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The doghouse

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Original poster

My husband is refusing to get a dog and I’m crushed

44 replies

Woof76 · 19/08/2025 16:48

Name change for this one

Been with my husband 15 years since I was a late teen. When we got together I knew he had allergies but they were never horrendously bad (sometimes he would be fine in the room with an animal and other times he would have a sniffly nose but nothing extreme).

As the years have gone on he’s always said we will look into a hypoallergenic dog (I’m well aware there’s no dog 100% hypoallergenic) but he agreed to viewing and spending time with the dog/puppy and if he was OK we would get one.

Our children are primary age and are absolutely desperate for a dog, as am I, I’ve been desperate for one my whole life! My husband has told me today it’s not going to happen. He won’t even borrow someone’s dog to try and see if his allergies flare up or not and he’s not interested in viewing any hypoallergenic dogs.

I understand there are bigger issues out there! But I am so upset. I’ve always wanted a dog and the thought of never having a dog in my whole life is so sad to me. Pets bring so much joy. 😢

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 19/08/2025 21:22

What is it you hope to get from having a dog? What need are you looking for it to fulfill?

Notmyreality · 19/08/2025 21:24

Your kids will survive just fine OP.

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 19/08/2025 21:28

The people suggesting you should pick a dog over your husband.. wtf.
I’m with your husband. I couldn’t stand a dog in my house. They’re really not for me. My kids would love one, and my DP would like one, but they know they’ve no chance of us having one. and before the witch hunters come for me, I have nothing against dogs, I can appreciate them, will stroke ones I know, but then I walk away and am very glad we don’t have one ourselves.

PluckyChancer · 19/08/2025 21:29

We have a dog as DH was keen to get one (supposedly for DS) but when the dog had passed on, I won’t get another one. I’ve since realised that I’m not a dog person at all and neither is DS.
We both prefer cats. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe your DH thought he’d be ok with a dog for your sake but he’s now realised he’s just not into them in the way that you are?

deadpan · 20/08/2025 14:53

Will he consider other pets? Rabbits are very sociable and they can be kept outside in the warmer weather but do need a garage or something like that in the winter. The kids could bring them inside the house for a couple of hours when he isn't there. They train to use litter trays, my sister had an indoor rabbit who had a run and hutch outside too.
Daughters boyfriend has allergies and they got two cats, he's got used to them allergy wise very quickly.

Rocknrollstar · 20/08/2025 15:08

My DC grew up perfectly well adjusted without ever having any pets at all. I always told them they could have what they wanted when they had their pets en property. In the meantime, my house , my rules.

Messycoo · 20/08/2025 16:17

This happened to a friend of mine, her husband agreed to getting another months after the previous dog had died.
They had chosen which puppy they want and she was so excited to welcome a new dog in to their lives.
then he suddenly changed, his mind !!
this was the turning point, the nail in the coffin of their marriage. She realised she was always compromising, it dawned on her how controlling he had been throughout 20 + years of marriage.

She is now separated and loving her life, has absolutely no intention of a reconciliation.
While he actually believes, she is “finding herself” !

You have a fight on your hands! I have another friend,
who is allergic to almost every thing including animals, she now has a
cockerpoo and is absolutely thriving, no reactions at all .

Meadowfinch · 20/08/2025 18:07

Rocknrollstar · 20/08/2025 15:08

My DC grew up perfectly well adjusted without ever having any pets at all. I always told them they could have what they wanted when they had their pets en property. In the meantime, my house , my rules.

This.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 20/08/2025 18:16

Cat3059 · 19/08/2025 19:56

Kids often are desperate for a dog but then very quickly lose interest once the novelty wears off. Unless you're home all day then it's not really fair to get a dog, they're social creatures and don't want to be left alone most of the day even if they will resign themselves to it.

