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The doghouse

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Original poster

Unbearable grief

43 replies

chessfordays · 12/02/2025 14:54

I'm hoping being dog owners/lovers someone here will understand. We lost our beautiful boy after a relatively short illness this week. He was younger than average and otherwise in exceptional health, it's all very unfair. The rest of the family are obviously upset but I am beyond distraught, I haven't stopped sobbing since, I look an absolute wreck and can't focus on anything. I've lost close family members in the past and obviously felt grief for them, but it was nothing like this pain, it's inexplicable. I keep replying his final moments in my mind and although it was all very peaceful, I'm just heartbroken and I can't believe he's gone.

I know times a healer, but I'm really struggling, it's unbearable and I want to be able to stop dwelling on the loss

OP posts:
bunnygeek · 12/02/2025 14:56

So very sorry for your loss :(

You may find it helpful to chat with Blue Cross who have an amazing pet loss support scheme <3
https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

Original poster
chessfordays · 12/02/2025 14:59

Thank you, the fact that exists is comforting as it means I can't be the only person to feel like this for their dog

OP posts:
OldChairMan · 12/02/2025 16:23

I'm so sorry, @chessfordays. It is awful. The pain of losing a pet can absolutely be overwhelming.

It's very natural to be dwelling on it at this early stage. I think it's helpful to accept that and not try to push it away, even though it hurts so much. Rest assured that the intensity of the feelings will change.

Flowers
Abra1t · 12/02/2025 16:25

I was a wreck when our 11-month old dog died suddenly. So was my husband. He had to come home to help me pick the children up from school.

bungobungobungo · 12/02/2025 16:30

I've been in your situation and can only tell you it does get better, so,just allow,yourself time to grieve in your own way. 💐

Dearg · 12/02/2025 16:34

So sorry that you lost your beautiful dog. They are so very special and loving. It’s very hard to say goodbye to them.
💐

InvisibleAudience · 12/02/2025 16:38

I know what you mean, I've had dogs all my life but lost one in may and seriously wondering if i could go through it again. Like yours he was taken too soon and i replay his last moments 😭

DollopOfFun · 12/02/2025 16:42

I am so sorry for your loss, and I do know how it feels.

The grief after losing our first dog at a young age is still to this day, the worst grief I've ever experienced (and I do know that makes me more fortunate than many).

It was so shocking, and unfair, and didn't follow that trope of dogs passing away after getting older, and slower, and being able to give them a happy long life then letting them go etc etc

Dogs aren't children, of course, but they do rely on you for everything and to lose them when they're younger feels very painful.

Give yourself time, let yourself grieve- what you're feeling is real and not to be shrugged away as 'just a pet'. Take solace in that it was short and peaceful, and that he had a happy and healthy life whilst he was here. It does get easier Flowers

Queenanne20 · 12/02/2025 16:44

I lost my beloved boy in 2022 and I still think about him every day. He was my best friend and had been at my side through some very tough times. It does get easier. I don't think I'll ever get another dog again, I don't think I could take the grief and the worry again but I did get involved with a local rescue and I found that helped a lot (after I'd got over wanting to bring them all home with me every day!).

3rdtimeinflorida · 12/02/2025 16:44

OP, I’m so sorry for you and completely know how you are feeling. The grief is unbearable. I found comfort in talking to the Blue Cross as I just needed somebody, other than my close family to talk to. I contacted them several times and each time was balling down the phone.
I honestly never thought the pain and intense feeling of despair would go away, but, it did and it will. Try and focus on the lovely life that I’m sure you gave your dog and keep talking about him.
I felt a huge amount better when we got our boy’s ashes back. Very comforting to know he was with us back home.
You will get through this.
💕

Floralnomad · 12/02/2025 16:50

Sorry for your loss @chessfordays , all I can say is that my lovely boy died at the start of November and I have managed to stop crying everyday 💐🐾💔

Ihateboris · 12/02/2025 16:50

I lost my beautiful labrador last year and the pain was indescribable. I still get a lump in my throat now. I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you like to share a picture? X

Anewuser · 12/02/2025 16:56

You see OP, you’re not alone and the pain and sorrow you feel is normal.

I lost my best girl four years ago and while I miss her still, I can now talk about her. I can’t remember when the grief lifted but it does. I lost her sister three years ago and that pain was so much less intense.

For us, getting a puppy helped hugely so maybe that’s why my days are happy. With a mad three year old lab.

