Helping a dog pass away at home

Xmasblues · 2023-12-26T20:03:26+00:00

My dogs time is coming to an end. She has cancer and is elderly. She has been full of life for her entire life and the vet said I would know when it was time but I was unsure I would. A couple of weeks ago she started slowing right down but will have the odd day of acting like a silly puppy again and so I’ve not taken her into the vets as I am worried it’s not yet her time. The past couple of days it is noticeable that it is nearly time now. This morning she didn’t eat her breakfast (first time in 16 years she’s turned down food) and that worried me but this evening she’s got her appetite back. I cannot cope with the thought of taking my dog to the vets to die, especially because I don’t know if it’s the right time yet. I don’t want to take her for selfish reasons but I also don’t want to stress her out. I want her to be safe and comfy at home and go in her sleep. There are vets that come to your home but again this may stress her out and you book them in advance and so what if I book them and then on the day she’s fine. Has anyone helped their dog go in their sleep? I don’t want to give her medications that may make her feel worse. I wish I could get a euthanasia tablet from the vet. I don’t want to withdraw food or water like they do with people as I want to make her last days as pleasant as possible. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I’m currently in bits.

Dillane · 26/12/2023 20:11

On no account ‘withdraw food and water’ dear God why would this even cross your mind?
Just because your dog is slowing down doesn’t mean it’s time to PTS.
Take advice from your vet on any treatment they may need.

Mmmmdanone · 26/12/2023 20:16

I'm so sorry. I'm dreading the day already and my dog is still fairly young. I would also love to think there was a way you could just give your pet something yourself at home, but it's hard to think of anything that wouldn't cause some amount of suffering to both you and your beloved dog.
Perhaps you could ask your vet for diazepam to calm your dog before a home visit. That's the only thing I can think of that might help. Xxx

EmptyYoghurtPot · 26/12/2023 20:17

I know it’s a hit different but with our cat we decided to just let him go when he was ready. He did not appear to be in pain, just elderly so we made him a comfy bed in the kitchen with food etc. We knew he had gone as his sister was still indoors in the morning- normally she would have gone out but it was like she sat with him till we came in.
It’s so sad when our pets pass - my thoughts are with you.

Original poster

Xmasblues · 26/12/2023 20:18

Dillane · 26/12/2023 20:11

On no account ‘withdraw food and water’ dear God why would this even cross your mind?
Just because your dog is slowing down doesn’t mean it’s time to PTS.
Take advice from your vet on any treatment they may need.

As I said I would not consider doing this.
I think you may have misread.

OP posts:

YourWinter · 26/12/2023 20:19

Arrange for the vet to come to your home. Your dog will have an injection that puts her into a painless sleep and she will not wake up. It doesn’t take long. It’s much better than transporting her to the vet.

On the day she will be in her home, where everything is safe and familiar. She is with you, and she can have whatever delights her - cuddles, treats, allowed on the sofa…

Please DON’T wait until she’s in distress. It’s awful making the decision to end a pet’s life, but it’s out of love and kindness that you can spare her a crisis in her last hours. Better, much much better, that when the vet arrives, the dog IS having a good day. Because the good days get fewer and fewer, she isn’t going to recover from her cancer, she isn’t going to get younger, she isn’t going to get better at coping with her decline. Don’t make her wait until the bad days outnumber the good days. You love her. You can spare her that, so be brave and do what most responsible, kind owners will eventually need to do.

Think about what you plan to do with her body. You may want time alone with her afterwards, you may want her taken away for cremation, perhaps you will bury her at home - can you carry her? Choose something to wrap around her.

It won’t be the first time your vet has euthanised a pet in its home, ask all the questions you have.

I’m sorry you’re facing this. It never gets easier.

Original poster

Xmasblues · 26/12/2023 20:19

Mmmmdanone · 26/12/2023 20:16

I'm so sorry. I'm dreading the day already and my dog is still fairly young. I would also love to think there was a way you could just give your pet something yourself at home, but it's hard to think of anything that wouldn't cause some amount of suffering to both you and your beloved dog.
Perhaps you could ask your vet for diazepam to calm your dog before a home visit. That's the only thing I can think of that might help. Xxx

That is a good idea thank you.

I could see if they would prescribe it before the day, so I can give it to her before it happens.

