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Original poster

If you've rehomed before should you ever get another dog?

102 replies

fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 17:04

I'm still reeling with the grief and guilt from rehoming our first ever dog. Do you think it's ever possible to get another one? Is there a breed/personality out there for every owner, or are some people just not dog people?

We got our first ever dog as an 8 week old puppy. We read pretty much every book going in advance and we attended puppy classes from the get go. The puppy bit us from day one but we accepted this (and trained hard) as that's what puppies do isn't it? We followed the advice to the letter from small group and one-one trainers but the biting never seemed to stop. We worked so hard on training for 13 more months and we had a practically perfect dog in terms of recall, toileting, sitting and waiting. But for some reason she continued to bite us on walks, either off lead or on lead. She was a big 40kg dog and I was covered in bites. We followed the advice of two behaviourists and in the end the vet said it was too dangerous for me to walk her. She bit my children too and we were terrified it was a ticking time bomb before she bit a member of the public.

We contacted a breed specific rescue who said they would train her from their home. They said it's such a difficult breed but she was the most difficult they ever met. She kept attacking their other dogs and they said they couldn't cope with her any more but they found a lovely older couple who had no children and no other dogs and lots of experience with her breed and she seems to be happy with them.

I'm so happy she's OK but I feel traumatised from the bites and grief that I've lost my baby. I've got a big dog shaped hole that I'd love to fill and so much love and energy to give to another dog.

Do you think it was a one off awful experience? I don't think I'll ever get over losing her. Everyone I knew told me it wasn't safe to keep her but I don't know if the guilt will ever go. Has anyone ever been through this and gone on to get another dog?

Thank you for any support.

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:21

Wanderingoff · 21/12/2022 17:16

It sounds like it was just a sad case of bad luck

what about fostering a small chilled breed that you know has no issues? Maybe help out with cinnamon trust?

Thank you. Yes that's a lovely idea, I've been contacting charities for foster roles all week actually as I'm desperate to give something back and do some good

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:22

Wanderingoff · 21/12/2022 17:17

I know someone else who has rehomed three dogs and is going to get another one.

that is a different scenario and she is an idiot

I think everyone can have a one off bad experience but I agree that sounds irresponsible

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:25

OrlandointheWilderness · 21/12/2022 17:17

Sounds like you've taken on a breed that you aren't experienced enough to handle. I wish people would pay more attention to the word 'working' when it comes to breed choice. It doesn't mean will like a long walk occasionally, it means needs training and rules and stimulation! Drives me bonkers with spaniels - I have working dogs and in a pet home they would be a right pain in the ass!
Yes of course have another. Just pick something you honestly can handle.

Yes I agree, that's the biggest mistake we made. We're a fit, healthy, active family and we thought with all the research we'd be able to handle a working dog. We walked her for three long, stimulating walks a day, gave her lots of enrichment activities in the house, gave her 'jobs' to do. We thought we were doing everything right by her 😔

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:26

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 21/12/2022 17:20

I would say in the circumstances you describe it's ok, but it's always a bad idea to get a new dog when you're still grieving for the last one. It might all be fine, but the chances of you making a bad choice or struggling to bond are that much higher.

Thank you that's good advice

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:27

TheSpottedZebra · 21/12/2022 17:20

^ this!

You say you did all all research, but yet you chose a big strong dog as your first dog and... it didn't work out.

So, being harsh, your research wasn't that good and/or you werent honest about your lifestyle or limitations. So what would be different this time?

Yes you're right, we spent too much time researching how to train dogs and not enough time researching the actual breed. It's completely our fault

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longcoffeebreak · 21/12/2022 23:28

I am now a happy and devoted owner of poodles - but I previously rehomed a terrier after my ex left me to look after our two small children/babies on my own. I felt terrible but just couldn't cope with her at the time. She was i his choice of dog breed and we never totally bonded.

Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:29

Kanaloa · 21/12/2022 17:23

I don’t know the answer to this really. I will say it’s a big belief of mine that really 90% of people shouldn’t have dogs. It’s a massive commitment which can go wrong which is why I wouldn’t get one. Your whole life is basically structured around the dog from then on if you’re doing a good job of it. So impossible to say really.

Yes they really are your whole life. I think that's why it's so hard that she's gone 😔

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:29

Wolfiefan · 21/12/2022 17:24

I agree. Looks like the wrong breed for you and your set up. Rehoming when you’ve tried everything else and it’s best for the animal isn’t selfish. It’s hard and brave.

That's so kind, thank you so much 💗

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:30

cosmicgarland · 21/12/2022 17:26

I think as long as you research thoroughly what breed would be best for you then there's no reason not to rehome

Thank you. We'll definitely expand our research more next time

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:33

Wanderingoff · 21/12/2022 17:26

I agree that you should be realistic about breed

i choose a Cavalier as a first dog and it was a brilliant decision. Turns out I’m a good dog owner but not a particularly good dog trainer. But any less than ideal behaviour is generally fine because he’s small, not aggressive and super cute.

i would LOVE to have an amazing well behaved German Shepard. But I now know I am simply not capable of doing what needs to be done for that. I am a small wimpy dog owner person.