Be kind to yourself.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 12/02/2025 16:59

This time yesterday we were holding ddog as she was pts. My eyes are slits today...
Sorry for your loss op...
Remember the grief is as real for us ddog lovers as some feel for a friend or relative.. I won't be this sad when my dps die..

Whatisthisbs · 12/02/2025 16:59

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I lost both of mine within 3 months a couple of years ago. The pain was indescribable. I'm much better than I was, but miss them so so much. However, I do think about them in a more positive way now, than I did. The grief will subside and you will slowly start to remember the good times rather the last moments

Words · 12/02/2025 17:00

I know love. I am so sorry.

Blue Cross really helped me .

JSMill · 12/02/2025 17:02

chessfordays · 12/02/2025 14:59

Thank you, the fact that exists is comforting as it means I can't be the only person to feel like this for their dog

We lost our dog three months ago. It's been awful but it does get better. Our vets clinic had a bereavement counsellor and she was a huge support. She was trained through Blue Cross. You should definitely check them out. I am actually considering volunteering as a counsellor. I was literally just thinking about it just now!

coldscottishmum · 12/02/2025 17:05

So sorry for your loss. We lost our wonderful Ddog in October 23 after a short illness, I was devastated but my little DS was unimaginably upset it was just awful to witness. It’s a very natural response, pets see you through so much without us realising. Take your time OP, it’s ok to feel how you feel. You need to grieve. You’ve lost a close member of hour family 🩵

Memom · 12/02/2025 17:05

So sorry for your loss. I felt like you when I lost my girl. She was my best friend. I cried for months, nightmares, breaking down at just the mention of her.

I'm two years on, can't consider another dog, still cry, still miss her BUT I can now talk about her, about losing her and look at photos.

Be kind to yourself, we are all different, we all process loss at a different rate and in different ways.

Take care of yourself and grieve however you see fit.

paranoiaofpufflings · 12/02/2025 17:08

I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️

Grief is love, in a different form. The love for a dog (or any pet), it's such a unique form of love, and a unique form of grief. You are their whole world and you love them entirely and unconditionally.

It's overwhelming and all-consuming when raw. Just be with the grief, cry as much as you need, be near your boy's things, sniff his blankets. You'll always grieve the loss of him, but in time, the shock and the pain will lessen.

Onedaynotyet · 12/02/2025 17:12

I am so sorry. It's an appalling grief.

Original poster
chessfordays · 12/02/2025 17:21

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely, supportive words, you have all helped me more than you can know.
I know they mean well but people keep suggesting that I just get another dog, as if that will fill the void, but this just tells me that they don't understand, it's my special boy and all his silly little ways that I miss, another dog will never be able to replace him. I honestly don't think I could ever go through this again either, so I'm not sure I'll ever be able to have another dog as I couldn't cope with the fear of losing them again one day.

Thank you again for all of your support, I'm so sorry for those of you who have been through this as well, the love of a dog really is a special bond isn't it

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 12/02/2025 17:25

Sending a big hug to all my fellow woof lovers, if you have loved an animal so much that it causes intense grief when they leave us then you are a beautiful human being. You and your dogs were lucky to have each other. They will always be with us 💔 the pain lessens with time but for now cry, let it all out, keep posting in this thread if it helps.

Theseventhmagpie · 12/02/2025 17:26

OP please don’t feel embarrassed by your grief. I lost my old boy in October and the grief stabs me to the heat. It’s the same feeling as when I lost my father. I can still cry at the mention of his name.
There are no rules for who we love.
Sending a hug.
x

babyproblems · 12/02/2025 17:26

We’ve had lots of rescue dogs and so I’ve been through ‘the end’ many times. I absolutely cannot bear to be dogless!! I always adopt another and whilst it doesn’t replace the one who has passed; I do feel that it’s a continuation of their legacy and love and that I’m saving another in their place. It’s very very hard when they leave… I now have two dogs, one old and one younger, a) Because I love them and b) so I’m not dogless! Do whatever you need to do. Remember that if your dog had had another home or a worse life, he wouldn’t even have made it as far as he did- your love and care gave him a wonderful life. The other thing to remember is that there are billions of dogs on earth and your boy was in the luckiest 00000.0001% and probably had a great life and a great death. That in itself is a privilege and a kindness in life and not something we give to people even. Lots of love to you x

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