Worried a puppy will be too much work for friend.

[allamberedover]

I'm not sure of breed but I'm attaching a photo.
Poor little thing looks terrified.
Friend is sort of person who puts 120% of effort into everything she does .
Is late 60s with several health issues.
Do you really have to get up every hour during the night to let pup out to wee?
I just can't imagine how people cope with this and feel worried about how she'll cope with the lack of sleep.
There is no doubt in my mind that the pup will have the best of owners and a good home.
I guess it's the impact of them nights I'm worrying about and how long that period lasts .

Someone who has never had a dog is worrying/judging someone who has had a dog before about how they care for their dog.

As long as the dog is cared for and not neglected, it’s none of your business.

You’d have a coronary, OP, if you saw the effort I go into with my puppies. I’ve been on a mattress on the floor for the last three weeks and will be for another five.

I've asked for the thread to be deleted .

We got a puppy 8 weeks ago. It is hard work especially in the puppy stage. Especially the toilet training. It was my partners idea as I have been ill. he thought getting the pup would get us out and some excercise. He is company throughout the day. I do wish now we went for an older rescue dog. Only because I’m going through treatment and been in pain. Iv not got a much energy or patience just now. But I couldn’t imagine him not being here now.

Just get the photo deleted.

But while I'm waiting - I wasn't judging or questioning their ability to cope.
My mistake if it came over that way .
I don't know anything about puppies and thought asking on here would be a good way to find out .
I was wondering and yes , committing the terrible sin of being concerned for someone, whether my ideas ( gleaned from Google ) about what hard work puppies are were correct .

My puppy had a puppy pad and was shut in the kitchen with his blanket that had his muns smell in his basket I went down at about 5 to let him out, he'd done one wee on his pad. It was no big deal, nothing like a newborn baby.

Shall I say what pitas a lot of you are ? How you're transferring your concerns on to a third party you know nothing about ?
Worrying , with zero knowledge of my friend, that they will see and be offended by this thread ?

But do you not think that if your friend sees this and recognises her pup, she might think you making a thread about her ability to cope is a bit harsh?
From what I know of my friend there is ZERO chance of them being on MN.
There is an possibility that someone they know might be and that they would draw their attention to it . Which would be unkind .

This makes no sense.

What concerns has anyone transferred?

And you have deleted the photo so you obviously are not 100% sure your friend wouldn’t be offended otherwise you would have ignored me suggesting she might be and kept the photo up.

Can posters who think I've questioned my friend's ability to cope and judged them show me where I've done that ?

Worried a puppy will be too much work for friend.
your post title

Poor little thing looks terrified.

poor thing - terrified - both suggesting there is something wrong.

feel worried about how she'll cope

literally your sentence!

I asked for the whole thread to be deleted.
No idea why it's just the photo that's gone .
I asked because of all the responses .
I'm sorry my comment makes no sense to you .
I feel I'm being criticised for worrying about the effect of something ( and wanting to check whether the basis of those concerns were correct)on someone and being called a pita
But it's apparently ok for posters to worry about the effect of my thread on my friend in case she's sees it .
So you can be concerned about the effect of something and not be a PITA but I can't .

@LeavesTrees fair play , yes the title expresses concern about coping.
That's not judgement in my book , but obviously you're entitled to your opinion .

I thought the pup looked terrified - I also think you're stretching to make this equate to a scenario where I'm suggesting this implies that my friend won't be able to manage.

I can't actually locate
feel worried about how she'll cope
but honestly I don't understand why having concerns about someone is the same thing as judging them.

Can't you understand that I KNOW I'm a worrier and that I didnt start this thread to judge /interfere/throw cold water / poke my nose into others business but to check whether what was worrying me was correct .
And it turns out it wasn't .
I posted the pic because I didnt know the breed but I thought the breed might be important to know when considering behaviour.

