Our dog has died – how can I help my family cope?

[peachgreen]

Our 4 year old dog died very suddenly today. We think it was a cardiac arrest. We are all devastated – especially my partner, he was his dog first and they were inseparable. To make things more complicated, my six year old found him. Her daddy died when she was 2 so this isn’t her first experience of death.

He was my first pet and I don’t know what to do. I want to support my partner and help my daughter and I am also so, so sad.

Any advice from those who have been through it would be hugely appreciated.

Oh I'm so sorry. That is really hard especially since your daughter was unfortunately the one to find him. To lose a dog of 4 years old with cardiac trouble is unusual.

The only advice anyone can really give is to allow yourselves to grieve. Talk about him with your husband and daughter, maybe wait a little while before you look at photos; sometimes when you lose a pet unexpectedly it can take some time before you are able to look at photos without getting upset. You're probably all in shock now but the reality will hit you much harder in the coming days as you start to miss his presence in your home and your lives. You need to mourn.

If you need more support there are pet bereavement helplines or you can just post here if you want someone to talk to.

I'm so sorry about your dog and my heart goes out to you as a family...

I'm so sorry. All you can do is allow them to be sad. Talk about it with them if they want to, or leave them alone if some space is what they are needing. All of us have to learn to navigate the pain of losing people and animals we love dearly. It's never easy.

I’m so sorry.
I remember your posts from when your dh died.
💐

On @peachgreen I am so very sorry. I recognise you and know the background - this is bound to be horribly upsetting for you and your DD, and of course your DP.

Sudden loss of a young dog is awful. For now, there really probably isn’t a lot you can do to make the grief less, but it could help your DD to know that your dog almost certainly didn’t suffer it would have been very quick.

Things my DC have found helpful when we lost a beloved pet too soon, were donating things/food etc to a local animal charity, getting a charm made from the ashes (sounds morbid but the charms are beautiful, think in a ‘we are all made of stardust’ sort of way) and having as much of a ritual that makes sense to you - scattering ashes/planting a bush etc. And getting a new pet only when it felt right for everyone - you will know, there’s no right or wrong or ‘too soon’ only when is right for you.

So sorry. Tell us about him if you like?

Very sad, I was heart broken when my dog died. I remember a lady telling me to go to a church and light and candle for her which I did and I don’t know why but i found it really comforting even though I am not religious. Whenever I hear of someone’s pet dying i think of her 🌼

I am so terribly sorry. We have been through it recently, and are not yet out the other end but the Blue Cross bereavement helpline is very helpful, for adults and children too. Our vet recommended it.

Thank you everyone, you are so so kind as always.

@NoSquirrels thank you for asking ❤️ He was the most wonderful dog. He was a Patterdale so he was bouncy and lively and full of fun, but also so gentle and loving and brilliant with DD. I am heartbroken and of course it has triggered a lot of grief stuff for me, especially as he died the same way as DH and as weird as it sounds, the experience of finding him was similar, he “looked” the same and felt “wrong” in the same way. And mostly I am just heartbroken for DP, and so worried about how this could impact DD, especially as she found him.

Here is our beautiful boy.

I’m so sorry for all of your losses, too. I never knew it could feel this painful.

I am so sorry for your loss, such a shock, what a beautiful boy. I agree with other posters, talk about him as much as you all need to, especially your DD who has been through so much. You already know it’s time that makes it slightly easier.

@peachgreen

So sad. What a gorgeous little chap, he looks like quite a character ❤💔😢

I lost a dog at 4 also (epilepsy), in some ways it is harder losing them so young because it feels as if they have been robbed of life. At least when they're elderly, although losing them still breaks your heart, you can console yourself with the fact that they had a long and happy life. Your beautiful boy should have had many years ahead. It must be devastating for you all.

So sorry to read of the loss of your husband also.

I am so sorry for your loss, he’s a gorgeous chap. I’ve got a Patterdale myself, they’re such wonderful dogs.

Could you use an app like FreePrints, to make a photo book for your partner and daughter so they can have pictures of him.

you can also get pictures printed onto cushions, if that’d help your daughter to have something to cuddle that has his picture on

Aww, I'm really sorry to hear about your pooch
This brought me back to when we lost our dog a few years ago. He was a beagle and 11 months old when he died. We had him at the beach where he collapsed. The vet suspected a cardiac arrest, too 😪
It is very upsetting and such a shock.
We made memory boxes, but there was not much because he was only 11 months old, but to this day, we still have these boxes, and they have helped us cope over time.
I'm thinking of you all 🩷

That face, @peachgreen! What a terrifically handsome fellow. I am a sucker for scruffy whiskers. Terriers are so full of character and can be so sweet yet tough at the same time. It’s such a loss for you all.

Just cuddle each other lots. That’s really the best you can do right now. Let the feelings happen and, for your own part, don’t try to fight them or dismiss them because other people’s feelings, like your DD and DP, seem more important. Remember your own oxygen mask. Consider reaching out to a counsellor if it helped you before, or just talk a friend’s ear off if you need to.

What a bright, sweet, beautiful, merry little soul he looks. Four years old doesn't feel very old, but to be loved and cared for and played with and adored every day for four years is a great deal.
When we lost our lovely girl, mumsnet was such a comfort. Not so much what was said, but what was shared. And a very elderly man in the village, who had been a no nonsense business man for 40+ years wrote to me, quite unexpectedly, 'It's the worst off-feeling I ever had. We could barely speak of it and for months I couldn't look at the fence by the gate where she used to wait for me.'
I read those words over and over. They made me feel so not-alone. That's why I am sharing them with you.

So sorry for you OP. It is tragic and your heart will feel as if it has been ripped out and can’t breathe.
As many others have said, let yourself grieve when you need to, talk about him lots…he looks gorgeous by the way.
I never thought I would stop crying over the loss of our dog (several months ago) but getting a rescue dog has helped to keep me busy and focused and to feel that something wonderful has come out of a tragic situation.
We all felt so much better when we got our dogs ashes home and he sits pride of place on the mantelpiece- I still talk to him and give his urn a kiss. You need to do whatever gets you through.
I only truly knew the feeling of a broken heart when we lost him.
The blue cross pet bereavement line definitely helped me. I just sobbed through most of the call but they were so lovely and understanding.
I bet your doggy had a wonderful life and you gave him the best- that’s the mantra you’ve got to go with.
Sending you thoughts and prayers xx

So sorry. I think your little girl being so young is a godsend. She’ll accept a simple explanation and move on. You could include her in a little farewell ceremony by planting a little memory box of his collar or similar under a plant in the garden if you have one. This way you’re acknowledging his death and making it part of life’s cycle. She will learn about this in reception anyway so it’s age appropriate .
I think you need to focus on you. This is a big trigger for your previous major loss. Take care.

Oh, what a gorgeous dog! I am so dreadfully sorry. It's so unfair when they're young and apparently healthy, and this on top of the loss of your DH must be awful. There truly is no pain quite like it. You all just have to feel what you feel, let it out, talk to each other and have lots of cuddles. Reassure your daughter that it would have been instant, with no pain. The Blue Cross bereavement services are excellent. They have email support and a Facebook group if you can't face talking on the phone.

How are you all now? My dog died on Monday and I’m absolutely hysterical I’m frantically trying to find out when this will if ever get any easier 😭💔 xxxx

Oh @Babsexxx - I'm so very sorry. The first few days are absolutely horrendous. It does get easier, I promise - the good memories will slowly start to outweigh the pain, but you can't really put a timescale on it. It was hour by hour for me at first. Speak to the Blue Cross bereavement support line - https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss - or if you can't face ringing, they have an email support service and a Facbook group. There's a support thread on MN as well: www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_doghouse/5022293-heartache-after-saying-goodbye-support-thread-2

Sending you a handhold. There really is no pain like it, and the only thing I can say is that it shows what an incredibly brave and loving owner you are, to take on this suffering so that your dog doesn't have to.

@Babsexxx I’m so sorry, it’s just horrible and I will honestly say I’ve never felt a raw pain like this so please know that you’re with people who understand exactly what you’re going through and how you’re feeling.

It’ll be five weeks on Saturday since we said goodbye to our boy. It does get a little easier (although I’m tearing up just typing this) but adjusting to a life without him being around is so difficult.