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The doghouse

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Original poster

leaving puppy alone

44 replies

tiredpuppymum · 08/03/2023 11:21

Hi, please help me!
We have a 5 month old Aussie pup who we are yet to leave home alone! I know thats really not ideal. We love him lots, but he isn't the easiest boy and we've spent the last few months focusing so much on other training that we just haven't left him yet.

He's crate trained, sleeps in it overnight 10pm-7am plus his day time naps with no problems. However, he really doesn't like being left in the day time. Even if we leave to pop upstairs to the toilet, he'll bark and pace so he does have some mild seperation anxiety.

So what do we do? I don't want to get it wrong.
I'll make sure he's well exercised, put him in his crate with a kong and his blanket and then do I just go straight out the front door? He will definitely bark, so do I wait for him to stop barking then go back in? or go back in after a minute or two regardless of if he's barking or not and build it up over time?

I'm getting myself in such a tizz over this as I know it's something we should have done from the beginning. Any advice is very much welcome!

OP posts:
Vegrocks · 08/03/2023 11:28

Bloomin heck…. Someone has always had to be at home for 5 months?! Sounds awful tbh

Original poster
tiredpuppymum · 08/03/2023 11:53

@Vegrocks that was a really helpful response, thanks for taking the time.

OP posts:
Vegrocks · 08/03/2023 12:02

Pleasure 🤷‍♀️

ArtichokeAardvark · 08/03/2023 12:07

Does he have toys in his crate? Or a treat that he has to work hard for (we smeared doggie peanut butter inside a hollow chew toy for our lab and it occupied her for ages trying to lick it clean). Basically something to occupy him. Don't make a big fuss of leaving, make sure he's occupied by something give him a pat, say good bye and then walk out. Don't be gone too long for the first few times so he gets the idea that you always come back, and again, don't make a massive fuss when you do return. It's got to be completely normal and boring.

ticklemepinker · 08/03/2023 12:08

we have taken it incredibly slowly, and it's worked well for us. I'm not up for letting a dog howl/bark/be distressed/upset neighbours. DTAS (FB group) is incredibly helpful - they have great guides on how to train alone time. Build up slowly, is the main advice, and don't let them get distressed.

Wolfiefan · 08/03/2023 12:08

You’ve done the right thing! Leaving an anxious dog just increases the anxiety. FB group dog training advice and support have great advice on this. Have a look.

Cornelious2011 · 08/03/2023 12:11

We took it very slowly from day 1. 5 minutes, gradually building up.

The dog is now very used to you being around. Can you put baby gate/ play pen in a room with toys so that he can get used to not having access to you at all times. Praising when quiet and ignoring when barking. Then gradually increasing this to leaving the home but returning soon after to reassure that you always come back.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 08/03/2023 12:12

I would say put him in his crate and leave him for a half an hour. Step this up by degree (if you need to go shopping) and he will be fine btw... what happens when you go shopping anyway? Does someone have to be left with him ?

Wolfiefan · 08/03/2023 12:16

Please don’t shut an anxious dog in a crate for half an hour.

Mindymomo · 08/03/2023 12:17

We started slowly, leaving in crate just 5 minutes at first, just left house and came back in, made a big fuss of puppy and gave a treat. Next day a little longer. I did have a camera on him and provided he was walked and fed before leaving, he was happy to go in crate and be left most times.

mrsfennel · 08/03/2023 12:18

@tiredpuppymum I think its quite normal to not have left a 5 month alone, its still very young. The more secure and confident you can make them the better in the long run. Our 9 month is happy to be left crated for an hour ish alone and longer with the other dogs .

I would start with in the house when he is settled in the same room, get up and walk into another room and literally pick something up or open fridge , anything that you normally do, when he follows you don't make eye contact, just walk back to where you were and carry on reading, iPad etc.

Once he is settled, repeat, do this several times, the first time he does not follow you don't stay out of room for longer than 10 seconds. Build up until you can go upstairs and he stays down.

Every time he is left in alone and he gets anxious you are going backwards with his behaviour.

mrsfennel · 08/03/2023 12:20

I would also add when you get to the stage of leaving him in crate and return, open door and calmly say hi give brief pat, but dont make a big fuss. You don't want him anticipating your return with excitement.

Original poster
tiredpuppymum · 08/03/2023 12:27

Thank you, will have a look at the fb groups.

@Wolfiefan thanks, and I know. It's difficult as he barks and gets stressed as soon as he knows you're about to leave so everywhere online says to come back before they get too distressed doesn't really work as he's distressed before I even leave! I can't even nip upstairs for a wee without him barking!

Think we'll have to start desensitising the getting ready to go out process. So putting my shoes and coat on and just sitting on the sofa instead of going out etc.

It's been a really lovely, but really challenging few months. Nothing has come easy, we've spent hundreds of pounds on group training, 1:1 training, online training, all the training! Every tiny step forward has taken weeks and weeks of absolute consistency and dedication.

