How long did you sleep down stairs with your puppy for (if you did)

[Chunkycookie]

I picked up my beautiful 11 week old golden retriever on Monday, she’s the 4th female retriever I have had in my life.

She’s very happy, very chilled. She is massive, going to be a very large dog. We met her parents, they were both enormous, happy, gentle giants. She’s got the paws of a lion cub and when the vet weighed her today, she was almost 11kg at 11 weeks. She’s a very robust and healthy little (well, not so little) thing.

My other dogs always slept behind a gate in a utility room. That was their space away from the the noise of the children, where I would put them when I was busy and wouldn’t leave them unattended with children.

This puppy hates it. I’ve had her behind the gate for a few mins when I have been pottering in the kitchen. She’s okay when she can see me, but sits anxiously by the gate rather than venture into her bed. I give her praise when she’s being quiet.

All hell breaks loose if I leave the kitchen (to take washing upstairs etc).

theres nothing in the “utility” other than her bed, food bowls the door to the space that is just an enclosed area that she uses as a loo. It’s 6ft x 4ft so not an intimidating space.

At night, I’ve slept on the sofa with her bed next to me and she’s been happy. Taken her out twice for a wee in the night, all good.

I can’t sleep downstairs forever though, and I have never let a dog upstairs in my house (hair and carpets and they are prone to hip problems so I keep stairs to a minimum).

I wouldn’t have the room for the size of crate she would need in a few months, she’s going to be enormous.

she’s the easiest, happiest, loveliest little pup. I just need her to get used to being alone in a safe space.

Any tips, please?

Mines not quite the same, she is a rescue (puppy farm breeder) and I slept downstairs with her for 3 months. She was so quiet, very shut down, (approx 6 years old on arrival) so although she made no noise I wanted her to know I was absolutely there for her and slept right by her on the sofa. She has been carried upstairs but learned to do stairs herself after 18 months. She's asleep on my bed on my feet now. She does not appreciate being carried up now she can do it herself!
My other 10 year old girl has slept all sorts of places and didn't cause me any problems with sleep from arrival at 10 weeks.
Picture of pup?.♥️

Are you still in touch with the breeder? Ask if you can drop off a fluffy blanket for the mum to sleep on for a couple of days and then use that in your dog's bed. When we got our puppy he came with a piece of a cut up fluffy blanket that the whole litter had been using. We expected him to have disrupted nights at first but he was fine. He slept in a metal wire crate that we threw a blanket over to make it cosy and he had the fabric that smelled of his mum in his bed with him.

The other thing that was recommended to me was not to give the dog attention first thing when you reunite. Walk into the room and ignore her for a couple of minutes. The theory is along the lines that the dog is worried about you while she can't see you and if you come back and look for interaction it seems as though you were also anxious and need reassurance. Whereas if you are all casual and not giving or seeking attention then there was no need to worry.

Just a couple of days and then I left the living room light on for a bit. He is fine now. He is four and has been with us about 3 years and 8 months.

If you can't get something that smells of the dog's mum then you could always try something that smells of you.

I don't understand, you've only had her 3 days. Give her at least a couple of weeks to get settled, put in the effort young will save future problems.
Sleep near her, take it day by day to see improvements.

I am doing. I’m on the sofa now and she’s asleep on her bed on the floor beside me.

Shes just very different to the other 3 I’ve had who were happy at night from day one, hence asking for advice.

The breeder gave us a blanket. That’s in her bed with her.

Those giant paws!

She sounds adorable, feel free to share a picture!!
I used to leave my pajama top on his bed so he can still smell my scent. A kong filled with cream cheese or peanut butter was also a good distraction during school run/ popping to the shop

Never. Now 14 yo dog slept in crate in our ensuite so I could hear him to let him out. The plan was for us to move the crate downstairs. He's slept on our bed for about the last 13.5 years 😂

I asked the question on a local dog group. I was told I shouldn’t leave a puppy for even a second by more than a few people and that I shouldn’t have got a dog while I had children young enough to be taken to school.

No one would ever have a dog if they couldn’t have a shower and they would both starve if they couldn’t go out to buy food!

I’ve had 3 previous dogs, all very happy, well trained, all led long 15 year plus healthy lives with my children (I’ve got very big age gaps so have had a young child in house for 21 years now), despite having to leave them to do nursery/school drops and to go to the supermarket when they were tiny!

My last dog was odd, she hated anything like a kong, would not entertain them, so they fell off my radar. Have ordered one this evening, this puppy is very food led.

We lasted a full 10 minutes the first night, couldn't bear to hear her cry. So we put her in her bed in our room. She was much too tiny to do the stairs or get onto the bed. She cuddled down in her bed and slept all night, we had a fair few early morning potty trips. She's 8 now and has mastered the stairs and can jump onto the bed no trouble. She's first in bed and last out every day. Never moves all night, sometimes if it's cold the littlest cat cuddles up to her.

Never. Crate trained and worked fine. No separation anxiety or anything. I've had about three puppies and got three as adults.
You know I also set a strict bed time routine with my kids. They always slept on their own and had very few difficult nights (I never let them cry fir more than a couple minutes). I don't think that's unrelated.

I didn’t. My golden slept in a crate in the kitchen from 9-5 the first night I had him. Cried for the first five minutes then he fell asleep. I was up at 5, straight outside to the toilet and then cracked in with my day.

I’m a firm believer of dogs being left alone the first night. I’ve done it with all my dogs.

Good luck though! Mine was bigger than my spaniel at 12 weeks! He’s 45KG now and still growing…

I’m just going to have to keep trying for short periods.

For example, I need to go and have a shower and get dressed in a bit. Dh had to leave lusciously early for work this morning.

I need to put her somewhere safe while I do that.

I said that on the local dog chat last night and got ripped into. Apparently, I should have the puppy in the bathroom with me, tugging on the shower curtain and chewing the towels. Bloody hell, I put my babies in a safe cot when I had a shower, I didn’t take them in the bathroom with me. I’m not about to take a dog in the bathroom with me.

There just are times of the day where she has to get used to being in a contained space, for her own safety, let alone anyone else’s.

I see that as responsible, where as some people see it as cruel.

Also, when it’s raining and they come in from doing a wee, or coming back from wet walks when a bit older, it’s needed as a sort of air lock to dry them off a bit.

And I will never, ever have a dog upstairs. I know it works for some people. But a lifetime of growing up with GRs, having my own as an adult, it’s never happened and never will. Always had a firm no pets upstairs rule.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but when my beagle was that age, there was no way I would have been able to leave him long enough to shower without all hell breaking loose. I did try once and he was so upset he made himself sick 😔

I had to shower before DH left for work or when he got back - he was about four months old by the time I could leave him alone for 10-15 minutes in the house.

I agree it's those saying that trying to leave for five minutes is too much - you literally need to start with a second or two and build up to it.

I had a similar conversation with someone last night, only she lived alone with her dog. she said she took to showering once a week as the puppy would shred the shower curtain while she was in there and it was too much hassle.

I don’t want to create issues. But surely there is a middle ground between the utter madness of being filthy because your dog cries in a safe space and creating some sort of trauma for them?

she just has to be left in a safe space, 3x a week when I do the school run. There is no choice in that. I can’t take her with me, it’s too far for her to walk right now and she can’t go in the playground anyway, even if my back could take a 15 min round trip carrying 11kg excited puppy 😁

I spoke at length with the breeder about it and our plans over the last few weeks before we brought her home. She has 4 children herself and just said create a safe, quiet space for times when I have to go out and to give her space from the children from time to time - which is what I’ve done with other dogs since my first, now in his 20s was born. The breeder is local, visited our home to vet us (which I liked, means she cares about who her pups go to), and was really happy with the utility set up.

I actually got my last puppy from the same breeders mother, 17 years ago. I also had a three year old GR at the time and the puppy just had to be left for 45 mins, 2 times a day when I was walking the other one. She cried a few times and the breeders advice was just to make sure that she tired after a good play/training, was in a secure space where she couldn’t hurt herself and she would get used to it. Lots of toys (that was the dog who hated, I mean hated, kongs. Her whole life she would push them away while the other dog just looked at her like she was mad and had double the treats).

It was far easier though as she had the older dog, so there was no issues at night. And that older dog was a complete wonder, who was an absolute belter from the day she came home, she was born a 5 year old, never an issue for a second with anything her whole lovely life.

Mine was I a basket shut in the downstairs room from the first night. Puppy pad down by the door. Got up about 5 to take them outside and start the day.Now can sleep anywhere they like downstairs.

Awwww! She is gorgeous!

The problem is, if you leave her to get distressed she's only going to learn that being alone is something scary.

If she was just whimpering a bit then going quiet then I'd say crack on, but from your descriptions she's really working herself up and you risk creating full blown separation anxiety. It really does need to be done at the pace of a snail unfortunately.

Mine is now six and honestly he still doesn't like being left - though he's okay for a couple of hours as long as he's been walked and mentally stimulated beforehand.

I’m working on it slowly. She’s actually in there as I type. I’m in the kitchen. She can hear me pottering about and is happy ish.

the odd whimper but then quiet, wagging tail and treat as I get her out.

It’s not a distressed cry it’s the “play with me!”

shes not pacing or panting. She’s laying at the gate occasionally making a noise.

I sent video to the breeder. She says persevere today, a min at a time when we are in the kitchen. Lots of praise when she is quiet.

the back door open and I’ve watched her go out for a wee and back in again through the window (there is a small area of yard outside that door just for her).

The breeders advice was if you want a shower, have a shower. Leave her in her safe space, never leave her unattended with the children when you have to do something (I would never). Lots of praise when you return, she will get used to it.

Her dogs were just lovely. Such amazing temperaments and she said she has done the same with all of them as puppies, her priority is keeping everyone safe.

”you own the puppy, the puppy doesn’t own you” is what she just text me

The thing is, all dogs are different - my beagle is the only one from his breeder to hate being left alone to the extent that he made himself unwell. He gave us great advice but honestly, nothing worked and we just had to accept that he didn't like being alone and that we had to work at his pace, not at ours.

And yes, that did mean he couldn't be left at all for about a month and only then could we build up to five minutes etc. while I went to the loo or popped upstairs. Eventually at about 16 weeks he could be left in the living room with a Kong while I had a shower.

If she's only whimpering that's okay but you said in your earlier posts that she was really distressed - it's really important not to leave her in that state if at all possible as her stress levels will be in overdrive and she won't be able to think or behave rationally - she'll just panic.

It is really hard and you have all my sympathy!

Yes, the first time she was really barking, crying. But I just had to do something. It would have been more dangerous to keep her alone with the children while I did it.

the breeder is quite a tough cookie. She asked us what the sleeping arrangements would be, said she wasn’t keen on potential owners who would want the puppy in their bed etc.

No advice as my boxer pup was nuts and cried alot and really struggled with separation anxiety but shes beautiful 🥰😍

I said that on the local dog chat last night and got ripped into. Apparently, I should have the puppy in the bathroom with me, tugging on the shower curtain and chewing the towels. Bloody hell, I put my babies in a safe cot when I had a shower, I didn’t take them in the bathroom with me. I’m not about to take a dog in the bathroom with me.

I think the thing is that people forget that dogs are dogs and they treat them even more preciously (in many cases) than they do their own children. I've seen people carrying their dogs on their backs in their arms (dangerous and stupid). Kissing their dogs on the mouth (ew...) and generally treating them like babies. So it's not surprising that so many people think that a puppy being left alone for a minute is dangerous.

It IS a really hard balance to strike. If you don't start leaving them alone early then dogs that are known for being needy (like Goldens who are clingy little nightmares) can turn into really needy adults...and if you do it too much to soon then they equally turn into nightmares who get abandonment issues.

As PP said, every puppy is different - even within litters the personalities are sooo different.

And, as you definitely know, it gets so much better when they can go outside once they've had the second vaccine. Part of her issues now might well be that she's just so excited and energetic (because she can't go out sniffing etc) and so she wants that stimulation and it's manifesting in 'please don't leave me, I am bored and need lots of stimulation' and at night its 'I'm not tired yet.' And, of course, you picked her up that bit later which means she's used to mummy/other dogs being around so it's a big change for her. She'll get there 🙂