Rescue dog, not making any emotional connection with us

[Carusa123]

Hi, I would really appreciate some thoughts on this. We adopted a rescue dog 8 weeks ago now. She's a Springer cross of some sort. The Shelter were not sure of her background, she was found abandoned in a very poor condition. Vet thinks she is about 5, even though she looks v young due to her small size.
When she came to us first she was an absolute nervous wreck spent 3 days shivering in the corner refusing food etc. We slowly got her to start taking her food and to come into the same room as us.

8 weeks on and in some ways we have made great progress...she absolutely loves her walks in a nearby woodland and she is good as gold off the lead and good with recall.
But in the house she just wants to lie in her bed. She doesnt care if she's in the same room as us or not. She just stares into space if we (me, DH, 3 teenage kids) pet her. She never approaches us or comes to us if we are in a different room or in back garden. So basically seems to have zero emotional connection with us.

I would love to coax her out of her shell and bond but I'm wary of causing her any additional stress. She's obviously had a very bad experience in her past.
Any tips or advice would be very gratefully received. Thank you

Agree with others that more time is needed, I have a rescue who attached himself to me immediately but needed more time with the rest of the family. Partner also has a dog he had from a puppy who is always quite happy to be alone, prefers being upstairs in his bed so it could just be his nature!

It sounds like you're doing brilliantly.

But this is a long road. I'd add a year and then three years to that 3-3-3 idea.

We foster rescue dogs so have new ones here on a regular basis. Some are affectionate immediately, some take days and some take weeks. It all depends on so many factors. By the 3 month mark they should have settled in.

Our shut down dog took a year and ended up being a lovely lapdog but god it was hard and took ages. She was so scared. Sometimes it seems like they can go backwards. Forget about time. Sounds like it’s going well with good progress.

I had a rescue cat who hid under the sink for the first few months, unless I had to get her out to take her back for checkups once a week (long story). Other than that, the only time I saw her was when I opened the cupboard door and she hissed at me. We worked up to her being in the same room as me, then on the other end of the sofa. The day she sat on my lap I was so proud but it took a very long time. She ended up being such a loving cat.

There's 'common sense' and then there's knowledge of working with rescue dogs and all qualified experts would say do not disturb your dog while it's in its bed. I am basing my comments on how the op says her dog responds to petting. The poor thing sounds shut down and just because it is not growling or biting does not mean it isn't stressed by the petting.

8 weeks is a drop in the oceane. Especially considering what your pup has been through.

I have 2 rescue greyhounds who both came around aged 2 and both had not ideal although not as awful as some previous lives. Neither of my girls really showed their true selves until 6 months in.

Until they did I took it at their pace. I talked gently to them as much as I could (all the time basically as I work from home). I chilled on the floor with them but allowing them to go away to their bed if they weren't feeling it. I just lived my life near them. And they lived their life near me until one day our lives were one.

You've done an amazing thing giving what I'm sure is a beautiful girl a second chance at life. I bet she feels affection for you. But doesn't know how to show it yet and it hasn't been long enough for her to be sure you are the good guys yet.

I'd try being more in the background, OP. All she needs to know now is that you are not going to hurt her. She doesn't need to see you as a positive in her life, just neutral.
You could try walking past her bed and dropping a high value treat. Don't engage, no eye contact, the treat is enough. Then move up to stopping there for a second or two and eventually sit down and get nearer and nearer to her bed and just popping a treat on her bed. Still don't look at her or engage and I wouldn't stroke her at all unless she indicates she wants you to.

Rather than engage her, I'd give her stuff to distract her. So, a long lasting chew that she can concentrate on while you just happen to be in the same room.

Hopefully, she'll develop a stronger bond with you over time but my admittedly limited experience of springers suggest they are not necessarily dogs that like a lot of fuss. Might just be the ones I've met and observed.

Good luck with her. It sounds like you're doing great.

3 days
3 weeks
3 months

Give her time, she's not learned to trust you just yet. Our girl took several more than 3 months to become less jumpy, but she also became and absolute cuddle monster and adored my husband despite being frightened of men when she arrived.

I had a long reply typed but seem to have lost it so apologies if I double post!
Thanks everyone for your kind & encouraging replies. It seems like we are going in the right direction and need to be very patient and gentle with her.
Apologies for not tagging people in my reply but to answer a couple of points. We do not currently have another dog. We had to put our last dog to sleep before Christmas as she had advanced cancer. She was the opposite of this girl...just wanted to be rubbed all day long!!
This lassie actually loves other dogs and gets very excited if we meet one on our walks. She is super submissive to them tho, just throws herself to the ground so I guess maybe she was part of some dog family at some point.
Re feeding from hand, there is no way she would do that at the moment. She wont even take a high value treat from the hand, I have to leave it in her bed and she will take it when I turn my back to her.
Anyway as I say thank you all for the support & advice. We will keep going slowly & gently and ease off on petting her until we get some clearer encouragement from her. The Consent video was very useful to me here.

8 weeks is nothing OP. Give her time and space and she will recover.

Squeaky toys provoked an extreme reaction in my Romanian rescue. He's so sensitive to noise that the squeaking must be torture. The only toy so far is one of those rope things,which he enjoys from time to time.
He hates eating out of stainless steel.

The staring into space thing when you pet her could be her very politely saying she doesn’t like it. Try the consent test to see if she actually wants to be petted. https://eileenanddogs.com/blog/2012/08/29/does-your-dog-really-want-to-be-petted/

Agree three months is nothing. My dog wasn't even a rescue with a troubled past but still took a good 8 months to actively seek affection from me.