic dog and she is completely fine.

OP he doesn’t want a dog. It’s a lot of work and responsibility. I love dogs and our dog is great but I wouldn’t do it again.

Original poster
Woof76 · 19/08/2025 17:18

I’m so sad, and sad for our children. A lot of their friends have dogs and they’ve been waiting for their time to come and it’s not going to.

Without sounding ridiculous some days I’d prefer a dog over him!

OP posts:
CoubousAndTourmaIet · 19/08/2025 17:19

I'm so sorry that he gave you hope for all that time and has now let you down. Did he explain why he has suddenly made this decision or has it been brewing for a while?

I doubt it's anything to do with the allergies. I'm asthmatic and allergic to both dogs and cats but I have both - mine is a long haired dog that moults, not even a supposed hypoallergenic breed. It's perfectly manageable, but obviously the whole family needs to be in agreement before getting a puppy.

So sorry 😞

Sidebeforeself · 19/08/2025 17:21

What makes you think that he’s strung you along rather than just changed his mind?

MrMucker · 19/08/2025 17:42

Woof76 · 19/08/2025 17:18

I’m so sad, and sad for our children. A lot of their friends have dogs and they’ve been waiting for their time to come and it’s not going to.

Without sounding ridiculous some days I’d prefer a dog over him!

Well that possibly explains why he doesn't want one!

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 19/08/2025 18:45

It would be a total dealbreaker for me.

PauliesWalnuts · 19/08/2025 18:54

Could be allergies. I am very allergic to my friend’s “hypoallergenic” dog and every single cat on the planet. I’d end a relationship before I lived with someone with a hairy or furry pet.

Meadowfinch · 19/08/2025 19:05

So he doesn't want a dog.

I don't blame him. They are a massive tie and very expensive (food, kit, insurance, kenneling if you want to travel, other vets bills).

Personally I wouldn't want one in my house either. I'm not allergic but dogs are not clean, most of them shed hair and they take a lot of training, time and hard work.

I don't think you can insist on a dog any more than you can insist on a child. Difficult. He shouldn't have implied that it was a possibility.

Bambiwithlonglegs · 19/08/2025 19:07

I wouldn’t be with someone who thought like this!!

Newsenmum · 19/08/2025 19:11

It’s like when someone doesn’t want another child. Really can’t compromise.
Have you sat down and had a logical and not heated discussion about it? Does he dislile them? Is he worried he’ll be landed with the chores? Your kids are young so it’s basically a third child. Have you asked if he’ll consider when the43 older?

also what about other pets?

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 19/08/2025 19:17

Clearly he just doesn't like dogs, and I can't blame him if hes got allergies. They shed, they make the house smell bad, they cost alot, they limit your freedoms.

He just doesn't want one. Your kids will get over it if you dont make it a big thing to them, as for you, maybe see about volunteering at a dog kennel or charity or something.

Sassybooklover · 19/08/2025 19:23

I would say your husband doesn't want a dog, rather than it being anything to do with allergies. Does he not like dogs? Is he nervous around them? If his allergies have been managed and aren't severe, then he perhaps has changed his mind? Have you asked him what's changed? He's allowed to change his mind, just as you are. If he's adamant he doesn't want a dog, then I suggest you get involved with dog charities, by volunteering.

theresnolimits · 19/08/2025 19:24

He’s allowed to change his mind. I wish a lot of today’s irresponsible dog owners had.

Our kids wanted a dog but we, having had dogs as children, knew they were incompatible with our lifestyle ( frequent travel, no family close by to help, long working days far from home, spontaneous trips to family overseas). Not insurmountable, but not ideal.

So we ‘borrowed’ dogs. We dog sat for people going on holiday, offered to walk friends’ dogs, did overnights. Our children got a ‘fix’, made good relationships with particular dogs and, after a week or so, soon realised it was far more commitment than they actually wanted. You can also walk dogs at dogs’ homes etc.

Before any says ‘it’s not the same as having your own dog’, I know that. But it’s an alternative if DH is adamant.

LittlleMy · 19/08/2025 19:37

I know it’s not the same but could you perhaps register for BorrowMyDoggy to get some canine time in at least better than experiencing nothing?!