I just can't imagine how people cope with this and feel worried about how she'll cope with the lack of sleep.
Found it now .
Evidence of what a terrible person I am .
How dare I be worried about how someone will cope with lack of sleep .
How judgemental !
Still some posters on here are experts at being judgemental so perhaps they see it where it doesn't exist .

@Puppydogtail thank you for your post .I can imagine your pup is lovely company.
I hope you go on to better health and strength.

You’re overreacting to what have been perfectly reasonable comments.

Might I gently suggest it’s you that need some support, OP? Your reaction on this thread is not really what I would expect from a grown adult

It’s none of your business, are you always this anxious about things other people are doing?

Friends should be supportive, not throwing buckets of cold water onto your happiness.

It sounds like you’re a bit interfering, I hope your friend doesn’t find you a pita.

I responded to comments such as above .
And those suggesting I was being judgemental .

I think if you genuinely meant to make a gentle suggestion you wouldn't have added
your reaction on this thread is not really what I would expect from a grown adult

@allamberedover it was gentle. I could have been a lot franker (as others have been) and written it the way I usually would.

But you are completely missing the point lots of posters have made:

You were being judgmental. You know nothing about dogs (which you admit). All your knowledge has come from Google.

Lots of people have said that, you’re refusing to listen. So, I will be frank:

Honestly, I’m surprised your friend doesn’t find you harder work than the puppy! I have eleven at the moment, and you’re more frustrating than all of them (+ four adult dogs) combined!

ok ,spell it out for me - what point is being made ?

In the nicest possible way, are you an anxious person in general? - because your language in the OP was a bit hyperbolic and you do seem to be taking the questions about why you’re worried a bit personally.

What people are trying to say is just that she’ll be fine, there’s no need for you to worry about her.

But yeah, they are hard work compared to an adult dog… but when you see things about taking them out very frequently that’s when they’re awake, not overnight. If you’re real unlucky you might have to get up a couple of times for a few weeks till they work out night time.

I've agreed ,several times ,that I'm an anxious person .
I was worried that having a puppy would involve getting up every hour during the night .I was worried that if this were the case ,which I'be been told it isn't ,that this would be hard for my friend to cope with .
I've been told ,and reassured ,that this isn't the case .

What point am I missing ?

Being told I'm a PITA and implying that MY anxiety ( which judge me or not, I haven't imposed on my friend ) was the equivalent of being a busy body ,sticking my nose in ,interfering and chucking buckets of cold water and that I'm a bit harsh and dismissive of my friend are comments that it's hard not to take personally .

Defending myself and trying to explain where I'm coming from means I'm overreacting .
If you were told that you were being judgemental ,acting like a child and that you're refusing to listen( to what ? ) wouldn't you take that personally ?

You don't think that I'm the one being judged ?

Kindly OP, leaping to conclusions of anxiousness on subjects you admit to knowing nothing about and over which you have no control is a little err…..’extreme’

Yet you assumed a quick Google furnished you with enough judgement to conclude your friend, who is far more knowledgeable on the subject than yourself, would be unable to cope and chose to catastophise on the outcome of her life choices and argued the toss with those on here who disagreed with you
The friend will be fine. The pup will be fine. Concentrate on fixing your anxiousness instead

I suggest you read just your responses to understand where people are coming from. You are extremely reactive to anything any of us has said and it has been completely disproportionate to what people have actually said to you.

It comes across like you wanted us to all agree with you and are now throwing a tantrum and lashing out because some of us didn’t. You have more or less ignored anybody who has actually told you what dog ownership is like.

I think for me the thing that stood out as making you look interfering is the choice to google sleep in puppies in the first place.

To what end? Your friend has already made the decision and got the puppy. How did researching the time commitment necessary help in any way? It didn’t, it just gave you an opportunity to worry about something over which you have no control and is not really anything to do with you.
That is not an action I would expect from an unaffected friend. Neither is making a post like this and then getting argumentative when told you are wrong. Both might be actions I’d expect from someone over invested