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Unbearable grief

43 replies

chessfordays · 12/02/2025 14:54

I'm hoping being dog owners/lovers someone here will understand. We lost our beautiful boy after a relatively short illness this week. He was younger than average and otherwise in exceptional health, it's all very unfair. The rest of the family are obviously upset but I am beyond distraught, I haven't stopped sobbing since, I look an absolute wreck and can't focus on anything. I've lost close family members in the past and obviously felt grief for them, but it was nothing like this pain, it's inexplicable. I keep replying his final moments in my mind and although it was all very peaceful, I'm just heartbroken and I can't believe he's gone.

I know times a healer, but I'm really struggling, it's unbearable and I want to be able to stop dwelling on the loss

OP posts:
JSMill · 12/02/2025 17:27

chessfordays · 12/02/2025 17:21

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely, supportive words, you have all helped me more than you can know.
I know they mean well but people keep suggesting that I just get another dog, as if that will fill the void, but this just tells me that they don't understand, it's my special boy and all his silly little ways that I miss, another dog will never be able to replace him. I honestly don't think I could ever go through this again either, so I'm not sure I'll ever be able to have another dog as I couldn't cope with the fear of losing them again one day.

Thank you again for all of your support, I'm so sorry for those of you who have been through this as well, the love of a dog really is a special bond isn't it

Yes it's annoying when people ask about getting another, right after you have lost your pet. Each dog has its own unique personality and it's the loss of that which hurts.

YourWinter · 12/02/2025 17:27

I’m so sorry for your loss. Only the passage of time can ease the agonising raw grief. In the meantime, talk about him - and to him - cry over the photos and millions of memories. You’ll never forget him.

bluedelphiniums · 12/02/2025 17:34

@chessfordays I'm so sorry and totally feel your loss. I had my beloved dog pts 2 days before Christmas and it was heartbreaking. I feel his absence everyday and still look for him when I get back from work. However, I have his face as my screensaver and have reached the stage where I can smile now when I see him, and can talk about him without crying. Would it help to tell us about your dog?

Developedanillness · 12/02/2025 17:36

Oh so so hard xx

Newbie8918 · 12/02/2025 17:40

chessfordays · 12/02/2025 17:21

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely, supportive words, you have all helped me more than you can know.
I know they mean well but people keep suggesting that I just get another dog, as if that will fill the void, but this just tells me that they don't understand, it's my special boy and all his silly little ways that I miss, another dog will never be able to replace him. I honestly don't think I could ever go through this again either, so I'm not sure I'll ever be able to have another dog as I couldn't cope with the fear of losing them again one day.

Thank you again for all of your support, I'm so sorry for those of you who have been through this as well, the love of a dog really is a special bond isn't it

I'm so sorry for your loss.

When I lost my 13yo malamute, I was distraught too. Just like you, I questioned whether I should be feeling that way and actually hid a lot of it!

He was my shadow. I WFH so my whole day was consumed with work and my dog. They leave such a hole!

Be kind to yourself.

In response to those telling you to get another dog, if you are never ready, then that's ok. If you are ready next week, also ok!

I said never again and lasted 6 weeks. My current dog doesn't replace him at all. They're nothing alike but I love her just as much, in different ways.

Thinking of you xx

Justleaveitblankthen · 12/02/2025 17:50

@babyproblems
What a beautiful post 💜🥹

Wasteddaysanddays · 12/02/2025 18:01

So sorry for your loss. They hold such a huge part of your heart don't they?

We had a German Shepherd when I was in my teens/twenties. He was a perfect boy. He lived a good life and he died in my arms.

I am in my sixties and even now i think of him often, but I can't allow myself to think about him for too long or my eyes start to fill up.

MercyChant66 · 12/02/2025 18:50

Wasteddaysanddays · 12/02/2025 18:01

So sorry for your loss. They hold such a huge part of your heart don't they?

We had a German Shepherd when I was in my teens/twenties. He was a perfect boy. He lived a good life and he died in my arms.

I am in my sixties and even now i think of him often, but I can't allow myself to think about him for too long or my eyes start to fill up.

I lost my lovely girl in 1985 and I can still feel the pull of her lead in my empty hand when I'm out walking. I'll never forget her. Be kind to yourself OP - not everyone understands but you'll find that many, many do ❤

frustratedplusone · 12/02/2025 21:36

Hi I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my little man nearly a year ago and the grief was immense, he was old (17) and poorly so I'm not sure why it was such a shock but it felt like it wasn't real, couldn't eat for days, couldn't sleep, felt a physical pain in my chest. I still can't talk about him without tears and still miss him everyday but it does get easier so give yourself time and allow yourself to be upset. Sending love and hugs xx

SecondMrsTanqueray · 12/02/2025 21:40

It’s the hardest goodbye. Much harder for our family than relatives dying. Our wonderful old dog died about 18 months ago and we still cry when we speak of him.

