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The doghouse

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Original poster

I don’t love my dog

43 replies

coffeemeup · 16/05/2025 07:34

Ok so I just need some advice.
we rehomed a dog with us a year ago (not an official rescue but close enough). She’s now 4 and a great dog… but we just don’t love her!
we lost our previous dog 4 years before and she was my world. To be honest this one is probably better behaved and adores us, but all I see is the extra cleaning and work etc this time around.
if it wasn’t for how it would look to others I genuinely think we would have rehomed her by now… but how do we fix this? Can we fix this? Feel like we’re stuck for the next however many years and we’ve made our bed and just have to lie in it.

OP posts:
Tophelleborine · 16/05/2025 07:43

I think you just have to carry on taking good care of and being kind to your dog, it really doesn't matter if you "love" him as that's what love looks like to a dog.
We got a very tricky rescue 8 years ago and I'm not sure anyone actually loved her for the first few years, but we were committed to her and that's all that mattered. She's an old lady now and very loved.

Edited for typo

Humanswarm · 16/05/2025 08:17

What's preventing that love? Is it the work involved as you say or are there comparisons to your previous dog. Try and imagine rehoming her and she goes to the wrong people, imagine her being ill treated. How does that make you feel?

Thatcannotberight · 16/05/2025 08:20

It sounds like you're asking for permission to get rid of her. I've taken on a third hand dog, unofficially rescued. Nobody really bonded with her, but she was looked after and saw out her days with us. She was so bonded to me, so would walk from OHs house to find me. ( safe off road route). To give away a dog that's already been given up, seems unnecessarily cruel.

Tophelleborine · 16/05/2025 08:22

Thatcannotberight · 16/05/2025 08:20

It sounds like you're asking for permission to get rid of her. I've taken on a third hand dog, unofficially rescued. Nobody really bonded with her, but she was looked after and saw out her days with us. She was so bonded to me, so would walk from OHs house to find me. ( safe off road route). To give away a dog that's already been given up, seems unnecessarily cruel.

Yes this was what kept us going when we were having a really hard time with our dog. She'd been rehomed a couple of times before she came to us and already had a lot of separation anxiety - we were not going to make her life even more difficult once we'd taken her on.

dimsiaradcymraeg · 16/05/2025 08:28

Do you think it’s because you missed the puppy stage with her? We have a rehome who we adore but for some reason, I feel stronger bond with our other who we had from a pup.

KitsyWitsy · 16/05/2025 08:31

I'm fed up of my dog as well but he's ten and I will take care of him till he dies as was my commitment when I got him. It's bloody hard though sometimes. HE creates a lot of work and is super demanding.

Soyfinger · 16/05/2025 08:44

Feel like we’re stuck for the next however many years and we’ve made our bed and just have to lie in it

pretty much yes. Over time the love will develope I’m sure

Gundogday · 16/05/2025 08:48

Do you do any activities with her, or is it just walks? I find doing agility has given me so much more enjoyment. Other options include Hoopers, sniffing course, flyball, etc. or could you plan to go to a different country park with her each week, for a walk. Ie. Bonding exercises.

Although I enjoy walks, I found I wanted something more than just walking around the block every day, but my dh is quite happy with this.

(ps, where’s the puppy tax picture?)

amber763 · 16/05/2025 08:53

I hate the only reason youve not rehomed is because of how it would look to others. You've taken on the commitment to care for the dog so you need to see it through now, so yes, you have made your bed. I don't think anyone is going to give you "permission" to re-home here. Spend time doing activities and bonding and maybe love will come.

Seventree · 16/05/2025 08:53

My mum didn't bond with the second dog I had growing up. She loved our first dog and later said she thinks she was subconsciously comparing the two.

She was kind and looked after the second dog though and that's all that mattered.

You can't get rid of a dog that you've committed to for these reasons (especially a rescue).

whynotmereally · 16/05/2025 08:56

Is she more work than previous dog?
is it because you missed the early years with her and she doesn’t feel like yours?
Has your circumstances changed making a pet trickier.?
Are you feeling older, tireder?
personality clash?

AwkwardPaws27 · 16/05/2025 08:59

Gundogday · 16/05/2025 08:48

Do you do any activities with her, or is it just walks? I find doing agility has given me so much more enjoyment. Other options include Hoopers, sniffing course, flyball, etc. or could you plan to go to a different country park with her each week, for a walk. Ie. Bonding exercises.

Although I enjoy walks, I found I wanted something more than just walking around the block every day, but my dh is quite happy with this.

(ps, where’s the puppy tax picture?)

Edited

^ I second this. I had started to view DDog as another source of mess & a chore while sleep deprived & juggling work & toddler.
We do a weekly scentwork class together now & it's been great to appreciate him & bond with him again. He's bloody smart (& yet also daft as a brush).

Augustus40 · 16/05/2025 09:01

Occasionally I fantasise about getting a dog. I grew up with a dog and have kept dogs when younger but I wd not appreciate the work noise and mess now let alone the cost. I soon come to my senses. I really hate the commitment of the daily walks!

