What breed if any?

[Findyourneutralspace]

My (young adult) DS wants us to get a dog. I can see how good it would be for him. Among other things, he had ADHD and needs to get out for a good bit of exercise every day. He also struggles a bit with friendships.
But….
I work full time, about 50/50 from home. When I work away, I’m gone from 10 till about 5. There is scope to pop home at lunchtime, but it’s not massively convenient. DS doesn’t work at the moment and likely won’t for a while, but in the lifespan of a dog, he will at some point start work and possibly move to his own place.
We also have a cat, which makes a lot of breeds unsuitable.

I’m going round in circles looking at different breeds that could manage being left for a few hours and might get along with (or just not try and eat) the cat.

Suggestions? Or do I accept that it’s not that feasible at the moment? While DS is home he has the time and energy for most things - and would thrive off it- but I don’t want to be short sighted and end up like one of those lockdown owners.

Hi op
i have a chihuahua she is adorable so loving and well behaved and is fab with the cat she loves him and follows him everywhere . She is fine on her own but I tend not to leave her for long periods of time the days im working I leave her with my mum but she is fine alone if I nip out for a couple hours shopping etc

Most breeds are ok with cats if introduced young but all puppies try to play with or chase cats so you may need some heavy management there.

re alone most dogs could cope with that if built up over time but don’t expect it until well over a year old maybe longer depending on the puppy. You’d need a dig walker or someone in midday.

my last dog was a terrier sighthound cross who lived very happily with our cats with training (introduced when she was 1) and was fine left for 4 hours in the morning and then 1-2 in the afternoon with an hour break when I came home for lunch. She was an adult when we did that though and her life outside us working revolved around her needs (I did agility, obedience and lots of long walks).

current pup is a terrier and is a pain to our cat but it’s puppy playfulness. No hint of prey drive. She just wants him to play. Her mum, aunt, full sister and grandmother lived with cats and chickens with no issues.

How would your cat feel about it? Ours is a very confident laid back senior gent who is not a lap cat and not bothered about our pups silliness. He’s lived with our last dog and as long as he can come and go unbothered then he’s happy. He even gets extra chicken when we’re training the pup to be calm around him 😉

I think my cat would be ok if it wasn’t too chasey, so we’d have to do some training. It’s likely DS will be home most of the time during the puppy years, but it’s also likely he has underestimated how hard work it could be!
The cat gets along fine with my friends oldish rescue dog, but he’s a very chilled dog. My other friend’s one-year-old cockapoo, on the other hand….. not so keen. He just legs it up to the loft room where the pup can’t access.

please just find a rescue dog

My first question would be - is DS capable of doing all the care involved in looking after a puppy while you're out at work all day?

Early morning wake ups.
Cleaning up accidents.
Toilet training.
Almost constant supervision.
Meal times/refilling water bowls.
Walks once old enough.

Even if you're WFH 50% of the time, you won't be able to look after the puppy at the same time, so DS will need to take full responsibility during your working hours even if you're in the room next door.

Then, what happens when DS goes to work or moves out? Will he be allowed to take the dog and if not, can you afford a walker or daycare and all the associated costs?

I think you're wise to look at the bigger picture. Are YOU happy to look after a dog (with all the time, emotional and financial challenges that brings) for the next 15 years?

Have you had a dog before?

I don’t think rescues would rehome with cats would they?

We’ve never had a dog before so we’d be first time owners. I love dogs and look after my friends’ quiet often, but I know what a tie they can be. I love the idea and can see me wanting one even more when my nest is empty, but I do have hesitation because I’d want it to have the best life ever.

I know I’d have to do the donkey work even if I said to DS that it was his dog. When he’s on form he’d be brilliant at walking and training but I would have to be a back up for when he isn’t up to it - and that’s a big commitment. But boy, would he be a best mate to it.

I suppose I’m wondering if there’s anything that would suit our lifestyle. We have a lot of love to give (our cats are super spoiled) but I’m fully aware dogs need more input - and what works now needs to work for many more years to come.

If you're going to have to do the donkey work and you work full-time m, including out of the home 50%, I don't think it's fair to get a dog - and definitely not a puppy.

Maybe an older rescue who's cat tested could be a good idea, to give you an idea of the commitment that's involved? You won't need to worry about toilet training or accidents as much and they're not as tying when they're adults.

But if you're at work all day you're going to be need to pay for a dog walker if your DS can't be relied upon to walk the dog.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tibetan_spaniel
my tibetian spaniel is a joy. Lovely nature and would be best buddies to a cat.
a sturdy breed, live long, and zero health issues in 12 years.

It’s not that easy. Years of experience with rescues. I’m an agility trainer with experience with multiple breeds. OH WFH in a really flexible job. No kids. Secure garden. Semi rural. Really active outdoorsy couple early 40s. We were turned down for over 2 years for various reasons, but mostly because of our cat. We bought from a really good breeder in the end.

By all means try. But don’t expect it to be quick if at all. Things have changed in rescue.

I wish people wouldn't say this.

It's very, very rare to find a rescue dog that just slots into family life without issue. Yes, some do but the majority of dogs are in rescue because they have behavioural issues of some description - separation anxiety, resource guarding, lead reactivity, high prey drives etc.

They need experienced owners who are at home the majority of the time and who have the knowledge and experience to help them - not someone who has never owned a dog before and who has a full-time job.

Thank you @whataboutsecondbreakfast and @Newpeep. I really don’t think we’d be ideal for a rescue for the reasons you say - not least the cat but also our ability to retrain a traumatised dog.

I think I’m going to leave if a while and see where DS is up to in a few months. I’m not against doing the leg work but I’d want him to be able to around and on the ball pretty much FT for the first year really. He’s been doing well lately so if things become a bit more consistent we may revisit it.

I’m still very keen to hear recommendations of breeds though - as I can see us doing ot as a family, but only when I’m sure we can give a dog the life it deserves.

I think the reason you've not had many breed recommendations is you haven't really said much about what you actually want from a dog, lol.

How much exercise can you give?
Are there any traits that are a total no-no?
Do you want to do any grooming?
Could you cope with a dog that sheds or drools all the time?
What kind of size do you prefer?

I'd come to say the same.

How much exercise?
How much mental stimulation?
Do you want an independent dog or a velcro breed?
How much training do you want to do? All dogs need training but would you be willing to get into further training if your dog needed it? (and I class a lot of the designer crosses in this as poodles are super bright dogs and do better with their brain worked)
What may you want to work more on eg. recall for a terrier or signthound or alone training and husbandry for anything with a companion dog like spaniel or poodle
Barking?
Coat care?
Size?
Deal breakers? Barking, separation anxiety, prey drive etc etc

Loads more but forget looks - what characteristics do you want as all dogs were bred to do something and most retain that desire.

I recommend Jack Russells as pets all day long. Compact, intelligent, very social, playful. They will go on walks with you, rather than you taking them for a walk. They can be yappy but that’s fairly easily trained out. They’re also not a standardised breed, so you really want to see the parents etc and check the conformation and temperament. Some can be arsey, or seem arsey, with other dogs but socialisation from an early age is important with all dogs. Don’t be one of those nitwits with a dog always on a lead because they’re “reactive”, but have never been off lead with other dogs, which is why they are straining and yapping. I’ve also only ever owned bitches, I’d never own a dog anything, let alone a terrier breed.
But- ideally you’d suit the dog with the owner, temperament wise. Some people prefer gun dog breeds as they are more docile (read; dull, biddable) but on the other hand need a lot more exercise. Of course all dogs need excercise, but you don’t want to be cooped up with a pointer or setter unless they’ve had a very decent stretch.
Also small cockerpoos, labradoodles etc are usually (always, in my experience) lovely dogs.

Ive found that dogs chase cats that run away. Grown cats are unlikely to run from a puppy and are usually fairly adept at disciplining them too.

Lastly, puppies are nightmares. There’s no way round that. Get a crate, it’s the fastest and easiest way of teaching them that shitting all over the place is undesirable.

Even more lastly, and most important, please don’t get a dog unless you are 100% sure you can look after it. They are sentient beings that become attached to their family and live for a long time.

Dalmatian. If they get a good run around in the morning they are generally chilled for the rest of the day. They do like to be with their family but just sleep if you go out. A lot I know wash the cats they live with

I think the point made above re are YOU keen on getting a dog and looking after it for the next 16 yrs of necessary is critical. If you want a dog great, but don't do it to make your DS happy only to be unhappy yourself.

As for breed it is impossible for anyone to recommend - you have already had JRT and dalmatians recommended and they are about as different as it gets. I don't know much about either but I know err challenging individual dogs of each breed. My collie is a love but I wouldn't recommend you get one. We had a lovely lab before. Labs are wonderful first time dog but hard work as puppies and need plenty of exercise throughout their lives and boundaries around food to avoid getting fat.

Long term most adult dogs will be fine with being left 10-5 IF a dog walker comes some time between 12-3 to walk them. That way they won't be alone for more than 4 hrs. You prob want to avoid v Velcro breeds that are more prone to separation anxiety and with all dogs gently build up time apart.

Puppies are different and you or your DS will need to be around more for the first 12m.

But the other variables that count are things like where you live, how busy or noisy is it?, how much exercise can you offer every day, do you want to do hobbies with your dog, how social does your dog need to be (do you have lots of visitors to the home), do you need to leave it with friends or in kennels if you travel abroad, how much can you afford upfront but also long-term if it has health problems, insurance premiums vary massively between breeds. IMO the underlying health of the breed matters because unhealthy dogs suffer more. No one should be buying brachycephalic breeds or dogs with known health issues like CKCS even though they are lovely. Lots of info on healthy dog breeds is available - JRTs are tough as old boots! If nothing else only seeing the vet for jabs saves a lot of time.

If getting a puppy the cat is a fairly minor consideration. Most dogs tolerate cats they have lived with from infancy.

Some very good points! Lots to think about…

In terms of the type of dog I’d like, I could do a couple of 30-60 minute walks a day, one before work and one when I get home.
If DS is around though, he’d walk miles and miles. So if a dog exists that can manage longer distances but doesn’t necessarily need them, that would be good.

Even better if it enjoys swimming. I’m an outdoor swimmer and my favourite thing is when you see dogs on paddle boards. That’s my best life - and it would be so lovely to have a dog who enjoyed the water. I appreciate a pup would need a life jacket and to learn to swim safely. That’s work I’d be very happy to put in.

Id happily take it to puppy classes too, to learn to walk nicely and recall etc.

Im not the world’s greatest housewife, so low shedding would suit me better. We don’t have a huge garden - more of a courtyard really, but there is lots of countryside and safe walking around us. But just opening the back door is unlikely to be much fun for a dog.

I’m a big softie and I’d like a companion really, to snuggle watching TV with. And I’m mindful I will have an empty nest in the lifespan of a dog so that’s on my radar. But with my work pattern, separation anxiety could be an issue for some breeds and I’d hate it to be unhappy. The neighbours probably wouldn’t appreciate a barker either.

I see quite a lot of beagles and cockapoos being walked around here and I wonder if it is because they suit the lifestyle of people in my area, or if they are just trendy.

Much as DS would love a big dog we just don’t have the room.

He says he absolutely wouldn’t want a cockapoo. He’s not keen on ‘curly’ breeds, but I love curly dogs so he may be overridden on that!

Once DS moves out or gets a job, you won't just be able to leave the dog at home all day with two walks - you'll need the resources to pay for a dog walker or daycare. Prices for both are rising pretty sharply so make sure you budget and organise your care well in advance of actually needing it.

Based on what you've said, I reckon a breed like a labrador or a golden retriever would work - labradors shed less but both breeds love water and are generally pretty independent and content alone for a few hours once they've reached adulthood.

Yes, I’m mindful a dog will need some daytime interaction too. My plan would be to either come home at lunchtime or use the money I either save by DS leaving home, or have in board from him to pay for a walker/daycare. There’s slack in the system there.

Labrador/Golden retriever could be a good fit. I’ve always thought of them as bigger but they aren’t huge are they?

(I realise I sound hopelessly clueless. That’s kind of the point of this thread! I’ve done lots of reading but I’m interested to hear from actual dog owners rather than google pages)

Working types are smaller/slimmer (as a rule) but they also need more stimulation and exercise. Show strains are larger but generally a bit more placid and easy to train (in that they won't try and outsmart you the way working strains do ).

Labradors are big but by no means massive. GR's have more fur and look bigger but actually when they're wet there isn't a huge difference between the two. I'd say GR's are generally a bit calmer overall as well.

Only you can decide if a dog is suitable for you but if you do, a Labrador would be perfect. Ours loves to swim more than anything and enjoys paddle boarding sloth he mainly uses ours as a diving board! He’s the softest dog in the world and is currently acting as my furry weighted blanket. He never really barks unless he wants to go out for a wee (one bark) or if someone comes to the door then he tries to be big and scary but only manages whispered woofs 😂. A few weeks ago he recognised that a little boy who has autism was struggling in a social situation and hiding under the table and he went under the table with him and pushed against him to help calm him, which he did. He’s never had any training in being a support dog but he is a huge support. He’s the best dog ever but he was a knob as a puppy 😂.

That is so sweet @Idratherbepaddleboarding (love your username) . I haven’t mentioned it here but I have another DS who is autistic and a gentle friend would be very sweet for him too.

I’m still very torn on commitment. I think I’ll see what the next six months brings, but it sounds like a lab or GR could be a good fit. And not curly 🤣

Well you can get curly coat retrievers! I don't know anything about them. TBH labs and GRs both shed like buggery. There's no two ways about that. Robot vacuum cleaner and just a general lowering of standards helps with that.

The curly coats on cockerpoos and labradoodles are actually a pain to maintain - they need regular grooming and some mat easily, they can be hard work to wash when they get muddy and they feel the cold when they get wet. Labs get wet, shake it all off and are good to go again. If you want a dog to swim with they are perfect.