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The doghouse

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Neighbour issues

52 replies

PresidentBarklett · 09/08/2024 17:07

Hi all. Could use some advice. This may turn into a long one, for which I apologise! Thank you if you make it through to the end.

We live in an end of terrace house and have a 3 year old small dog. We get on very well with all of our nearest neighbours. However, over 2 years ago when our dog was a puppy we received a letter through the door regarding her barking. It was one of those forms you can download from the Council website to alert your neighbours to a disturbance. There were several inaccuracies on the form - for instance, the complainant stated that the dog barked all day, when actually she attends daycare every weekday and would not actually be in the house at this time. We also had a few sweary shouts when the dog was in the garden around this time which I'd assume were linked.

We were mortified to get this complaint. We engaged a dog trainer who helped us enormously. We stopped playing fetch with the dog in the garden. I personally visited all of my neighbours in close proximity to check if they heard anything during the hours when the dog was in the house. All confirmed they could hear her occasionally when she was in the garden but that the noise wasn't 'excessive'. Our next door neighbour (with whom we share a wall) stated that she couldn't hear the dog at all when she and our dogs were in their respective houses. The neighbourhood consensus was that our dog was being confused with several other dogs on the street and was the one assumed to be making all of the noise because she was the most visible, due to her habit of sitting at the window which fronts onto the street.

Fast forward 2 and a bit years and we've had no further complaints. We assumed the measures we had taken had worked. We still bring the dog in from the garden the moment she barks etc.

Yesterday I was out for a walk a few streets away with the dog and my dog had a bark at something. I immediately began to distracf, as taught by our trainer. A woman I'd never met walked past, stopped and proceeded to scream at me about my 'fucking nightmare dog'. She informed me she lived on my street and kept repeated 'that fucking dog is a nightmare, you need to fucking sort her out'. She told me i was a 'fucking horrible woman'. When I say screamed, I'm not kidding. She really went for it for a good few minutes whilst I stood there stammering.

When I got a word in, I invited her to pop round for a cup of tea so we could chat about it. I'm not a 'my dog is perfect' type. If the dog is being a nuisance I want to know details so I can stop it. She continued to shout, saying she didn't 'want to fucking talk'. She then stormed off, so I'm none the wiser.

I went home at this point as I was quite shaken and a bit teary. As I rounded the corner into my street, I saw this lady entering a house 7 doors down from my own on my terrace. I checked again with my NDN, who again insisted that she barely heard my dog these days.

I reported the verbal abuse to the police, asking that they didn't make contact but keep it on record in case it escalates. I now don't know what to do. I absolutely do not want to be 'that neighbour'.

My dog, as I said, is out of the house on weekdays. On evenings, she probably barks once or twice at our window when she sees a cat or another dog. This goes on for about 10-15 seconds typically. You can hear this if you are standing directly outside out house but not if inside a car or another house (again, neighbour confirms this). On weekends, this us probably around 5 or 6 times a day.

When she barks in the garden she is brought back inside. This happens 2-3 times a week, I'd say. The average time from first bark to being back inside the house is usually one minute.

I guess my question is whether or not this is excessive. I feel dreadful. I'm sure that when she barks in the garden she's very audible. I'm not sure if it would be possible to hear her from inside 7 houses away, when she barks inside our own house - I'm leaninb towards not given that our neighbour with the shared wall insists that she never hears her.

I just don't know what to do and I'm devastated that I was verbally abused in the street. I think I'm doing everything right, as per our trainer. But I'm petrified this will escalate.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 09/08/2024 17:29

She sounds bonkers.

shellyleppard · 09/08/2024 17:32

The neighbour who complains sounds horrible. I'm sorry she had a go at you like that x

stayathomer · 09/08/2024 17:34

It’s not excessive. Our ndn had a dog that, when out, barked for probably half an hour at a time. She was just a barky dog- they had the door open, my neighbour fell in the last few years and now has to sit a lot so can’t be out with her but they finally rehomed to a family who were going to keep her in a lot more. A few times a day is a dog being a dog and so normal. Sorry you have to deal with this

Swissrollover · 09/08/2024 17:35

First post nails it. If she complains again, ask her to confirm in writing (to you or even to the council if she's taken this step) when she hears the barking, as you can presumably evidence that your dog is at daycare.