The car is a whole other story! He can't just relax in his bed, he barks, jumps around and pulls on his seatbelt to the point where it's not safe. We've done all the things, spent god knows how many hours on the driveway getting him to lie down, settle, feeding him chicken, he's had kongs in the car, lick mats, engine on, engine off, windows open, closed. He's been on the back seat, front seat, boot... nothing works!!!! and im out of ideas. The trainers also stumped which is almightily unhelpful

He's not like my first dog, who was just naturally calm, naturally walked on a lead without issues, didn't mind alone time etc. It's a good job he's adorable and we love him to pieces... but man! it's been tough.

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredpuppymum · 08/03/2023 12:33

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 08/03/2023 12:12

I would say put him in his crate and leave him for a half an hour. Step this up by degree (if you need to go shopping) and he will be fine btw... what happens when you go shopping anyway? Does someone have to be left with him ?

This just isn't possible, he'd be extremely distressed by this and I don't want him to associate his crate, aka his comfy happy place with negative feelings.

re shopping, there's 2 of us.

OP posts:
Happenchance · 08/03/2023 12:35

You need to build up the time that he is left very slowly, at his pace. You have left him too long if he gets anxious, e.g. barks.

Dogs don't have the cognitive ability to reason like anxious people do. If he gets anxious, he's incapable of looking back and thinking "Nothing happened to me whilst they were gone. There was no need for me to worry" after you return. Instead, he will have had one more experience of feeling anxious when left, which confirms that be left is a bad thing.

Original poster
tiredpuppymum · 08/03/2023 12:36

mrsfennel · 08/03/2023 12:18

@tiredpuppymum I think its quite normal to not have left a 5 month alone, its still very young. The more secure and confident you can make them the better in the long run. Our 9 month is happy to be left crated for an hour ish alone and longer with the other dogs .

I would start with in the house when he is settled in the same room, get up and walk into another room and literally pick something up or open fridge , anything that you normally do, when he follows you don't make eye contact, just walk back to where you were and carry on reading, iPad etc.

Once he is settled, repeat, do this several times, the first time he does not follow you don't stay out of room for longer than 10 seconds. Build up until you can go upstairs and he stays down.

Every time he is left in alone and he gets anxious you are going backwards with his behaviour.

Thank you for your gentle response. He'd follow me into the kitchen so yes, will give this a go. If I put him in a sit and stay he'll stay and I could go into a different room so hopefully thats a good starting point.

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 08/03/2023 12:38

Slightly off the topic but do you have neighbours who can hear him barking?

Original poster
tiredpuppymum · 08/03/2023 12:38

Happenchance · 08/03/2023 12:35

You need to build up the time that he is left very slowly, at his pace. You have left him too long if he gets anxious, e.g. barks.

Dogs don't have the cognitive ability to reason like anxious people do. If he gets anxious, he's incapable of looking back and thinking "Nothing happened to me whilst they were gone. There was no need for me to worry" after you return. Instead, he will have had one more experience of feeling anxious when left, which confirms that be left is a bad thing.

He barks before I've even left the house so it's hard to know where to build up from when I can't even get out the door.

OP posts:
ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 08/03/2023 12:38

Surely the crate is his safe place OP. When I said leave him for a half an hour I did not mean you should go out. Sit in another room. Build up the time slowly so when you o go out he will not feel anxious. This is what I would do. I have had a dog with extreme separation anxiety and know what it is like

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 08/03/2023 12:39

What so you do when he barks OP ?

Original poster
tiredpuppymum · 08/03/2023 12:40

@BodenCardiganNot yes, but I don't leave him to bark. Its not nice for him, us or them. Why?

OP posts:
mrsfennel · 08/03/2023 12:41

@tiredpuppymum We just want the best for our pets so its hard especially when you have already tried a trainer etc. Im trying to get the 9 month old used to car, she jumps in and out but doesn't like the doors shut! I tried explaining to someone that I was building up to turning the engine on and they obviously thought I was nuts!

Like you say its tiny tiny steps. I keep reminding myself how good she is with lots of things, im going to keep going with car thing and hoping for some dry weather.

BodenCardiganNot · 08/03/2023 12:42

@tiredpuppymum
We lived next door to people who had a barking dog, who barked a lot. It's not easy.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 08/03/2023 12:49

There is a theory that when a dog constantly barks and you respond to it that you are actually making matters worse by giving attention to negative behaviour.
Maybe if you start by giving attention when dog is not barking (even for a few seconds at first) he will slowly get the message that barking does not get attention but being quiet does.
At this stage I would think anything is worth a try.

Wolfiefan · 08/03/2023 12:52

That FB group is fab OP. It’s taken us from a puppy who tried to eat through a wall when I left her alone long enough for me to pop into the next room and wee! To one who sighs if we wake her up when she’s been left for a couple of hours or even four

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