Has anyone managed to fix reactivity/aggression to visitors?

[3AndADog]

I’m feeling so down in the dumps about this. DDog is 18 months, and amazing out and about. Confident and friendly, great recall, good lead walking, we have brilliant walks.

at home she’s a work in progress - quite barky at random noises and a little terror for stealing things/counter surfing. a bit of separation anxiety. But the real issue is visitors. Not all visitors, specifically 12 year old boys who are frightened of her. She’s great with most kids. All of my friends are fine. Tradesmen are fine. She always barks at the door but once she’s been indulged with a hello she is anyone’s friend. But my eldest son can’t have his friends over and he’s devastated. She lunges, barks, growls. And it doesn’t stop for the duration of their visit. Even when they go upstairs she paces around barking and looking for them. She’s ok with some of his friends but if they express just an ounce of nervousness she freaks out. She’s never bitten but she gets so over aroused and I have never really thought she would but today I genuinely worried that it might happen.

So This evening we had a boy over and the dog was just terrified, I tried lots of treats, she was on the lead, off the lead, on again, but the boy just kept edging/running away from her and jumping and staring at her with that wide eyed look that scared kids do, and he just looked so frightened poor kid. My son is mortified. She’s only like this with about 3 or 4 of his close friends and the only common thread is that they are all scared of her. But you can’t tell a terrified child to get down and say a nice cuddly hello to a barking snarling dog they are afraid of! I feel like the kids childhoods are being restricted too much by this behaviour.

we are seeing a behaviourist remotely and she has suggested we train her to be on a bed in the garden when visitors arrive and gradually move her safe space/bed closer and then into the house as she gains confidence. Lots of treats and conditioning, along with lots of confidence building games and training calm in the house outside of the situation so that she is prepared with the tools when a visitor does arrive. But I just can’t see this working. It seems like such a real fear in her. No matter how far she is from the visitor all she wants to do is run right up to them. How is being so far away going to help her differentiate between people she likes and people she is scared of? She is on daily anxiety meds already and has situational meds which we are trying out, she had had some this evening preemptively and she was sleeping soundly when they arrived, but clearly did not work a jot in the situation.

on the one hand, I spend 95% of my time happy with our life with this dog but when we have incidents like this I feel so anxious and desperate and I can’t see a way out. I can’t imagine her ever changing and I want my kids as they grow up to be bringing their friends home regularly, I want their home to be their safe place, as it should be!

please can I have some positive success stories? Sorry if I sound melodramatic. I’m really upset and shaken.

Thanks OP. I wasn't really making a point but just curious.

If she's on meds then it's pretty serious seperation anxiety. Coupled with what you've said about her reaction to specific visitors, I'd be wondering if she isn't more anxious then she's letting on in different scenarios too.

You know your dog and I've never seen her, and it is possible for a dog to be anxious in specific circumstances and more comfortable in others but I would be wondering if she's not worried when out walking etc. (Sometimes nerves can look like confidence.)

Anyway, the reason I asked is to look at how easy it's going to be to help her with vistors. An otherwise confident dog has a better shot at this than one who is more anxious, generally. I'd be expecting to always have to put a degree of management/supervision with this dog and children. Of course, over time they won't be children any more so that also helps

You sound like you have a good relationship with your behaviourist, so definately lean on them for help and support. Counter conditioning and desensitisation are the theories for this but I suspect finding the right way to implement them that works for this dog, your home and your family is going to take someone there, in person, to find a method you can follow.

we are seeing a behaviourist remotely

If your behaviourist won't or can't travel to support you in person then please consider one who can.

Then I would reduce the distance each time and not allow her any contact with the known visitor at all until she knows to stay away when ever anyone comes to the house. Then start over again with unknown guests. But this seems mean, as she adores my family members and some friends who visit and they love her too, not letting her see them seems wrong?

It's not mean or wrong OP, it's training, I'm amazed that you can't see that. Your child can't even have his friends round because of this dog and you're worried about making the dog sad because it can't just do as it please? Do you have any boundaries with the dog at home? Where did you get the dog from?

@SirSniffsAlot we live on an island, non Uk, no behaviourists here unfortunately.

@Choconut not really sure what you mean by boundaries. She sleeps in a crate, is trained to go on her bed, only has use of the kitchen/diner, hallway and utility. Isn’t allowed human food. Is allowed on the sofa. Spends some time shut in the hall behind baby gates. Not really sure what boundaries you are talking about. And of course I can see that it’s training. But are you saying that she should only have contact with the 5 house members for the foreseeable?