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The doghouse

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Original poster

Dog for family with autistic daughter

38 replies

vinoandbrie · 09/05/2023 19:12

Hello

We are thinking of getting a dog in the next year or so. Never owned a dog before, only cats.

We have an autistic DD who is 9. We’ve looked at getting an autism support dog and it’s extremely challenging, as they are so scarce.

Does anyone have any advice on breeds? Obviously dogs need lots of exercise but I would be after exercise on the lesser end of the scale, as realistically it’s going to be me that the work will come down to.

I work every day, but 4 days from home.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
IngGenius · 09/05/2023 19:21

Goldies are a choice for many autism organisations.

They need to be bomb proof dogs and very optimistic dogs who are not stressed out by much.

Although the dogs temperament will be more important than the breed a goldie would be a good starting point to research.

Have you got a trainer lined up?

I would get in contact with them before you get or consider a dog and they can see you situation and help you choose the right dog if you are planing to do the training that way.

Original poster
vinoandbrie · 09/05/2023 19:26

Thank you so much!

I am ashamed to say I am so ignorant on this front that I didn’t even know to get a trainer lined up. But I do now, so thank you!

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 10/05/2023 07:55

A huge number of dogs fail the service dog training, that have been bred for the job. So I think firstly you need to be really realistic about what you’d want the dog to do?

Jericha · 10/05/2023 08:50

I'm autistic with a goldie. He's not well trained outside of the house (despite lots of training sessions) but he's so loving, gentle and just lovely.

AFishCalledKeith · 10/05/2023 08:58

We have an autistic DD who is 9. We’ve looked at getting an autism support dog and it’s extremely challenging, as they are so scarce.

They are scarce becasue actually it's often quite a tall order to ask a dog to enjoy being near challenging behaviour that sometimes comes with autisim. The temperament required from a dog is not the normal dog temperament.
And the level of training required is very high: like practically a full time job for a year or more kind of level.

Obviously much depends on your daughter's behaviour and your own ability to spend considerable time and energy training a dog, but I would really stress NOT getting a dog with the main intention that it will support her. That's unfair on the dog who will, often, fail at that. Even for as simple a reason as it may just have a personal preference to spend time with you, not her. Or spend time alone.

Get the dog primarily for the joy of having a dog. Then, if s/he provides support for your daughter, that is a bonus.

Tellmeimcrazy · 10/05/2023 09:08

I am a degree level qualified trainer and work with assistance dogs. There isn't any one breed that would be more suitable; it really is down to the temperament of the individual dog. As a PP stated, many dogs do not make it through the testing. It can be quite rigorous. Guide Dogs have their own breeding programme, and even then, not all their own dogs make it through. I would definitely seek advice from an appropriate charity or a qualified trainer with assistance dog experience rather than here. You would also want a breeder that breeds for temperament rather than aesthetics.

Velvian · 10/05/2023 09:15

I have an autistic DD and we have a greyhound. There are so many needing homes.

They are very gentle and love humans. They spend most of the day lying down. We take ours for 2 walks a day, 20-30 minutes in the morning, 30-60 minutes in the evening. They take a few months to get used to home life, but they walk beautifully on the lead from day 1 and soon find their comfiest spot for sleeping most of the day.

DhanyaFrancis · 10/05/2023 10:29

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Starlitestarbright · 10/05/2023 10:33

My little boy is Autistic we have a cockerador (a labrador cross with a cocker spaniel). She's basically a mini labrador. She's so soft and loving and not too big. DS adores her

Dog for family with autistic daughter
booktokbear · 10/05/2023 11:07

I 3rd the golden retriever. My sister is autistic (not a child but still) and her goldie is her lifeline.

We have one too and he's so calm when he needs to be, but also lots of fun and energetic which has worked perfect for my ds with adhd.

They are such loving animals, love to please and show love, as well as adoring love in return.

booktokbear · 10/05/2023 11:09

Actually re reading your post, Goldies require lots of exercise. We have a dog walker 3 x a week but it's mostly down to me and it is time consuming, but most dogs need two walks a day.

DrHousecuredme · 10/05/2023 11:19

A word of warning, a special school near us got a puppy with the intention of training it to be a school dog.
Extremely experienced owner, very careful research of the puppy's family/history etc, specialist trainer on hand, "reliable" breed chosen (Labrador)
By the time it was two the puppy hated being a school dog, avoided children and eventually bit a staff member as it got scared one day.

The experienced owner kept it as a pet and it has a lovely home now but it just shows, you can prepare as well as you like but the dog may not become the support dog you're after.

Are you fully prepared to keep and love a dog that avoids your dd, wants its own space or only likes you?

Original poster
vinoandbrie · 10/05/2023 11:32

Thank you so much, a lot of food for thought here.

DD adores animals. She is not loud or rough. She does however wants more from a cat than a cat can give in terms of affection and companionship.

I admit it would be a great shame if we got a dog and then it didn’t take to her! I guess I’m looking for a companion for her, although the dog would be a family dog, not just for her.

Thank you very much indeed for all contributions as it’s all really welcome and useful to help me start thinking about this more objectively.

OP posts:
weebarra · 10/05/2023 11:35

I have DS2 who is 'high functioning'. We have a lab who isn't specifically a therapy dog but who gives him a lot of support.

lifeturnsonadime · 10/05/2023 11:45

I'd say it depends on the dog. We've got a goldie but she's anything but calm. Goldie puppies are demanding and are often nicknamed landsharks because they mouth so much.

helpmyteen · 10/05/2023 11:58

My Dd has autism (she is 16)
We've had 2 rescue dogs who have been unofficial support animals for her.
We've been very lucky with temperaments which is the most important thing.
We had one other rescue who was not suitable & needed specialist rehoming (he became aggressive). That was traumatic (needed LOTS of processing)
Our current dog is a golden doodle. She's a bit big, & needs lots of exercise.
but she is gentle & very cuddly. Dd comes home from school unable to speak & just cuddles & cuddles & cuddles her. Photos have become an obsession too.
I'd say it's a gamble (as is everything) but if you strike lucky it can be amazing.
I hope you find the right dog for your Dd

clpsmum · 10/05/2023 12:15

I have cavalier King Charles spaniels they are amazing with my autistic Dc and need whatever amount of exercise you can offer. They are very adaptable

clpsmum · 10/05/2023 12:15

Ps you could also look into service dogs that didn't quite make it. I know a couple of people that have done this

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 10/05/2023 13:17

I would also say… and willing to get shot down here, a lot of people overromanicse buying dogs for companions for their ND family members. When the reality can be very different.

Purely anecdotal but someone I know has a teenage DS with autism, she got a small low energy breed dog and her DS struggled hugely with the puppy and adolescent stage and they very nearly rehomed. The noise in the night, they really struggled with the puppy messing the house, the puppy didn’t know when he was overstimulated (obviously) and could make the situation worse wanting to play/jumping up/mouthing (just being a puppy!) and the dog was also terrified of his meltdowns and would bark like mad, which also didn’t help.
Things are better now but her DS and the dog are fairly indifferent to each other.

powershowerforanhour · 10/05/2023 14:34

"Are you fully prepared to keep and love a dog that avoids your dd, wants its own space or only likes you?"

This in spades. Only get a dog if you really want a dog. Many dogs latch onto one family member, often the one that spends most time at home (not necessarily quality time, focused on the dog play or training time- but just with the dog happily pottering about nearby or lying near them in companionable silence). There is a high chance the dog would decide that you were the object of worship and that's that. They don't actually care who feeds them or who is desperate to be "the one". (Us, as children; but my dad was the dog magnet/god as far as the dogs were concerned- all except one, a nervous wreck of a rescue collie who was terrified of everyone and wanted to bolt back to her shed, alone on a heap of straw, or skulk about behind tractors for about 2 years before she slowly and gently latched onto my mum ).

At the moment we've got two- a gentle spaniel who thankfully tolerates the children but cannot be arsed with them and never actively seeks interaction with them, she just wants to be with DH, and a dopey Jack Russell who is 3 now but has the mental age of about 4 months and is "Yaaayyyy " with anybody who wants to play, the kids love him and he loves everyone, and is also gentle. One would think of the two breeds the spaniel ought be be a more suitable child's pet, but that's not the way it turned out.

Xrays · 10/05/2023 14:38

Just wanted to share this about my friend who got an assistance dog for her child with autism. She fully researched it, child loved dogs, all very eager etc but the reality was the child actually didn’t like the dog sharing its home with them all the time. They found the whole thing overwhelming and didn’t enjoy having another unpredictable aspect added to their lives. They tried to persevere with sought help etc but eventually just admitted it wasn’t working for them and they gave the dog back to the place it came from. It didn’t work out the way they expected at all. Just keep an open mind.

Allthenaughtydogs · 10/05/2023 14:42

My friend has a dog she hoped would support her autistic daughter.

However, the dog developed very strong resource guarding around food and has bitten. Now needs very careful management around food/treats/chews/balls etc which can be tricky out and about, as well as at home.
If the girl had been younger the dog would require rehoming.

The girl now has little interest in leaving the house and all the dog care is left to mum. Dog, of course, has 100% attached to mum……..

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 10/05/2023 14:42

I agree with the posters above. Dogs are unpredictable in their affection. The dog might decide your DD is not ‘his person’ and you cannot change that.

Would your DD be able to cope with this?

Original poster
vinoandbrie · 10/05/2023 15:51

Likely that would be disappointing all round to be honest. I’m really grateful for these perspectives and anecdotes.

OP posts:
DrHousecuredme · 10/05/2023 16:48

Would you consider volunteering with your dd at a dog rescue?
That way she has the opportunity to build realistic relationships with dogs and neither of you are romanticising them.
Also, a bond with a specific dog might grow naturally from that.