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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

Am I being cruel?

50 replies

Garlicbreadisonfire · 01/09/2023 14:22

Hi Mumsnetters,

Looking for some opinions on my current situation with DDog, she's 13 now.

She has struggled with mobility for a few years now, terrible arthritis in her back legs and she is unable to climb the stairs / sofa / bed - it was also suggested by my Vets she is no longer walked as that could do more damage than good. Her back legs are completely sunken and she does slip a lot even strolling around. She has access to our large Garden all day.

Her incontinence started around 6 Months ago, firstly Number.2's but only overnight. Now it's both Wee & Poo multiple times a day, it quite literally comes out when she walks, sits down, etc.. she is still eating and drinking but spends the entire day laid down and sleeping.

A huge part of my day is now spent cleaning and scrubbing the toilet mess, I also have 2 toddlers at home.

I really don't know whether I should be considering PTS or is that cruel considering she still potters around? I honestly don't know what to do! Have spoken to our Vets multiple times and they just suggest I continue with the current situation 

OP posts:
Bluetoesnewtoes · 01/09/2023 14:24

I couldn’t cope with that, and not sure your dog is enjoying a decent quality of life. I don’t think vets generally recommend PTS even if it’s the right thing to do.

FoodFann · 01/09/2023 14:26

Sorry for your situation. It’s not cruel OP, it’s very sad, but your dog is old and it’s only going to get more difficult to care for them

cocksstrideintheevening · 01/09/2023 14:26

What breed / life expectancy? Does she still play / enjoy wake? Any signs of dementia?

Original poster
Garlicbreadisonfire · 01/09/2023 14:27

Thanks for the reply @Bluetoesnewtoes - I honestly can't cope with it but also feel so terribly sad. Guess I am waiting for the Vets to suggest it because saying it myself just sounds so wrong!

OP posts:
Toadstoools · 01/09/2023 14:27

Hi OP. Our family will have this soon I think. We sat down and discussed it as a family last night and agreed that when our dog stops doing the things he loves we will make the decision to PTS. He still has walks and can do most things. In the kindest way, it doesn’t sound like your lovely dog has a great quality of life now if she is sleeping for most of the day, and slipping when she is up and about. I think (and I know it’s easy for me to say) that I would probably let go now and make that decision in her best interests with all the love you have for her. It’s one of the kindest things we can do for them ❤️

cocksstrideintheevening · 01/09/2023 14:27

I have a blind deaf diabetic 13yo terrier. We let the last two going too long. If you're thinking it's time you might be right. 😞

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2023 14:28

I'd have her PTS she has no quality of life. Its a horrible decision but how long are you intending to let her go on for.

Clymene · 01/09/2023 14:28

If she can't walk, is incontinent and spends all day asleep then she has no quality of life.

Better a day too soon than a day too late is trite but sadly true.

I'm so sorry 💔

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2023 14:30

In my limited experience our vet left it to us the final decision was left to us. The vet did agree but they didn't guide us or anything.

Original poster
Garlicbreadisonfire · 01/09/2023 14:30

@cocksstrideintheevening She's a Bull terrier and life expectancy is 10-14 years I believe, no signs of dementia and doesn't play at all really. If we initiate she will for a few mins but she struggles so much with her back legs she's then worn out for the entire day!

OP posts:
Freysimo · 01/09/2023 14:30

Please let her go, with love. It's the last kindness you can do for her.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 01/09/2023 14:31

I think the time has come to have her PTS.

She can't have much quality of life left if she's having multiple accidents a day and can't walk properly, bless her.

CMOTDibbler · 01/09/2023 14:31

If her legs are slipping out from under her then that would be it for me. I think sometimes vets are too keen to keep animals alive when their quality of life is gone, and it sounds like yours doesn't have any left.

SirChenjins · 01/09/2023 14:32

It sounds really difficult for you all 😢 From what you’ve said, she doesn’t have a good quality of life. Heartbreaking though it is, I think I would PTS before things get worse for her.

Original poster
Garlicbreadisonfire · 01/09/2023 14:32

Thanks for all of the replies, in my heart I do know it's the right thing to do I just needed to put it down on paper (as such!) as we struggle as a Family to discuss it, she is ultimately 'my dog' before marriage and Children so the heavy responsibility feels entirely mine Sad

OP posts:
DancingLedgend · 01/09/2023 14:34

Let her go.
That's kindness, not cruelty.

Waiting until you're absolutely convinced that your dog's life is not worth living, they're in terrible pain, or any other 'we have to do this, there's no choice' situation.
That's not kindness, that's cruelty.

You know it's time.

Original poster
Garlicbreadisonfire · 01/09/2023 14:35

Without drip feeding please can I add she is medicated for pain relief and other muscle medications, I haven't let her struggle for this amount of time and have visited the vets in abundance!

OP posts:
Ihatethenewlook · 01/09/2023 14:43

It’s definitely time for her to go imo. I’d start considering it as soon as they become incontinent. And that’s not because of inconvenience on my part, it’s because I do believe that dogs have some sense of dignity. My two dogs know it’s ‘naughty’ to go to the toilet in the house, of course I don’t tell them off if they’ve had to go due to my neglecting to let them out in time, or if they’re unwell or something, but they’re still mortified when I walk in and see they’ve messed. I can imagine a house trained dog feeling awful that they can’t help messing all over themselves all the time, it’s just not nice for them :/

DancingLedgend · 01/09/2023 14:45

I didn't mean in any way to imply that you haven't been tending her, or medicating any pain.
Just that don't feel you have to leave it until things get worse.

You clearly care a lot, and have kept her going when many would have thought it too much work.
But, when you're wondering if it's time.. Yes, hard though it is, it's time.

user1471556818 · 01/09/2023 14:50

Please let her go the time has come .Some vets will come to the house to PTS .Spoil her and repay the love she has given you by letting her go.
It's so hard I know

Bemyclementine · 01/09/2023 14:54

I think its time OP. If there's anything she really enjoys or used to, spend a day or 2 doing that, then have the vet out. Bless you , its heartbreaking.

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2023 14:54

Garlicbreadisonfire · 01/09/2023 14:35

Without drip feeding please can I add she is medicated for pain relief and other muscle medications, I haven't let her struggle for this amount of time and have visited the vets in abundance!

I don't think anybody has thought you left her in pain, just there comes a time when old age catches them .

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 01/09/2023 14:55

This is not true of all vets, by any means, but remember it's not necessarily in their interests to put down an animal that needs a lot of medical care. Most vets put the animal first, but not all of them.

More commonly, the vet knows it's a heartbreaking decision for you and, unless the animal is in severe distress, is probably waiting for a cue from you that you're ready to have the discussion.

Iamclearlyamug · 01/09/2023 15:10

I'm so sorry but I think it's time to let her go.

She's had a long happy life, dogs are generally clean animals and she will be hating soiling herself and not being able to control it.

The last kindness we can do for our pets is to let them go when their quality of life is no longer there - if only we could afford humans the same kindness.

Flowers 💐 for you, always a difficult choice. I have a 13 year old staffy myself (I know you said yours is a bull terrier, don't know if a staffy like mine) and I'm becoming more aware of his limitations as he ages 😪

IngGenius · 01/09/2023 15:29

Think what she has stopped doing rather than what she does do. Usually this is quite a lot and highlights how difficult things are for the dogs.

An old trainer said to me years ago when you are no longer enjoying your elderly dog they are no longer enjoying their life.

It is not wrong to be relieved that you will no longer have to clean up wee and poo daily.