Ugh please help - elderly dog

Summerinsicily · 2025-05-21T13:55:08+00:00

Our family dog is 14. When I was younger and still living at home, I was very close to her and did everything for her like walking, feeding, taking to the vets, worming etc. it was really hard for me to move out and leave her and I really grieved that part of my life with her. It took me a long time to stop feeling extremely sad every day. Now when I go to my mums I can’t cope with seeing her the way she is. She’s blind and not as affectionate. I am staying at my mums in June for a week to look after her while they go on holiday and I am dreading it because I honestly feel so upset when I think about the dog she was and now she can’t see, she bumps into things, will only walk for 10 minutes, doesn’t want to sit on the couch and cuddle, and paces around the house. I have tried to bring up the topic of her quality of life but my mum and sister are adamant that she is absolutely fine and I only feel this way because it’s a shock compared to what she was like when she was younger. But I think that they are just used to seeing her like this, and from my outside perspective I can see that perhaps something isn’t right. I am thinking of taking her to the vets by myself and seeing if they can rule out arthritis and dementia. If she is more hesitant to do things due to her eyesight that is understandable, but I am worried in case there’s something else wrong. When you call her name she doesn’t respond at all. It seems like she can’t hear anything so I don’t know if she is also deaf or if that is a sign of dementia. But either way, paired with blindness it doesn’t seem like a nice way to live. She still gets excited about walks, toilets outside, her appetite is fine, she loves treats. What do I do?

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 21/05/2025 14:59

She's just old, but it does sound like a bit of dementia. There are medicines that will help her. It sounds lilke she does have quality of life though if she's eating, walking and toileting. I had an old girl of 17 that was deaf, but I just had to adapt my behaviours to help her - a lot of waving was involved!

Original poster

Summerinsicily · 21/05/2025 15:01

My dad’s dog had cancer and he knew that the illness was going to get worse and kill him, when he started peeing blood he knew it was time. I don’t wish anything like that on my dog, of course, but it almost seems easier to make that decision and know it’s the right thing to do. For us, how do we know if she is happy and has quality of life, how are we supposed to measure that and decide that? We will never know because we can’t ask her and she can’t answer.

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Original poster

Summerinsicily · 21/05/2025 15:02

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 21/05/2025 14:59

She's just old, but it does sound like a bit of dementia. There are medicines that will help her. It sounds lilke she does have quality of life though if she's eating, walking and toileting. I had an old girl of 17 that was deaf, but I just had to adapt my behaviours to help her - a lot of waving was involved!

If I took her to the vets would they be able to diagnose dementia if she has it? Like is there a way to test it? Or is it just a case of “if she is displaying x, y and z behaviours then she probably has it”?

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OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/05/2025 15:12

'gets excited about walks, toilets outside, her appetite is fine, she loves treats.'
she is doing well then

so she is blind and deaf

I am surprised she bumps into things - I have a 17 year old who is blind and deaf, she knows her way around her home and on her walks - if i were to let her off lead she will find her way home
however if we go away, it does take her the first evening to ' map out ' the holiday place then she seems to know her way around

is she on any supplements or injections for arthritis ?
is she stiff or limping ?

what do you think a vet can do for dementia ?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/05/2025 15:14

btw dogs have a very good sense of smell
and when we lose one sense the other senses often take over

WhereDoBrokenHeartsGo · 21/05/2025 15:23

I have an old 17 year girl who can’t see or hear much but she loves her life. Loves walks on the beach, loves chicken in her dinner and loves when we’re all around. She has arthritis injections monthly and they really make a difference to her walking so it’s definitely worth checking in with the vet.

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 15:23

'gets excited about walks, toilets outside, her appetite is fine, she loves treats.'

This is not a dog enduring a painful and miserable existence op

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 15:24

Summerinsicily · 21/05/2025 15:01

My dad’s dog had cancer and he knew that the illness was going to get worse and kill him, when he started peeing blood he knew it was time. I don’t wish anything like that on my dog, of course, but it almost seems easier to make that decision and know it’s the right thing to do. For us, how do we know if she is happy and has quality of life, how are we supposed to measure that and decide that? We will never know because we can’t ask her and she can’t answer.

Well I think your very own words give you the answer re whether she’s happy

'gets excited about walks, toilets outside, her appetite is fine, she loves treats.'

Original poster

Summerinsicily · 21/05/2025 15:55

WhereDoBrokenHeartsGo · 21/05/2025 15:23

I have an old 17 year girl who can’t see or hear much but she loves her life. Loves walks on the beach, loves chicken in her dinner and loves when we’re all around. She has arthritis injections monthly and they really make a difference to her walking so it’s definitely worth checking in with the vet.

I wouldn’t say she loves her life though. She doesn’t do anything. She goes for a 10 minute walk a day and that’s it. The rest of her life is spent pacing around the house. She gets excited to set off out of the door but she HAS to stay on her route. If you try and take her anywhere else she won’t move. She doesn’t play with toys or enjoy people being around her. She just ignores everyone

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Feellikedearh · 21/05/2025 15:58

Very hard, mine is the same but I know he hasn't really got much longer. Doesn't bump into things though. The pacing, we are giving him a sedative in the evening which helps calm him enormously plus an injection for arthritis every month.

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 15:59

Summerinsicily · 21/05/2025 15:55

I wouldn’t say she loves her life though. She doesn’t do anything. She goes for a 10 minute walk a day and that’s it. The rest of her life is spent pacing around the house. She gets excited to set off out of the door but she HAS to stay on her route. If you try and take her anywhere else she won’t move. She doesn’t play with toys or enjoy people being around her. She just ignores everyone

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op she is a very old dog!!

she is living her life calmly, and getting her kicks where she can… from short walks and treats.

her appetite is normal. Do you not think if she was depressed and sad it might show in her appetite.

Come on op.

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 16:01

So was she previously a dog that played with toys and was very friendly with people?

either way… think op what happens when WE get older. We slow down, become a little withdrawn perhaps as the world seems to go at breakneck speed

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 16:02

I am staying at my mums in June for a week to look after her

I would be bloody worried if I was your mother as to whether my dog was still going to be here by the time I returned

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/05/2025 16:43

@Surprisinglyeasy

so would i !!!

Original poster

Summerinsicily · 21/05/2025 17:13

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 15:59

op she is a very old dog!!

she is living her life calmly, and getting her kicks where she can… from short walks and treats.

her appetite is normal. Do you not think if she was depressed and sad it might show in her appetite.

Come on op.

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Thank you. I just see her wandering around and think she is so bored. If she was just sleeping all day then I would understand she is getting old but she doesn’t really sleep much. She just wanders around the house aimlessly. That was the thing that was worrying me, I wasn’t sure if it’s normal

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WhereDoBrokenHeartsGo · 21/05/2025 20:38

Summerinsicily · 21/05/2025 15:55

I wouldn’t say she loves her life though. She doesn’t do anything. She goes for a 10 minute walk a day and that’s it. The rest of her life is spent pacing around the house. She gets excited to set off out of the door but she HAS to stay on her route. If you try and take her anywhere else she won’t move. She doesn’t play with toys or enjoy people being around her. She just ignores everyone

Show quote history

I think that’s how they show they love life at that age though? I mean look how people change as they get older. My vet says if she is eating, drinking, not in pain and able to go to the toilet where she should then she’s happy at her age. I’ve seen her depressed (when her original owner died and she came to live with us) and it was much more extreme than the changes that come with age so I think that stands true.

lionbrain · 22/05/2025 08:36

For me I look at what the dog has stopped doing rather than what they still do.

When they stop getting up to greet you, or maybe stay in their beds in a room away from you or they no longer relax but just pace and not settle. The going for a walk but then not being abe to do so would concern me for example.

faerietales · 22/05/2025 09:26

I’m really surprised at some of the answers here - a deaf, blind dog with clear signs of dementia who is unable to settle and that paces all day long is not a happy dog. The fact that she eats and still wants to potter outside for 10 minutes occasionally doesn’t mean much when she’s spending 23+ hours a day not doing those things.

At the very least she needs to be taken to the vet and given a good check up to make sure she’s not in pain (and unable to settle due to sore joints). Pretty much all senior doge will suffer from arthritis and should be on some kind of medication for both pain and inflammation. There are also medications available to ease any dementia symptoms.

She shouldn’t just be left to wander aimlessly all day because she’s old. That’s not kind.

Original poster

Summerinsicily · 22/05/2025 10:55

faerietales · 22/05/2025 09:26

I’m really surprised at some of the answers here - a deaf, blind dog with clear signs of dementia who is unable to settle and that paces all day long is not a happy dog. The fact that she eats and still wants to potter outside for 10 minutes occasionally doesn’t mean much when she’s spending 23+ hours a day not doing those things.

At the very least she needs to be taken to the vet and given a good check up to make sure she’s not in pain (and unable to settle due to sore joints). Pretty much all senior doge will suffer from arthritis and should be on some kind of medication for both pain and inflammation. There are also medications available to ease any dementia symptoms.

She shouldn’t just be left to wander aimlessly all day because she’s old. That’s not kind.

Thank you, I will be taking her to the vets as I agree with you

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mondaytosunday · 22/05/2025 11:01

We recently put our 15 year old t sleep. He was pretty deaf and not good sight fur a few years - that in itself I wouldn’t worry about. Dogs use their nose. It was only when he struggled to stand and walk that we decided time had come - it was quite a rapid decline. Your dog seems to still get enjoyment and as long as not in pain I’d let it be.

faerietales · 22/05/2025 12:02

That’s definitely the right thing to do @Summerinsicily - there’s plenty of medication available that could make her feel much better.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/05/2025 12:14

Are you planning on visiting the vet in the next couple of days, or are you waiting until you are dog sitting ?

Original poster

Summerinsicily · 22/05/2025 12:16

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/05/2025 12:14

Are you planning on visiting the vet in the next couple of days, or are you waiting until you are dog sitting ?

I have an appointment for her tonight at 5:30 so I can just pick her up from home straight after work

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rivalsbinge · 22/05/2025 12:21

But she’s not your dog to take to the vets? Do you not trust your mum and sister to care for her?

It’s very controlling and I’d be pretty pissed off, have you told them she being taken?

I’ve had a few elderly dogs and they sound similar, and she sounds well cared for. What are you going to do if the vet suggests it’s time to PTS?

Original poster

Summerinsicily · 22/05/2025 12:27

rivalsbinge · 22/05/2025 12:21

But she’s not your dog to take to the vets? Do you not trust your mum and sister to care for her?

It’s very controlling and I’d be pretty pissed off, have you told them she being taken?

I’ve had a few elderly dogs and they sound similar, and she sounds well cared for. What are you going to do if the vet suggests it’s time to PTS?

huh? Well her microchip is in my name, I pay for her insurance and pay for all of her vet appointments and have done for the past 14 years of her life.

She is the family dog, it’s a discussion we have all had this morning and I am the only one free to take her because my mum is at work until 8:30 and my sister is out of town. Is that… ok with you lol

If the vet suggests that, I will talk to my family about it and go from there.

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