Adolescent Dog Survival Thread - get teenage licks right through the night!

[Bupster]

I've buckled and started the new thread - welcome to the horror of adolescence!

@peachgreen and anyone else with sleep issues.
I never thought I would be writing this, but we woke M up at 8.45 yesterday and 9.15 this morning. It does get better! I don’t want to get complacent though, as he woke us at 5 a couple of weeks ago, but I did enjoy the lie in.

I think your pups is a few months younger than Midge. I can’t quite remember when he turned the corner sleep wise but he’s usually awake at 7ish.

Bog lady update for those who were here during the serious bog-falling period (for newer members I am prone to falling in muddy bogs while on day walks)

Today I nearly got stuck – not in a bog but in a leaf pit! Didn't think it was going to be quite so deep, took a step, and it came up to my knees! Felt like some sort of Get Your Own Back experience, c/o 1990s CBBC.

Today we got asked nicely if we would like to leave teenage puppy class halfway through as we weren't getting anything from it, just in case anyone else thinks that their dogs behave so badly that nobody could possibly be as embarrassed as them.

Pictured: Bill not even giving one tiny fuck.

@brushingboots do you still have your boots and socks on? sounds like someone dug a bear trap!

@brushingboots leaf lady doesn't quite have the same ring to it!

@Bupster what was he doing to warrant that?!!

I have got to take dd to a swimming party this afternoon which means I've got to leave V at home for 2 and a half hours and I feel so bad. The longest we've left him has been 2 hours and honestly he was completely fine but it just sounds like such a long time. It's too long a drive to come back and I'd literally have to set back off again as soon I get home! DH might be able to pop back 2 hours in but it's not guaranteed if he can or not 😬

We were gone 3 hours in the end and he was fine! Never been so happy to see us 🤣

@YorkshireFelix How was Vinnie?

I actually thought Bill did better than last week - instead of barking at the other dogs in the class he was mostly only barking at the dogs in the other paddock, and a poo bag he thought was a cat, and several times he managed to respond to what I was asking him to do, and sometimes we were even doing similar things to the rest of the class. But in fairness, when it was suggested we might want to leave early, we were a good 30 metres away from everyone else, with me hanging on for dear life and Bill with his head down a hole, again.

She did briefly suggest we set up a 1 to 1 but I'm not holding my breath.

Ironically enough we had one of our best outings first thing this morning - I wrote a big long list of all the things he was doing well and how responsive he was. It was just like this at puppy class too, we'd master all these skills and I'd be so ready for us to show them off, and we'd be asked to do something a fraction of the difficulty, and I'd look around and he'd be climbing over the barriers to try to get to the other puppies, or raiding the instructor's treat cache.

Pictured: butter wouldn't melt etc etc

Bill is such a lovely colour you know. He looks glorious on that picture! Good to hear your outing this morning was good in comparison to the class. I am going to sign up to our trainers next beginner gundog course but I'm worried V will just be a menace. It doesn't start until April though so we have a month to try and mature slightly 😄

He was great in the end. I checked the camera a few times and he was either snoozing or looking out of the window. No noise at all. It's nice that he's doing something well at least!

@Bupster it’s so frustrating when you know they can do something and when you want them to show their skills it goes tits up.

I’ve had one of those days (pay back for the lie-in). We went for a walk to some local hills to enjoy the sunshine. I let M off lead when there was no one around to show off his recall. He just buggered off to the other side of the grassy area, through the woody patch and off to bother another dog. He did come when called (eventually) but danced around and shot straight back to the other dog.
He’s not ready for recall around other dogs. Lesson learned.

@YorkshireFelix it’s such an achievement when they’re ok when left alone.

Oh @Bupster I have thought so many times I should just leave Belle’s puppy class early, she is so hyper around the other dogs! I hope they asked you nicely?!

@YorkshireFelix that feels like a far off dream for me just now, Belle still not ok even for a few minutes alone. I have had to put foot down while I am in the shower, and she just has to wait despite often barking her head off. It’s not helped as I mainly work at home, and when I don’t I have family in with her. I am building up her alone time though for everyone’s sanity!

It can be hard for some. I honestly think we have just been lucky rather than me doing anything specific apart from building it up slowly. We have taught him a settle command so he's pretty chilled most of the time in the house anyway, which I think might help too. I do think you can do everything right and they are still unhappy being left, so I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about it. I wfh too so he doesn't get left often at all. It is glorious when I get a small bit of dog free time though!!

@YorkshireFelix Hahah true, leaf lady isn’t quite as compelling! And hooray for your three-hour success! What a good boy.

@Bupster Argh, Bill! I can’t believe she actually asked you to go. Really quite rude!

@ComeTalkToMe Just keep at the alone time. You need to be able to move around the house and god forbid leave it and live your life too. I also WFH with pupsy so she isn’t alone much but she’s absolutely fine and I’m positive she just sleeps when I’m out. I think we have been lucky as well to be honest though I am fairly unsympathetic to her whinging in general.

I agree with @YorkshireFelix about teaching a settle – if you can cue a ‘go and lie down’ (which is what I say) then you can encourage chill before you’ve even left, so she’s not pacing about at the outset. OK she’s probably going to get up when you’ve gone but it’s worth attempting to instil some discipline in the moment! When pupsy was little I wouldn’t leave her (except in a rush, to answer the door or something) without physically settling her in her bed, in an attempt to associate me leaving with her chilling, if that makes sense? If I heard her get up behind me before I’d left the room I’d go and put her back, and repeat the ‘sleeps now, lie down please’ routine, and if it took five attempts then it took five attempts but the result was that she got the idea that me leaving meant she was in her bed.

I absolutely swear by routine with her and just doing and saying exactly the same thing every time I do something with her and I think that’s helped hugely as then she knows exactly what’s going to happen. Now, when I pick up my handbag – which I usually only take out when I’m going out without her – she rushes to her bed in preparation. They love a consistent system in my experience.

I well remember the days when I couldn’t have a shower without hearing the plaintive brief FOMO wail from behind the kitchen stairgate. In truth though the wail would be fleeting and when I got out of the shower she’d be nowhere to be seen or heard, in her bed asleep. Now she comes with me to the bathroom, watches me get my towel, put the bathmat down etc, and I tell her ‘I’m going in the shower now’ and she just lies down outside and waits until she can lick my ankles ‘clean’ again when I come out. I find myself feeling rather put out if I emerge to discover that she’s got bored and gone off to the sofa/her bed.

It may well be that none of that is at all helpful so apols if not but it's just what I did.

Right, today we will get further than 30 seconds without a wail - thanks guys, going to try the settle as she will be by herself when she chooses! Little madam 😂

@ComeTalkToMe - our older one didn't get left until she was probably 8/9 months. We didn't do any specific training, she just matured and was then confident to be on her own.

@tizwozliz that makes me feel so much better. I keep feeling I’ve missed the boat and she’ll never be able to be left - but there are encouraging signs. Like sometimes she’ll choose to stay upstairs when I come downstairs, or she’s getting better about me being in the shower. I am really hoping that by trying to build slowly, and her just getting older it will get better 🙏

We also had the luxury of not having any real need to leave pup home alone so could take it at her pace. By 8/9 months, she was actively choosing to go nap somewhere away from me, not following me everywhere etc. so I knew she was ready.

If we'd had a real need to have her comfortable at home earlier I might have looked at a more structured approach, but just giving it time worked for us.

It is hard though not to worry when people insist that if you don't start leaving them from day 1 you're setting them up for separation anxiety.

@ComeTalkToMe we were similar time wise with Midge as Tizwozliz.
I remember M whining when I dared go out the room. I would sit on the stairs and he usually settled down after a couple of minutes. The other thing I did was go in and out of the room repeatedly until it got to the stage when M would only open an eye and not follow me.
When he was 6 months old I was working 3 days a week for 6 weeks so my husband worked from home. For the 1st couple of weeks he had the laptop in the kitchen with pups and ignored him. I think M really learned how to settle in this time. Towards the end of the 6 weeks my husband had moved upstairs to his study and M was left downstairs without a problem. Next couple of months I would go out and do the gardening when he was napping. By 8 months I started popping out to the supermarket. I haven’t left him for more than 2 hours yet, but I think that’s me rather than him!
I stick white noise on when I go out, otherwise he’s barking at the cats and other dogs in the park.

@ComeTalkToMe Those are definitely encouraging signs! She’ll get there.

And I agree @tizwozliz, it’s hard being told you’re doing wrong for doing right constantly when all you’re doing is trying to get through the day with your tiny, feral, biting pup.

It all depends so much on individual households. I was on my own with pupsy from 14 weeks five days a week and some weekends and couldn’t be trapped in the house 24/7 so she had to get used to it. I used to do my food shop in 33 minutes including the drive, rushing round to get back for her and every single time she was totally fine and hadn’t even moved. Had my other half been at home most of the week like in most families then she wouldn’t have been left as early, I’m sure, but my mental health was in the toilet, frankly, and I needed to be able to go out and do things without her.

This has been such a helpful discussion to read, thank you – we haven’t managed to leave Betty yet and I have been feeling very trapped! I have hope now that we haven’t broken her and it will in fact eventually work out!

@peachgreen Of course you haven’t broken her!! It’s so nice to see you here, graduated from the puppy biting doom x

I've still not left Bill for more than a few minutes and he's ten months old. He's just come through another fear period, and is starting to go off to rooms without me for the first time since last summer, so I think he's finally ready for me to work on this again. Honestly I do think it's so subjective, it's down to the dog but also to your own needs and mental health.

We were really so lucky in that regard, her biting stage lasted a matter of days and it was only really ever DP that she bit with any pressure!

Toilet training is another matter though... 😂

Thank you for having me here <3

Betty is in a fear period right now and it is INTENSE! I had never heard of them until we got her – our last dog was 9 months when DP got her and two by the time I met him. Poor Betty is currently scared of EVERYTHING and spends a large portion of every walk with her tail between her legs frantically sniffing away!

So my in laws have agreed to have V for a bit but not until April as FIL works away abroad and will be back by then. I'd like to think in a months time we won't be sleeping on the sofa with the bloody dog still, so I need to work out a plan to tackle it.

I don't know if I need to just suck it up and talk to the neighbours and see if we can let him bark for a few nights and hopefully sort this whole mess out. I don't know if that's even the right thing to do though!

What would you all do in this situation?