OP posts:

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 26/12/2023 20:21

My dog died at home with us and the kids. It was pretty traumatic and wasn't peaceful. She kept 'going' - head falling, no longer moving, then would suddenly start struggling again. She also pooped as she passed. Honestly in my experience I wouldn't recommend it. I wish I'd brought her to the vet so they could help her along without her pain. But my experience may not be the same for your dog. I hope you're okay it is really heartbreaking xx

Gymmum82 · 26/12/2023 20:21

Please don’t do anything to help your dog die other than professional euthanasia.
We are so so lucky that we have this option for our pets. I only wish that one day we have it for people too.
Animals rarely die peacefully on their own. They usually suffer a great deal in the process. A good saying is better a day too early than a day too late. Let her go. Even if it’s a good day. Just let her go. Book a home euthanasia and just do it

Original poster

Xmasblues · 26/12/2023 20:21

EmptyYoghurtPot · 26/12/2023 20:17

I know it’s a hit different but with our cat we decided to just let him go when he was ready. He did not appear to be in pain, just elderly so we made him a comfy bed in the kitchen with food etc. We knew he had gone as his sister was still indoors in the morning- normally she would have gone out but it was like she sat with him till we came in.
It’s so sad when our pets pass - my thoughts are with you.

I was hoping she would go in her sleep, and I still am hoping this.

I just don’t want her to suffer for a long time without me knowing.

My dream would be for her to go in her sleep as I’m struggling with if I should have her PTS and when to do it.

I have read that some people put them in a calm, darkened room but she has this every night.

OP posts:

Honeyroar · 26/12/2023 20:22

To be blunt. Something elderly with cancer is not going to go peacefully in their sleep without any suffering. The kindest thing you can do is book a vet to come to your home and let them go quietly. We did that for our last dog, who also had cancer. We spent the last week doing all his favourite things, spoiling him, adoring him. I feel much happier thinking about how he went than our other dog, who we probably let go on too long, and who died at home suddenly when a tumour burst. It makes me ashamed and sad that we didn’t do anything for her sooner. We thought she was better than she was.

Original poster

Xmasblues · 26/12/2023 20:24

YourWinter · 26/12/2023 20:19

Arrange for the vet to come to your home. Your dog will have an injection that puts her into a painless sleep and she will not wake up. It doesn’t take long. It’s much better than transporting her to the vet.

On the day she will be in her home, where everything is safe and familiar. She is with you, and she can have whatever delights her - cuddles, treats, allowed on the sofa…

Please DON’T wait until she’s in distress. It’s awful making the decision to end a pet’s life, but it’s out of love and kindness that you can spare her a crisis in her last hours. Better, much much better, that when the vet arrives, the dog IS having a good day. Because the good days get fewer and fewer, she isn’t going to recover from her cancer, she isn’t going to get younger, she isn’t going to get better at coping with her decline. Don’t make her wait until the bad days outnumber the good days. You love her. You can spare her that, so be brave and do what most responsible, kind owners will eventually need to do.

Think about what you plan to do with her body. You may want time alone with her afterwards, you may want her taken away for cremation, perhaps you will bury her at home - can you carry her? Choose something to wrap around her.

It won’t be the first time your vet has euthanised a pet in its home, ask all the questions you have.

I’m sorry you’re facing this. It never gets easier.

Better, much much better, that when the vet arrives, the dog IS having a good day.

This is my biggest worry but you’re absolutely right.

If it’s a good day then at least she will die feeling good and not suffering.

OP posts:

Original poster

Xmasblues · 26/12/2023 20:25

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 26/12/2023 20:21

My dog died at home with us and the kids. It was pretty traumatic and wasn't peaceful. She kept 'going' - head falling, no longer moving, then would suddenly start struggling again. She also pooped as she passed. Honestly in my experience I wouldn't recommend it. I wish I'd brought her to the vet so they could help her along without her pain. But my experience may not be the same for your dog. I hope you're okay it is really heartbreaking xx

That sounds very traumatic!
The last thing I want is for her to be suffering and in pain.

OP posts:

Mairzydotes · 26/12/2023 20:25

When I was in my late teens , our family dog was pts ( the dog was 15) . The vets ( two of them come for this , although one may have been a nurse) came at very short notice, perhaps that day we phoned , or the next.

Original poster

Xmasblues · 26/12/2023 20:26

Gymmum82 · 26/12/2023 20:21

Please don’t do anything to help your dog die other than professional euthanasia.
We are so so lucky that we have this option for our pets. I only wish that one day we have it for people too.
Animals rarely die peacefully on their own. They usually suffer a great deal in the process. A good saying is better a day too early than a day too late. Let her go. Even if it’s a good day. Just let her go. Book a home euthanasia and just do it

I too believe in euthanasia for people and I’ve always supported for pets too.

I’ve always said I would put my pet down if they were in pain or suffering, without a second thought because they are more important than my feelings.

Now I’m in this position though I am really struggling with it.

OP posts:

adultsizedogbed · 26/12/2023 20:27

They don't just go in their sleep though .. they usually die a horrible death like humans

In pain or bleed out .!

Please do the right thing and take control when you can ..

