We are going to have to rehome our rescue aren’t we? Anyone been in this position?

[Sixmonthcruise]

I am looking for some kind and gentle advice as I am heartbroken, having spent all night sobbing and racking my brains for solutions.

Sorry, it will be a very long one but I didn’t want to drip feed (I applaud you if you get through it!!).

After losing our much beloved 10 year old ddog last year the house felt horrendously empty. I have had cats and dogs all of my 50 years and love animals. Having had dogs from the age of 8 and previously being a dog walker I thought I knew dogs well and thought it would be a great thing to give a loving home to a rescue. In retrospect, I now realise that my experience with dogs only goes as far as dealing with dogs who have had a stable, kind and loving upbringing.

I spent weeks trawling through all of the U.K. rescue sites (and tbh was horrified at the sheer number of a abandoned and unwanted dogs in this country).
We found a lovely dog. Two years old, they said he was a Yorkshire terrier/Jack Russell cross (although I now believe he may have some kind of spaniel in him, maybe cocker, as he’s much bigger than these breeds).
The rescue was a 6 hour round trip away. They specialise in reactive dogs many with bite history (each dogs’ profile will state their aggression and bite history). I wouldn’t have taken on a dog with bite history as we have dc and although they are 15 and 17, it would still not be something I’d consider. However, they assured me that even though our dog had lots of anxiety issues due to being neglected, he had no bite history or had shown any signs of aggression whilst with them.
He was born in November 2020 and purchased at 7 weeks old (so I worked out that not only was he a Covid/lockdown pup but most probably a Christmas pup too!). The owner lived in a flat with no garden and never walked him, ever. He was crated for at least 12 hours per day and was his fur was very matted by the time he came to the rescue so obviously not cared for at all.
Due to the fact he was never taken out of the flat he had missed that window of opportunity in which most puppies learn to socialise and desensitise themselves from all noises and human activity etc. So when he came to them at the end of 2021 they had lots to work on and they helped with his many issues and managed to get him to wear a harness comfortably for the first time and get to the point he enjoyed his walks.
Our dog still had many various anxieties from being scared of the harness/lead, cars and travelling, the vets, doors etc. We knew this would be challenging but as they assured us he was friendly it was something we were certain we could work on. (Since being at home it became apparent he has many other anxieties to from the vacuum cleaners, to the railway near us etc…).
They told us he had been with them from approx end of 2021. After several months a couple rehomed him. Sadly, after 3 months they returned him because he swallowed a piece of likimat which had to be removed surgically and this put him back with his anxiety and they just couldn’t handle it.
So in September last year we travelled down to collect him. He took an instant adoration to my husband and has loved him ever since. And although obviously still anxious in his new home, he settled in well within the first 3 months. He would lay snoozing on the sofa next to my 15 year old dd, he would even sneak into my 17 year old ds bed too. All seemed well. We were all happy.

Until mid December 2022. Out of the blue he snapped at my dd’s hand (she hadn’t touched him, he was next to her on the sofa) and half an hour later he bit me on the hand. We took him to the vet (which is no mean feat for the vets is his biggest stressor) and they found he had a double ear infection and assured us the biting would have come from that.
However, over the next 7-10 days he bit my dh and sadly bit my friend on her wrist (she touched him on the head when I’d asked her not to touch him!), it was a deep cut which required her to go to the GP (she was fine but I will forever feel mortified about that).
We managed to treat the ear infection successfully and he settled down but he has never returned to the dog he was previous to this.
We employed a behavioural expert in January and implemented her advice but things haven’t really improved (we can not afford to use a behaviourist anymore as I have been made redundant).

I now believe that not only was our poor dog neglected in puppyhood but I truly believe he was also abused due to some of his behaviours.
For example on several occasions he would ‘attack’ my ds feet when he walked into the kitchen. He will go into a frenzy, almost like something has possessed him. I liken this to a kind of PTSD behaviour, as though seeing socked feet triggers something in him (was he kicked in his previous life?), he changes behaviour, he starts to pace up and down and will start eating his biscuits quickly then attack the feet. I wonder if previous owners were also young?
Sadly this happened a few times and now ds will no longer come down and eat dinner with us or wants to go anywhere near the dog. This has been going on since January.
Dd was always fine with him but over the last few months he has snapped at her hand twice and has started on the foot thing with her too.

