Rescue dog, not making any emotional connection with us

[Carusa123]

Hi, I would really appreciate some thoughts on this. We adopted a rescue dog 8 weeks ago now. She's a Springer cross of some sort. The Shelter were not sure of her background, she was found abandoned in a very poor condition. Vet thinks she is about 5, even though she looks v young due to her small size.
When she came to us first she was an absolute nervous wreck spent 3 days shivering in the corner refusing food etc. We slowly got her to start taking her food and to come into the same room as us.

8 weeks on and in some ways we have made great progress...she absolutely loves her walks in a nearby woodland and she is good as gold off the lead and good with recall.
But in the house she just wants to lie in her bed. She doesnt care if she's in the same room as us or not. She just stares into space if we (me, DH, 3 teenage kids) pet her. She never approaches us or comes to us if we are in a different room or in back garden. So basically seems to have zero emotional connection with us.

I would love to coax her out of her shell and bond but I'm wary of causing her any additional stress. She's obviously had a very bad experience in her past.
Any tips or advice would be very gratefully received. Thank you

Eight weeks is no time at all really. Just be patient and consistent and give it six months. She’ll be a different dog. And thank you for taking her on.

I think you have made great progress in a short time. She obviously feels safe in her bed and perhaps you should just let her get used to being with a family who treats her well.

Oh bless her. It sound as if she is doing really well with you and has found a safe space in your home and in her bed. If you approach her are you avoiding eye contact and waiting for her to come to you?

It can take many months for a rescue dog that has had a bad experience with humans to really settle in . Sounds like you are doing really well

Despite your considerable efforts and progress, she sounds scared and you don't know what might have happened to her in the past, she may have suffered cruelty and she needs longer - keep going. Maybe sit next to her bed without touching her so she feels ok next to you and this will help her build up some confidence - I bet in time (albeit a while in all likelihood) she will become more confident and start to interact and indeed seek you out - you are definitely going in the right direction. Also talk to her and keep talking to her even if you feel she is not responding as she will be listening - my rescue loves me to talk to him. Well done on adopting her.

One of the most important things to know about rescue dogs is the 3-3-3 rule.

Eight weeks is no time at all.

Our first rescue dog, who had had a very traumatic past, took 6 months to fully settle in, her whole body language changed like she was finally fully relaxed.

Our second rescue just walked in like she'd always lived here!

Clicker training builds trust and helps bonding. Start off with easy wins for the dog i.e training behaviour she already knows and once she gets used to it you can move on to new things.

The 3-3-3 rule is worth bearing in mind too. You are still very new to each other.

It sounds like you've made excellent progress already.

She’s clearly suffered great trauma and needs to learn to trust. 8 weeks is nothing and you’ve made good progress already. Please give her time and love.

Please follow Rory Cellan Jones on Twitter, or the hashtag #sophiefromromania

they adopted a dog several months ago and progress is painfully slow. They are doing a really good job at going at the dog’s pace.

8 weeks is nothing - but Peake do take a look at the above, there is some really good guidance (Rory also links to how wide and their dog behaviourist), and they are working really hard to not overload her with new experiences she is not ready for

Links to his wife

Follow Sophie From Romania (Twitter) if you want to see how long it can take a very nice but bewildered/scared dog to come around. It sounds to me like you've made great progress, OP.

Other people have mentioned it but the 3-3-3 rule is really accurate. I’ve got two rescue spaniels that came as a bonded pair and it took 3 months (cliche) for them to want affection/attention from us. Otherwise they’d only really bother us if they wanted food or the toilet

My rescue dog took 6 months to feel at home. Don’t approach her in her safe place to pet her - let her come to you.

Ah sounds like you're doing great.

Honestly she's finding her feet. Thank goodness she doesn't have separation anxiety!

One of our rescues too ages to relax. Not nervous at all but honestly seemed depressed. Really sad but with time he came out of his shell and became a very sweet wise old man.

As everyone else says, it does take time and patience. My rescue bonded quickly with me but took 12 months to bond with DH (they're very close now!). And, the older the dog, the longer it takes them.

You've done really well. Sounds like you're being careful not to overload her (deffo don't do that, don't force stokes on her, always let her come to you). Go gently and consistently and she will warm up.

We've had our girl 2.5 years now, she's a different dog - still quite shy but so confident, will play with us (she didn't know how when we got her), and isn't fearful of the world. It's so lovely to see, and I'm sure your girl will come round too, if you give her time and space and consistency.

Well done for adopting a rescue dog. I agree with pps that 8 weeks is nothing. One thing stood out from your post about when you pet her she just stares ahead. Have you tried using a consent test to see if she actually wants you to pet her?

The more comfortable with you she feels then the more she will start to relax and her true personality will start to show.

She has spent 3% of her life with you. Sounds like you are doing a great job. Do you have any other dogs?

Yes agree - the unwanted stroking and petting can cause stress, rather than comfort

Give her time, lots of it. 8 weeks is nothing for a traumatised dog.

Do you hand feed?

We rescued in March and I hand feed his morning kibble. It's been great for our bonding

The trainer I use specialises in rescue dogs, she actually dislikes the 3/3/3 thing as in her experience it’s too short a time frame and it often takes longer than that.

So yeah, 8 weeks is still settling in time.

Just be patient. See if you can engage her with squeaky toys or balls. Talk to her gently and sit near her. Can you stroke her in the basket and show her you are to be trusted. Keep going. I talk to mine all the time. She will be listening. Give her time. She sounds traumatised. Hopefully you'll get more affection and interaction in time x

Sorry but I disagree. Absolutely do NOT stroke her in her basket. She needs somewhere where she can feel safe without having to deal with potentially unwanted advances. Let her come to you. You can periodically encourage her with treats and toys but give her space to make the decision herself. Hand feeding is good if she's up for it.

You can disagree but it's up to the poster to know her dog and how she is. She's not mentioned the dog biting or growling. Only she knows her dog and will know if the dog is giving positive or negative signals. All dogs are different and I've had three rescues. We can all try different approaches using common sense in the situation as it is happening.