Child terrified of dogs. Can anyone give some advice?

[MatchingBedding]

We have a 10 YO DS who is terrified of dogs. He’s terrified for a reason, we had NDNs with a big breed who they had no control of when he was 3. The dog ended up going for him and 7 years later he’s utterly terrified of all dogs. There are a lot of parents that bring their dogs to pick up time at school and either tie them up and leave them or congregate at the gates, so the dogs are yipping and enjoying socialising. My son has a flight response to dogs, he just runs (this terrifies me). So when we see dogs I hold his arm and put myself between him and the dog. In the interim this is the right response for us. In the long run it really isn’t, I’m showing him there is something to be afraid of. He will walk in the road (whether a car is coming or not because he’s that scared of dogs an oncoming car is safer). Can anyone give me advice on how to calm my son around dogs? Everywhere we go there seems to be someone with an untrained dog on a long leash, that is jumping and snapping and the owner telling us their dog is safe. Their dog is probably safe but my son is now at a point he has a full fledged phobia of dogs. The owners are saying “he’s fine don’t worry”, the owners are usually right the dog isn’t going to attack, he’s friendly but not on voice recall. I have never had a dog that’s not on voice recall. I need some advice about introducing him to dogs in a safe space? I hope this makes sense. My son needs to feel safe around dogs no matter the size, exuberance or breed. I have a friend who has suggested speaking to a dog trainer and explaining dogs responses or getting in touch with someone who has therapy dogs. Can anyone think of ways we can help my son be comfortable in day to day spaces without panicking? It’s spoiling his ability to go into the outside world. I know that sounds over the top but we tried to train for a race, on the second time we went for a run a greyhound came racing like a bullet at us, my son just ran. The owner couldn’t stop the dog so I had to hold her. We never went running again. I just want him to not feel such terror because of a few bad owners. Any suggestions?

Do you know anyone with a calm friendly dog your DS could spend time with? Maybe with a barrier between them to begin with then with the dog on lead near him etc. I really think the best way is to learn about normal dog behaviour and get used to them. For example barking dogs are usually not being aggressive.
My eldest DD was quite scared of dogs until we got a puppy! Puppy is 3 now and DD absolutely loves him. She is still quite nervous of strange dogs though but not phobia level anymore

This is how I feel. Dogs are part of society. He has a fear of them. A phobia suggests irrational, he has his reasons. I will definitely take some of the advice here and report back. I am not glad other posters have children with similar experiences but in a way I am because it’s not just our experience. When we meet dog owners with well trained animals they completely understand his fear. They don’t try to push their dog in him they understand.

Where about are you based OP? I know of a group set up specifically to help children overcome this type of phobia (Essex) which is very well thought of and they hand pick calm,suitable dogs and follow a specific gradual programme from just being in the same room to eventually brushing/petting/walking the dogs if and when the children are ready. I know they do weekly sessions but possibly they may do weekend full days etc too if you are further away. Or of course they may have similar elsewhere in the country
‘Cynophobia’ is the term you need to google if looking locally

Might be worth chatting to a dog trainer or two. They may be able to suggest working with a calm stooge dog. Starting at a distance and working towards passing without fight/ flight kicking in. It's literally a step at a time. Dog trainers don't just work with arsehole dogs. Some do enrichment activities as well with well trained dogs.

Another idea to throw in - do you have a secure dog training field anywhere nearby? These are by definition secure so perhaps he would feel safe observing from a distance and gradually moving closer in his own time.

A final thought - you may well find that as he matures, he'll be able to take on board that when he was small, he quite rightly decided to protect himself in the best way he knew, by avoiding dogs completely. Now he's older that's making his life difficult, so perhaps it's sensible to explore whether he still needs to do that to be safe. Just like he no longer needs to hold your hand to be safe crossing the road. So all is not necessarily lost for ever, it might just not be the right time yet.

There is a secure dog training field in our local area (West Yorkshire), the lady trains pups but she also trains show dogs. She might be worth an ask. I had googled “dog trainers” in the area but the results came back as people who walk dogs but don’t have any of the rules in place that you would expect. I think the best place to start is not making a big thing of it. Showing him videos of pups playing and explaining they are learning socialisation. I also think perhaps the dog field with a reputable trainer and just watching from a distance. I think also letting him know it is ok to be fearful is ok too.