Vintagenow · 19/08/2025 19:47

Do you have the time and money for a dog? It's not like getting a new car, it's a whole lifestyle choice that will affect your life for the next 15 years, so I do think the whole household has to be on board. A dog is very restrictive, no whole days out with the kids, for example, you need to get back for the dog. Same goes for nights out etc. It will affect your future job options amongst other things, and no a dog walker popping in once a day when you're all out for 8+ hours isn't ok.
The idea of a dog is nice, the reality is a lot of hard work and money.

Cat3059 · 19/08/2025 19:56

Kids often are desperate for a dog but then very quickly lose interest once the novelty wears off. Unless you're home all day then it's not really fair to get a dog, they're social creatures and don't want to be left alone most of the day even if they will resign themselves to it.

Lilywisp · 19/08/2025 20:01

I’m a dog owner, I always have been and I love my dog very much, but I would be the first to admit they are very tying and carry a fair bit of responsibility, vets bills have gone up significantly in recent years and decent pet insurance has increased correspondingly. My sister is involved with a number of dog rescue organisations, the majority of dogs that end up in rescue centres aren’t strays, they’ve been relinquished by people who can’t cope either financially or practically, often both, with rising costs it’s becoming almost commonplace, I wouldn’t advise taking a dog on unless you’re both ‘on board’ with the idea.

longtompot · 19/08/2025 21:05

My dh never wanted a dog, and for a while I was okay with that. But the older I got, and the less dependent my children were on me, the more I wanted one. As a compromise we got chickens!
Once we were done with having chickens I said I now really wanted a dog, that I would do everything for it, he was for it and his only stipulation was it was female. We said goodbye to her earlier this year after almost 13 years and he has now said when we get another one, he wants to be more involved in its training and upbringing. His reason for not wanting one was how his home life was with dogs in it and it wasn't nice. Hygiene was not high on his mums radar. He has also discovered is a bit allergic to pet dander but antihistamines do help.

It is very unfair that your dh has turned around on his decision and I would have another chat pointing out what he had originally promised to do with regards the hypoallergenic breeds and go from there.

Glitchymn1 · 19/08/2025 21:12

PauliesWalnuts · 19/08/2025 18:54

Could be allergies. I am very allergic to my friend’s “hypoallergenic” dog and every single cat on the planet. I’d end a relationship before I lived with someone with a hairy or furry pet.

That’s fine. But be upfront, don’t lie. What else could he be lying about…

It was a deal breaker for me, DH isn’t allergic- actually I am but I love them and can’t be without one or a pack of antihistamines! DH didn’t want another dog, but I was always upfront- I will always have one. I grew up with them, I have to admit vets bills have sky rocketed so please do your homework before you get one OP.

RiderGirl · 19/08/2025 21:13

I think this is really unfair of him to have strung you along, and I don't think I could be with a man who flat out would not compromise.

On the allergy front - I always wanted a dog, however when we decided we could get one my DD who was 6 at the time had had severe allergic reactions to both cats and some dogs. We chose a dog from a rescue centre and spent enough time with her to make sure DD wasn't allergic to her (including getting DD to scratch her and then rub her eyes 🙈) We lost the dog last year after having her 15 years, DD was always absolutely fine with her although remains allergic to cats and some other dogs.

When my grandad told my nan that she couldn't have a dog, she got a puppy anyway and hid it in her apron pocket. He got over it and they had the dog for years, in fact they always had dogs when I was growing up and I loved them....

rwalker · 19/08/2025 21:19

He’s clearly never wanted a dog as the subject keeps popping up even though he’s said he doesn’t want one
for a quiet life he’s chosen the path of least resistance to keep you quiet and told you he’d look into options this was literally to shut you up never any intention of getting a dog

NewBlueNoteBook · 19/08/2025 21:20

Married people get equal vetos on issues like this.

Both people have to want kids
Both people have to want to have pets
etc etc

Before you get married you need to make sure your core values align

I would never, ever be prepared to live with a dog. My DH has always been aware of that.

It sounds like your DH might not have been entirely honest about not wanting a dog.

So you have to ask yourself - how much do you want a dog?

Swipe left for the next trending thread