Please help with rescued golden retriever

[Unreasonablyextravagant]

After much discussion around getting a dog, we have fostered an 18 month old golden retriever with a view to adopting. He is a lovely boy, a bit jumpy and doing a bit of humping but was neutered by the rescue last week so this should calm down.

He has been alone with me since Friday night and as he has settled his bad habits are becoming clear. He seems like an overgrown puppy - he didn’t know his own name, didn’t own a toy until now and spent his life either in a crate or a tiny concrete yard. He has never had dog food, only human scraps, doesn’t know what to do with a ball. He walks surprisingly well on a lead but has zero recall.

When he gets excited he jumps, and looks to “mouth” whatever is nearby. My hand, my slipper, the sofa, the throw blanket. His mouth is wide open and his teeth are sharp so this along with his size, is intimidating even though I don’t believe it to be aggressive.

He is very clever and this has improved in the short time he’s been with me - I want to believe this is a fixable issue with training.

However, I have two young children (8 &5) so have obvious concerns. They have met him today for the first time (with their dad over the weekend) and he has jumped at both of them, tried to mouth at them. He has been heavily supervised so no one has come to any harm.

I have had dogs from puppy before, but not in some time.

Is this a disaster waiting to happen or something we can realistically work through?

People have suggested to me that a rescue dog has essentially an ‘age reset’ and you start counting from the day he comes to you - as in assume he is a puppy and start with the basics.
Its worthwhile checking whether there is a local trainer who runs classes for adult rescues, as that may be helpful.

Meantime, with the mouthing, as that’s quite possibly the most urgent, obviously keep the children safe and do not leave them alone with the dog, try not to get everyone too excited when they are together.

Practically, consider a muzzle, for periods of interaction with your kids, but also, each and every time he tries to grab your hand, gently put your hands around his muzzle and close it, gently, and say no biting or no teeth ( no teeth worked, still does for us if ddog1 gets grabby).

Golden Retrievers are famously kindly & soft mouthed so he should catch on fast.

I’ve fostered around 30 rescue dogs in the past 2 years. Every single one of them didn’t have a clue about living in a normal family home when they came to me, but it’s amazing how quickly they come along and get up to speed with learning how to behave

I’d defo invest in some dog training asap as that should work a treat. Retrievers are generally hugely trainable

Please don't do any of the above! He's a rescue pup, effectively. It's all really normal.

Mouthing - have a toy on hand to pop into his gob when he starts. Make sure the contact is with the toy not you. They do get it and with a breed like that they NEED to hold things. You'll eventually get a dog who runs to you with a toy in their mouth :)

He will be bouncy. Separation from the kids when he's in that mood will be key. GRs are very full on as pups and young dogs and need guidance.

Get yourself signed up for a good, reward based trainer or class and let them advise you. He sounds lovely, albeit a handful. Be calm, consistent, patient and kind and you'll get there.

Goldies tend to have longer teenage years.
He'll settle.

As to mouthing things... the are bred to retrieve as they have soft and gentle mouths.

Any time we come come from shopping or a visitor arrives , ours retrieves a slipper, shoe , several toys or, more usually, a tea towel.

He's trying to please and welcome you.

As yours has been deprived then it may take a bit longer.

Training will help with recall. Except if there's a cat or a squirrel or ... FOOOOOOD !

Dogs like this do much better in a home with an older, trained dog.

These replies have really given me heart, thank you! He is such a lovely boy and I really want it to work.

Popping a toy in his mouth is exactly what I’ve been doing under advice from the rehoming charity, and it is definitely helping. I’m not under any illusions that this will take hard work and patience, I suppose it’s just this interim period. How long will last, how great is the risk to the children throughout etc. If it will take a long time will the children be able to tolerate the learning curve or will they be uncomfortable in their own home? All big questions I can’t answer.

Funny food is mentioned - he hadn’t been “greedy” or trying to get at my food all weekend, my eldest was eating lunch today at a high breakfast bar and the little monkey jumped up the minute I turned my back, and nabbed half his toastie! (Both kids off sick today)

I am at fault here for allowing him in the room while they ate, so that won’t happen again, but it was a surprise as there was no sign of this all weekend with me when I was sat in the same seat.

Is this just an odd coincidence or did he take it from the child as he thinks he’s above them in the pecking order?

It if had been me I would probably would have laughed but because it was my child.. I’m slightly on edge.

Oh and to add adult training classes are essential - I’m in the process of arranging this!

This is really interesting- would you mind expanding a little please?

Sounds much like an overgrown puppy , doesn't sound like any of the behaviour is meant with bad intent . They are highly trainable and see it all as a big game .

We have a goldie girl who is 14 months old and still wanting to bite and chew constantly (we've had her since 8 weeks) and been to training. She doesn't want to bite hard but seems to have a huge natural urge to have something in her mouth. She loves attention and being stroked but you can see her nose twitching and that she is desperate to attach her mouth to your hand.

As pp said she has to greet you with something in her mouth. It's usually one of her towels as when she comes in and has had her feet dried, she picks up her towel and trots off with it.

She loves the yak cheese sticks but they don't last for long and are expensive. She loves a frozen carrot to chomp on.

We also try to divert her into more interesting activities. A recent one which keeps her entertained for a while is to fill a muffin tray with different treats (eg slice of banana, slice of cheese or sausage) and then fill the rest of the hole with water and freeze the whole tray.

Have also made towel treat knots, when I hide treats in one of her towels, roll it up and tie in a knot and she works to undo it and find the treats. Shes a clever little madam though and develops a strategy pretty quickly for whatever games I use.

She is better than she was as a young pup when she used to attach her mouth to your foot, but she has definitely regressed a bit, which seems to be part of the teenage stage as far as I can make out.

Apologies if I am teaching my grandma to suck eggs but thought I would share what we're doing.

@Dianaofthelakeofshiningwaters no apology needed, all suggestions are very welcome and you’ve given me some great ideas to think about so thank you!

A snuffle mat is on order, and should be here tomorrow so we will try that and hopefully he likes it.

He has already been enjoying carrots so good to know that’s along the right lines too.

Really interesting about them having the natural urge to have something in their mouth - that has reassured me massively. I have to admit to a mini meltdown on Saturday evening when this mouthing behaviour was really making itself known. Obviously he had settled from the initial new space anxiety so was comfortable enough to play!

Seeing him reach for a toy of his own accord today was lovely - he did indeed carry it about in his mouth for a short time. For a boy who has never owned a toy it was great to see. Not so much when he made away with a slipper / my hat / my boot 😂

Yep I also foster and have had about 14 foster dogs.

Work on the assumption that he knows nothing and is basically a brand new puppy.

I use the 3, 3, 3 rule.
3 days to get over the shock of moving
3 weeks to acclimatise and get used to the new set up
3 months before you pretty much 100% have the dog you'll have longer term - some even longer than 3 months depending on their age/background.

Sometimes quicker too.

The rescue should be giving you loads of advice and support - these are the kind of questions you should be asking them. Did the children not meet the dog before you were accepted as a foster? Not many realises will foster with young children. Not because of the digs - because of the children - it's hard to get younger children to keep up consistent training /behaviour with a dog - especially a puppy.

And that's the key. Consistency from everyone in the house and positive reinforcement training.

Def get a trainer - who will be training the family as much if not more than the dog.

Goldies are lovely but high energy and will be a big commitment in terms of exercise and training - and they mature late so will probably stay puppyish for a few more years.

As a rule and I'm fully prepared to be flamed puppies/dogs and young children are not the best mix. And I don't mean rescues - just generally.

The question you have to ask yourself is less can I train the dog but can I and do I want to train my children

I once had a goldie you had to watch like a hawk round food. I remember once seeing him swiftly remove bread when it was in the toaster. Nothing was safe! Caught my lip once too as I was taking something he fancied from the fridge. No it wasn’t deliberate, but he was just soooo food oriented.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that, as with any breed, there are those that don’t follow the general breed mould. Not suggesting this for your dog and you sound very responsible, but goldens are large and strong, mine was extremely stubborn including giving things up.

@Unreasonablyextravagant - I can relate to the mini meltdown 😁. This weather is not conducive to spending a lot of time outside (it's not just me that thinks that btw - the dog agrees)!!

Much as we love our girl there are says when she can drive us to distraction. If she's getting a bit hyper we go back to taking her privileges away (she's not allowed on the sofa for example). I also think that she's more excited when the whole family is in the same room (me, DH and two teenagers) so we sometimes disperse in the hope that it's a bit less exciting for her.

Goldies do stay puppy for a long time so it could just be that . My friend has a huge Goldie and he was exactly as you describe - jumpy and mouthy until he was about 2 , he’s turned out to be a lovely boy .

Mouthing is a Golden's love language.

@Shannith thank you, some excellent points even if slightly uncomfortable to read! This is very much a one off foster to hopefully adopt - we have no intentions of fostering multiple doggos.

