Friend rehoming due to depression

[Anon645]

My friend is suffering from pretty brutal depression and has been for a number of months. She has young children and a 1 year old dog. At the moment she is contemplating rehoming the dog as she feels her depression leaves her unable to cope with him. She feels extremely guilty as I know she loves the dog and she is very affectionate ate towards it. She doesn't have any family to mind the dog and I already have my own pets and family so can't take the dog on for her.

Does anyone have any advice? At the moment the dog is having a walk twice a week as that's all she can do. She's also not got the energy to train the dog beyond what she's already done as she's so low and fatigued.

Any advice?

First thought is she can’t feel that guilty if she’s only walking it twice a week! Depression is awful (I’ve been there and have dogs) but what she’s doing is cruel and tantamount to animal abuse.

The dog needs to go now. People will pop up and say centres are full - but there will be space somewhere. Breed specific rescues. Bigger ones. Failing that vets have contacts and can help

What breed is it?

Rescues are overrun with neglected and abandoned dogs and have closed their doors to dogs being surrendered as they just don't have capacity.
I know my local rescue facilitates in helping surrendered dogs, not by taking them in but by giving advice to the owner. Had she tried contacting anyone?

I have offered to walk one extra day a week but I resllt couldn't offer much more as I have my own dog and other pets , and kids.
Somedays she is unable to get out of bed for hours so I don't think it's fair to say she doesn't feel guilty, I know she really does. But she's really in the trenches. I've known her for over 10 years and these episodes whilst not super frequent can last for months at a time.

She's worried about the impact it will have on her children rehoming the dog. I know mime would be devastated. I just don't know how to advice her or help because I understand that she's unwell.

That’s harsh. I’ve had such severe depression that I can’t even get out of bed some days. I do hope she has sought treatment. She needs to be well.
I have volunteered for Cinnamon Trust and they may help. (I’m in GLOS if I can help!)
If they can’t help and she can’t afford a Walker then a rehome May be best. If it’s a decent breeder then they should take the dog back. Or a breed specific rescue? (What breed is it??)

Are there foster organisations for dogs? So the dog can be cared for while owner is unwell.

If there are days she can’t get out of bed what is happening with her DC?

I assume her DC aren’t old enough to help out with the dog.

Contact the Cinammon Trust, they can help with dog walks and care while owners are unwell

The Cinnamon Trust could help but in all honesty, if she can't get out of bed some days, it sounds like she needs much more intervention than just someone who can do some dog walks.

Agree with fostering. Is there a friend or family member that can look after the dog for a while?
Is it a possibility for paid care eg for it to go off in the day to day care or to have a regular dog walker. Things like borrowmydoggy can get you out of a tight spot

It's also brave to recognise when you aren't meeting a dogs needs. That needs to be recognised. it's tempting to go harsh like the first post, but it's shame that makes people keep dogs in bad situations often.

It might be if she is rehoming that she might need someone like you to support her in the conversations. People can be harsh in the way they discuss it and it will be tempting for her to retreat and keep the status quo if she fears being judged. Equally all these things need a lot of admin, following up, phone calls etc which is often hard when you're struggling to put one foot in front of the other

Where are you OP and what is the breed?

Rescue centres are there for this very reason. She mustn't feel guilty. People get ill and owning dogs may not be possible when people are realy poorly.

Speak to a local rescue or breed rescue they may have fosterers who can help.

I hope she feels better soon

I take it you’ve never had severe depression then? At my worst my children had to go and stay with relatives because I couldn’t even get out of bed let alone take a dog for walk.

My first question is: how old are the DC and who is taking care of them.

Could this person possibly care for the dog as well? Arrange a dog walker? Contact a charity like Cinnamon Trust?

I don't think the dog needs rehoming as such, but someone who is able to walk it twice a day while your friend is poorly. That is, of course if she wants to keep the dog.

Also, from my own experience, a dog can be helpful in many ways simply because it's there. If it is clever and well bonded it will give some comfort and company in a way no human can. That is, of course if its needs are met and it isn't going stircrazy!

