Made a mistake getting a dog

[BBCONEANDTWO]

I'm in a real mess. We lost our little boy 3 weeks ago. My partner wanted another dog because the house was so empty. We got our new addition but I can't stop crying over the loss of my beautiful boy. I think it's too soon - but it's too late now. It's a life long commitment I know that but how do I start to enjoy our new addition. I keep crying every time I think of my deceased dog instead of trying to get on with things and appreciate we have a lovely little boy (who is really very sweet)

Please tell me to pull myself together and how long do you think it will take for me to love the new addition? Only had him for 4 days so I know it's a short time.

I’m so so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog, it’s so sad when they are a big part of your family. If it helps I still grieve for the dog we had before the one we have now and she’s going to be 9 this year! They have their own characters, and I’m sure your new little one will start to develop his own personality very soon. I assume it’s a puppy you have, maybe a touch of the puppy blues, they’re hard work, I’d forget as our last dog lived until 12 and we’d had her from a puppy. Puppy cuddles are the best, the bond will come.

Oh, OP.

How does your partner feel? Some people are ready for a new dog very quickly after they lose one. Others can take years. And that's okay.

IME if the breed is different it's easier to note the differences. That's the key. Note the differences (even if it's the same breed).

And remember, your new dog isn't a replacement so DO NOT feel guilty (because you will instinctively want to). Focus on the things this new puppy will bring to your life and look forward to the times ahead and take some time (even if that means walking away from the puppy every now and then) to remember the dog you lost.

If your partner is copying better, it is 100% okay to leave the training etc to him. Perhaps start with just giving the puppy cuddles when it's tired and having him on your lap? Do the gentle/easy bits first rather than diving straight in.

If it helps, I got a new dog once within a few weeks of losing one of mine. And I did cry. I cried a LOT. And I regretted getting her. But, within a few weeks, I loved her more than I have ever loved any other dog. I poured all my grief and the things I couldn't do with my other dog (or regretted doing, like making him sleep on the floor) into making sure the new dog got everything she could ever want. The fact that you already say 'who really is very sweet' indicates that you do already feel some sort of affection for this puppy. Time will be key here.

Someone will be along with more advice soon, but I really hope mine helps!

Edit: and of course it goes without saying, I am so sorry for your loss.

Can you clarify if your child has died or was it your dog?

It was my dog.

So sorry for your loss, they leave a huge gap & I know from experience it's harder for some people than others. Try & keep in your mind that your lost boy would not want you to feel this way and that your new boy needs a chance to have a loving home which you have to offer

When we lost our first dog we said never again and then we both fell into depression for about a year we just missed her so much as we kept looking around for her and then going through that loss over and over again..We decided to get another dog because our house and heart were empty and it was like an instant release from that, he just reminded us of all the happy memories we'd had and we were able to think of our girl with smiles instead of tears for the first time. We wished we'd got him sooner instead of spending all that time on grief.
I hope you can find your way through it and love your new boy, don't beat yourself up, grief and loss are hard & everyone's timeframe is different

You said " we lost our little boy" so I think some people thought you meant your child.

🙄

Thank you I would love it if I end up loving this dog more than my previous one. I feel so guilty. He is a little cutie and very loving. My partner adores him already but can't understand why I'm so sad. It's very difficult. Thank you for listening.

What’s with the face? I too thought her child had died. She said it twice.

I thought she did. Thought her oh had replaced their child with a fucking dog. I was going to completely bypass ltb to suggesting actual murder 😡

I hate so much that all the dog threads always say 'My boy has died' etc. I always think at first that someone is talking about their child, until I see it's been posted in The Doghouse section😥

Blue Cross have a pet bereavement service. Might be helpful?

not your situation but when we got a dog, took a good few weeks to bond with him. I looked after him but didn’t love him, I do now! They have a way of getting under your skin.

give it time.

I immediately thought OP had lost a child also initially.

Dogs (and cats tbh) have a real way of worming themselves into your heart. Tbh you never forget the dogs you lost. I still sometimes cry about my childhood dog. I still cry (weekly) about the dog I lost a few years ago.

You just need to focus on the differences, the good parts of your puppy, take each day at a time, and start with the little things.

You can't get over a loss like that so quickly so stop judging yourself
Greive your lost dog and try to enjoy the new pup don't compare them because he isn't a replacement

I would say it gets easier but I would be lying I still cry over both my lost boys.
2019 lost to cancer age 9,
6 months later and I got my soul dog lost him at 18 months.
6 weeks later I couldn't cope so I got my girl shes 1 she nothing like either boy but I needed somewhere for my love to go

I sometimes get irritated for a moment that she's not like him, but she's not supposed to be and it passes quickly

Let the new pup help you through the grieving process and make some new memories

Poster did say "another dog" so why would you assume it's a child.some unpleasant comments. Obviously, I don't know if your last little dog was ill for anytime before. We've always had 2 dogs for this reason. We lost a toy (dog) last January, cannot believe its now a year. We already have an 8 year old border collie, and got another,in September, she is 6 months old now, and a complete joy. I cannot imagine ever not having a dog. They aren't a replacement, they have completely different personalities, even with the same breed. Try to focus on the positives. It will be hard work, and you will never forget the last dog. When you feel ready,tell,us about him

It's ok to feel sad and cry- there is nothing wrong with that. Give it time.

I have a dog sitting on my lap right now in the place where my lovely old girl dog who passed away a few years ago used to be. They are chalk and cheese different in temperament but I think they would have adored each other had they met.

Love doesnt have limits- there is always enough, and my love for my current dog does not in any way negate or diminish my love for my previous dog. What better tribute to your love for your dog than to carry it on to another one- to let another dog experience living in a wonderful, loving home. I bet the dog you lost would like that very much. Very much indeed x

Guilt is part of grief I'm afraid but it's natural to feel it, that you shouldn't feel happy when you've lost your precious boy that you loved so much, he was family & he's gone from your side but will live on in your heart and memories forever.

With each dog that's come along, we seem to love & spoiled them a little more than the last & I still feel guilty about not being able to give previous dogs the things my current boy enjoys, but I can't change the past so I just keep living in the now and making new memories with him x

I had one dog that I will still get teary talking about 7 years after she passed. Do not feel guilty for grieving. As others have said this is a different personality coming into your home and not a replacement but also it’s ok if it takes longer for you to bond. You don’t have to instantly love this pup but it doesn’t mean it won’t come.

For now, in your shoes, I would treat the pup almost like it was one I was looking after but wasn’t mine. The interaction will come as you have moments together.

There’s no time limit to your grieving and it doesn’t need to stop when your love frowns for the other.

This is the doghouse section for goodness sake.

How about check the section the OP has posted in first.

Thank you everyone - I think it was too soon and that's probably why I feel like this. I just loved my other dog so much. Thank you for your lovely posts.

It is not blindingly obvious that a poster is posting about a dog if the thread is in the Doghouse section?

It was too soon. It was an impulse decision which getting a pet should never be. But you know this dog is a lifetime commitment and you will attach to the dog, but sadly you'll be grieving your dog for a while before you have space to really love the new dog. Give it time.

I've read some weird things on Mumsnet but I've never read about someone replacing their child with a dog! Plus the poster has put this message in the Doghouse section! It seemed rather obvious to me that she is talking about a much loved pet who has recently died.
Loads of dog lovers call their dogs 'my boy' or 'our girl'.

Anyway, I'm very sorry for your loss OP. Everyone is different and for some people it feels right to fill that big gap straight away and others need more time. Four days is nothing though and puppies are bloody hard work when they are small. Be kind to yourself, I'm sure you will fall in love with your new lad before long. He will never be a replacement for the dog you have lost but will probably be just as special in his own way.