How do you know when it's time?

[doggylife]

My dog is 13 years old. He's a cocker spaniel.
He's always been anxious and has separation anxiety.

He has arthritis in all 4 legs so he has an anti inflammatory injection every 6 weeks for this.

There have been a few occasions where his legs have given way. And twice where I've come downstairs to him in the morning and he can't move. His legs couldn't stand up at all. So I've carried him to the car and gone to the vets and when he's had the anti inflammatory injection, he can walk again 2 minutes later.

He can run about a lot. When we go for a walk, he runs everywhere and people honestly still mistake him for a puppy all the time!

He barks a lot. Whenever he's awake he's usually barking. I've taken him to the vets several times about this. He has some medication that's supposed to help him relax. But he barks through the night. Sometimes is continuously through the night and other times he miraculously sleeps through the night but that's just about once or twice a week he does that.

The vet thinks he might have dementia as he meets a lot of the criteria. He was weeing in the house but we moved house 4 weeks ago and he hasn't done this since. He'd never wee'd in the house before either. So for the first 12 years of his live he NEVER did this and then one day just started doing it several times per week. Even after he'd been for a walk, he'd come in and just wee. But as I say, he hasn't for the last 4 weeks.

The barking through the night, he's done for around a year.

Some people have said it might be time for him to be put to sleep. But he's still so active. I don't know what to do. I've never been in this position before.

Several people have told me

I’m in the same heartbreaking boat with my 13 year old golden. I’ve downloaded a quality of life questionnaire which is freely available on many vet sites that help you establish if your dog is having more good days than bad. It’s not perfect but it helps you remain a little more objective.
Sending a hug as I’m finding this traumatic as well.I adore my old boy and don’t want to leave it too late.

I think it’s time.

Incontinence (even if not all the time), dementia, barking all night and day (and being medicated for it), arthritis etc - those things individually are hard but altogether? I couldn’t put my dog through it. Don’t forget injections mask the pain - your dog is still in pain, he just can’t feel it.

13 is a great age for a cocker these days - he must have been so well loved and taken care of and had an amazing life. I’m sorry OP.

I hate the thought of it because he is so physically active when we go out walking. I really don't know what to do for the best. How can I know? Some people have their dogs until they can barely walk but he runs around, and jumps about. I really hate this so much.

I think we're about to enter the foothills of where you are and you have my utmost sympathy xx

I usually go by when they go off their food (even tempting bits), are sleeping a lot and whether they are happy/still reactive.

it’s a hard one to judge. if you could stop trying to think logically/second guess yourself (however understandably) do you think you could rely on your instinct? You might well just ‘know’ when the time is right. It’s not a decision you make just with your head. If you could do that then you could enjoy the time you do have left.

You seem a lovely, kind and caring person who loves their pooch. I wish you all very the best 💐

One of my best friends is a vet and it took her coming to stay with us for a week randomly and then telling me the truth about a cat of mine, to realise what had been incrementally happening for a year. It was a cat, not a dog, but if you reread your post what has become normalised to you is not a best life for a dog. Barking all night shows distress (in all likelihood). Sorry OP, but deep down you know the time had come.

Am so sorry but agree with this, we were at stage of having to carry our 15yo lab outside and holding her while she toileted, neither dh or I could face making the call. But eventually knew we had to. Worst thing to have to do, but knew was the right thing.

I made the call 2 weeks ago for my 12.5 year old lab.

She was uncomfortable when trying to lay down or get up. She'd stumble because of stiff legs.

Sleeping an awful lot and not eating well.

I'm missing her like mad but the vet advised medication would be keeping her here for me.

I'm heartbroken but feel I made the best decision for her

Thank you all so much for your comments. It's hard when he is still physically active. It feels strange to think of having him put to sleep when he still runs around.

@NoOneGrumbled
Like you say, maybe it's just become normal. Last night he barked from 5pm until 10pm. I was sat with him, he ate and drank fine (he has no issues there) but then barked all evening.
I've tried all different anxiety medications over the years.

He has always barked a lot but it's just worse over the last 18 months.

I think that if you're questioning it then you probably know in your heart of hearts that it's time. Have a good chat with your vet about your concerns and see what they suggest.

We had to let our beautiful girl go in July. She was 15 and suffering from strokes/seizures the month before. It was the easiest decision to make as we didn't want her to be in any sort of distress or discomfort, but equally the hardest thing we've ever had to do. She was largely her normal self in those last couple of days which made me feel terrible but it was absolutely time.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this with your lovely dog.

Thank you. It's really hard.
Each time I've taken him to the vet to say how he is, they'll just prescribe another list of medication and suggest all sorts of tests.
It's costing me hundreds every couple of months.
The insurance barely covers anything anymore.

Tonight he's been pacing and crying which he often does. Every now and then he will lie and be quiet but it isn't often really. Just when he's asleep.

😓❤️

You have been to the vets multiple times and tried a lot of different options to help him, and that your ddog is still distressed and clearly unhappy. You love him very much and have tried hard, so you know you have done well by him and it is not an obvious point of pain or something easily fixed. I would go back to the vets after a wonderful weekend doing all the things he loves to do, and say goodbye in a loving, controlled way that gives him dignity. Ddog has achieved a good age, and given your description is probably in cognitive decline, likely confused and therefore anxious (I am not a vet though so please discuss with them!).

We had this last year,a Phalene almost 18.he had followed other people if you let him off the lead,he had cataracts,so we thought it was because he couldn't see us. We sat up all night with him in turns for a year. He was eating fine,in fact wanting to eat in the middle of the night, because he had forgotten he had eaten. He was going for long walks on the lead,no arthritis no physical problems, what so ever. Vet diagnosed ccd,we tried meds and then eye wateringly expensive meds(insurance Finnished years ago) he cried at night,then howled then barked staring into space,we tried leaving lights on for him. He would walk across the room and wee,he didn't know where he was. Vet said eating was not a sign of a good quality of life.looking back we think he had had it for 5 years. He was PTS last January.

I think if he's still eating and enjoying his walks he has a little time left. To me if a beloved pet dog no longer wants their food and doesn't want to go for walks/can't walk then that's the time. Your dog might need his injection every 5 weeks instead of 6. I would ask for professional advice of the vet who knows your dog.

I think there are two different schools of thought - one is that whilst there can still be moments of joy, eating, playing etc, there is sufficient quality of life to justify carrying on.

The other is that there's no need to wait until the bad outweighs the good - the fact that there are bad moments is enough. Particularly with an older dog who is near the end of their natural lifespan.

I'm very much of the second view - I don't want to weigh it up on a scale, if my dog is suffering in any way and I have the power to stop that then, for me, I have to take steps to end that suffering. The actual decision is not as easy as that but it the basis on which I start to take a view. I'd rather let my dog have some lovely time, a relaxed visit from the vet, and an ending which is planned to ensure they have no awareness of anything but the love that surrounds them. The emergency night time rush to the vets is something I would always try to ensure was avoided.

I would rather she lost a good day or week than suffered through a bad day or week. Believing that however doesn't make it any easier at the time.

Blistery, yes, I always thought the week too soon rather than a month too late was a myth, but it isn't. Our Doggo was 18,way past the natural normal life span, our last border collie was almost 18, she had ccd but not upset by it at all. Still active and eating, but then kidney failure,very fast downhill and PTS. DH had a pretty little cross breed also 18, she was suddenly in pain, whimpering and stopped eating.

Sorry,Blistory!!

Thank you all so much for your comments. He has been urinating in the house a bit more lately. And yesterday, for the first time, he poo'd in the house which he's never done. I'd taken him to our new house and he did it as soon as he walked in so I'm not sure if this is something dogs sometimes do?

He paces all the time and only settles when he's asleep. Or if he's walking, he's not crying. But he doesn't just lie there watching telly or looking at the fire like he used to. Now, he's just making crying sounds and pacing.

I mentioned to the vet last week that he paces constantly, urinates in the house, cries and barks a lot. She just said to try more medication to see if it helps. I do wonder if he's actually happy.

We are moving house this weekend.

Vets will never tell you to PTS. But, honestly, I think you should have done it a month ago.

Your dog sounds miserable and you’re not prolonging his life for his benefit. I don’t think I could keep a dog alive that paced, cried and was incontinent. It sounds like a truly miserable life.

Having been there, I could never be in a position again where I look back on what I did to keep my dog alive and realise they were suffering and miserable for months. The guilt over making them suffer for you…it just eats away at you.

It’s time

I could have written this earlier this year with my cocker spaniel. Same age, arthritis on meds no issues apart from that.

On a routine blood test we found out he had kidney failure, you wouldn't guess but he sadly went down hill and started to refuse to walk etc.

Making the decision broke my heart, but I did make the decision to put him to sleep. I have absolutely no regrets, as I knew the end was in sight. I took him for a short walk he could manage, gave him a nice fish and chip lunch and didn't tell him off when he stole my kids sandwich (much to my daughter's horror!).

The vet met me outside and I cuddled him in the boot of my car while he fell asleep. It was the most peaceful ending I could have wished for my boy, we said goodbye and he had a dignified end.

My biggest fear was waking up and rushing to the emergency vet, kids seeing, out of hours with a vet I didn't know. Knowing my boy fell asleep in my arms in a calm and loving way has helped me to move on.

@doggylife
We are in the exact same situation as you, 16 (next week) cocker spaniel, she paces constantly, toilets in the house at least once a day (we now have floor covers everywhere which i hate but had to protect it), has arthritis in her back legs.
Vets have been the same too, do this test and that test but ultimately we know we wouldn't put her through any surgery so we keep her as comfortable as possible.
She had so much life left in her it's so hard to know when it's time and not feel guilty about it.
My friend said it's about our quality of life as well as hers which is resonating quite a lot at the moment

I would absolutely agree with your friend too. 16 is an amazing age. No one will make the decision for you vets included and it's the hardest one to make. What ultimately made up my mind was that I didn't want him to die alone while we were out the house/kids to find him/painful end. I may have cut a few weeks maybe even a month off my dogs life, but the end he got and the goodbyes we were all able to give him as my last memory is a sad but beautiful one.

I'm crying writing these posts but honestly it was the right decision for us and the vet said when I took him in she was fully supportive of my decision to do it my way and she did the same with her dog.

@livingthegoodlife2 thank you for sharing your experience, it's definitely not something we would want to happen coming home and finding her passed (although selfishly would save all the guilt and questioning are we doing the right thing) letting her go in a calm peaceful dignified way like you did sounds so lovely and definitely how we would want it to happen too.
Did you have many vet appointments leading up to your boys passing? The vet visits are getting more and more frequent with no real outcome (although the last one was for a burst anal gland 🤢) makes me question if the vets have her/our best interest at heart and not just a money making scheme! X