It will get better. Get another when you’re ready. It’s what put us back together.

pinkhousesarebest · 12/02/2025 21:54

I am so sorry. The pain is dreadful and yet society expects you to carry on like nothing has happened. My dh, who is not at all sentimental, had to take a week off work when we lost our boy. He was distraught.To this day he is not mentioned in our house because it brings back that terrible day.
Wishing you peace. xx

Snippit · 12/02/2025 22:19

My beautiful Labrador passed 11 years ago, completely out of the blue. The pain I felt was indescribable, I would lie in her bed and sob uncontrollably, this went on for weeks, she meant the world to me.

It does eventually ease, we actually re homed another dog, which helped. I do think the mistake I made was getting the same breed, I do compare her to my old dog, who was so intelligent, our current lab is as daft as a brush 🤦‍♀️

Don’t let anyone belittle your grief, they are part of your family. In time your pain will subside, but you’ll never forget them. Sending you big hugs 🤗

MadisonAvenue · 13/02/2025 01:14

I’m so sorry @chessfordays and @Springflowersmakeforbetterhours it really is a pain like no other.

We lost our wonderful 12 year old boy last August and it’s broken me. I still can’t believe he’s not here, that I won’t see him again. Tears are never far away.

We plan to get another dog soon, we would’ve done earlier I think but we have a holiday booked for early March so the time hasn’t been right.

AcquadiP · 13/02/2025 01:32

I'm so sorry for your loss. My existing dog is my 6th dog, the previous 5 reached good ages before each had to be pts. It's painful enough when they've become elderly and you know the inevitable will happen at some point in the near future. To have to lose one early must be doubly hard to bear but it will become easier with time. It may or may not provide comfort but I do genuinely believe that they stay with us for a while and then come back and visit us. You can just sense their presence next to you. Or weird things start happening especially with electrical goods such as the TV changes channel of its own accord, the kettle switches itself on, a light flickers repeatedly. I used to think these things were coincidences until I realised they only ever occurred when I had lost a dog. They say that dogs leave paw prints on our hearts and they really, really do.

AlpacalypseLlamaggedon · 13/02/2025 01:44

My Boy has been gone four years now. I would love to adopt a doggo to fill the void but it's just not possible right now. We miss him every day, but it's getting to the point now that we can share a memory and smile, rather than tear up. You will always miss him, because he was a beautiful soul. One day, you will miss him and be happy for the time you shared, rather than the time you missed out on. I'm so sorry for your loss.

wavingfuriously · 13/02/2025 02:32

Aw..your poor thing 🌷 I would exactly the same..they are 'man's best friend ' 🧡

IWantToBuyABungalow · 13/02/2025 03:05

Big big hugs OP. My dog is 11 and was very ill last year and I thought I was going to lose him. I don't think I have ever cried as much. I spent hours and hours reading and researching trying to find things that would help. It was a blur of a 6 months and I remember praying to god (I'm not religious) that if I could just have him stay with me I'd never ask for anything ever again.

I lost my mum the year before and my dad 5 years before that and the prospect of losing dog was I think the worst.

As you say you don't want another dog you want your dog with their funny little habits and ways. They know the routines and you have your own little communication system.

Mine has been with me through a bad breakup, job losses, moving houses, 2 deaths and is my only remaining family. I utterly, utterly dread him going. My world will stop.

Thankfully after specialist care he has recovered although he still lives with an ongoing condition. He also has a heart murmur now. My whole life revolves around him. That sounds crazy but it's true. That's not to say I don't do other stuff too but I've always got one eye on the clock (when is next walkies, when is his dinner due, when is his next groomer appointment, what toys and games can I use to keep him busy in the house).

When he was ill I tried to make myself think about getting another dog and I felt literally sick at the idea not to mention guilty.

I guess going through the grieving process and just taking it day by day (or minute by minute) is all you can do.

Someone once said to me try and be happy that you had them, rather than be sad that they are no longer around.

From one dog owner to another I hope your grief is bearable until you heal.

They are darling furry angels sent from heaven to make us laugh and make our life bearable.

TupperJen · 13/02/2025 03:11

💖

Unbearable grief
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