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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

Have to say goodbye at 6pm, don't know if I can do it 😢

56 replies

Rarar · 04/04/2023 16:30

She's only 10, has had nothing but health problems all her life and long term steroids have wrecked her kidneys, amongst other things. She's not in terrible pain but has no energy, interest or quality of life, she just sleeps all the time. So it doesn't have to be today and that's what I'm struggling with, every other time I've had to pts it's been 'urgent' and I don't know how to reconcile with being the one to choose the day she dies. I know we can't go on indefinitely and whichever day I pick will probably feel just as bad, I just don't know that it has to be today, does it? I'm just going round in circles and I'm running out of time.

OP posts:
Namechange567775 · 04/04/2023 18:18

We had to say goodbye to our girl on Monday - it was exactly the same for us, the thought of it being ‘the last’ of everything was unbearable; last dinner, last bedtime, last wee. She’d been declining for some time and as soon as we’d made the decision, she stopped eating, could barely walk and slept all day. On Monday, she perked up and whilst it was lovely to take her for one last sniff around, it almost felt like we were doing the wrong thing - even though we know we’d tried everything and she was in pain and miserable. I was hoping she might just slip away in the night.

Take time to grieve your friend and look after yourself.

tiredpuppymum · 04/04/2023 18:19

Sorry, I can't even begin to imagine. Sending a big hug.

Words · 04/04/2023 18:22

I understand OP. It's a nightmarish time. I made and cancelled several appointments for my very old girl as when the dreaded day came, she perked up hugely and I just couldn't do it.
It is the best thing we can do for them though, when the time comes, heartbreaking as it is.

I have found the actual experience is never quite so awful as imagination would suggest, but the days after that are very hard, so look after yourself.

pilates · 04/04/2023 18:23

I’m writing this with tears in my eyes.

Sending you love ❤️ I can’t think of anything comforting to say to ease your pain.

Pbubz · 04/04/2023 18:24

I am so sorry you're going through this. I'm saying goodbye to my 12 year old tomorrow, sounds very similar to yours in that it isn't urgent, she's just come to the end slowly and is clearly not okay.

Sending you loads of strength and love x

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 04/04/2023 19:12

I lost my soul dog two weeks ago. He had kidney failure. He was sort of OK, though quite not his normal self, for a long time, until suddenly he wasn't. It was enormously difficult but my only regret is that I didn't say goodbye to him in the 'sort of OK' period. Yes, he would have missed some enjoyable moments in the 'sort of OK' days, but in retrospect, overall they weren't of sufficient quality to offset the discomfort he suffered when he stopped being any kind of OK and was obviously very poorly.

I didn't see how bad he was because it came on so slowly and insidiously. I think this led him to suffer unnecessarily and I deeply regret that.

Sending courage to those who are wondering whether now is the time.

StillWantingADog · 04/04/2023 19:20

Sending love OP. Whenever it happens it was the right thing to do.

Original poster
Rarar · 04/04/2023 19:31

Thank you all, she's gone and it went as well as it ever can. I feel heartbroken and relieved all at once which is a strange feeling, but I don't now feel it was too soon, she had had enough. I loved her til the very end and she knew it, her head was in my lap and I was stroking her face. My other Ddog stayed home with DH, he seems ok so far, bit confused but that's understandable. I hope he doesn't pine, that really will break my heart. She always loved him more than he loved her though, she was like his shadow. Vet said we would likely have had no choice within (at best) weeks, and she would have been suffering by then, maybe without us realising. I hope I'll find that comforting at some point, I don't know what I feel right now apart from sad.

OP posts:
Wellillsayitifnooneelsewill · 04/04/2023 19:37

Hello OP

I’m sorry for your loss

I don’t know if this will offer any reassurance but I’ve seen many many vets say that this is always a difficult decision under these circumstances but it is ALWAYS better a day too early than a day too late and also a vet will always act in the animals best interest so I think your vet will have ethically agreed that this was the right thing for your dog as well as medically.

Your dog crossed that bridge in comfort, with someone that loved them unconditionally and was able to be with them in a calm, stress and pain free situation. You did the right thing. Xx

May09Bump · 04/04/2023 19:51

Rarar · 04/04/2023 19:31

Thank you all, she's gone and it went as well as it ever can. I feel heartbroken and relieved all at once which is a strange feeling, but I don't now feel it was too soon, she had had enough. I loved her til the very end and she knew it, her head was in my lap and I was stroking her face. My other Ddog stayed home with DH, he seems ok so far, bit confused but that's understandable. I hope he doesn't pine, that really will break my heart. She always loved him more than he loved her though, she was like his shadow. Vet said we would likely have had no choice within (at best) weeks, and she would have been suffering by then, maybe without us realising. I hope I'll find that comforting at some point, I don't know what I feel right now apart from sad.

