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The doghouse

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Is there any coming back from our dogs fighting or do we need to rehome one?

65 replies

WellThatsNice · 21/11/2023 14:32

We have a nearly 11 year old dog who we've had since a pup, and two years ago we adopted an 8 month old rescue, who is twice our older dog's size.

Initially they got on well, but then one day, something happened, possibly triggered by food, and the new dog attacked the older one. We broke it up but it was terrifying, it wasn't a friendly play fight, it looked like it might have been a fight to the death to be honest.

We've tried everything since then, we worked with a trainer on how to get them to co-exist alongside each other, how to make the rescue less anxious, but nothing seems to work and sporadically they will get into fights with each other and it's never any less terrifying.

The rescue is an absolutely lovely, intelligent but anxious girl who clearly wasn't socialised at all before she came to us, and whilst she's fine with just us, as soon as anyone comes to the house she's a nightmare, and she's also pretty awful out on the street if she doesn't like the look of someone (and there doesn't seem to be any sort of reason as to why she'll take offence and some people and not others.) The last two years have been incredibly stressful, as we're always having to be hypervigilant about where the dogs are in relation to each other, it's almost impossible to have guests as she is very aggressive towards them, which is awful for everyone involved.

Things have come to a head in the last couple of days - we've had some time away with just the rescue dog, and I don't know if that's made her feel like the only dog in the world and more territorial, but in the last 24 hours she's gone to attack a dog three times - when we visited family (in a house where she's previously spent time, and is comfortable) and was only stopped as we'd kept her on the lead (but she wasn't scared, this dog is small, so it was almost like prey drive.) Then in the 12 hours since we all got home and had both dogs back together she's gone for our older dog twice, so the frequency is really on the up all of a sudden.

I don't know what the reason is, but I worry we don't have time to work through it with another behaviourist before something awful happens; I'm so anxious that it's just a matter of time before she really damages our older dog (or worse), and potentially my teenage boys who will often dive in to seperate them. Older dog now has a shit quality of life as he's just terrifed all of the time, and I can't see a way round it other than to very reluctantly rehome the rescue.

The thought is devastating, as we all love her to pieces, but life is incredibly difficult trying to manage all of this on top of everything else and we're at our wits' end. We could speak to the charity about it, but I'm a bit wary as they tend to publically shame people on Facebook who rehome dogs - not that that should impact our decision, and no one can say that we haven't tried incredibly hard in the face of what seem to be insurmountable challenges. I expect they'll tell us to work with a vet/behaviourist, but financially we're struggling and if we throw more money that we don't have at this situation and it still doesn't resolve, what then?

Sorry for the absolutely enormous ramble and thank you for reading this far. I don't know if anyone has any experience of turning around a fear aggressive dog in a situation like this, or do we need to accept that she needs to be in a house where she is the only dog? 💔

OP posts:
PurplePansy05 · 26/11/2023 17:59

I think it's very unfair on everyone, and in particular on your older dog, to keep the new one. You're making your older dog's life a total misery and full of stress at the age of 11 because you're determined to keep the younger dog. She's not the right fit. Also you lost me on your teenagers separating dog fights, it's bonkers to allow that. Sorry OP, I'm a dog owner and a mum too, and our dog is a rescue so I have a lot of sympathy and understanding, but what you've described is ridiculous and selfish. Get her rehomed.

Hamburgler666 · 26/11/2023 22:31

Honestly, I wouldn't be rehoming her nor will she be a good candidate.

She has severe aggression problems around other dogs and towards guests in your home.

I would PTS. I appreciate it's hard, but you cannot go on like this, nor should you pass the (big) problem on.

Hamburgler666 · 26/11/2023 22:37

WellThatsNice · 26/11/2023 14:11

I’ve just been told by someone vaguely involved that it’s our fault for not using a halti from the off and the dog now thinks it’s in charge. I really disagree with this and am also not enjoying the guilt that’s being thrown at us for not wanting to keep living like this. Seems like the attitude is that rescue dog trumps regular dog 😞

Edited

Please for your own sanity, don't talk to anyone else in real life. You will get all sorts of unhelpful 'advice' from clueless people (as above)

In your shoes I would PTS, no question. Yes I'd have a bloody good cry about it, but the relief will be huge once it's done.

Re the rescue, how would they even know if you did PTS? Are you required to stay in regular contact with them? I don't really see how they would find out and even if they did, just lie and say she had a heart attack or something.