Original poster

Xmasblues · 26/12/2023 20:28

Honeyroar · 26/12/2023 20:22

To be blunt. Something elderly with cancer is not going to go peacefully in their sleep without any suffering. The kindest thing you can do is book a vet to come to your home and let them go quietly. We did that for our last dog, who also had cancer. We spent the last week doing all his favourite things, spoiling him, adoring him. I feel much happier thinking about how he went than our other dog, who we probably let go on too long, and who died at home suddenly when a tumour burst. It makes me ashamed and sad that we didn’t do anything for her sooner. We thought she was better than she was.

They say dogs mask their pain and that is something I’m concerned about.

She is elderly and she has cancer, as you say it’s unlikely that she’ll die of old age peacefully in her sleep.
More likely the cancer will cause her suffering.

OP posts:

Pootles34 · 26/12/2023 20:28

Honestly the vet coming out is the very best thing. When we had to do it our dog wasn't distressed at all, they aren't stressed because it's not a place they associate with stress. He was laid down front of the fire and just went to sleep.

Paperbagsaremine · 26/12/2023 20:29

You can ask for your dog to be sedated before the final euthanasia injection. That's what we've done a few times. It's entirely for us as the final injection works very quickly, but there's nothing wrong with that.

If the vet comes to your house most dogs won't worry, unless they have issues with strange visitors.

Ask your vet's advice, find out what the emergency vet arrangements are, basically make sure you have all the facts, and take it from there. It is a weird and unsettling decision to have to make, particularly the first time, but I think most people get it more or less right.

WashItTomorrow · 26/12/2023 20:33

It sounds like the time is now. Your dog is elderly, with cancer. She’s not going to die quietly in her sleep. Call the vet’s tomorrow.

christmaspawpaws · 26/12/2023 20:35

WashItTomorrow · 26/12/2023 20:33

It sounds like the time is now. Your dog is elderly, with cancer. She’s not going to die quietly in her sleep. Call the vet’s tomorrow.

That ^^

It's fucking awful, I know very well, but it's the last kindest act you can do
To me it's like having a lovely day then euthanasia for a human vs suffering with say dementia for 5 years. I know which I would prefer

I've lost a horse from finding them dead in the field and had another PTS and I can say that finding one was much much worse and it didn't make the grieving any easier at all

theemmadilemma · 26/12/2023 20:37

You've had some great advice here. Do start by discussing this with your vet, and maybe others who might be willing to work with you.

Remember that your last gift to your beloved pet is to give them dignity and love in death.

Original poster

Xmasblues · 26/12/2023 20:43

Thank you to everyone who has commented.

I cannot cope at the thought of losing my dog.
I am a single parent with no support and apart from my child, I have no one else apart from her.
It has always just been us 3.
I could not have raised my child without her and I was suicidal with awful depression before getting her (she actually came to me I didn’t even want a dog!)

But I know I have to put my feelings aside and do what’s best for her.
As you’ve all said, she’s elderly and has cancer and she will only get worse.

Its much better than she goes sooner rather than later.
I couldn’t forgive myself if I let her carry on until she died of pain.

I’ve been hoping she would just go in her sleep but that hasn’t happened and so I’m going to ring the vets tomorrow and ask them to book her in when they next can.

They diagnosed the cancer and they knew it was going to happen but couldn’t say when.

OP posts:

Newuser75 · 26/12/2023 20:47

There isn't anything you can give them for them to go at home.

How would you feel doing it even if you could?

What if you gave them something and it made them worse but they were still alive.

Ask the vet for a home visit and maybe a sedative if you think they will be upset. It's a very quick procedure and generally very peaceful. I'd recommend asking the vet to use a cannula.

I know it's hard but really it's the greatest kindness that we can give to our pets. Should be available for people in this country I think.

carly2803 · 26/12/2023 20:50

call the vet out to your house, many do it. I have done it - without being horrble your dog sounds like they are suffering/on the verge too.

Your dog will less than likely just slip away peacefully without a vet - if they die in their sleep they have probably suffered before they go - whos benefit is that for? you or her?

sorry to be harsh, but do the right thing

i have, its horrible for us, but having them pts at home with the vet is kind, comfortable and they do not suffer

do the right thing, sooner than later!

Achoo2 · 26/12/2023 20:56

Mmmmdanone · 26/12/2023 20:16

I'm so sorry. I'm dreading the day already and my dog is still fairly young. I would also love to think there was a way you could just give your pet something yourself at home, but it's hard to think of anything that wouldn't cause some amount of suffering to both you and your beloved dog.
Perhaps you could ask your vet for diazepam to calm your dog before a home visit. That's the only thing I can think of that might help. Xxx

This is what I would do. I'm so sorry for you. Please don't leave the decision until it is too late - some dogs can carry on eating, even when in great pain. Eating or not eating is not indicative of pain levels.