Resentful of dog

[Unreasonablyextravagant]

I posted before about our rescue golden retriever and some teething problems with his behaviour. I’m so happy to be able to say they have been almost entirely resolved in the 4 months we’ve had him, and he is now so well settled, and just an all round good boy.

I’m the problem now however, and I’m not sure how to overcome my feelings of resentment at having to share my home with a dog. It’s not this dog, he is great - it’s any dog.

I bonded with him really quickly when he first came home, and he with me - he was always supposed to be primarily my partners dog so I took a conscious step back to allow my partner to bond with him. This sounds drastic, but it was at the point that the dog wouldn’t walk without me by his side, he would stop and search for me. That was not ever going to be practical. I now think the stepping back was a bad move as all I can see now is the downside to having a big dog in our home.

The hair, the smell, the sheer size in a not huge space, it’s all driving me crazy. He is 100% staying because a commitment was made and DP is completely head over heels in love with him - they have such a bond and he’s a really good dog owner.

I get exactly zero joy from having the dog, I am only tolerating him - I treat him well, give him pets, do all the usual dog owner stuff when needed, but I feel nothing but resentment.

I have no idea how to turn my attitude around - I suspect I may need to force myself to do more of the primary care stuff and hope the love grows but honestly, I can’t think of anything worse at the minute.

Please help :(

Do you have agility classes nearby? Scentwork? Hoopers? rally? He’s old enough for any of those 🙂

@survivingunderarock good suggestions, thank you! I had never heard of hooping / rally so had to google! We do have mantrailing recently opened nearby, it’s in early stages and seems to be super oversubscribed but we can definitely try to get to something like that.

I really appreciate all the suggestions, even having this open and honest conversation has helped. It’s a shitty thing to have to admit but the conversation and having some action points has given me a boost. Thank you.

Get rid of all carpets will help and you can buy washable rugs. If your washing making can't manage a large size then take to a launderette.

This is what you have signed up for -

www.facebook.com/share/v/wh68ia9L1fnKRogs/?mibextid=WC7FNe

I've got six dogs, sometimes I have nine to care for and hard floors are the way to go!

@Notinthemood12 hope you enjoyed the cheap shot. I’m here because I’m trying to be better, maybe you could try it.

@DrJoanAllenby thankfully hard flooring throughout but I feel seen with that video! The hair tumbleweeds are real.

I must be broken as I have a golden retriever and can't smell a thing.

Assuming my house does smell of dog does anyone have any natural ways of making the house smell nice as I am about to put it up for sale please ?

I don’t need to my pets are part of the family 👍🏼

Is it just a different iteration of puppy blues? So you’ve had him 4 months and it’s kind of a ‘this is forever’ type thing?

@Notinthemood12 clearly that went completely over your head. Enjoy your evening 👍🏼

@stayathomer I really don’t think so. It’s always been permanent, I think I’m just really struggling with the cumulative hair, smells etc. It’s not fair on the dog, he’s such a dote but I can’t seem to rearrange my feelings to be more accepting/ logical. It’s driven by pure emotion.

Have you got dog drying coats they're so useful , I can highly recommend the ruff and tumble ones .The dog dries faster and you'll have a lot less wet dog smell in the house. You still need to dry their legs and tail but they do drying mitts as well.
I was the one in the house who never wanted a dog, no dogs on the bed or sofa etc. I didn't last long because the dog made so unexpectedly happy.30 years later and a few more dogs down the line, our current boy is access all areas and sleeps on our
our bed too, wouldn't have it any other way. All the downsides like dirt, smell, hair poop scooping don't matter, I clean it up because my dog is family and that's part of his care.
Get everyone who lives in the house involved in sharing the dog care, feeding cleaning up walking etc so it's not all falling on you, then you can enjoy his company more and have time to play cuddle and rebuild your bond.Even just gently brushing him whi!e you watch tv is a bonding experience you can enjoy together

@chattyness that was lovely to read. I really can’t see me ever getting to that stage though, being honest.

Just had a thought that maybe a little doggy jacket might stop him getting so wet at daycare and make him easier to freshen up when we come home.

I’m starting to think part of the problem may be he’s getting wet there without being dried off so the smell has ‘set’ by hometime!

Does anyone think this would help / have any recommendations?

He couldn't wear a jacket all day at daycare, no. It might overheat him and that's not good.

Why is he getting so wet? Is it just from playing outside / being walked or is he being slobbered on by other dogs?

I'm wondering too about stress pheromones. My Romanian used to absolutely stink in the early days, despite baths. She was terrified of the world and it came out in this oily, musky, unpleasant scent. Once she was calmer and spayed we never smelt it again. It stuck to everything though!

Is he happy being in the car? Travelling to and from day care etc?

Some dogs do just smell more fldoggy than others though. Perhaps a regular groomers schedule for a deep clean bath and a deshedding would help? Book him in for one and see if it helps? Also, white vinegar. I have a spray bottle of it which the dog gets coated in - it's amazing for taking the smell of fox poo etc out of fur, so she gets a wash in a tea tree oil doggy shampoo, then a vinegar bath, then a white fur shampoo for her white bits. She hates baths 😂

I totally understand the smell issue. My dp when I first new him had a dog, within 3 weeks of me moving in he had to rehome the dog as due to my autism I couldn’t stand the smell and it was making me really unwell.

We tried so many things but nothing would get rid of the dog smell. You have my sympathy as I know how much it can affect you and a lot of people don’t understand

Have you got anything else difficult going on in your life? Could you be a bit depressed? If you’re low then it’s hard to find the joy in anything, everything seems a hassle - a meal out, a holiday…
Could it be something other than the dog?

You can't put a coat on a golden retriever all day, but you could bring a drying coat with you in the car and pop him in it for the journey home. That might help with keeping him dry and keeping the smell out of the house.

But honestly, if the smell and the fur is bothering you, you've picked the wrong kind of dog. Goldens are absolutely lovely but I've never met one that doesn't shed and smell - it's one of the downsides of a longer haired breed with a waterproof outer coat unfortunately.

All you can do at this stage is focus on building a bond with the dog. Because I promise you if you make that bond, you won't care about the negatives.

We’ve recently bought a Roborock S7 Max Ultra vacuum & mop and I love it, we have a black lab and I just don’t have the time or inclination to hoover every day. This thing hoovers & mops, and is really clever.

I'm reading between the lines here but are you extremely house proud? That's what is jumping out at me. If that's the problem here's a couple of suggestions

Get a plumber to put an outside hot (we'll warm) tap. Mine cost £70. Best £ I've spent for a giant hairball!

Also purchase one of these from Amazon

amzn.eu/d/7SJy34H

It's a game changer. You can fill the little compartment with shampoo or conditioner, and switch the option to either just water or to use whatever is in the container, therefore you can shampoo, condition and rinse, very easily.

I've also had a handyman build a ramp and washing table down the side of my house - with a hooked area to secure dog to while I wash/groom (it just helps my back) if I need a back break bit don't't need it daily.

Buy lots of washable rugs (I've got a couple of expensive ones from Ruggable), the rest are from Dunelm. Wooden floors are a godsend bit very bad for most dogs joints, so rugs are a must. I can't emphasise that enough.

I'm sure you will bond with your dog it's early days and you are all getting to know one another - I can't understand anyone who can't fall head over heels with a GR-they really are the best of best with humans.

I wouldn't recommend mud daddy for daily use - it's only really good for keeping in the car when you have no other cleaning option. I use a big back seat waterproof cover that hooks over the back headrests.

Ok, but let's try and help them. I do agree that people need to be much more honest with yourself about how house proud you are before committing to any dog. Most people don't like doggy smells - but don't have the experience or wisdom to know the difference between a small short haired breed, or a large long haired breed. And it's massive.

Ok we’re making progress now. Coat no good for a full day at daycare, fair enough - some dogs do wear them at the minute but I can see that wouldn’t work as it warms up.

The roborock hoover thing looks incredible but at £1200 it will remain a pipe dream!

I know this breed is not my ideal - you have no idea how long I held firm on my no dog policy, I admit I was worn down, agreed to it when I shouldn’t have and now I’m in a right pickle because he is staying, and I need to figure out a way to get fully on board. I was so careful in researching breeds and made many, many, other suggestions that would have been easier for me to deal with… but it’s all irrelevant now.

Someone asked if I’m stressed / possibly depressed.. you could well be hitting the nail on the head there. Things are very stressful right now.

A hot tap outside is a good idea, and my visitor last night actually suggested that. I’ve text the plumber to find out the craic with that.

I’m hoping if we can manage my perceived negatives a little better I’ll find the room to bond again and then the downsides won’t seem so overwhelming.

Oh forgot to add - I am most definitely not extreme in my houseproud status! I like a clean and tidy house as much as anyone but I’m certainly not over the top. I really don’t cope well when it doesn’t smell fresh though, dirty floors really bug me.

@NCForQuestions the expression on that poor pups face is hilarious so thank you for a much needed laugh!

With the white vinegar spray is that just diluted, sprayed on? Does it need rinsed? Google is conflicted.

Personally I would focus on building a bond with the dog, not on managing the negatives - because in all honesty, if you spend your life trying to avoid doggy smells and hair, you're going to be fighting a losing battle.

Maybe start doing it out of the house where the smell and fur don't cause as many problems? Maybe going to training classes or agility etc. with him would be a good way to build a bond, and then you can practise your training at home or in the garden.

Having something that's "just yours" with the dog can make so much difference.

I didn’t find a Mud Daddy that good. It would be okay to wash dirty paws, but my dog regularly gets filthy. Get an outside mixer tap. It was an absolute game changer for me. I leave a bottle of shampoo outside in case he rolls in something stinky.