FelicityGraceSpoon · 26/11/2023 22:41

My sympathies lie entirely with your existing dog, who's old age you are now ruining

Teenagers breaking up dog fights? Human aggressive? Dog aggressive? Your poor pet cowering behind a chair?

Come off it. You are being extremely unkind tbh and if you don't sort this out now then you are just ineffectual and cruel

LaurieStrode · 26/11/2023 23:25

FelicityGraceSpoon · 26/11/2023 22:41

My sympathies lie entirely with your existing dog, who's old age you are now ruining

Teenagers breaking up dog fights? Human aggressive? Dog aggressive? Your poor pet cowering behind a chair?

Come off it. You are being extremely unkind tbh and if you don't sort this out now then you are just ineffectual and cruel

This. I am appalled that anyone would perpetuate this situation.

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 09/12/2023 03:20

Interested to see if there is a solution to this.I feel very sad for your poor old dog that is living in fear.

Autumn1990 · 09/12/2023 04:21

I don’t think the rescue dog is going to have a happy life as she’s clearly too anxious. It wouldn’t be a good idea to be rehomed again as it’s not likely to work. But you’ve got to give the rescue a chance to her back. Do it in writing and give them a time limit to act.
Not your fault and you’ve tried to resolve the issues
I suspect the reason the rescue does public shaming is to reduce the numbers being returned.

Peacheroo · 09/12/2023 10:52

WellThatsNice · 26/11/2023 14:11

I’ve just been told by someone vaguely involved that it’s our fault for not using a halti from the off and the dog now thinks it’s in charge. I really disagree with this and am also not enjoying the guilt that’s being thrown at us for not wanting to keep living like this. Seems like the attitude is that rescue dog trumps regular dog 😞

Edited

What tosh! It's reasonably natural in these situations but that doesn't make it ok. The rescue sound like an absolute joke. The dog isn't safe and neither is your older dog for the time being. They can't then stop you from re homing the dog... possibly to someone they approve and do the checks on.

LameBorzoi · 11/12/2023 07:33

The way the rescue organisation works sounds very familiar. Very judgy about people rehoming dogs / thinks all dogs should be saved, regardless of issues. I've seen many that carelessly place large, aggressive /anxious dogs, and blame the new owners when things don't go well.

WellThatsNice · 11/12/2023 10:31

Yes, that sounds about right. I’ve also just realised that they massively underplay/actively misrepresent some of the dogs they have to adopt (I’ve just seen on their site a dog described as wonderful but with “signs of fear based aggression” that I know are in some sort of rehab place because of serious issues.) Turns out that they also will charge the same amount we paid to anyone wanting to adopt her, which seems unethical- like they’re telling us we have to wait because they need to find someone they can sell the dog to a second time. I wish we’d known all of this play the outset, but it’s been very complicated for a number of reasons.

OP posts:
CormorantStrikesBack · 11/12/2023 10:39

Your poor older dog. What a miserable, awful life it has.

I'd honestly have the other dog pts if the rescue won't take it back and I'd do that today. Your other dog can't continue like this.

CormorantStrikesBack · 11/12/2023 10:41

Neither dog will be happy, even the rescue. I had a fear aggressive dog before and he was miserable. To be that wound up constantly through fear must be exhausting. Someone on here said to me at the time that being pts is not the worst thing which can happen to a dog and I agree with that. Sometimes living an unhappy life is worse.

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 11/12/2023 10:51

The rescue will just drag this out while they try to “save” all the other dogs by getting news ones in, so delaying taking yours back which they should do immediately.Its alright having rescue back up…..but not if they are claiming a year wait,that is ridiculous.Every day your poor other dog is suffering.I would force their hand, they are just trying to palm the problem off back to you when it sounds like they are guilty of misrepresenting the dog in the first place.

margotrose · 11/12/2023 11:27

At this point I would stop worrying about what the rescue is or isn't doing and focus on the fact that you have an aggressive dog in your home that's terrorising your resident dog and attacking people.

The rescue is irrelevant at this stage - the dog is in your care and is your responsibility now.

FailWhale · 12/12/2023 20:17

+1 this.

I would ask a close relative to re-home the younger one so you can still visit and potentially take back when your older dog dies but the younger one is a liability. Keep her harnessed and on lead in your home. She can't be trusted to respect your other dog who has the equal right to walk around the home.

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