You’re right in that we should have introduced the kids first, the last minute nature of needing him placed overtook more rational thought. That being said, he has grown up with kids so I assume that was the train of thought from their side. From my side, my kids are used to multiple family & friend dogs. We do dogs sit one older lab regularly, she is a totally different kettle of fish though as she is elderly and as chilled as they come. A strenuous walk for her at her age is 10-15 mins bless her.

The rescue is definitely providing ongoing support, and I have asked these questions - I just thought a conversation amongst a wider audience might also help, and so far it really has.

@diana interesting about everyone together causing excitement - I’ve noticed a clear pattern of super dooper excitement levels if I sit down on the sofa. Maybe because I’m low to the ground and on top of a very tasty looking throw?

I’ve just had a little family training session with the kids and talked to them about some of things I’ve learning here today, practiced the distract-with-toy technique and am overall feeling a whole lot better.

I can’t remember who said I sound responsible- thank you so much for saying that, I am not perfect but I’m definitely trying and just want what’s best for this lovely boy and for my kiddos.

Goldie's definitely like to have something in their mouths. Our dd"s gorgeous boy still does and he is12 years old now. Definitely a gentleman. Loves everybody and not an aggressive bone in his body. Would still like to take my hand when I first arrive for a visit. He knows better and rushes off to get a soft toy and sits next to me fo ages perfectly happy being stroked with his toy in his mouth. Goldies are the best family pet ever. You are doing well op. 💐

@Unreasonablyextravagant hats off to you and a bit of a slapped risk to the rescue.

I know it's an unpopular opinion - that it's hard to get a rescue because they normally stipulate older kids - it's for this reason. I have a very dog savvy 12 year old DD and even she is a pain at remembering the rules/reading dog body language sometimes . She's as committed to me about fostering and puts up with me nagging/lecturing(!) over an about creating good, calm behaviours and not reinforcing bad ones.

Some dogs are extremely forgiving but many put up with kids rather than liking them. Or kids innocently create I'll mannered dogs.

I place fosters as well as would never put one into a house with young kids without there having been a lot of meets with the dog/family and understanding on both sides as to what they are getting into. Because the worse thing that could happen (from the dogs point) is that it beets returned. No one wants a fox going from home to home.

You are right - he is an overgrown puppy and you need to be getting ground rules in place with him and the kids now.

He's going to be naturally bouncy and exuberant for some time. He's going to be be mouthy, he's going to try and nick food. He's a golden retriever puppy. It's the breed and his age. He needs a couple of hours off lead walks a day (or training equivalent) if you want him to be happy and sane.

The pack/pecking order theory of dog behaviour has been pretty much debunked. With the toast stealing he just read the room - so an inattentive person, and opportunity and grabbed it. I bet you had your attention fully on him when you were with him the day before - ware of him and attuned to his body language.

If it's a good rescue they will have a stable/list of trainers they use - this should be your starting point.

It's quite easy to train no jumping, leave it and other manners - using positive reinforcement. But I can't overstate the need for consistency enough.

All the training in the world is negated by say a 5!year old (quite naturally) wanting to dog to jump and play - the trouble is the dog doesn't know that this is conditions and just thinks it's fine/a good thing because it gets attention. The trouble is you can't turn that behaviour on and off like a switch.

Even DD who absolutely knows better will want to rough and tumble with a foster puppy and then whine/complain when the dog carries on that energy after she's had enough.

The constant refrain I'm my house is her "x os being annoying" me "you created that behaviour/energy"

Also along the lines why doesn't she/he do it tk you. It's not because I'm the pack leader - is because I am quiet and calm and confident and do t wind dogs up - because I'm a grown up and capable of responsibility and consequences

It's a lot to ask of kids.

They can be wonderful family dogs but they are not for the totally faint hearted. They are gentle and friendly but they are of the working dog l breeds and do best when their brains and bodies are given plenty to do.

He's a bit of blank canvass - and with the right support and long term training support could be a fabulous pet. But you do need to think really, really carefully about the commitment.

They are big dogs. Sweet ones, but it's a lot of dog if they are poorly trained.

Sorry about the typos wayyyyy to many to go back and correct
Sorry!

Thanks @Shannith. I’m completely game for the commitment, that’s definitely not in question and the rescue has indeed recommended a number of dog trainers so that is priority number one.

I completely agree that the biggest ask is the same commitment and consistency from the kids, and that’s my only concern. Is it fair or reasonable to ask that of them? Only time will tell but like you say, it’s unfair to this cracker of a dog to essentially use him as a trial run only to end up sending him back. That is worst case scenario and I don’t want it to get to that stage.

He has had, and will have 2-3 walks daily. Off lead is an absolute no go for now, but I do hope we can get him there, and the vet has recommended shorter walks of 20-30 mins for now. He’s been so underexercised and underfed that he has little to no muscle round his back end so we need to focus on nutrition and building him up before we can extend his walk times.

The point about the toast is reassuring - I’m an ovethinker by nature and had got it in my head that it was because it was the kids and he thought he was above them. Feel silly for that now but we live and learn.

I love how you’ve put it - he’s a lot of dog in his current poorly trained state! Very accurate.

I really appreciate your input - you’re obviously very knowledgeable so thank you.

@Unreasonablyextravagant you do sound responsible and sensible and committed.

All a great starting point. It's been hard work and it is a work in process but training DD to be responsible, sensible and committed around dogs has been just as rewarding as seeing my fosters go off to their new homes.

I'm telling you now that the dogs are easier to train. They thrive on calm and consistent behaviour and learn quickly. Of course they sometimes learn what you accidentally teach them.

And that's the stuff DD teaches them. Sprinting around yelling walkies/or faffing at the dog, getting the dog hyped up just before we go out = "why is x pulling me along never does it with you"

Because DD I treat leaving the house as entirely unremarkable and am quiet and calm and leave plenty of time and start the walk with training to get the dog focussing on me. And repeat until I'm blue in the face. I do positive reinforcement with the dogs - more often just do as I say with DD!

Stuff like that.

As she's got older and more willing to learn and has seen the results of doing it properly - having fun well adjusted dog that's a delight to have around and is well mannered and behaves - she's got better but it's been a long process.

She's watched me teach 14 very different dogs rock solid recall and she still forgets it all and wonders why the dog comes racing up to me mid play and ignores her. The difference is I never stop training.

She wants to foster and train dogs when she's grows up so I guess I must be doing something right. Mostly by accident.

At the very least I know that she's going to grow up sensible about dogs and when she gets her own she'll train it properly so it's lovely to have around. It's a great skill for children to learn.

Really understanding dog body language is so important - especially for children - and it's fascinating. Wag does not = happy. Kisses does not mean the dog loves you (sorry) and almost every dog in the world will give many many warnings before it even thinks about growling of you know what you are looking at. No dog likes being hugged (really).

Dog are wonderful but they are not toys and too many are ruined by being treated as them (don't think you would). The best dogs are owned by children who respect and understand them - who listen as response to what he dog is telling them and feel responsible for the mental and physical wellbeing of their pet.

Find a trainer that works with you as a family - over the long term. Not quick fixes, not just train the dog - train your children to be able to communicate effectively with dogs and that's a pretty fabulous life skill.

Some really good advice above. I would add that you need to think about what you want the dog to do as opposed to what you don't want it to do.

For example, if you want the dog not to jump at visitors, teach it to sit when the doorbell rings.

For recall, Pippa Mattinson's book "Total Recall" is excellent.

Some really great advice on this thread, thank you all so much. He is a great boy, full of beans but also super needy. He’s had a rough start but I’m really hopeful we can give him a great life.

Some excellent tips to work through and books to download!

I’m expecting this to be a long term effort so I will probably be back!!

Sounds a lot like our boy was when we got him - he was about 1, picked up by Dog's Trust, theorized to be a failed stud dog dumped by/escaped from a backyard breeder. It was 100% like starting from a puppy, he had no socialization, no understanding of indoors, and chewed absolutely everything he could get his mouth on.

I can honestly say his progress has been amazing. He is almost the perfect dog (he does still chew, given the chance, but we basically keep anything we don't want chewed away from him). The neediness can work to your advantage. They know who saved them - you are the best thing in the world to him. Loads of praise when he gets a command right. Love him and make him feel secure but pp is right that dogs don't really like hugs. Some tolerate them because they please their owners, but its not natural to them. They like being stroked and petted. Our boy adores being brushed.

His recall was bad for a long time, then one day he just seemed to get it. This is a weird quirk of his, but he loves smooth round stones. You can always get his attention by finding a 'good' stone and showing it to him then throwing it on the path. For most dogs though a ball or special toy is going to be more appealing.

I have to say, though, that his absolute best teacher has been our older dog. She's a very even-tempered, steady, sensible female who likes to play but will also put himself in his place when he needs it. She has basically taught him how to be a dog far better than we could. Its quite a remakarble thing to see.