@MontyDonsBlueScarf you are right. As he grows he will hopefully not see himself as a small boy. I just want his behaviour to be safe around fogs for himself and the dogs.

Consult a child psychologist

@cestlavielife i think it’s a good idea. To get to the bottom of it and let him understand where his worries come from. Then understand how he can feel safe around other peoples animals. He has to understand that dogs are part of his world and most of them are such a brilliant part of society and give an amazing contribution to it.

I have a friend with a little girl with dog phobia for very similar reasons as you. A friend's dog ran towards her when she was a toddler and she became terrified of all dogs. She's now 12 and my friend has been to therapy with her for years and it's really helped. It's a sort of CBT/gradual exposure psychotherapy. I would definitely go down the professional therapy route. Dogs are everywhere, you want this addressed properly.
Good luck!

Find a dog trainer who has a stooge dog and have sessions of gentle exposure from a distance, moving closer at your sons comfort level?

I could have written your post 20 years ago OP. My DS who is now 30 had a horrible experience with next door's large, aggressive Alsatian and he understandably became terrified of dogs. Must be so much harder now as there's so many more dogs around now! We ended up taking him to a hypnotist. It didn't completely remove then problem, but he was much calmer and able to walk past dogs (I recognise your comment about your DS jumping into the road - that's what mine used to do to avoid dogs)

Bonding with one nice dog helped my daughter. She was knocked over by dogs twice as a toddler. Would also run into the road to avoid them. We dogsat for a week when she was 4, for a really calm medium sized dog, and she had chance to bond in her own space. If I were in your position, I'd probably look for a friend with a super calm well trained dog to become familiar with in a gradual exposure sense, in a small setting where running off isn't likely!

My now adult DC was terrified of dogs as a child.

His grandma got a (small, cute) dog and that was the beginning of the turn round. Getting to tolerate then to know and trust this dog over many short visits did the trick.

A local vet or pet shop might be able to put you in touch with a trainer that might be able to help you.

please do not get a puppy unless your son has got past this. Puppies are not trained yet and have very sharp teeth, and so they are not really cute bundles.

I used to dogsit my cousin's dog. Huge golden retirever, but very calm and gentle. I had a friend whose daughter was terrified of dogs. In the summer, when the dog was with us, they came over. She stood in the door of the house and me and dog were in the garden. I did some things with the dog and talked to her about what I was doing. Some commands (sit, lie down etc). Showed her how he would wait when asked.

Then I played with the dog, threw the ball and he fetched it.

After a while, she threw the ball a couple of times. Slowly but surely she began to interact with the dog.

I actually think it helped that the dog was big. Didn't move quickly or run between your feet. And was quiet, no barking.
When he was running (after the ball) we talked about how dogs run but don't bump into trees or fences, so if you stand still and pretend to be a tree he will run round you, and we tried it.

It worked. She grew ot love that dog. A couple of years later we had a spaniel, very fast moving, but didn't jump up. She found that harder, because he was so wiggly and quick, but she got used to it, and we used same principles.

She is always a bit nervous around dogs, but not scared now.

There was also someone who came into school and talked to the kids about dog body language, what does an angry dog look like (ears, face, tail) and what does a playful dog look like. It gave her confidence to see that she could predict a bit more what a dog is doing.

you could talk to one of the local dog walkers.
I have a dog walker who is amazing with dogs.
She would be a good person to introduce your son to a dog.

My son reads to a lovely therapy dog once a week, he was the same before, absolutely terrified of dogs but now he doesn't try to throw himself into the road to avoid them anymore. Ask your DC's school if they could arrange a visit.

https://tdn.org.uk/schools-2/

It's not really appropriate for dogs to be at drop off, I would also ask the school to sort that out.

I was attacked by a dog when I was about 6 or 7 and my parents tried to get me over it by getting a puppy. It just scared me even more because it would run after me when I tried to get away. For years just the sound of a dog barking would make my blood run cold. And then I met a therapy dog and everything changed. I was 25 years old by then but I finally realised that some dogs are ok. I have a dog of my own now. I would also recommend a hypnotherapist. My daughter (12) had a crushing fear of moths and hypnotherapy has really helped. It didn't "cure" her but she doesn't freeze in panic when she sees a moth now. Hypnotherapy really helps.

Problem with having your own dog is it will only increase the number of dickhead dogs that charge over while out together so could easily put things back even if he did accept having your own.

I think you need specialist input really if full blown phobia as it's easy when not understanding the anxiety & fear to take bigger steps than person is really comfortable with which could set him back and being a child it's even harder to communicate his feelings. Its also not a linear pathway dealing with anxiety more like snakes & ladders, what can manage one day may not the next.

I had a dog that was scared of other dogs so had to walk in places that had low density of dogs or if there were dogs they'd be more likely to be on a lead and we'd ideally have enough space to avoid getting too close. The distance needed between us & a stranger dog for them to be relaxed, can focus on me & not react was a much bigger space than I expected early on like the other side of a field, also if they are feeling stressed already this can increase the gap needed. It's probably best not to try socialise your son directly with a dog until he's at a point where he's become relaxed about observing them in fairly close vicinity without feeling the desire to run.

There are therapy dogs that work with schools like reading with kids or in care homes etc which are likely be good for a calm stooge dog ,especially once he's ready to get close.
If find someone with a very calm dog you could work with gradual exposure at a distance he finds safe but ideally work out a plan with a specialist.

Just be careful of well meaning dog people trying to encourage you to overstep further than what your son is comfortable with as you want to keep experiences positive so better to take only tiny steps over longer period than judging it wrong to risk sliding backwards. What your son finds scary about situation won't likely even be on radar of most as appears to them to be normal dog movement/noise.

For somewhere in the future dog trainers often allow people to view classes either pre sign up or other reasons but depends where it's held what distance away you can get to watch as likely your sons safe gap before gets anxious to panic could be large initially in a new place. Having a fence in-between like a secure field is also beneficial so that is low risk of an accidental loose dog coming over. My dog's classes were in a large indoor horse riding school, only 6 people and no dogs were allowed off lead or to even mingle during so it was all very calm & controlled, though may still have unexpected barking, movement. Go observe any potential things like this on your own first to see how suitable it maybe some classes ive seen have had way more dogs, noisy, incl some offload playtime chaos.

You need to get professional help (not professional dog trainer!). Amateur efforts could easily go very wrong.

That sounds so hard! Have you looked into professional help? Maybe CBT or therapy for trauma? I am not an expert so not sure what the right thing would be.

Once he has built up some tolerance, maybe watching (from a safe distance) agility or flyball training could be useful. He'd get to see highly trained dogs doing difficult skills having a great time with their owners. It might help him see them as less as wild and unpredictable.

Do you have a friend or family with a super calm dog he could spend time with. Again when he is ready.

I know this is an older post but my daughter went to the cynophobia classes before lockdown. It was amazing. Really great. She is still wary of dogs but doesn't run in to road now. It also gave us tips on what to do and say.

Hope you find some help

@K0OLA1D - dogs do not have to be part of life. I would be happy to exist without coming across one again. Dog owners generally do not understand this.

I had a fear of dogs when little. (Not helped by a bite).

As an adult, I am not longer afraid of them. I can be in the same space I can give my friends dogs a pat and a rub if I am in their house.

But...I have absolutely no desire to be anywhere near a dog. The older I get, the stronger this feeling gets. I don't have any positive feelings for them. I don't like the links or the fur or them jumping up at me. I hate the 'puppy-dog' following me when I eat, and being unable to put my food down in case dog eats it.
I do now avoid places with dogs, because I just can't be arsed to deal with them.

My advice, you need to get your child to a point where they can be safe around dogs. Your child is correct not to trust dogs...ever, but equally they are not the worst danger in the world.
I don't know how you do that, but some of the ideas on here about getting him to pat and stroke dogs or interact with then...why? He should never be forced to do that.
He just needs to lose his fear to a manageable level, where he can exist in the same world as a dog.