Help please

[Mummytothearkbuilder]

Hello everyone, I was hoping to get some help, advice or wisdom. We have just (on Monday) collected our pup. He is 9 weeks old and has joined us, our 2 children and 7 year old dog. He is doing well, toileting mostly outside or on a puppy pad, our children are besotted and our existing pooch adjusting really well. However - the puppy hates the crate - cries and howls constantly like nothing I’ve heard before and doesn’t stop. We go down and take him out to see if he needs the toilet but he doesn’t go, pop him back in and he cries - last night it went on for 2 hours and it just seemed cruel. We brought the crate up to our room, he still cried so we opened the door and he got straight out, laid on the floor and slept all night.

I need some help as my anxiety is sky high and I’m feeling very out of control (something that doesn’t do well for me). Should we keep going with the crate? Should we say no to it? Our older dog doesn’t have a crate.

Any help would be hugely appreciated.

Crate training is useful, but not compulsory - so it’s up to you whether to do it or not.

But just putting a puppy in a crate isn’t crate training. It should never involve leaving an upset puppy in a crate it should be a gradual process moving a a pace dictated by your puppy.

Thank you for reading and replying. I feel like it's the done thing so if we don't do it others will frown upon it. I've been trying to help him feel comfortable in the crate, he has a kong and praised for staying in but he just cries as soon as he is in there. He has just fallen asleep again, on the floor in the living room. I'm so worried about getting it wrong and it having long lasting repercussions.

Forget the crate.

Mine was the same with the crate so we ditched it. He's never destroyed anything or had an accident overnight.

Crates can have their uses but dogs have been around for hundreds of years without them and they're certainly not the necessity some people make them out to be.

In my experience I found crate training really useful but it sounds like hard work for you at the moment. Have you tried covering the crate with a blanket so he can’t see, or just putting him in when he’s tired? Maybe putting him in for really short periods of time would help? One of my dogs hated dog beds, so maybe try just having a blanket in it? Crate training isn’t essential but usually makes life easier and a lot of dogs love their crate but just do whatever works for you and your dog. If he prefers the living room floor just go with it.

One of ours loves a crate, the other doesn't. It shouldn't be a punishment. I'd just leave your pup to it. Also, I'd never shut a dog in a crate, particularly downstairs. A friend's DH is a fireman and warns against it - in a house fire trying to go downstairs to free a dog from a crate would be very dangerous.

Thank you everyone - I know I'm hugely overthinking everything (I hate that part of my personality- i do it about everything) - I forgot how hard things are with new pup! I will try and be more laid back and go with the flow. My husband and children absolutely love him so I know it's just me.

I will try putting him in there when he is tired and see if he settles - as soon as the door shuts he cries - will try it though.

Thank you again for your replies. Im on my own at home at the moment while the others are at school and work and was feeling very lost with it all - thank you xxx

IF you want to keep using the crate , change how you are using it. So for the next few days feed him in his crate and that is the only time he goes in there.

So all meals feed in the crate with the door open. As he then has positive associations with the crate things will be easier.

Also put a treat in the crate do not force him in. Sit beside the crate and put treats in the crate even if he walks out of the crate put treat in the crate and let him choose to get it or not. Do this for a few sessions every day and you will have a dog that is happier about the crate.

It is up to you if you do want to use a crate.

Thank you - that's great advice and really helpful tips. I haven't got his food in there at the moment but will pop it in and also try the other suggestions. While we are building him up to feel more positive about the crate should we not be worried about him sleeping in there at night? X

Agree the Steve Mann advice on making the crate a palace of treats abd toys and never forcing them to use it is the way to go with a 9wk old. That said we did all that and our pup never liked the crate. Just went in ate the treats and came out. She's a breed that needs a quiet space or den so we assumed a crate was mandatory. Turns out her den is a teeny space btw the piano and the wall in the front room. She chose it, she's happy. All fine.

I wouldn't shut the door of the crate at all - that will stop him going in if he feels he will be trapped. Just leave it open and let him explore in his own time.

Yeah we did Steve Mann and ours was grand with the crate until 17 months then nope, refused it or when he did go in, barked and howled incessantly.

He's never been a destroyer of things, so we just leave him. He's got the run of the house at night now, normally he ends up on the bottom of someone's bed or the floor of a bedroom.

Tiny puppies need comfort and reassuring so if you're determined to use the crate you have to make it their favourite place. We managed it but we think ours had a secondary fear period in the teen months and just wants to be with his people. Typical clingy spaniel!!

I don’t think our rescue went into the crate voluntarily more than a handful of times, for us it was a waste of money. I never shut her in it.
She has a hide hole with a squishy cushion behind my chair, a dog mattress in front of the radiator and the sofa is covered so she can sleep there too.
She chooses where she feels happiest, has never chewed anything other than her toys and was house trained in a week.Maybe we’ve been lucky?

Is there a reason you feel like you need to persevere with the crate?

Not especially, just that seems to be what everyone suggests and the 'done' thing to do, so I worry that by not doing it we will be setting ourselves up for a fail (so to speak). I would like him to have somewhere he can go if he needs to but if he doesn't have that connection with the crate he won't I guess.

I'm a huge overthinker and worry all the time about what people think and things being just so and I think the last two nights of him sounding so unhappy have scared me a little. Not sure if any of that makes sense?? X

I have never used a crate until now, I am only using now as I have young kids so find it has more of a purpose.

You need to start with making the crate a really positive wonderful place to be, all meals in crate, put treats in the crate, a favourite toy and chew etc. start with that and leave the door open and see how it goes. The crate is meant to be the safe, quiet place for a dog. Really useful with kids and other animals in the house, but like others have said not compulsory.

I’m pretty pro-crate, I think it’s useful in many ways, but it’s not a necessity, If people do or don’t use one it’s not for anyone else to judge, it’s not a right or wrong thing. It’s what suits you and the dog.

There is a wrong way to use them though and at the moment, I’m afraid - you are using it in a way it’s not supposed to be.

If your puppy is upset with the door closed, don’t close the door...

The idea is that you make it a rewarding, positive place to be, starting as small as reward and praise just for poking their head in if need be and building up gradually - there are loads of step by step guides online, just don’t move on from a step till your puppy is ready. That’ll be a different amount of time with each dog, especially if they have negative experiences with it.

Thank you, I will certainly look at all the online information and really appreciate everything you have said. We seem to be in a routine during the day of play, sleep (on repeat) and then popping him out for the toilet regularly so I really want to try and work hard on doing what's best for him crate wise. Thank you again x

Crates are purely about personal choice.

They absolutely have their benefits and I totally understand why some people rave about them, but they're not for everyone or every dog, so please don't feel pressured to keep going if they're not working for you or your dog.

There are other options - safe spaces with baby gates, pens that have a lot more room etc. We used the safe space/baby gate method when ours was younger and it was fine.

He's nearly five now and I promise he's not traumatised because we never crated him as a puppy

We never crated , we had a huge pen and then fenced off bits of the house until he was clean , which took a while because he’s a bit stupid . He will happily go in crates when necessary at the vets and occasionally at the groomers so no problems on that front . He’s 12 and very well adjusted .

Thank you so much everyone. I'm going to talk to my husband later about the way forward. I feel like such an awful person for feeling so overwhelmed by all this.

Stop beating yourself up, I think we all forget the puppy stages until we do it again…I think you’re just having a ‘what the hell have I done’ moment. I’ve been there and go there every time, but it will pass!

I admit I am a mush when it comes to dogs but I wouldn't put him in a crate if your older dog doesn't have to use one.

Sod the crate! We never used to have crates! God knows why this has become a ‘thing’ that all new puppy owners must do. By all means have a safe area for your pup to rest in but shutting it in a crate is unnecessary in my opinion.

I used the crate for my two dogs, I persevered with the first dog even though he didn’t seem to really like it. But he was my first ever dog and I thought I should use it as my trainer recommended it. When I got my second dog, he was absolutely fine in the crate and he happily slept in there every night until he was 18 months old (and we decided it was taking up space we wanted back). Anyway it demonstrated to me that it was nothing I was doing wrong, it was simply that one dog didn’t like the crate and the other one did. Ditch the crate. 🙂