What first dog?

[macandcheeseballs]

Sorry second post today! DH has severe depression and one of his councillors recommended getting a dog as he loves animals. We have two DC under 6 so it would need to be a breed that was very good around children. We also work so would need to be ok being in the house (we would probably get a walker to come in but only once a day). We would then walk mornings and evenings around work. I only work school hours so it wouldn't be too long of a day for it to be on its own. We had a dog before we had the children, it was a rescue and we loved him more than anything but had to give him to a family member when the DC came as the poor thing was terrified of children and kept biting so we obviously don't want to end up in that situation again.

Dogs are ace, but not a cure for depression.
This sounds like a recipe for disaster (for the dog)

Its not been recommended as a cure. But thank you for showing ignorance.

I have labs - great with children but don’t like being left for any length of time.

Schnauzers, especially standard rather than miniatures, are very flexible when it comes to exercise.
The standards, though hard to find, are less noisy than the miniatures , and the ones I have known are great family dogs.

@Azaeleasinbloom ah great that's good to know thank you, I will look in to those!

School hours is still what, 8-4? That’s too long really. Especially with a puppy that will need to be let out constantly to go to the loo.

At best you’ll find it difficult to toilet train, at worst you’ll get a separation anxiety ridden destructive nightmare.

A lot of the “easier” dogs are companion breeds and don’t do well being left for long periods.

King Charles spaniels are brilliant with children

Out of curiosity, why has the counsellor recommended a dog?

I think your set-up will go against you unfortunately. You can't leave a puppy or a young dog home alone for that length of time so you'll need to have alternate plans in place for at least the first year, if not longer.

I would try reddit for advice. Mumsnet is all about never having a dog unless you never go out/getting a retired greyhound/ always keeping it on a lead( but making sure it’s well trained off lead) nonsense.

This.

I would probably get a lab OP. Puppies are hard work but you can always get an older one.

@Fluffyowl00 Is there a nice dog part of Reddit you recommend (sorry MNHQ 😊).

I leave my dogs, including one day a week when I go to the office (they have a Walker) there is a big difference between leaving a well adjusted 3 year old dog to leaving a puppy. I don’t think you can never go out if you have a dog however you need to be really realistic about a puppy and how working, even school hours will be difficult and potentially lead to some serious behavioural issues for the pup.

Don’t get a dog.
Could you juggle your job, 2 young children, and a dog when your husband is unable to help?

Also, a lively, large Labrador around young children? Awful idea.

Why a dog? If you take a rescue cat who is known to be a lap cat and likes men, then the cat could cuddle him and be his rescue animal, but wouldn't mind being left alone all day at all.

A dog could add to the family stress, not improve it.

In the dog section you can put in what you are looking for and people give you ACTUAL advice. Just google it.

Now off to take on my washing (as it’s dark) not use a toilet brush (what do they use?) and change my bedding and towels as I do daily.

Don't get a dog. I love them but the stress and being restricted would tip me into depression.

Unless the counsellor is going to pay and partially care for the dog then they shouldn't be suggesting it as a "cure" for depression.

I think it's a stupid idea, the dog duties will fall on you more than likely and you just need to read the dog house to see that dog ownership can worsen mental health problems. I'd swap counsellors before getting a dog.

What seems to be missing from your post is what you could bring to a dog.

So far, your contribution to a dogs welfare, seems to be a depressed owner,being left alone for a portion of the day. And children who aren't familiar with a dogs needs

But no mention of what you are offering a dog

@Fluffyowl00 judging by the replies I think you're right . I never realised people thought you had to be home 24/7, never leaving the house to be able to have a dog. Heading over to Reddit...

What kind of dogs do you like? Large, small, hairy, non hairy? People always suggest labradors for first time dogs. They are lovely and very trainable but can be tricky as puppies as can be very mouthy. Whippets are lovely dogs (again like little sharks when puppies), cavaliers are great but they come with health issues. Spaniels are fab but need loads of exercise and mental stimulation. Greyhounds are very easy going but obviously have a very high prey drive or border terriers are fab too. These would be my choices for first dogs but you would need to do some research into each breed to see what you think would suit your family best. People saying about you can't leave puppies alone, you can but obviously the more time you are with them the better, especially regarding house training. There are options though with dog walkers, crèche etc. and remember, the puppy stage doesn't last too long at all so don't let that put you off. Good luck, how exciting!

In your circumstances, a cat maybe better.

I’m not being snarky btw but there is something therapeutic stroking a cat and hear it purr.

I hope you get the sort of answers you want over on another forum, I just wanted to add that if you're set on getting a puppy (are you?) then before you leave for more sympathetic pastures, please please have a read of some of the puppy threads on here.
If your dh is already depressed having a puppy who will potentially bite, chew your things, mess in the house, wake you up in the night etc is unlikely to help his stress levels in the short term.
I have a wonderful rescue cat (two actually but one is useless on the sympathy front) who will rush over to sit on anybody who is upset and start purring loudly at them. She even does it to toddlers!!
So, other animals might be worth considering alongside looking for that perfect puppy.

My dh is depressed, loves dogs, grew up with dogs, always wanted a family dog for the children, chose the breed etc etc.
Guess what, hardly ever does anything for him because he works full time and then he's "too tired" when he comes home. So everything the dog needs is left to me.
I absolutely love my dog but I wish I never agreed and I'd never get another once he's no longer here.

Getting a puppy while your DH is unwell is honestly a ridiculous idea, I have no clue what a counsellor was thinking making that suggestion.

Puppies are brutal for your mental health, it’s a really stressful and hard going few months until they’re anything near like having an adult dog.

I'm sorry @macandcheeseballs but I don't think getting a dog is a good idea either.
Could you join Borrow my Doggy or something like that?
Could your DH volunteer at a rescue centre? Have a look at About our Rescue - Rescue Remedies. I don't know if it's near you but there may well be a nearby rescue organisation who would be glad of help.
Or maybe do some dog walking for somebody like the Cinnamon Trust or even as a paid or volunteer dog walker, perhaps for a neighbour or friend or relative.
I think going out for a walk with a dog might be good for him but having a dog at this stage doesn't sound like it would a good idea for anyone.

Trying to give a balanced response here:
I can totally understand why the therapist suggested getting an animal/dog. There is nothing quite like the absolute love and adoration of a dog. It's quite unexpected and lovely. My favourite part of the day is going downstairs to see her big smiling face. That being said I waited a very long time until I could offer the dog the best home I could which included:
*Waiting until my responsible kids were 10+ and quite independent.
*Able to wfh 100% and have a flexible structure to my day
*Being able to afford help with my dog - walker, daycare etc. Even though I'm always at home on days I'm ultra busy or stressed I make sure the dog has adventures of her own and isn't ignored
*Having a good set up at home - secure garden etc.
Even though I had this in place I was not prepared for the puppy blues. It floored me for a couple of months. Do have a read of the puppy threads on here to get a sense of what you are getting into first and be realistic.
I have a goldie for reference. The biggest, fluffiest, most affectionate, lovable idiot you could get. She's the best.