I never thought I'd rehome a dog, but...

[Singlemumtoadog]

I have recently split up from my partner, who isn't able to share much of the care of our 5 year old dog due to working hours, moving to a small flat etc.
I work from home, and I have a garden, so in theory I could give our dog a great life. I would love to, but…
She has awful separation anxiety. She whines and howls if left at home alone. I would be able to afford a dog sitter sometimes, but I'm not sure it's feasible to get a dog sitter every time I want to go to Tescos!
She is also nervous of strangers and pretty dog selective, so doggy day care is tricky and I can’t go about my life and she just fits into my plans, everything needs to be thought about!
Has anyone been able to improve a dog with such severe separation anxiety? Was it medication, training, both?

I am determined to give it a go for six months and then see where we are. It would break my heart to rehome her. Equally, can I spend the next years of my life so…restricted?
I know there aren’t people queueing up for a difficult Cockapoo, but I follow a couple of rehoming charities and I see dogs with behavioural problems successfully rehomed.

If anyone has ANY advice- on separation anxiety, rehoming charities, how you don't go mad being totally responsible for a dog…I would love to
hear it!

Who would want to take her on?
You can help her with this, but you can’t rush it.
She’s unlikely to be guaranteed a happy life if you give her away.
She will likely be in a kennel in a rehoming centre - separated and anxious for most hours of the day and night.
Don’t do that to her.

I think breed specific rescues like spaniel aid place with fosters rather than kennels.
Do you think a doggy friend would help (obviously with the right dog) and is that feasible?

I would absolutely not do that to her. The only rehoming situations I will consider are where a charity vets applicants carefully, we have several meet and greets, we stay in touch with the new home. There is a big difference between dumping her at Battersea and using a reputable breed specific charity and I would only do the latter!

I'm aware of spaniel aid and they seem to do a fantastic job, providing lots of info about the dogs! Doodle Aid is another one I follow and have considered contacting.
I have wondered whether she would benefit from a playmate, but my worst fear is that another dog 'inherits' her anxious temperament. I.e. she barks at strangers, so new dog thinks that's the right thing to do...and so on!

There was a massive thread on here really recently about someone rehoming a spaniel with SA. She was helped by Spaniel Aid.

I hope you get some helpful replies. There were some pretty shitty ones on her thread. She had tried EVERYTHING.

Think we’ve reached the point of rehoming DDog and so sad about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/5064024-think-weve-reached-the-point-of-rehoming-ddog-and-so-sad-about-it

This one.

Have you tried anything from the vet ? We had Xanax for our dog for severe anxiety around the fireworks and it did work. I wonder if they could prescribe for when she's left alone

I would happily try the medication route. I am on a Facebook group for dogs with separation anxiety and the vast majority of success stories seem to include medication. When I approached our vet about it, they weren't willing to discuss it properly until the dog had seen a veterinary behaviourist, who had an INCREDIBLY long waiting list plus obviously it was hundreds of pounds, with no guarantee they would support medication. Some vets do seem to be a bit more willing to give medication, so maybe we will have to change vet.
And yes, we truly have tried everything. Sometimes someone will say 'Have you tried leaving the radio on for them?' as if that wasn't the very first thing we tried a few years ago. And then some people say 'Well they will learn eventually, you just need to keep leaving them for a short period of time'. She has never got used to it, she has a sort of dog version of a panic attack when the door closes and then howls until I return (to put the bins out!). My neighbours shouldn't have to listen to that, and she shouldn't be so stressed 😥
Phew sorry that turned into a bit of a rant. Will read the thread linked up thread!

Yes that's the thing with severe separation anxiety. It's life changing. Every minute has to be accounted for. It's awful.

Get yourself on the dog training advice and support Facebook page. Have a read of the guides and if you still need help you can post and a behaviourist will answer. They also have a premium group where you can pay a fee and ask unlimited questions. It’s not an open group - you will get targeted advice from qualified people

Was also going to suggest this.

You may be able to buy the Xanax online I'm not sure but all I can say is do what you can to get it cause we were thinking we would have to put our dog to sleep that's how bad he was it was so distressing. He had the tablets and he could rest Wednesday gradually weaned him off them and his cured now.

I suggested SA. My mum is fostering for them ATM - and guess what, it's a dog with severe SA that couldn't be left alone for her to use the bathroom. It can now be left for ten mins! 😀

But, they are extremely stretched and are turning dogs away left/right and centre ATM. They have about a dozen dogs up for adoption that have been waiting for months - all with issues similar to OP dog. So, it's not a guaranteed solution,.

That being said, OP, I think you should give the dog up. You've said you WFH and have a garden. Even though it's a smaller flat and you'd be walking her. So, gently, your main issue is that you don't want to deal with the SA alone and short of medicating your dog until it's completely doolally...you're going to have to. That or get rid of it.

SA can be worked on, as evidence by my mums success in four months with the dog she's fostering, but it requires dedicated and tbh you seem more willing to look for other options (medicating) than waiting and working with a behaviourist. Changing vet to get your dog medicated instead of working with a behaviourist or trying to find other solutions is lazy. Your dog deserves someone willing to put the effort in, pay the money, and work with it.

Changing vet to get your dog medicated instead of working with a behaviourist or trying to find other solutions is lazy.

This is so unfair - and totally incorrect.

Many dogs who suffer with extreme anxiety need that medication in order to function normally. You wouldn't tell a human they were lazy because they needed anti depressants to be able to function everyday.

When a dog is so anxious that it howls and screams every time you leave the room, it is too anxious to learn. No amount of work with a behaviourist will make any difference jf the dog is constantly over threshold.

However if you medicate to, for want of a better phrase, "take the edge off", then the dog isn't so stressed and can begin to learn and take things in.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with using medication for an anxious dog and it can be life-changing for them and their owners. Unfortunately many people still think that anxiety (and similar issues) are created by the owners and not something the dog is born or bred with.

Get in touch with a good dog trainer. Read reviews get people's recommendations etc.
Working with a dog trainer and a day here or there of other people (dog sitters) or doggy day care will help and be so good for her - but you need to start slow with the help from a trainer who will give you pointers to get you and her started etc x

OP's vet suggested she try other alternatives first. She doesn't want to. So it's not unfair...or incorrect. It's the truth.

OP's dog has a less severe issue compared to the dog my mums fostering. Yet she's managed to get the dog to manage ten minutes alone now - all without medicating it.

What the OP said below. The vet wanted a behaviourist involved...and OP refused to do it because of a long wait and HER desire to get the dog medicated 'no guarantee they would support medication' - which means if the behaviourist thought it could be solved without it, then they would tell the vets as such. OP is 100% looking for a quick fix.

When I approached our vet about it, they weren't willing to discuss it properly until the dog had seen a veterinary behaviourist, who had an INCREDIBLY long waiting list plus obviously it was hundreds of pounds, with no guarantee they would support medication. Some vets do seem to be a bit more willing to give medication, so maybe we will have to change vet.

And I really don't think there's anything wrong with that @Devilshands - especially when the only alternative is that the dog is re-homed.

You wouldn't insist a person jumped through thousands of hoops to access essential medication so I'm not sure why it's seen as acceptable for a dog.

An animal that screams the house down because you've had to pop to Tesco is not a happy one - why would you insist on waiting months for a behaviourist when you could trial medication first? It makes no sense.

I really don't understand the objection to a "quick fix" but then again my own dog is on anxiety supplements and they changed his life within weeks. They're not prescription ones but my God the difference in him is incredible. I don't really care if people think I'm lazy for it either 🤷‍♀️

I think the point I am making @fieldsofbutterflies is that the vet (who is undoubtedly more knowledgeable than you or I - unless you're secretly a vet) said no to medication without a behaviourist first. But OP wants to ignore that and get medication - and is even considering switching vets to do so. That is lazy. She's rather medicate than try and find someone who can help.

I do know that @Devilshands and my point is that I would still do the same as the OP if I were in her shoes.

She's completely on her own with a dog who can't be left at home at all, and the wait list for the behaviourist is massive - so what's she supposed to do in the meantime - never go anywhere? Arrange for a dog walker every time she needs to pop to the shops or go to an appointment?

You can't live your life never leaving your house for months on end because of a dog - it's not just impossible for most, it's also incredibly unhealthy for both parties.

I have nothing but sympathy for OP and having seen how herbal supplements have changed my dogs' life in a matter of days, I am all for using medication or herbal support for dogs. Just as I would advocate for it in a human who was struggling too.

I am disappointed that the thread has gone in this direction. I didn't fill my OP with everything I have tried, because we'd be here all day!
I have worked with a trainer, a behaviourist and we even tried residential training to see if her behaviours were the same in a different environment and different people.
The accepted method for working on separation anxiety is Julie Naismiths 'be right back' method, and it involves desensitising your dog to even the smallest hint of leaving them- our dog is now absolutely fine whilst I am in the bathroom, having a shower, and she even will sometimes choose to settle in a different room to me. I even left her in the car whilst quickly paying for petrol recently and she didn't howl!!! Which felt like a huge win. So we have made a lot of progress, but it has taken a year to get her to be okay outside the bathroom by herself. So it's not exactly like I can see leaving her for an hour at home on the nearby horizon!

I desperately want to keep my dog. I also don't want to sacrifice my life for the next 5 years.

These threads always turn out the same @Singlemumtoadog I'm sorry

For some reason, the idea that not everyone can or will sacrifice everything for their dog doesn't seem to occur to some posters.

If your vet isn't keen on medication have you tried any of the natural supplements available online while you wait for a referral?

HAD I known that @Singlemumtoadog I wouldn't have suggested it!

She isnt saying no to a behaviourist they have long waiting lists

And are very expensive. I paid £110 for the initial consultation (this was when she was 9 months old for an issue unrelated to separation anxiety). I am not saying their expertise isn't worth that, I'm sure it is...but the idea of that cost weekly/fortnightly plus vet appointments and the actual cost of the prescription...I can afford it and will pay it, but I wouldn't blame anyone who said they couldn't prioritise this.

One more point of frustration on the idea of finding a trainer/behaviourist etc. I have NO IDEA what makes a behaviourist well qualified. In human mental health, a psychiatrist is your top tier expect, followed by a clinical psychologist, then underneath that you have psychotherapist, counsellors etc. I want to know what is the dog equivalent? How do I know I am speaking to an expert? 'Behaviourist' does not seem to be a protected title, and every trainer seems to be a 'behaviourist' also. It's really really difficult to navigate

Insurance should cover the costs of a behaviourist but that's obviously not much good if you can't get an appointment to see one anyway.

I would personally really recommend you look at natural supplements for anxiety - they can have an amazingly quick impact.