Yes that's me. I'm great at training and researching IN THEORY but I think in the end I was too soft. I'm not cut out to own a big, difficult breed. It'll be an eternal regret not realising that before.

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CheeseyOnionPie · 21/12/2022 23:33

I would go for it with another one, maybe you can get a rescue dog, that way you get a lot of info from the rescue about the dog’s behaviour already. Plus, if you’re feeling guilty about your first dog it can help you feel better to know you’ve given a rescue dog a lovely home? Don’t never get another dog, sounds like you did your best.

Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:34

strictlygoingtomissstrictly · 21/12/2022 17:35

They aren't asking why the dog behaved like this. It sounds like the trainer or vet didn't know why.

If she doesn't want to tell us the breed we should respect that. It doesn't make any difference to her question!

And OP ... yes, you should get yourself another dog.

Similar (but different) ... A friend had an horse that kept trying to buck her off all the time. A vet was called in to make sure the horse wasn't in any discomfort. Despite working with a trainer she had to rehome him before an accident happened. Nobody blamed her or criticised her when she got another horse!

Show quote history

That's a great analogy re the horse. I really appreciate your kind words and support

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:36

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 21/12/2022 17:46

But why the hell did you take on 'a big working breed ' as your first dog ? The poor thing was probably extremely frustrated. It sounds like you chose your dog based on looks, which is idiotic.

You say you did research, what exactly did you research ?

We'd never get a dog based on looks alone. DH really want a giant breed but was allergic to cats so we researched big breeds that didn't shed. She was the only breed that fit the bill 😔 Our research was 95% about how to train dogs, look after puppies etc and not enough at the breed itself. It was really idiotic I agree

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:46

Gingerninja4 · 21/12/2022 17:46

I got a puppy years ago in hindsight was not right idea and struggled to cope so he went back to the breeder after couple of weeks ..( at that point was told my son was not just delayed he was disabled and knew I could not mange

Ff 9 years and got a puppy again but this time did my research fully and was in better postion with life in general .He is snoring next to me on the sofa and everyone comments on how well mannered and how gentle he is (did obedience etc when was younger

I would say be realistic of how much time you have to give and make sure have a credited trainer even before puppy comes home

I'm so pleased you had your happy ending in the end, thanks for your support

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:48

KnittingDiva · 21/12/2022 17:52

Lots of people saying the same thing, bit harsh, you made a mistake and have presumably learnt from it.
I think if you really still want a dog in your life you should consider getting a rescue, rehoming a dog would balance out the fact that your first dog had to be rehomed.
There are tons of greyhounds and lurchers in rescue centers and despite the fact that they are big dogs, they are very gentle easy dogs, love lounging around and brilliant with kids.

I would love to get a rescue dog, I'll look at greyhounds thank you 😊

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:50

Setyoufree · 21/12/2022 17:53

I think the comments on here are incredibly harsh. Did anyone get asked if they were a novice at caring for children before they were allowed to get pregnant? I see lots of terrible dog owners around me - they're experienced though so would they have fared any better in these circumstances? Seems unlikely.

OP it sounds like you did everything you could on this, it's not your fault.

That's lovely, thank you so much 🌸

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:52

Countsinpotatoes · 21/12/2022 18:03

I've worked in rescue and 100% people can go on to rehome a dog after giving one up.

A big part of responsible dog ownership should be recognising you aren't the right home for a dog.

Rehoming is always seen on mumsnet as the worst thing that can happen to a dog but I would 100% prefer someone rehome then keep a dog in a wrong situation. I wish lots of the dogs we had were rehomed earlier. I always use two lovely dogs to illustrate this. First was a lovely spaniel puppy called Sam where the owners circumstances changed dramatically (not their fault) and they didn't have time for him really. They limped on through for a bit, and then decided to rehome. Sam is now a working spaniel and incredibly happy. The second was a dog called Jack. Jack's family was perfect for him, then went on to have children. They also ended up living in a busier are so walks were more overwhelming. He wasn't coping with the noise level in the houseand became unhappy, bravely his family recognised that he was stressed and after other attempts failed rehomed him. He was home to a quiet couple and is loving life

There are far too many Sam and Jack's that people feel too ashamed to rehome so end up living in environments that are stressful, and entrench behaviours. Normally what happens for dogs like Sam and Jack is they are kept at home while people cobble stuff together, they not only become incredibly stressed but develop harder to fix behaviours which make rehoming them 10x harder if they come into kennels, or end up living in homes with a mediocre quality of life, often stressed, rarely walked etc when there are homes that would suit them far better.

That aside some of the reasons that people might rehome after relinquishing are
Change of circumstances eg people that gave up dogs because they didn't have time, got evicted etc but later are in appropriate environments

They had the wrong dog for them. They might have a good set up but just had the wrong dog fit. Eg weren't able to manage a reactive malanois might be a good fit for a cavalier

I massively appreciate your kind words and the sharing of your experience, thank you so much

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:53

Alwaystheplusone · 21/12/2022 18:04

The amount of shitty comments on this thread 🙄

💐

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peplepue · 21/12/2022 23:54

I think you are giving yourself a very hard time about the choice of breed, however any description I read states they are intelligent, loyal family dogs. However they do have a strong bite!

Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:55

kenadams86 · 21/12/2022 18:22

I brought a puppy a few years ago. I've had dogs in the past so not my first dog/puppy. I really bonded with him, but my daughter was completely scared shitless of him. It became completely unmanageable. My husband didn't warm to him and the breeders were not honest about his breed so he grew much larger than we expected and he was very unwell with campylobacter and guardia which I spent hundreds of ££££ sorting out.

Essentially there were many factors against us and it had a very negative impact on my family and mental health.
He wasn't the right dog for us and it wasn't the right time either. However, despite loving him - I made the best decision for my family and the dog and found him a lovely experienced home with family friends and he is very happy with them.

Anyway......... my kids are older now and after an initial trial we have now re-homed a cocker spaniel and he has fitted in perfectly. He has healed my heart and filled a big dog shaped hole in my life.
It can work out the next time, you just need to take it slowly and choose a more suitable breed for your family.

I'm so sorry you went through this too. We've spent so many thousands on trainers and behaviourists too 😔 I'm so pleased you've found your perfect dog to heal your heart

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 21/12/2022 23:56

CremeEggThief · 21/12/2022 18:30

How soon is it since you had this experience?

Speaking bluntly, it's clear from your OP you put in a hell of a lot of work and effort, much more than most people dog owners I know in real life, but yet it still hasn't worked out for you.
I know people who feed
their dogs on scraps, never walk them and leave them outside most of the time and they still wouldn't bite their owners (although maybe they should if that's how they're treated!!! 😡)
Maybe dogs just aren't the right fit for you.

Maybe you're right, I did absolutely everything I could and she still bit us all. I was hoping it could just be the wrong dog but it's so hard to know

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 22/12/2022 00:01

Badger1970 · 21/12/2022 18:40

Kindly, no you really shouldn't get another dog when you've rehomed one.

Getting a difficult breed as a first dog was pretty irresponsible and it's the dog that has suffered as a result. I've got 2 working dogs and life's never dull... training is ongoing and daily, and you can never let your guard down. People often say how well behaved they are, and I feel like saying yes because I've literally puts days, weeks, months and years into it!

I put hours and hours into training her. I never let my guard down. I really don't want people thinking I just couldn't be bothered. I took her for puppy classes, obedience classes, agility training, stimulating walks several times a day. I fed her the best food money could buy and made sure she had a quiet, place to relax and decompress. We did enrichment feeding and games, I read every book going and spent thousands on behaviourists and trainers. I honestly don't know what else I could have done.

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 22/12/2022 00:01

Orangesare · 21/12/2022 18:50

Dogs settle really quickly with a new owner. So if it’s not working it’s not worth keeping going.
As someone else said a greyhound might work for you , large but soft. I would love a greyhound but that breed would work where I live.

Thank you that's lovely to hear

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 22/12/2022 00:03

lessthanathirdofanacre · 21/12/2022 19:07

In general, I think far too many people rehome their dogs when the going gets tough, usually during the teenage phase. The cute puppy stage is over, the novelty has worn off, and the teenage pup is testing boundaries. And then the owners are lauded for being so "brave" 🙄 when in reality they never put in the time and effort required to teach their dogs properly.

However, in your case it sounds as though you worked very hard with your dog, consulted experts, implemented their advice, and tried your best. If despite your best efforts your dog was biting you regularly (breaking the skin), then I can understand why you decided to call it a day. If the dog is now living happily with new owners, that's wonderful. Do you know whether the biting has stopped?

If you do decide to get another dog, I'd look for an older rescue dog rather than a puppy. All puppies are a bit of a lottery, no matter the breed. The temperament and behaviour of an adult rescue should be much more predictable based on the observations of the people who work in the rescue.

Thank you so much, I think an adult rescue is definitely where we're leaning 💕

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Original poster
fizzingbubbleseffervescence · 22/12/2022 00:04

Ylvamoon · 21/12/2022 19:27

I re-homed my beautiful Parsons Russell Terrier.

He was everything I ever wanted in a dog. Intelligent, easy to tain and ace at agility!
When he was 2 years ally old, we had DD. Once DD started walking he took a dislike to her ... he never touched her, but when she came near him he walked away growling. Somehow he always seemed on edge with DD around. He always watched her but never let her come near.

I don't think he was cut out to be a family pet. I didn't trust him and decided to find him a child free home within the agility circuit.

I am still a dog owner, I just went for a calmer, less intelligent breed.
OP give yourself time, do some research and you'll find another, dog to share your life with!

Thank you for your support, I'm sorry to hear you went through this too

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