I have contacted the rescue several times for advice and tbh they are not only very slow returning my messages but they just put me straight onto their ‘behaviourist’. This is a lovely lady who no longer practices but kindly offers free advice to their adopters. The issues is that she is 300 miles away from us and can talk the hind leg off a donkey, I have had several ‘chats’ with her which unproductively go on for hours (4 hours last time!) with her mainly chatting about her own dogs and constant suggestions of trying various homeopathy or natural treatments, I have literally spent a small fortune on herbal remedies, none of which have helped at all.

It really has been a challenging 11 months. I appreciate that having a rescue would not be easy but I was hoping to have gotten somewhere by now, it’s becoming apparent that out dog is probably never going to be at ease and happy with many of life’s ‘normal’ activities or living within a full family unit (even though we are a very quiet family).
I fear that we will never be able to go away without him for I can not leave him with the dc to care for him. I couldn’t ask my elderly parents to care for him like they did our last dog or anyone else come to think of it, I could be fearful that he may be frightened of them and attack them.
I feel we can not even go out for a day because who will come and let him out in the garden or walk him. I walk him every day and he loves his walks but getting his harness on (can sometimes take half an hour) is a task and even after almost a year of walks, twice a day he still goes into a frenzy when we walk out of the door (he will attack the doors and gate going out but never coming back in), I think this simply stems from being locked up in a flat for the first year of his life, the outside world still scares him somewhat.
We can’t really even take him too many places either (our last dog came out everywhere with us), for he hates travelling and we have to keep that to a minimum.
We can’t have anyone over for parties, bbq’s, or even Christmas (last year we had fil here but the dog went for his feet). I have even had to stop my mobile hairdresser coming because that last time I put him in the utility room and he barked, non stop, for 3 hours whilst she coloured my hair!
We have a stair gate across the downstairs hallway and when dd friends come round they go straight upstairs, I am fearful that he may bite their feet or worse.

Yet, yet!! He is so loving and relaxed with dh and I. He is with me all day, he likes me chatting to him, follows me whilst I potter around the house and garden and he will sit behind me on the kitchen chair and snooze peacefully in the living room, we have two lovely walks per day which we both enjoy, during these times he is a dream. He loves dh coming home and snoozes with us in the evening whilst we watch tv, we adore him.

But my dc come first. Over the last few days, when dd comes into the kitchen for a drink or snack I notice his body language changes. When he has bitten he doesn’t give a ‘traditional’ warning of growling. His behaviours are more subtle of which I have come to recognise - he will start to circle the kitchen table, then hurriedly eat his biscuits, then circle again before he falls into this frenzy and attacks the feet. A couple of times this week I have asked dd to go back upstairs as I have witnessed this behaviour and obviously tried to stop any attack occurring. However, yesterday evening he attacked her feet and drew blood. I honestly (stupidly) thought he’d be ok as dh and I were in the kitchen at the time. Obviously dd is so upset and both dh and I are too. Dd has a scar on one foot from a few months ago and now will have another scar on the other foot.
We could put this down to the fact he has been unwell the last week? He had to go under anaesthesia last Wednesday because he was yelping when chewing/eating and we thought he had something lodged in his mouth or damage to his mouth or jaw (he goes into a frenzy when walking out of the back door and will try to attack our wooden door). The vet couldn’t find anything but then the anaesthetic caused him to have painful bleeding colitis which has only just gotten better today.
Maybe that’s the reason, maybe not but we can not keep carrying on like this. I feel like our lives are on hold and I just can not put my dc at risk anymore.

But I am absolutely heartbroken. Heartbroken because he has bitten dd, heartbroken because ds won’t ever come down and eat with us and spends so much time out with friends (I know he is nearly 18 but he can never bring friends back now) and heartbroken because we have tried to much to help, injected so much money and love into this and we are getting nowhere really.
Dh and I love him so much, he is a lovely dog with us, he craves love and attention. He has been let down so badly by humans and when we first got him I promised him this would be his forever home and we were not going to be like the other humans and let him down again and it feels to me like we will have to do just that.
Of course, we could constantly muzzle him but what kind of life is that for him (or us?).
I really do not want him to go back to the rescue. The place is miles away from us and was in the absolute middle of nowhere and although they are obviously trying to do a good thing I personally feel they are out of their depth, it is run by two young woman and the place was heaving with dogs and they were barking and whinging non stop, they seemed stressed, our poor dog seemed so anxious in that environment, I do not want him going back there.

DH says it’s seems too cruel to have a 3 year old physically healthy dog pets and I agree with him. The thought of having to pts a second dog within a year would destroy me.

If we had no dc we would keep him there would be no question about that but we come as a family of 4

In an ideal world, he needs to be with one or two adults who have no young people living with them. Someone who has experience with rescue dogs. Ideally other dogs in their household as well as he loves dogs and I believe living with an alpha dog would really help him.

How do I find someone like this? Someone who can give him the loving forever home which I promised and long to give him? That would be akin to winning the lottery wouldn’t it, it’s so rare I just don’t believe luck like that exists.

I really, really don’t want him to go, my heart feels shattered.
What the hell do we do? Anyone else been in this position?

It doesn’t sound like the poor thing has a realistic chance of a happy life, sadly. This way you can ensure that the last part of his life is as good as it can be. Otherwise he may be passed from place to place and suffer more.

First there will be no unicorn home for your dog. The ideal home for him you are describing is extremely hard to find.

There are healthy easy to home rescue dogs sitting in rescue centres.

Do not believe there will be another better home for him

If he is a rescue you may have a legal obligation to return to the rescue

Do not assume his behaviour is due to being abused. If he left his litter at 7 weeks there is a strong chance he was puppy farmed and a lot of his behaviour will be genetic and not due to environment.

Some dogs are extremely hard to live with and will not be able to change their behaviour.

However the Rescue behaviourist sounds rubbish.

The ideal solution would be to involve a qualified vet behaviorist who could assess the situation and sensible discuss outcomes and management.

You have posted before about this and I an sorry that the situation is still hard

I am in a Similar position. Have you considered trying meds? They may or may not help. I’m currently trialing them with my rescue dog. I have done everything I can to help her and am planning on giving it another six months to see if the meds help enough to keep her. If they don’t then I will pts as I believe that will be the kindest thing for her. Vet agrees. Sometimes it is just the kindest thing. She has shown aggression but so far hasn’t bitten me or anyone else. Tbh if she did/does I will immediately pts.
You cant rehome, it is likely her problems will just get worse and if she went back into rescue she is likely to be stuck there.

The mention of living with an alpha dog makes me wonder about the quality of the advice the behaviourist has been giving you. Pack theory has been thoroughly debunked but some people persist in believing in it and with a dog like yours it can be a harmful ideology.

I would go on dog behaviour advice on support on Facebook and read through some of their guides - they work in a force free way and really helped with my dog. They have guides to read through and you can pay £20 to join their premium group for more support - you can basically post as often as you like and get responses from the behaviourists who run the page. If they can’t help they can signpost to in person support in your area.

If you have reached the end of the road though you should have a vet come to your house with you and your DH there and have your dog pts in familiar surroundings. There are far worse things for a dog than going quietly to sleep with his adored people by his side - realistically nobody is going to want your little guy with his bite history and you will have no control over where he ends up if you rehome him.

OP I have a ‘difficult’ rescue dog who in some ways is similar to yours, we can’t have visitors, we don’t leave her with anyone else as she is difficult to handle and walk and it’s not fair to give that responsibility to someone else. She hates other dogs and is very nervous and snappy around people she doesn’t know. If we had kids, I suspect we’d have had some difficult conversations in the early stages of having her, as once we got her home from the rescue and she’d decompressed it was clear she had more issues than they were aware of / disclosed, and despite behaviourists and training having brought some improvements, really the only way we manage them is to restrict our own lives so that we can keep her safe and within her comfort zone.