SpanielsGalore · 16/05/2025 09:09

I'll go against the grain.
What sort of life does your dog have? Is she fed and walked and then ignored for the rest of the day? Or is she fully involved in your daily life?
If it is the former, then I would rehome her. She could have another ten years left and deserves to be loved. If it is the latter, then that's not so bad. She won't know you don't love her as much as your previous dog.
But don't keep her just because of how it looks to others. Your resentment will only get worse over time.

5432112345user · 16/05/2025 09:13

I think you feel guilty for feeling this way. Please don’t. If your feelings fester you may end up resenting the dog. That is no way for any of you to live. Please don’t focus on how other people would view you rehoming her. There could be a much better home out there. I’d explore the options. You might feel differently when you know she could be leaving. Are you going through a tough time at home or work which is why the dog feels more of a burden?

amooseymoomum · 16/05/2025 09:16

sometimes it takes a long time to love a dog. we had a rescue who was due to be pts but was such a lovely dog we took him home instead. the extent of the cruelty to him from the previous owner shocked us and we are heavily involved with rescues.
at first Patch hated me he would do all he could to be vile to me even meaning me to have hospital visits a couple of times. but as we did not have kids we kept him. we knew it was only because of his past.
then when I was housesitting one day he came out to play with the other dogs and when it was time to go, he ran to me and licked my hand something he never did after. when my partner was driving home he howled and howled he just wanted to be with me.
after that he was my shadow. he did have a few issues re his scruff and feet so we would avoid the triggers but over 7 years he turned into the softest most loving dog you could ever wish for.
sadly our time was cut short a month ago we needed to put him to sleep. I was heartbroken we hoped we would have him for more years as he was only 12. the problem was diabetes we took him on a last holiday to the beach but after that he went downhill fast. he went blind stopped eating and then started vomiting blood so only 3 days after his holiday we had him pts. i have never been so heartbroken in my life, i have loved dogs before but we worked so hard for Patch we will never forget him.
do not give up on your dog its hard to define love but apart from duty find pleasure with him and love will come, dogs are faithful and only want to please you

Nopenousername · 16/05/2025 09:17

You seem like a lovely person and worthy of keeping a pet 🙄

Icantstandupforlyingdown · 16/05/2025 10:02

I think that you should consider re-homing if you think your dog could easily be rehomed eg not a pitbull, and would be happier with another family who could provide him with the life he deserves.

Original poster
coffeemeup · 16/05/2025 10:53

Thanks everyone… this has given me a lot to consider and some very opposite answers.
she is cared for just as much as our last dog and probably knows no difference to how we feel. I’m probably comparing lots, as she’s just not the same (although our previous wasn’t from puppy either and definitely had more issues). Need to do some really big thinking!

OP posts:
Ellejay67 · 16/05/2025 10:55

coffeemeup · 16/05/2025 07:34

Ok so I just need some advice.
we rehomed a dog with us a year ago (not an official rescue but close enough). She’s now 4 and a great dog… but we just don’t love her!
we lost our previous dog 4 years before and she was my world. To be honest this one is probably better behaved and adores us, but all I see is the extra cleaning and work etc this time around.
if it wasn’t for how it would look to others I genuinely think we would have rehomed her by now… but how do we fix this? Can we fix this? Feel like we’re stuck for the next however many years and we’ve made our bed and just have to lie in it.

Dog needs to be with people who love it and feel lucky they own it. Find a lovely new home for it.

MsTamborineMan · 16/05/2025 11:06

Why do you think you don't love her? Do you want a dog in your life? Is it just you are expecting to feel the same about a dog you've had for a year as you did about a dog you had for its whole life?

Obviously rehoming is an option, but if your Ddog is happy and loves you then this seems quite cruel. Your dog needs love, care and attention if she gets that with you then yes essentially you've made your bed, and need to continue providing this for her. You knew how much work was involved in owning a dog and you knew the commitment you were getting into.

If you do rehome then I think you also need to accept owning a dog isn't for you. You cant just replace her with another dog in a few years hoping you'll form the right bond to be able to care for it

Tophelleborine · 16/05/2025 11:12

Ellejay67 · 16/05/2025 10:55

Dog needs to be with people who love it and feel lucky they own it. Find a lovely new home for it.

Show quote history

I don't agree with this. Dogs need to be cared for and treated kindly, they need consistency and security in their lives not to be passed around until they end up with the person who will love them the most. It's actions, not feelings that matter to a dog.

Ellejay67 · 16/05/2025 11:14

Tophelleborine · 16/05/2025 11:12

I don't agree with this. Dogs need to be cared for and treated kindly, they need consistency and security in their lives not to be passed around until they end up with the person who will love them the most. It's actions, not feelings that matter to a dog.

Show quote history

There's no point having a pet if you don't love it. If it's just a chore and going through the motions it becomes depressing, then negligence creeps in.

Hellohelga · 16/05/2025 11:17

What sort of dog is it and what age? Is it sociable? Agree with PP who said take up a hobby with dog. Group walks, agility, obedience. It can be fun and social for you both and will foster a bond. When you find something the dog is good at respect and affection will grow.

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 16/05/2025 11:19

I genuinely think some dogs are ‘special dogs’ that really get under your skin and into your heart, I can think of two friends’ dogs who were like this, and I think they were tough acts to follow for the dogs who came next. So your feelings are valid, but rehoming because you’re chasing ‘love’ feels a little bit ridiculous. You made a commitment.