I've failed as a dog owner...

[Anxiousdogowner6]

I have an almost 8 month old puppy. I got a dog because I spend a LOT of time by myself (no family or friends) and wanted a companion for in the house and walks. I don't work and have depression and anxiety and thought I had everything to give a dog.

I bought a pup recommended for first time owners, a known lapdog and calm breed.

However, he's been anything but. He's extremely energetic and has been full on from day one! He still bites and jumps up and destructs things in the house. I am still watching his every move in the house and I have become so anxious. I feel panicky all the time. I can't relax. I feel trapped. I can't do anything in the house any more - he chews books/paper and barks at the hoover etc. I feel so restricted.

Is this dog life? Will it ever get better? Should I re-home him? I worry that I'm just not suited to having a dog, he's causing me so much anxiety!!!

He is walked, I train and play with him, he has enrichment things and lots of toys. I don't know what else I can do. I feel like he would be better suited to a house full of people so there's always something going on. I'm so boring.

how does your dog get on with your boyfriend's dog ?

Aww. It can be hard with a new dog. I have a 4yo and adore her but some phases have been hard and it can be stressful. Are you getting any breaks from her? For your sanity. 2x 30 min not loads. Mine is a terrier and 1.5 hours a day is minimum. Do they run around freely on the walks? That is only way to really tire her. I honestly think you’ll get there. You can get spray to stop chewing any hard surfaces and can you contain them in a smaller space?

Loves him but is very very full on with him! Constantly jumping up at his face and pawing at him. My partner's dog is a very calm golden retriever. My pup is great with all the dogs he meets, and all the people too. It's just in the house he's a bitey, crazy thing. And I suppose on some walks too he can get very excited and pull and jump around.

I have tried to let him off lead but his recall isn't good enough yet, he was off like a shot both times I tried!

Hang on in there OP. I remember my mum threatening to Ebay our lab when he was that age many times. Gorgeous big softie boy now.

but he is so energetic nothing tires him out!

You might be overstimulating him. You seem to be doing a lot. When does he get to switch off? Teaching down time and self settling is also important. Get a trainer involved who can advise if you’re unsure on how to proceed.

dog training classes - you will def find some that begin in September.
as clearly your training is not enough.

all this sit and give paw stuff is very nice but recall is so important !!!

https://www.adolescentdogs.com/academy?utm_campaign=8ad74a0a-98db-44c4-9622-33fafcdad3ca&utm_source=so&utm_medium=mail&cid=d6b29d8c-239a-4aa9-bef6-0bff49ed515b

Can I suggest you give this 14 day free trial a go? It's for Adolescent Dogs. Start their 'calm canine' course. See if it helps. It's online, daily videos, and easy to follow.

In the meantime, you could binge watch the following on TV:
Dogs behaving very badly (there's a special episode on puppies)
The dog academy
It's me or the dog (youtube).

Patience is key with pups and teenagers!

You need a pen that’s safe and has nothing he can ruin that you care about. Then you watch him every second of the day unless he’s in that pen. Nothing gets damaged, and he learns what he can and can’t touch and doesn’t practice bad behaviour.
eventually you won’t need it.

i doubt he’s biting, much more likely mouthing, he’s teething and testing out the world. It’s a good thing. Give him things he is allowed to chew.

some dogs don’t know how to regulate themselves, you need to teach them to be calm. You can teach bed or place or settle or something else. Also make sure he’s getting enough naps, mine used to turn into a bitey hyperactive nightmare every 2 hours, encourage a nap just like a baby and they wake up in a much better mood

He might be feeding off your anxiety, they can sense stuff like that. He does sound like a normal puppy though, some are placid and others are bonkers and take longer to mature. You just don’t know what you’re going to get. Mine was like yours too but once he got to 2-3 he calmed down a lot but still had crazy moments in the day. I think you should get him neutered once the vet says he ready.

His recall will improve faster with classes. You haven’t said if you go to classes but videos do a “how” which is great but the best thing about classes is the next stage of distraction. But if you can’t or won’t go to classes for whatever reason, once you have his recall solid in the garden, then, you practice in the park / field / public footpath, firstly when there is no one around, just smells and squirrels to distract and then build up from there. But it is genuinely easier for you and him to do this at classes.

Lots of first time dog owners have a degree of anxiety around attending classes but it’s all about the dog, not you and all puppies mess up and you learn so much from watching other people’s dog’s mistakes as well as your own. They’re very valuable for you and your pup.

As well as activity they need to learn how to rest. I have mine crate trained, it took a long time for him to relax enough to properly sleep - I swear he slept with one eye open - but now I’ve got a better balance of exercise and enforced rest he’s much better. He’s still a bundle of energy but not quite so over stimulated.

Persevere, it will get better! I have a 5mth old collie x, fortunately have a five year old large breed dog too - she uses his ears, cheeks and legs as teethers! He fends her off, then they chase around til she's tired then she sleeps on him!

Please do not just shove treats in front of your dog and leave him to entertain himself - the amount of puppies and dogs I used to have come into the practice who had choked on treats because their negligent owner thought it was a 'bordem' buster is insane. I once lost a GSD who swallowed a bully-stick after the owner 'turned her back for a moment' - dog was dead before it made it to the table. Dogs with treats like that should always be 100% supervised and treats should never be used to 'entertain' a dog - because it almost always means the owner is not paying adequate attention.

Ultimately, at eight months old, your dog is going to be a gobby little prat. But, at eight months old he should be sleeping 14-18 hours a day still. I think you're likely over stimulating him. He needs to learn to settle without a toy, without a treat and without stimulation - and you need to work on this ASAP. I'd cut out all the treats you've been using to entertain him - in part because they are full of calories he does not need (see exercise comments below) and in part because he needs to learn to settle without entertainment - and teach him to settle in his crate or a 'safe' space.'

You need to take him to puppy classes and go back to lesson 1 - just learning something at home is not really good enough as dogs often learn things in their 'safe' environment and then forget them half a second into new environment.

Separately, I'd be really careful about over excising him and encouraging him with a flirt pole when he's still very young - Shih Tzus can be prone to joint issues so you really need to protect his joints whilst he is young, otherwise you'll find yourself paying a fortune in vets bills in a few years.

TBH I think whoever recommended you a Shih Tzu was a bit of a prat. They're lovely dogs, but they are incredibly stubborn and not what I would describe as good for a first time owner, given stubborn dogs = difficult to train. You'll need to go back to basics and use lots of positive reinforcement with him. It is going to be hard - it is even for those of us who have had dogs for 30/40 years - but it is worth it.

Do you enforce his naps? This was the biggest thing I learned with my puppies. They would be absolute terrors if they were tired. Puppies should be sleeping a lot, they don't always just take them selves off for a nap, you have to enforce it.

He needs a proper run around , can you rent a dog field to practice recall . Do you have a harness and longline so he at least gets a good run everyday .

Thank you everyone. I do enforce naps and most of the time he'll go into the crate ok (sometimes he will protest). He sleeps about 18 hours a day.

I will look into puppy classes.

I'm just exhausted with it all and feel so depressed. I don't think I can wait til he is 2 years old for him to calm down... I'll have had a nervous breakdown by then.

If you really are feeling ' depressed ' and not just down in the dumps - then it is time to go back to your GP and get your medication reassessed.
Do you have some form of therapy for your anxiety ?

You will hopefully be ok. It’s not like they get to 2 and automatically calm down, he will continually get calmer and calmer. I think you are a good dog owner, you are working hard to get a well balanced dog and you will get rewarded. It just takes some time but totally worth it. You will have plenty of good years with him.

@LondonFox

' Worst case he will run away and you are free.'

NO NO NO

he could get run over by a car and get killed !!!
and he could cause an accident in which passengers / drivers get injured / killed

that is one of the most stupid and ignorant posts i have ever read on Mumsnet

Just let it off in a closed park.
Ffs it is not so hard to find one in the UK is it?

No, you haven't failed. The puppy blues is normal and we all go through it, even those of us with 40 plus years experience with dogs. The first few months is very hard work but it does slowly get easier. With your first pup it's hard to know if you're getting things right but you will learn as you go along. Please don't give up.

You've been given some really good advice about training classes etc by other posters here but I know that classes themselves can be overwhelming for those of us with anxiety so only you can decide what sort of training environment is going to be best for you and your boy. You need to find classes or a trainer that you feel relaxed about working with otherwise the pup will pick up your stress.

I have very bad social anxiety, my dog is my therapy and my support but I find the puppy socialisation aspect very hard to cope with so I do understand how you feel just now. My girl is 4 months old; boisterous and nippy, trying to chew everything in sight, digging holes in the garden etc. I'm exhausted but I love her so much even though she exasperates me with her stubborn attitude and stresses me out. You'll feel differently about your pup in a few months time.

There are some brilliant people on here with a vast amount of knowledge; I'm new here but already learning loads from the doghouse. I'm sure that whatever issues crop up for you someone will be able to help.

Take care. Your puppy anxiety will lessen, I promise you that. When your boy grows up a bit he will be the best therapy for your mental health.