leaving puppy alone

[tiredpuppymum]

Hi, please help me!
We have a 5 month old Aussie pup who we are yet to leave home alone! I know thats really not ideal. We love him lots, but he isn't the easiest boy and we've spent the last few months focusing so much on other training that we just haven't left him yet.

He's crate trained, sleeps in it overnight 10pm-7am plus his day time naps with no problems. However, he really doesn't like being left in the day time. Even if we leave to pop upstairs to the toilet, he'll bark and pace so he does have some mild seperation anxiety.

So what do we do? I don't want to get it wrong.
I'll make sure he's well exercised, put him in his crate with a kong and his blanket and then do I just go straight out the front door? He will definitely bark, so do I wait for him to stop barking then go back in? or go back in after a minute or two regardless of if he's barking or not and build it up over time?

I'm getting myself in such a tizz over this as I know it's something we should have done from the beginning. Any advice is very much welcome!

@ChangedmynameagainforChristmas I see, sorry I thought you meant leave the house.
We do do this. For example at tea time we put him in his crate with a really good kong or lick mat and go and sit in the dining room for 20/30 mins while we eat. He's fine with this and doesn't bark, he will sometimes have a quiet little cry if he's finished his kong and we havent come back in yet though.

re the barking, so its not a constant 'bark, bark, bark, bark' which is what he does in the car. So for example if I'm in the living room with him and need to go upstairs to the toilet I'll scatter some treats/kibble and nip upstairs. As soon as he's finished the food he might do a quick 'bark, bark!' then sits at the baby gate panting or pacing up and down until I return. If he does bark lots then I'm on the loo so theres little I can do for those few seconds but I wait for a pause in the barking, even if its only for a second and then return. If there isn't a pause after 1 or 2 mins I just return and snap him out of it by doing some basic clicker training with him.

As I said upthread, we have neighbours so I'm really conscious of him barking as I don't want him to distrub them.

@tiredpuppymum we've also got a 6 month old who hadn't been left much. I'm retired, DH and DD work from home. He's pretty chilled and doesn't mind being left downstairs if I go upstairs for example. He just sits in the hall and waits.
There is some good advice in Steve Mann's book easy peasy doggie Squeezy. I think there's about 25 steps to helping an anxious dog. Eg step 7 is pick up car keys, walk to front door. Turn round walk back to dog. Repeat until dog is relaxed about it. Step 8, pick up keys walk to front door, open it, shut it, walk back to dog. Step 9, same but step outside, come back in. Literally tiny tiny steps. If dog gets anxious, go back a step.
Also flitting. Walk out of room, dog follows, stand and do nothing for 20 seconds, return to first room sit down like nothing happened. Repeat repeat repeat until dog is bored and doesn't follow you!
I think it's better to build confident pup than go cold Turkey and just leave them when they're tiny. Good luck!

Don't give up. If what you are doing does not seem to work, don't stop. Give good behaviour lots of attention and don't react to the barking. If he pushes for attention bring the palm of your hand down to block him and say 'No' He needs to learn.
Anything he does that is positive gets a reward. I would stop with the rewards for just being left and reward on your return if he stops barking.

@mrsfennel sounds so, so familiar! You're doing great... and I've been reassured it does get easier (at the 2 year mark but we'll ignore that)

@Wolfiefan that's amazing!

@Sunflowers765 I have that book but haven't picked it up for a while! Thanks for the reminder, I'll dig it out.

@ChangedmynameagainforChristmas Thank you for taking the time to respond! We'll get there, it'll just take time.

We’re experienced with older rescues with issues but we’ve got our first puppy! She is 7 months now and has only been left a few minutes which has been fine. We could have gone longer but it was raining 😂 The neediness was a bit of a shock but we adapted.

We've spent the time until now flitting, building confidence at doing ‘puzzles’ on her own in another room (snuffle mat, easy kong, treats in a box). She doesn’t bother following us now unless she thinks it’s fun, then soon realises us having a wee isn’t. No forced separation. The difference in confidence is amazing from when she would only sleep under our chins!

Puppies are babies. They don’t have the skill set to cope alone or understand until they’ve gone through adolescence. Yes it’s restricting, yes we’re missing out but I know how serious SA can be so time now is less time later.

Some dogs get over it. A lot do not. I don’t use food in training (apart from games) as it’s just a distraction. They’re not learning to cope plus an anxious dog won’t eat anyway. I’d recommend the dog training advice and support group too. They give good information as to how you train but also why. We’ve been following a lot of the puppy guides and it’s all going really well for us so far 🙂

Bear in mind that scared dogs (or humans) can’t learn. So they’re learning nothing other than being distressed if they’re being left AND are distressed They may shut down eventually but anxiety is like whack a mole - it will pop up elsewhere.

They’ll only learn if you keep them sub threshold at all times. Barriers like crates are an added complication too. I’m crate training our pup but I’ve done it before and it takes months as they need to WANT to stay in there. Anything else is just forced confinement and will make things much worse.

Five months is still little, our pup wasn't happy being left at that age so we just delayed it. We had no real need for her to be left alone. Once she got to 9 months she wasn't bothered at all.

I know a couple of people through training classes who've ended up with dogs with more serious separation anxiety because they pushed leaving their pups alone from very little (although in sure breed played a part there too)

Our dog had separation anxiety, we couldn't leave him alone for 2 years, we built up extremely slowly, I couldn't even go out the room without him being stressed. We built it up so I could go for a shower in peace, he can manage 3/4 hrs now.

