To try and talk friend out of getting a puppy?

[Cadela]

Friend is lovely but I don’t know if I should just keep my mouth shut or not.

She has a 5yo Dd with autism, and they want to get a goldendoodle/goldendor/some other mix of golden retriever as a friend for her.

They’ve never owned a dog before, have done next to no research (clearly from the breeds they are choosing!) and I’m worried for them.

They both work full time and full on jobs, and are not active people. They have a tiny house in the city center and aren’t a massively outdoorsy active family.

I don’t know what to say that isn’t going to be taken badly, but also don’t want to see them getting a puppy and having the very harsh reality of what it’s actually like to own a dog making it difficult for them or the dog.

Don’t offer to walk it or you may end up owning the thing, as they will get fed up with it crapping everywhere pretty fast I would think

@Churchview do people on these threads regret getting their own dog? It always comes across like I rise to the challenges and sacrifices, but this will be beyond my friend.

A Labrador and doggy daycare would be better. Dogs For Good have lots of info about autism and support dogs.

Goldadors and golden retrievers are amazing dogs, so loving and good with kids.

BUT they are seriously high energy and need 90-120min walks a day.

if they want a dog they are going to need a dog walker every day of the week they are at work.

I think you've made a mistake by offering to walk it before they've even got it OP. You've already made the decision easier for them knowing they have you to look after it while they're at work. I would pull out quickly if you're going to or you might find they get quite pissy if you don't meet their expectations of free walking whenever they're at work - and people can be extraordinarily entitled.

I'm the first person in the world to advocate Gundog breeds... for the right home. Because they bond so well with people some obviously assume they are sweet cuddly and chilled. Which they are, with the correct training, exercise and boundaries! Drives me mad. This sounds like a bad situation waiting to happen!

Well I did 'inherit' my dear dog because my neighbour regretted getting a dog and couldn't rise to the challenge or make the sacrifices necessary. That said, when I ever say to anyone what a commitment a dog is it's never as a put down or casting aspersions on their capability, it's because I want them to know it's not all squeaky toys and cuddles. If, knowing that they take a dog on and make a great job of being an owner then I'm made up. If they decide not to get a dog then I hope I helped them think it through by being honest about dog ownership.

I never regretted, not for one second, taking our dog on. We had 11 wonderful years and she was worth every tiny effort, sacrifice or adjustment we made for her. She repaid us many thousands of times over in love and fun. She sadly died last year and we're heartbroken. I'd have her back in a heartbeat.

That said, we are thinking very carefully before we get another dog as it is a lot of freedom to give up and a dog's lifetime of commitment.

I love my dog to bits. I got talked into getting a dog. XH was very keen, DD was very keen. I got talked round (we had family who had dogs and after spending time with them, I saw the benefits). I’ve had moments where I’ve wondered in retrospect if we should have got her, but I didn’t know I’d end up being a single parent and that the dog would be with me all the time (he used to take her to work but he kept asking if family could have her so I got the dog walker instead, he contributes nothing to the dog any more and never has her).
I also thought about rehoming her when she became reactive and I had to put in so much work to get her to have a calm walk! But despite all the challenges, she brings joy to our lives. The first few months with DD went to her Dad’s for the weekend, the dog was my reason to get out of bed, get outside and have fresh air, my company 🥰 so on balance, no, I don’t regret getting her but sometimes it’s really tough.

@NeurodivergentBurnout it sounds worth it! I know what you mean, there were times when the routing of a walk with a dog and saying hello to people would have been good for me.

I don't think anybody thinks a dog is a soft toy, or a squeaky toy.
When I'm out, I see people walking man's best friend but also, carrying around man's best friend's poo.

On balance, it is! But it’s a lot of work and expense 😂
I know what you mean but I think many people underestimate just how much work it takes to get to a point where they are trained and far too many people return them/rehome them when they realise how much work it is.

You can say stuff gently, when she gestured the size, perhaps you could add: "oh I thought a golden retriever is pretty big, uncle X has one"

Just wanted to update as friend has dog and I walked past this morning to hear it screeching locked in a cage whilst they were out at work.

I’ve had serious words with her this evening because I can’t bear it. Pup is 9 weeks old.

I’ve said if she can’t offer the puppy a decent life she has to return to the breeder. This obviously hasn’t gone down well at all but I am furious.

Thank you for advocating for that poor pup. Do you think you’ll fall out over it?

Reporting to the local dog warden and RSPCA - that's animal abuse.

Your friend shouldn't be your friend anymore tbh - I wouldn't even associate with someone who locked their dog in a car all day, let alone call them a friend!

Oh we’ve had a massive falling out over it and I have contacted the breeder to let her know what’s going on.

I’ll let you know what happens. But hopefully puppy will be back with breeder asap.

I knew it was going to go tits up and I’m furious at myself for not being more assertive. But I will ensure the puppy doesn’t suffer.