A dog being walked twice a week is probably very bored and frustrated.

what about ‘ Borrow my doggy’ for dog walks?

However, I think rehoming may be the best option.

Also, how old are the kids? If friend is unable to get out of bed for hours, who’s looking after them, taking them to school, buying food, washing clothes (although holidays now?) etc.

the poster you quoted has a point though. Exercise is a well known and widely accepted remedy for depression and laying in bed all day does make it worse. You only have to look at the MH boards on mumsnet to see how many people have benefitted from fresh air.

But regardless of that, the woman OP is talking about is committing animal abuse by only walking her dog twice a week - and depression is not an excuse for that. If she can’t get out of bed then she surrenders the dog.

This makes me so sad. If she has had these episodes off an on for many years then why the hell did she get a dog. A one year old dog needs lots of stimulation and exercise. What she is doing is animal abuse and it doesn't matter that her kids will feel sad if the dog goes. You can't abuse an animal just to keep your kids happy. She will probably need help with the practicalities of rehoming him but it needs doing asap. This is no life for this poor dog and it sounds like this will happen over and over again in its lifetime if he stays.

My DM rehomed a dog when I was young, I got over it pretty quickly.

Depression is super tricky and I hope she is getting the help she needs psychologically to help her get to a better mental state, I can completely understand how hard is it. Has she seen a GP? As others have said, she could pay for a dog walker and contact the cinnamon trust (incredibly good charity and I have volunteered for them before). However, in the long run how fair is it for the dog. If she cannot keep up with the physical demands of having the dog, what about if it’s a breed that requires grooming everyday or else it’ll get matted, If the dog got sick would be she be up for potentially numerous back to back visits at a vet clinic for check ups?

I grew up with dogs, work with animals now in veterinary environments and when I was younger my parents unfortunately had to rehome one of our dogs due to sudden illness and us children being too young to take on the workload of managing a dog in the household as we were too young to walk him unaided. Was I gutted, absolutely? But I realised as it was explained to me it was in his best interests, he was incredibly loved by us and he went onto a lovely family who continued his favourite activities and we got sent some photos for every year of his life afterward. When my DM got better and we were older we were able to take on another dog who lived with his his entire life and we’ve never rehomed another animal except for him. Unfortunately, as children they do not understand the consequences it will have on the pet because they know it is very loved by them but love doesn’t come above the needs of a pet.

Rescue is at a brink at the minute so I would recommend getting on some waiting lists, as some may have the ability for transfer to foster so he doesn’t have to go into kennels. If he is housetrained and knows basic commands having being raised in a family home with children he could be a very desirable adoptable dog for another family, with him being young too it’s better to do it sooner rather than later to give him the best chance because unfortunately, it has to be his best interest over the interest of the childrens feelings - the dog did not choose to be in this environment where his needs aren’t met.

What's happening with her kids?

Does she have enough friends that you could each walk the dog once a week for her so the poor thing is getting walked every day?

Could you set up a borrow my doggy account and arrange walks that way?

Does she have money to pay a dog walker a couple of times a week?

She may worry about the impact of getting rid of the dog on her kids, but the impact on the dog is horrendous, I have a one year old dog as well, and they need lots of walks and mental stimulation. She needs to think about the dog.

Has she looked into fostering?

Has she actually done anything about this other than feel guilty and suggest getting rid of the dog?

I understand that depression is brutal, but the dog is going to start acting up and make her household a million times more stressful if this isn't dealt with.

Some people on here are just awful. Where in the U.K. are you op?

At the moment I'm walking the dog one day a week but I really can't offer much more, and there aren't many family members available.
Her dog is not toilet trained and I just hope that this doesn't hinder its chances of being rehomed :/

I suggested dog walkers but from what I can gather money is too tight.

I’d call rspca. She is really neglecting the poor dog.

Cinnamon Trust ( registered charity ) will offer volunteer dog walking if they have volunteers in the area.