Leaving them to bark doesn't work, you need to ensure you go back before they bark, if that's 10 seconds then that's 10 seconds. I think it is Julie Naismith on FB who has a brilliant page with amazing advice. Desensitising is the key.

If you leave them to get stressed it has the complete opposite effect, it really set our dog back trying that and is not recommended by experts.

Oh dear, our pup is 9mo and has never been left.
We tried all the DTAS stuff - flitting, do it yerself etc. Nope he wants to follow us everywhere. I can go upstairs for 5mins with him shut in a room and he's kind of ok
I don't think he has SA as he's never been separated, but it's more fomo.
We've had to manage our lives around him including my hubby working away for a week. It didn't help that he didn't want to be in the car on his own, not even on the front seat next to me. He's OK with this now but can still get agitated.
So no advice sorry, but we're in the same boat and if I crack it I will let you know.
BTW I stopped doing the DTAS stuff as it wasn't working for our boy. Positive training balanced with boundaries is what we do.

I'm in the same position with my 5 month old Aussie although I haven't tried to leave him alone yet as our place is open plan. He's extremely attached to me in particular which will be difficult in the future.
I recommend watching Graham Hall's Dogs Behaving Badly and coincidentally recently saw one with a dog having separation anxiety. Rewarding good behaviour i.e. staying put and not barking in intervals of even 10/20 seconds at first and then building up.
Car problems solved too in other episodes.

Just to give you some hope, our puppy knows the difference between when you are out & when you are upstairs. She will whine & fuss at the baby gate if she knows you have gone to a different part of the house without her. But if you’ve gone out of the house she settles straight down. So with her it’s fear of missing out rather than separation anxiety. As your DDog settles when you have dinner it suggests that you will be able to get him used to you going out eventually.

Also, when we first left our pup it was after she’d had a walk & it was her normal nap time.

As someone said up thread this may not be separation anxiety. You have not been separated from him so you haven't tested this. But a puppy wanting to be close to ita guardian is a fairly normal puppy. You can use special cameras (or just leave your phone recording) to see how he copes if you leave for five mins.

His behaviour in the house, needing to be with you everywhere sounds like FOMO which is normal for herding breeds. They like watching all the action and get frustrated if they can't see what is going on. There's a reason so many collies are called Shadow. And you have posted about yours before - he's a high drive herder who wants to be busy doing stuff all the time. Mine is too. It's not unmanageable it just takes work

The advice we get for our collie was to let her watch, follow us round the house etc and then gradually restrict her area to be busy in. So kind of the reverse of flitting. So we had a stairgate in the kitchen door which we eventually took out and started closing the door. She flipped and barked the house down initially but does now know if we're elsewhere in the house and she's in the kitchen she's ok. We taught wait abd always go through doors ahead of her. We keep curtains closed if we leave her in the day so she doesn't sit watching the window. As much as possible we try to cue that home is where you have downtime. She isn't allowed upstairs at all.

If she has had a walk, some training, done a job she is happy to be left chilling in the kitchen alone for a few hours. But that's because we have tried to gently build the mental picture that the kitchen is an 'off' place.

Think about working dogs. They need to be 'on' to work and 'off' in a shed or barn the rest of the time. Shepherds care about their dogs but don't spend loads of time whipping out frozen kongs or practicing flitting if they are off to work and a 5mth old pup wants attention. Learning boundaries and that there is a space where it is ok to switch off is really important for these breeds.

@Jinpix thats really reassuring thanks!
I was feeling pressure from people to leave him, just like the first response to this post. But maybe he just isn’t ready yet.

Hello, fellow Aussie mum here!

Ours is 2 now. We got her in lockdown (unfortunate timing, we'd been on a waiting list for ages), and due to our work patterns, kid's school etc she was never left alone as a pup. I also knew at that age that she wasn't ready for it.

I introduced it really slowly, starting with going out to the bin, then going sitting in the car etc I followed the advice on DTAS facebook page. Despite being told by well meaning friends and family to 'just leave her' I stuck to my guns and took it super slow.

We can now leave her for up to 5 hours (though this is extremely rare), and she is absolutely fine. So yes, it's a pain for a while someone having to be home, or taking pup with you when you go out, but for us it worked a treat!

@FanGurrl aw hi! It’s been a wild ride so far 😂
thanks so much, I feel like this is exactly what my instincts are telling me to do.
I hear the 2 year mark is where everything miraculously gets better…

OP I agree with others that 5 months isn’t that old for your puppy to get used to being on his own. Our puppy is almost four months and we’re just getting started on the process of leaving her alone for a few minutes (going upstairs then back down), we’re going to try to do it for a bit longer each day. I agree it’s hard to listen to them bark or cry. Good luck OP! 🍀🤞

I have an Aussie too. They are such wonderful dogs! Mine will turn 2 this summer. When he was very young he didn’t venture far from our sides and he still chooses to be near us. But he is also fine to be on his own for a few hours.

I have never used a crate overnight or when leaving him alone. When he was younger he stayed in a puppy-proofed room and now he has the run of the house. I still give him a treat before leaving, a Kong or lick mat, but I’m sure he’d be fine without. I think it’s important to be matter of fact about departures and returns, no fuss at either end.

Good luck and enjoy your puppy! Aussies are awesome.

There's a book called Be Right Back which has great advice on how to gradually build up time alone without causing your dog distress.