This, my kids would have loved a dog but I knew they wouldn’t be arsed walking it properly and we’d be stuck with it. Same as me and my sister were with our family dog and my mum and dad did all the work. I do like dogs and they are great for kids but whilst I do sometimes feel guilty my kids have never had one when I did, they are also a massive pain in the arse in many ways - expensive, restrictive and increase the amount of work/tasks needing done in the house. I don’t blame your husband frankly.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 20/08/2025 18:36

We have dogs. I wouldn’t do it again. The kids interest wanes fast. They like playing with them, but don’t want to walk them in the holidays, or take turns in feeding etc.

Kennels and boarding have become extortionate, as has pet insurance.

I am with the PP who said things like this get a veto in a marriage. It’s a massive tie.

PastelCat · 20/08/2025 20:04

I don’t want a full time dog but look after a dog and have done for years through borrow my doggy. If you have a good relationship with the owner, you can form a relationship with the dog, take it for walks and even have overnight stays if that’s what you’re up for. Although if allergies are the issue the latter may be a no no. Something to consider.

PigletSanders · 20/08/2025 22:27

Ditch the husband. Get a dog. Seriously.

Ilovechocolatelimesandsherbertlemons · 22/08/2025 16:04

I don't blame him, he's allowed not to want one. Lovely as they are, I see my adult children and my friends really tied down. They can't go anywhere for longer than 4 hours away from home, they have to pick up the poo from the garden which is not hygienic for children, the houses smell and are full of hair (in the case of long haired dogs), they make a lot of housework from muddy paws. They do have people who they swap dog-care with, but it requires a lot of forward planning. And although children say they will help with walking etc, it really doesn't usually happen. It will all fall on you because your DH will not be interested. I would let it go for now. He's been taking the line of least resistance, you can't blame him for not wanting to follow through if that's how he feels.

Ilovechocolatelimesandsherbertlemons · 22/08/2025 16:05

There are always people down our road who lend out their dogs for walks or while they're on holiday. Perhaps try that instead.

Original poster
Woof76 · 23/08/2025 13:48

I think what I’m most annoyed about is the fact he’s not willing to even discuss this, it’s a flat out no. He’s told me he knows he will be allergic but he doesn’t know if he doesn’t try. Totally refusing to view a dog. His allergies aren’t even that bad.

I understand people saying you will be tied down etc but the kids refuse to fly anywhere so we go in campervans..which we could do with a dog. I work from home so dog won’t be on its own. We’re not short on money so bills, insurance isn’t a big deal.

I’m just sad that’s all. I asked my husband again this morning if he would view a dog and he’s completely flew off the handle and won’t talk to me.

I know I have to give up asking 😢

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 23/08/2025 13:50

Woof76 · 23/08/2025 13:48

I think what I’m most annoyed about is the fact he’s not willing to even discuss this, it’s a flat out no. He’s told me he knows he will be allergic but he doesn’t know if he doesn’t try. Totally refusing to view a dog. His allergies aren’t even that bad.

I understand people saying you will be tied down etc but the kids refuse to fly anywhere so we go in campervans..which we could do with a dog. I work from home so dog won’t be on its own. We’re not short on money so bills, insurance isn’t a big deal.

I’m just sad that’s all. I asked my husband again this morning if he would view a dog and he’s completely flew off the handle and won’t talk to me.

I know I have to give up asking 😢

He doesn't like dogs, surely this is obvious, no?

Original poster
Woof76 · 23/08/2025 13:55

It’s obvious now yes.

But when he was making comments such as “I’ve always wanted a dog” and “we will get a dog one day” it strangely wasn’t as obvious then.

OP posts:
HPFA · 23/08/2025 13:55

My DP tentatively raised the subject of a dog and I said straight out No.

I don't particularly like dogs, don't want the responsibility and the expense, and was pretty sure I'd end up being the one having to nag about walks etc.

Obviously your husband should have been honest but perhaps he thought he might be pressurised if he gave his true reasons.

I did talk to a father once who'd been forced to give way under pressure and I can't imagine it improved relationships within the family. He was obviously annoyed about it.

ACynicalDad · 23/08/2025 20:06

my wife tolerates our dog, has never walked it, very much my dog, it makes it very hard work even though he’s wonderful, I’d not do it again without full support.

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