PresidentBarklett · 09/08/2024 17:39

Yes, absolutely we can evidence that, @Swissrollover.

Thank you all for your replies. I feel just terrible. I'm honestly one of those smiley 'say hello to everyone' types so it's just horrible to be so disliked.

I get it, I really do. My dog had a horrendously loud bark for her size, the aural equivalent of staring directly into the surface of the sun. But I'm so mindful of that, which is why I never let her out into the garden alone and intervene very quickly when she barks at the window.

OP posts:
Another2356 · 09/08/2024 17:51

Very bullying behaviour from your neighbour. I would send her a registered letter requesting that she comes and talks to you about the highly emotional interaction that took place on the street, so you can understand her concerns and look for a resolution. It was a distressing interaction for you, and probably her, but working together perhaps you can jointly and correctly identify the issues, timing and frequency, without anyone getting defensive. At the moment it feels like a blame game is happening, but the question is does she want to blame or would she prefer to resolve the issue?

rubeelum · 09/08/2024 21:31

No of course it’s not excessive. Dogs bark, people need to have a learn of tolerance. It’s when it’s constant yapping all day that it gets out of hand.

OP is there more to this story? Someone shouting at you in the street is highly unusual.

EdithStourton · 09/08/2024 21:37

A certain amount of barking is entirely normal in a residential area. If you try to keep your dog quiet (and sounds as if you succeed) she is obviously over-reacting).

Horsesontheloose · 09/08/2024 21:38

Nah, your neighbour is bonkers I'm afraid. Good on you for reporting it. A dog barks, end of story. It sounds like you do your best to contain that barking and your closest neighbours are not affected. Forget about her but stand your ground if she speaks to you like that again. Horrible.

PresidentBarklett · 09/08/2024 21:40

rubeelum · 09/08/2024 21:31

No of course it’s not excessive. Dogs bark, people need to have a learn of tolerance. It’s when it’s constant yapping all day that it gets out of hand.

OP is there more to this story? Someone shouting at you in the street is highly unusual.

I'd honestly think that too if I read this. But I assure you, I have never seen this woman before in my life. I get on with absolutely everyone on the street.

I spoke to a couple of other neighbours today. Apparently this woman has form for falling out, or taking against, neighbours and has shouted at a few others on the street in recent years.

OP posts:
PresidentBarklett · 10/08/2024 10:20

So I kept a barking log yesterday and will continue today.

Here's yesterday's:

8.30am - 5 seconds barking inside when a cat walked past window. Removed from window immediately and stopped barking right away.
6.10-6.20pm - intermittent barking inside
during play (about 10-15 excited woofs over the course of 10 minutes)
6.50 - single woof inside (1 second)
6.55 - single woof inside (1 second)
7.05 - single woof inside (1 second)
8.20 - 2 seconds inside when someone walked past window. Stopped on her own.
8.30 - 3 seconds. Dogs walked past. Removed from window immediately.
No further barking as sleeping from 9 through to following morning at 8.
No barking in garden.

As I said up-thread, my only NDN is pretty adamant she can't hear the dog when she is in her own house, so I have my doubts that any of this was audible to the screamer. Still, I do want to be a good neighbour to all of the people on my street. So, question is, is this excessive? I think it might be a bit.

OP posts:
Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 10/08/2024 10:39

Tbh, I think the barking at 08:30 in the morning is unreasonable. Even on a work day, it is just that bit too early.

I think the issue is more likely it's intermittent throughout the evening - which may be causing aggravation because pretty much as soon as someone has managed to relax, the dog barks again - rather than anything else.

But please don't stop your dog barking when it's playing and happy - it's really good your dog is able to express herself that way.

PresidentBarklett · 10/08/2024 10:43

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 10/08/2024 10:39

Tbh, I think the barking at 08:30 in the morning is unreasonable. Even on a work day, it is just that bit too early.

I think the issue is more likely it's intermittent throughout the evening - which may be causing aggravation because pretty much as soon as someone has managed to relax, the dog barks again - rather than anything else.