You just know when it is right - despite your own heartbreak, you like other good people put their pets first. She was on a downward spiral as confirmed by the vet and your stepped in before she suffered. I'm sorry for your loss, the pain will subside with time / healing and the happy memories will replace it.

AliceOlive · 04/04/2023 20:22

I am so sorry for your loss. She was a lucky girl to have you. You did the right thing. Please take care of yourselves while you are grieving.

DoeRayMe · 04/04/2023 20:38

A day too early is better than a day too late

I made this horrid choice about a month ago booking a week ahead and spent that week feeding her all the things she loved

Flowerly · 05/04/2023 19:59

2bazookas · 04/04/2023 16:58

In my experience of PTS;; afterwards, it will be some comfort to know you did the right thing for her and didn't keep her alive for your own sake. That she died peacefully in comfort before pain and distress began.

The first time I had to pts an old dog, I wished later that I'd done it two weeks earlier. When he was a very old thinner tireder dog but still happy. I shouldn't have waited until he struggled to stand, couldn't eat, and had stopped wagging.

Since then, when I've known it was their time, I didn't make them wait till I was ready.

Such a very wise and important post.

Flowerly · 05/04/2023 19:59

You did the right thing for her OP. I am so sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Rarar · 05/04/2023 22:04

It's been a tough day. There's so much that brings home that she's not here, putting out only one food bowl was unbearable last night and this morning, I had to ask DH to do it tonight because I just couldn't. I know it will get easier, I've been here before but these first few days are bloody hard. Thanks for the support, I know people on this board understand.

OP posts:
Pattydale · 05/04/2023 22:15

I'm so so sorry for your loss. But the love shines from you.

BasiliskStare · 05/04/2023 22:36

@Rarar I feel for you. Had a thread recently about my eldest boy . He is still doing OK but at 15& a half I know this won't last for ever.

You have done the right thing but I know that can be scant comfort

💐

Sunshineandrainbow · 05/04/2023 22:46

FrogsHiccups · 04/04/2023 16:51

OP I feel for you. We put our boy to sleep yesterday afternoon.
I took him. Gave him his favourite snacks. I hugged him. Looked in to his eyes and told him I loved him. Then he fell asleep next to me.

I spent pretty much all of yesterday and last night in pieces.
But today is a new day. I’ve cried and it’s still shit. But it’s less shit than yesterday. And tomorrow will be less shit than today.

All the best.

❤️

hattie43 · 05/04/2023 22:57

Really feel for you . I lost my boy on Thursday and I'm heartbroken 💔

Cherryblossom1985 · 06/04/2023 18:27

So sorry about your little dog.
You carried out an act of selflessness for your much loved pet and were a comfort to them as they slipped away.
No more pain.

Whaeanui · 06/04/2023 20:48

I know this feeling well and it’s hard, really hard. I hope you feel better soon. You did the fight thing but it doesn’t make the loss any easier.

Original poster
Rarar · 06/04/2023 23:27

Thanks so much for your lovely posts, I'm doing ok, sad but ok. I do feel more at peace with my decision now, she'd declined so much and I'd kept telling myself she was ok when she really wasn't, it was time. I'm still randomly crying and seeing her absence everywhere but the guilt has eased, I did right by her.

My other dog is keeping me going, he's actually doing better than I expected. Would it be terrible to wonder if maybe he might actually be happier being the only dog? He's an old boy himself now and seems quite pleased to be getting all the attention and treats, I think he's looking forward to a pampered retirement. I'm glad he's not pining but feel a bit perturbed that he doesn't seem bothered at all, is that normal?

OP posts:
FrogsHiccups · 07/04/2023 05:46

Hi @Rarar
glad to hear you’re feeling better. I’m the same. You still think of them, but each day gets easier.
Our other dog has genuinely been a lot more spritely too - no pining, no looking for our boy. We’re wondering whether she wanted to be an only one too!

KateFeather · 07/04/2023 07:43

You did the kindest thing OP, you clearly loved her very much. I'm so sorry for your loss. They give us so much, but break our hearts don't they.

Original poster
Rarar · 07/04/2023 11:28

Hard morning today, received a lovely condolence card from the vets and it's completely undone me. I know they're sent out of kindness but it's meant I started the day sobbing and now can't stop. I miss her so much. Sorry for venting here but I know people here properly understand and won't give me 'only a dog' side eye.

OP posts: