Child terrified of dogs. Can anyone give some advice?

[MatchingBedding]

We have a 10 YO DS who is terrified of dogs. He’s terrified for a reason, we had NDNs with a big breed who they had no control of when he was 3. The dog ended up going for him and 7 years later he’s utterly terrified of all dogs. There are a lot of parents that bring their dogs to pick up time at school and either tie them up and leave them or congregate at the gates, so the dogs are yipping and enjoying socialising. My son has a flight response to dogs, he just runs (this terrifies me). So when we see dogs I hold his arm and put myself between him and the dog. In the interim this is the right response for us. In the long run it really isn’t, I’m showing him there is something to be afraid of. He will walk in the road (whether a car is coming or not because he’s that scared of dogs an oncoming car is safer). Can anyone give me advice on how to calm my son around dogs? Everywhere we go there seems to be someone with an untrained dog on a long leash, that is jumping and snapping and the owner telling us their dog is safe. Their dog is probably safe but my son is now at a point he has a full fledged phobia of dogs. The owners are saying “he’s fine don’t worry”, the owners are usually right the dog isn’t going to attack, he’s friendly but not on voice recall. I have never had a dog that’s not on voice recall. I need some advice about introducing him to dogs in a safe space? I hope this makes sense. My son needs to feel safe around dogs no matter the size, exuberance or breed. I have a friend who has suggested speaking to a dog trainer and explaining dogs responses or getting in touch with someone who has therapy dogs. Can anyone think of ways we can help my son be comfortable in day to day spaces without panicking? It’s spoiling his ability to go into the outside world. I know that sounds over the top but we tried to train for a race, on the second time we went for a run a greyhound came racing like a bullet at us, my son just ran. The owner couldn’t stop the dog so I had to hold her. We never went running again. I just want him to not feel such terror because of a few bad owners. Any suggestions?

I also had a suggestion of going to a dog training group so he could see the puppies being naughty and see the training involved. There are several dog training groups locally that might let us come and watch?

I think videos of dogs being trained might be better to start with. Puppy classes are going to be full of bouncy impulsive young dogs and it will only take one to set him back.
https://www.learnwithdogstrust.org.uk/building-confidence/dt_bcad_leaflet_digi%20final.pdf
Dogs Trust has a leaflet with how to help children deal with their fear of dogs, but you might already have tried the tips they give.
I’m sure you have tried the “stand like a tree” technique but that can be impossible with a full blown phobia.
I’m a dog owner who has never been afraid of dogs even as a child (in general, I was naturally wary of the breed that bit me) but 2 of my siblings were pretty terrified when they were younger. One got over it and has dogs now but the other one has stayed fearful of them. As children get bigger dogs are proportionally smaller, so that helps.
Ineffectual owners who let their dogs approach people without being asked are a complete pita. Children with phobias don’t want to know if a dog is “friendly”. I always say “Don’t worry, I won’t let her come anywhere near you” if I see a child is nervous, or a parent tells me they are.

You need a person with a calm older dog who will sit and let your son pat him at his own pace. If you lived near me I would offer you the services of my dog.

Our dog comes camping with us and befriended a child who played football with him for hours along with our dc and his parents came to introduce themselves and were amazed at how he was reacting to our dog as he was normally terrified too.

People who can't control their dogs, on or off lead, really brass me off. Doesn't help a scared child.

I would agree a going to view a puppy class would be a good call. Some pups are a bit jumpy and nippy though so maybe keep a distance.

Maybe show them videos of dogs doing jobs online helping people etc. Or sheep dog trails / agility. Make them see not all dogs are a threat.

What an awesome response! Thank you. We have had the dogs trust leaflets. He has a full phobia of dogs now. I’ve done the “stay still like a tree” response. His fear is so strong that he won’t. You are 100% correct. Introducing him to scrappy puppies would probably show him dogs are nuts! Thanks for listening.

Get a dog

@houseydnc are you my husband! We have always had ridgebacks and he says the same! Get a dog! He says the best way to learn to trust a dog is to have one.

Don’t get a dog. All the advice is that this is not a good idea, especially if that’s your only reason for getting one.

my daughter is the same OP, she’s only 4 and does not have any dog trauma which has lead to the phobia. I have no advice I’m afraid, we have spent time around puppies (pre adoption so really small and not bouncy) and calm dogs but it hadn’t helped a huge deal. She would also run in to a road or a river to avoid an off lead dog. There’s no logical thought, just pure panic.

I would ask the school to ban dogs from around the school gates (I say this as a dog owner, not appropriate to use school drop off as dog play time)

I think that is where we are at. Get a pup, a little pup would belong to him and show him how amazing dogs are. With love… a dog is a lot of work and a lot of cost. If we got one and my son couldn’t cope then I would be an utter arsehole getting a pup and possibly having to rehome. I couldn’t stand to do that. Dogs are ace!

Do you have any family or friends with a nice, not bouncy dog? Even if you take them for a walk in a park at a distance?

My neice was a little afraid of dogs. Not terrified. And the more she was around my dog and my mums dog the more used to dogs she got

A therapy dog might be a good call, as long as he could start as far away as he needed to and build up to being in the same room.

Firstly your sons behaviour is totally right. I worked professionally with dogs and had a very lucky escape twice with large dogs and continue to experience a lot of anxiety with strangers dogs. I have two dogs myself and having pet dogs is very different however, I am an adult and able to understand that.

Personally I would focus on what he does when he is frightened because that is putting him at great risk of harm. Having an avoidance plan without anyone minimizing (others might) the terror he is experiencing will hopefully give him a sense of control. Cross the road safely. Walk another way safely. Wait until the dog has passed, even going into front paths of houses.

You could also practice some breathing strategies such as four square breathing so that he retains the ability to think instead of act.

I wouldn't even bother with graded exposure to dogs. He might never transfer this deep terror from familiar dogs to strange ones.

Kudos to you for taking this on instead of just confirming that all dogs are to be avoided.

Any dog trainer worth their salt will tell you that dogs can't learn when they're stressed. The same is true for people. So if it's really stressful for him to be around dogs, I wouldn't be taking him to puppy classes and expecting him to learn anything. Is he stressed by videos of dogs? If so I wouldn't start there either. What about pictures of dogs? Can he cope with those? Could he cope with handling pictures of dogs or would you need to show them to him from the other side of the room for him to feel safe? How invested is he in trying to sort this out, is he willing to give it a go or is it just something you want to do to set him up for a better life? Does he have any friends he trusts who think dogs are OK?

Once you have a clearer idea of where you're starting from it would help us to make some suggestions.

If your son is scared of dogs, why on earth are you considering getting one? Absolute madness.

Do not get a dog! Validate your child, protect your child.

Dogs are a part of life. Helping a very young child get past their fear of something they may have to see everyday is responsible. Op is not talking about forcing dogs upon her child she wants to help them

If you exposed your son to a 'safe' dog, can he generalises that to all dogs? (Mine can't) if yours can't you are better off validating his feelings and dealing with his actions so he can remove himself safely.

A phobia being treated doesn't mean they have to learn to love the thing they are scared of and overcome the fear completely. He may always hate dogs but learn to live in a world with them around him and not panic and put himself in danger.

Currently in the midst of being used as a puppy chew toy- don’t get a puppy. If he runs the puppy will chase, if the puppy mouths your ds will be even more scared.
I think finding someone with a therapy dog would be a nice route in but only if your ds wants to address it.

What @muchalover said in spades. If you can give him some confidence that he has some tools to control the situation you're much better placed to move forwards.

You need to put the feelers out and find someone with a quiet, well trained, small dog that you can go for a walk with- once guaranteed to just mind their business and tootle about, so your son can go for a walk with them at a distance. I think being inside at first might be a bit much re his flight response.

We live in a village that has grown exponentially. The dog ownership has grown exponentially. We have a lot of working dogs that are fully controlled and he used to be quite ok with that. There’s a lot of people that aren’t treating dogs like dogs. He’s just had a few really bad experiences. My parents used to have a holiday place that became quite popular, it got to a point that people were bringing their lap dogs (then bigger dogs) into the children’s area. We got a few snaps and then he stopped going. I just want him to be able to be around dogs and not panic. Dogs are brilliant! I don’t think I will ever get him to see dogs are amazing but he needs to coexist with them.

If your son has a phobia then trying to help him overcome it may result in making his fear worse.

I would see a repeatable hypnotherapist as they can work marvels with helping children and adults overcome phobias.

www.resolvedhypnotherapy.co.uk/phobia-of-dogs-leave-it-behind-you-with-hypnotherapy/#:~:text=I've%20used%20hypnotherapy%20for,as%20the%20age%20of%20six.

Thank you! To all of you! Puppies aren’t there for my son to get over. I promise you we are not getting a dog! My husband would love one but there is no way we would. In a few years maybe yes. Financially we could afford a dog, time wise we would be utter pricks to get one. I work from home but I still wouldn’t have the time to deal with a puppy, let alone the fact my son is terrified. He needs to understand that dogs exist. Dogs are not going to attack him. He should have healthy respect but not to a point where we don’t go places incase “dogs”. I’m not glad that some of your children are going through the same but I’m am glad it’s not just us.

@Porfirio i wondered if this might be the way to go.

Further reading here

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202003/how-can-hypnotherapy-help-my-child-overcome-phobia?amp

I strongly believe it's the way forward.

Dogs are everywhere. It would be great to over his fear so he can go anywhere with you or his friends and not be scared of dogs.