But please don't stop your dog barking when it's playing and happy - it's really good your dog is able to express herself that way.

This makes sense, thank you.

OP posts:
TellySavalashairbrush · 10/08/2024 10:48

The woman is nuts! Thank god she doesn’t live in my house . Our neighbours have 2 dogs that bark and yap almost continuously. Ignore her and the next time she’s that rude just walk away from her .

Bobbybobbins · 10/08/2024 10:58

Don't try to engage this woman in polite conversation or explanations after she has verbally abused you in the street. Walk away and report again if she does this again.

PresidentBarklett · 10/08/2024 11:03

Thanks for all the kindness.

I take the point that the intermittent evening barking could be a real irritant, although, as I say, I do have my doubts it can be heard from inside other houses. However, I think a long walk immediately after we get home from daycare every day should hopefully tranquilise her a bit and lessen that.

I'm very aware that dog owners can become immune to their dogs barking and don't want to let that happen to me!

We had a 9-10am walk today and not a single bark in house or garden yet. Fingers crossed.

OP posts:
rwalker · 10/08/2024 11:04

The damage is done
tbh Random intermittent bark is worse than continuous barking
you never know when it’s going to start and stop

PresidentBarklett · 10/08/2024 11:05

rwalker · 10/08/2024 11:04

The damage is done
tbh Random intermittent bark is worse than continuous barking
you never know when it’s going to start and stop

I'm confused as to what you mean by 'the damage is done'. Would you be able to clarify please? Thank you.

OP posts:
Azandme · 10/08/2024 11:11

Seven doors away? It may not even be your dog she can hear! Particularly if your NDN says she can't.

Ignore her - and if she tries again give it straight back, louder. In my experience that's the only language bullying neighbours understand. I tried rising above and being reasonable, but the only thing that worked with the bully next door was telling him to fuck right off.

Cantbelievethatimafoolagain · 10/08/2024 11:22

She sounds mentally unwell
my dog has a very loud bark. Surprisingly no one has complained. I would just leave it.

autumnbake · 10/08/2024 11:32

How on earth can she hear your dog which is inside your house? when she lives 7 doors down?

Sounds unhinged, although possibly hearing a different neighbours dog?

PresidentBarklett · 10/08/2024 11:37

autumnbake · 10/08/2024 11:32

How on earth can she hear your dog which is inside your house? when she lives 7 doors down?

Sounds unhinged, although possibly hearing a different neighbours dog?

I suspect it's a combination of hearing my dog in the garden from time to time, plus then varying other dogs around the neighbourhood.

3 doors down from me used to have a dog that apparently did bark all day, not that I heard it. Apparently they removed it a month or so ago as they didn't have the time to give it a good quality of life. The screamers next door neighbour told me, at the time we received the complaint through our door, that she believed it was her neighbour who sent it and that she had the wrong house.

We still cracked down on garden barking though, just to be safe.

OP posts:
Watermel · 10/08/2024 11:52

The level of barking you describe would severely piss me off. There is something about the sounds of dogs that really irritates me, in a way that other animals do not - my best friend is the same - we both have a what we feel is https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia

You need to be more sensitive to the needs of others when you bring dogs into living situations. Dogs barking, yapping, whining is SO irritating. I also have excellent hearing, and can hear things someone in the same room as me might not.

Whilst I have never shouted at someone about it, if she is anything like me, I can totally understand why she got so angry. That said, she shouldn't have shouted.

What Is Misophonia?

Misophonia is a strong dislike or hatred of certain sounds. Learn more from WebMD about this unusual condition, from symptoms to treatment.

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia

1984Winston · 10/08/2024 12:08

I'm wfh today as I do every Saturday and listening to my neighbours dogs bark everytime someone walks past or a leaf falls from the tree, I wish you were my neighbour!

PresidentBarklett · 10/08/2024 12:14

A real mix of views here!

Yes, I understand that, for some, barking can be almost unbearable to listen to, which is why I am continuing to look at ways of improving it further. Again, I do doubt the sound could travel 7 houses down. Still, if her hearing is as attuned as PP's, perhaps it could.

Thank you all for contributing your thoughts. No barks today yet!

OP posts: