Made a mistake getting a dog

[BBCONEANDTWO]

I'm in a real mess. We lost our little boy 3 weeks ago. My partner wanted another dog because the house was so empty. We got our new addition but I can't stop crying over the loss of my beautiful boy. I think it's too soon - but it's too late now. It's a life long commitment I know that but how do I start to enjoy our new addition. I keep crying every time I think of my deceased dog instead of trying to get on with things and appreciate we have a lovely little boy (who is really very sweet)

Please tell me to pull myself together and how long do you think it will take for me to love the new addition? Only had him for 4 days so I know it's a short time.

Cuddle the new puppy whilst crying about the dog you are still grieving - dogs are amazing, even at a young age, of understanding human emotions. They give unconditional love, this little puppy will help heal the pain of your loss, it just doesn't feel like it at the moment.

People may think I am made, but I tell the new pups all about the ones who are no longer there - it helps me and creates a bond with the new pup who listen intently!

You are not replacing the dog you lost - I wonder if that is what you are thinking? This is just the next part of a journey with dogs we go through, but it is very hard dealing with the loss. You may have preferred to wait a longer time, if you are anything like me, no matter how long you wait, when the new one joins your family, the grief of the one you lost appears again.

Take your time, grieve your loss but enjoy your pup too.

People may think I am mad.....not made ☺

People may think I am made, but I tell the new pups all about the ones who are no longer there - it helps me and creates a bond with the new pup who listen intently

I don’t think this is mad at all, I think it’s lovely, including the dogs you have lost in the future of your new life with your new dog, it’s carrying on their memory and what they meant to you, I think this could help with the grieving process.

Yes, exactly, and that the child who had died had been replaced by a dog - which the OP didn’t know if they wanted.

Sorry for the loss of your beloved boy, OP. I did not think he was a human child after reading your OP. You mentioned deceased dog. I called mine my baby boy too.

A week after I lost him I was pushed into taking a family members pup in. I’m not sure if I would’ve gotten another dog ever, never mind a week later. I definitely wasn’t ready and resented being put in the position. But it has helped. Over time. I still cry most days over him and my new dog tries to comfort me and lick the tears away.

I’d give it some more time to develop a bond and your new pup may offer some much needed comfort, as well as making you laugh, puppies can be such goofballs and brighten the saddest days.

I agree with you that it was probably too soon and I would feel exactly like you do.

But part of why you’re feeling this way is probably because you feel guilty at loving another dog.

But you should never feel guilty for loving something else.

Just because you might bond and love this dog, doesn’t take away anything from the bond and love you had with your other dog.

Nothing will ever replace your other dog.
But this is a completely different dog and it’s ok to love it, just like you would a second child.

Dogs do not live long enough, so appreciate this one as much as you can, knowing how much you’d appreciate your time with your old dog.

When we got our rescue pup after the loss of our first dog, my husband felt very much like you. He felt it was maybe too soon, but our daughter wasn't coping without a dog in the house. We are now 12 months on, DH and Ddog are best buddies! When she arrived I was in charge of all night time work, training, walking etc because he couldn't face being that involved. As time went on, he began to really see her, the new dog, for who she is, her character, he stopped comparing and they started to bond more and more.

Now he walks her every morning, she curls up between us on the coach every night and when I go up to bed, they have a lovely hour of cuddles on the sofa before bed.

Give yourself time, see if DH can take the lion share of dog duties for now, and don't feel guilty, new dog isn't a replacement, new dog is a new friend to love. ❤️

I'm so sorry for your loss. Several years ago we lost our beloved dog. I still feel tremendous grief and guilt as well. He was put down and at the time I thought it was the best decision (he was 14 and could no longer walk) but nearly every day since I have wondered whether we did the right thing. I was not ready for another dog for a long time. We waited a year and I probably would have waited longer but my DH was very eager to have another dog and I allowed myself to be persuaded.

At first I was quite adamant that I wanted a dog that wouldn't remind me in any way of the lovely one we had lost. So I wanted a female rather than a male, a completely different colour, a different breed. And we ended up with a male, the same colour, and a similar breed! But I couldn't be happier. The new puppy stole my heart from the beginning and I love him so much. That love doesn't diminish what I will always feel for the dog we lost.

I hope something similar happens for you. Definitely allow yourself to grieve but I hope you soon begin to fall in love with your new puppy.

Loving a new one can feel like you are being disloyal to the one you lost. All dogs are different and we love them differently.

Despite rescuing two puppies in four years and them being incredible, I don’t think I truly loved them immediately.

New dogs of any age are hard work, needy and mean changes. If you compare that to an established dog who is such a perfect part of your life the newbie will come up short.

For me it took a couple of months but when it clicked I knew I couldn’t be without them. Even my current two I love equally but differently.

I hope it all works out but you are still grieving for your perfect boy. Don’t beat yourself up about not loving this one the same.

You are all so kind - thank you for your encouraging posts. I'm sitting with him now and he just loves it. He's so affectionate I need to try and focus on him instead of feeling sorry for myself.

For goodness sake I thought you meant your child.

Give yourself time to grieve your old dog and bond with the new one. Get DH to do some care as he wanted the new dog. Before long you'll love him.

Don’t be so ridiculous , let me spell it out for you
The doghouse
Made a mistake getting a dog
Most people would understand that someone posting in the dog section with the title of her post Made a mistake getting a dog would be talking about the loss of her dog, dog owners often refers to my boy, my girl etc. it’s not the OP’s fault that you made the wrong assumption it’s yours.

I did exactly the same when my beloved cat died. I told the pair of new kittens all about him.

We lost our little boy 3 weeks ago. My partner wanted another dog because the house was so empty
I fail to see how this is difficult to understand and it’s posted in the Doghouse .
Sorry for your loss @BBCONEANDTWO , grief is hard , why not get out some photos of your dog and show them to the new one whilst you have a good cry - it’s very therapeutic. Much better to cry into the fur of a new friend than be crying alone .