BUT, she has never bitten anyone, and as long as we keep her within her comfort zone, enjoys her life very much and is an absolute dote to have around, so affectionate and loving with me and DH. She has a good life, and she’s happy most of the time as long as we avoid stressful situations and triggers.

I have always said that if it ever got to the point where we couldn't manage her behaviours, or life was miserable for her, and we were unable to do anything to change that, then I would consider PTS. In your shoes I would be seriously considering it – this little dog sadly sounds like life is terrifying for him, and that perhaps it’s so bad that it’s beyond repair. Which is heartbreaking, but it absolutely isn’t your fault and you need to be really kind to yourself about this. As others have said, PTS isn’t the worst option – at the moment it sounds like he is living in a high state of fear and anxiety every day, and it would be a very kind end for him rather than going back to a rescue and having the trauma of yet another home and strange situation to get used to. I wish you the best OP, you are in a very tough and heart-breaking place.

I think in your heart you know what you need to do. You are coming on here for support to do it.

Have it PTS. You can't expect anyone else to want a dog like this, and the rescue clearly does not want it back. Your children must be the priority.

For the dog PTS in my opinion is less of a welfare issue than rehoming which would be very stressful and not likely to lead to a better outcome for him.

it would be unfair to pass the problem on to someone else as the risk of more biting is high. Even if he was muzzled it would be impossible to eliminate the risk.

I really feel for you. You have done your very best for this dog.

I’ve heard of rescues prosecuting if new owners put the rescue animal to sleep without permission. So if you do go this route make sure you are legally covered to go ahead.

Pts is the kindest option here. You can't keep him. There isn't some magic "perfect" home for him, he won't be better off with someone else, he will be much worse off being passed from pillar to post, probably spending much time in rescue kennels.

The dog won't know anything about it. Call the vet out to the house if you don't want to stress him out again. Of course, it's all much easier said than done xx

I know a perfect home doesn’t exist for him but the alternative is just too much to contemplate at this exact moment in time and I know I’m grasping at straws.
I do often wonder if he is from a puppy mill or back yard breeder, seeing that he was very much neglected by his first owner I can’t imagine they’d have been the type of people to purchase a puppy from a reputable breeder. Seems like the fate of his poor life was determined at a young age.

I had a similar situation a couple of years ago, a rescue that was intially very subservient and calm, slowly became more reactive and eventually attacked me quite badly.

We considered rehoming, but realised that the responsible and safest thing to do was to have him PTS, which we did within 48 hours of the attack.

Dogs that do bite and injure humans usually have a history of warnings that the owners decided to ignore.

It was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make, but I realise now it was completely the right one.

I hope you're able to move on from this experience and consider another dog in the future. We now have a ridiculously affectionate whippet who has zero aggression but plenty of speed!

Potentialmadcatlady I am sorry you are going through a similar situation, I hope the meds help. Our vet will only prescribe meds if we work with a behaviourist. I was made redundant a short while ago, we sadly have no funds for this right now.
Thank you Davestwattymissus
Fluffycloudsblusky it breaks my heart to say it but yes.
ginghamstarfish my dog is a ‘he’ not an ‘it’
RudsyFarmer I would speak to the rescue first. I message them yesterday but still yet to hear back from them (they have form for taking ages to reply even when they’ve clearly read the message).
GiraffeDoor I know, I’m just grasping at straws 🙁

Heartbreaking isn’t it Dbank, sorry you had to experience that. I have come to recognise his subtle change in behaviours and it does concern me and is making me feel on edge. I know that we can not keep living like this, any of us, including our dog.

Your children will leave home soon & currently it is no safe haven for them. You need to put them first. You've done everything you can, time to make their lives better.

Is he insured?

Some policies cover behaviourists... also, some vets have a behavioural specialism, there’s not many, but they do exist and some policies would cover that even if they don’t do behaviourists.

Try again with your vet. Mine did see behaviourist when I first got her but not since. I can’t afford to pay for one of my own but I do have experience so I guess the vet accepted that. Besides which unless you get a v good behaviourist who fully understands reactive dogs with terrible histories I’m not always sure they are much good tbh. There is also the fact that if your dog is from a puppy farm then genetics may play a huge part and no behaviourist is going to be able to help with that.
My vet believes genetics/brain damage play a huge part in my girls issues so the best we can hope for is management.
Thankfully her insurance pays for meds because they aren’t cheap but they do help. Worth another try to see if you can’t get some.

tabulahrasa he is insured but sadly ours doesn’t cover that. I did look into it but it was very expensive.

Your poor, poor dog, and poor, poor you. What a horrible situation.

It sounds as though he is too deeply traumatised for his behaviour to improve. I'm sorry your vet won't prescribe meds. Can you try a different vet?

If Meds aren't available/effective, then having him PTS is the kindest option.

You sound like a lovely kind hearted person trying to do your best for this dog.

So I am trying to say this with compassion. But your dog has bitten your child as well as you. Several times. Unprovoked.

This is not really negotiable in my view. My sis who rescued animals most of her life put a dog down that bit her child. It's not something you can risk unless it's muzzled constantly. I think if you gave this dog to any rescue they'd struggle to re home. And that's on top of the stress for the dog of losing another family.

You have absolutely tried your best but you can't fix everything and you can't fix this dog. Sorry

You can spend a fortune on behaviourists and implement a very strict routine into your home which may be able to manage his aggression. But you’d be micromanaging every minute of your life for the next 15years.
Exhausting. One slip up, and you’ll be back to square 1.

He’s not healthy. Baffles me while it is acceptable to PTS for physical suffering but not for physiological or emotional suffering. He may act calm and happy but underneath is obviously a very stressed, hyper vigilant and unhappy dog.

Shame - though I’d mention it just in case.

I think behavioural euthanasia is no different to having a dog who is unwell physically PTS, so it’s absolutely not that I don’t think you should do that.

It’s just that you’re coming across as wanting to try other stuff first.

The thing is, I honestly think this is a severe enough set of issues that you’re not going to manage to make much difference without some professional help.

I do get that it’s really hard when you’re having to consider it for your dog, luckily, I haven’t ever quite reached that point with any of mine, but their issues haven’t been as severe. But I’m going to repeat, he is not a healthy dog. Healthy dogs don’t behave like that.

He could have a physical issue, it could be genetics mixed with his early experiences, but, he’s not healthy either way....

I agree wholeheartedly with this.
I am a lifelong dog and cat lover.
I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation.

I think PTS in this situation is probably merciful for the dog. Fear of the big wide world with a dog who missed being socialised is one thing. Aggression to known and familiar family members is something else.

It's also possible that he didn't show those behaviours in rescue, but that they came to the surface as he hit social maturity.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. It's hard enough deciding to PTS when a dog is old and obviously ill.

OP I feel for you and the poor animal - this isn’t your fault, you’ve really tried.
As a child, my GPs had dogs and DPs had grown up with them, had them, trained them, neighbours had them. I was used to them/comfortable with them. DPs got a JR cross when I was about 8. All fine for a short while then it started - extremely destructive regardless of how many walks etc then it took an immense dislike to me specifically. Parents tried everything but anything I touched, it would shred, would go for feet, ankles, hands, tear clothes. To the point where I couldn’t be in the same room as it and after an incident where (according to parents) I was found screaming locked in the bathroom with the dog destroying the door, having already been bitten, they rehomed it to a farm.
I’ve never got past this and have spent most of my adult life being frightened of dogs (it’s taken a long time to be comfortable even being in the same room as them).
Put your DC (and others) safety first and return the dog to a shelter - unfortunately some dogs just won’t be able to live in a standard household environment.