What first dog?

[macandcheeseballs]

Sorry second post today! DH has severe depression and one of his councillors recommended getting a dog as he loves animals. We have two DC under 6 so it would need to be a breed that was very good around children. We also work so would need to be ok being in the house (we would probably get a walker to come in but only once a day). We would then walk mornings and evenings around work. I only work school hours so it wouldn't be too long of a day for it to be on its own. We had a dog before we had the children, it was a rescue and we loved him more than anything but had to give him to a family member when the DC came as the poor thing was terrified of children and kept biting so we obviously don't want to end up in that situation again.

I had Chinese Crested dogs - Powderpuff,
They were fabulous little dogs and great with my DC.

However, I am not sure if you/ your family are ready for a dog.

Dogs are hard work, especially as puppies. But even past puppy hood, you are looking at walks in the dark, cold and rainy weather. No more lie ins at the weekend, as someone will have to get up and tak the dog out ....
They need companionship, a lonly, bored dog can be depressed, noisy or distrucktive.

There's no guarantee that a puppy will give a depressed person what they need. One of my children would have no doubt mentally benefited from an adoring cuddly dog, but our six month old pup (who was luckily bought as a family pet, not a therapy pet) is not like that. She's playful, desperate to have her mind worked, and active, all traits that require effort, and a fairly normal side effect to depression is a lack of motivation and energy. With that in mind dogs bred to be companions (lap dogs) would probably be best for your husband, except they're not going to be happy being alone most of the day (whereas my more aloof dog is fine being left, though we don't leave her for more than a few hours at a time). Maybe a retired greyhound? You could look for one with the right temperament, I've met very affectionate greyhounds, and they love to sleep much of the day away.

While you’d possibly be ok leaving an adult dog 9-3 ( mine wouldn’t even notice we weren’t there 😂) it would definitely not be okay for a a puppy and you’d be setting your dog up for a lifetime of separation anxiety.

I don't think OP is interested in anyone pointing out the the fact that you can't leave a puppy alone all day with a dog walker at lunch 🤷‍♀️

Did my dog help my depression?
Honestly? Not really. The extra walking did, but having a dog brought its own stress so it sort of balanced out.

I love him, but he does make life more difficult and limits spontaneity. Days out have to be carefully planned, and many of the events where I thought we'd be able take him with us are actually impractical, especially in the hot weather.

I love my dog but I appreciate my cats so much more now for their relative ease!

I've had dogs and cats. I currently have a 10 month old pup and a 12 year old cat.

Dogs are similar in the level of care to young children, and more like babies in the first few months. Yes you can leave them but they need to be built up slowly over time and only when they are mature enough to cope which varies from dog to dog and breed to breed. There are ways around this like day care and sitters but that costs a lot. If they are left in the day then evenings and weekends must revolve around and involve them. Else you have big trouble in your hands. I know many people who work and have dogs very well but they are devoted to them when they're not at work earning the biscuit money!

Quite honestly a puppy will add to your stress 100x over. They're lovely when they are about 18 months old.

My cats have been wonderful companions. All rescues. All very affectionate and funny and can be left for the day and I leave my current one for up to three nights on his own with a neighbour keeping an eye on him, topping up food etc. Much much easier as a companion than a dog. Heaps of lovely cats in rescue.

Ahhhh, you're one of those types. Ask for advice from people who actually own dogs, don't like what you hear then fuck off elsewhere. Righto.

Came to recommend a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel. Lovely family dogs. Most of them get heart murmurs eventually but managed with medication they will make it to a good age.

I think your set up rules out getting a puppy, unless one of you works in a school or something so you can get one just at the start of the long break and devote that time to settling the puppy. Also puppies are bitey, which sounds as if it would go down badly

I also think that you need to budget for doggy daycare as it is wrong to leave a dog before it is happy to be left

I am at the very idea that a living creature is appropriate as therapy, unless you are going to be getting a proper therapy dog.

But if you just want a dog, and both DC are school age (because DC generally become a lot better at following instructions around then), then you need to be looking at any of the well-known family pet breeds.

What size dog do you want? How much grooming are you up for? Can you put up with drool?

Also absolutely hate being left alone - they are companion dogs and as such like a human around most of the time.

Not true of mine.

Dogs are great but they are an extra stress on the household, if he's finding life tough, adding more work doesn't make sense to me. Remember dogs aren't easy pets

You must have a very independent one then, mine hated being left, and at most only got left for a max of 4 hrs once in a blue moon.

I’m going to buck the trend a little - my husband has bipolar disorder with severe depression and when we had our rescue dogs, it really did give him some structure and focus to his day. He would get out of bed to walk the dog on days he would otherwise have really struggled. It wasn’t a magic bullet and he still had some really bad days when I had to take over all care, but the bond he had with our dogs was wonderful, and being able to give older dogs a good home in their twilight years was quite a special thing for both of us. However, a note of caution: in our case he is so ill he was medically retired and we don’t have kids, so we didn’t have to factor in both being at work and having children which makes life with a dog much harder; and one of our dogs came with significantly more behavioural challenges than the other, which was stressful at times.

We’re no longer set up for a dog but we do have cats and he still gets a lot out of that relationship - and they have him twisted round their paws, of course 😄 - so I echo PPs who have suggested thinking about that as a rewarding but slightly easier option.

Getting my dog actually gave me depression tbh.

All dogs have different personalities but I personally wouldn’t recommend a Labrador for your situation , my 18 month needs a lot of stimulation and would destroy the house left alone any length of time

If I’m completely honest having a dog has increased the household stress and has made my anxiety worse. Of course wouldn’t change him for the world now but if I could go back in time I would have possibly opted for another cat

This will be my last post but just to point out, my thread title may have been misleading as I meant first dog since having DC so really meant their first dog. We have had a dog before Dc and it was the best thing in the world for DH. We also worked much longer hours at the time and paid for people to come in and play/walk with him a few times whilst we were out. He was the happiest and most loved dog so we really aren't novices when it comes to taking care of a dog.
As for those saying I came on here asking for advice and I'm not not taking it... I came in here asking for advice on a breed... I certainly didn't come here asking for anybody's permission or advice on whether we should actually get a dog. Unfortunately a lot of people have assumed a very condescending, mightier than thou attitude which is why I won't be commenting again.

Thank you to those of you who have given advice on the actual question, much appreciated and I will look in to the breeds suggested.

Also to those suggesting getting a cat, we have one who we love a lot but Dh would like another dog.

Bedlington Terriers are amazing dogs. Just the right amount of fun and calm. Generally great with cats and dogs too and very gentle souls so great with kids.

This is coming from someone who has experienced it first hand so I'm definitely not trying to be mean here. I did the same thing, I was really struggling with depression and DH and I naively thought a dog would help as I've always wanted one. So we got a Lab x puppy. I love him to bits but for the first 6 months or so it plunged me into an even deeper depression, the puppy blues were magnified as it was such hard work. The lack of sleep, chewing, crying, training, toilet training, feeling like I had no freedom and no escape. He's 5 now so we are out the other side, but if I could go back and tell depressed me not to get a puppy I absolutely would as it was probably the worst idea we've ever had

Interesting, DforDog! We're slowly thinking about another dog after losing our old one, but we need low-ish allergy types. I have poodle and Tibetan terrier on my mental shortlist so far but hadn't considered Bedlingtons as I've never met on in person.

Lovely dogs. So are poodles. Main difference is intelligence... if I may be so bold as to generalise a tad, lol. Poodles very intelligent and Beddies... hum... well lets put it this way, we used to call our Boycie "Rocks for brains". Sweet loving boy... really super little dogs and a good mix of calm but also some terrier fun. Poodles are a good bond, smart as hell and fun to teach and train. So yeah :-)

Well, our cat is thick as two planks so that might be a match made in heaven. Good to have a new thought to add to the mix.

Get an older rescue. Properly researched and with a couple of home visits.

Labs are great but are also completely insane for the first 1/2 years. I have got a 1 year old lab puppy who gets me out walking before my (remote) job and I do feel better for getting out every day.

My lab is great with other dogs, which is a big plus. A couple of friends have dogs who don't get on well with other dogs, and it limits them greatly with the families/dogs they can hang out with.