Puppy - is there light at the end of the tunnel?

[LandLover123]

Hi,

Name changed as embarrassed.

We have a 3 month old lab. We have had dogs before (smaller breeds and pre kids), but I honestly cannot remember it being this hard. I am close to tears most days, deeply regret getting him and just yearn for my pre-puppy life.

He is particularly bitey at the minute, especially with the kids. I feel trapped. I feel like I can't clean the house properly as he needs constant supervision for signs of weeing (and gosh, how many times a day does a puppy wee!?). Doing anything is a complete mission. When we take him with us, he hates the car. I'm just thinking of all the things we can't do and just hate myself for getting the dog. My husband knows my feelings so he does the majority of the early mornings, late nights but I am with him most days and am just struggling.

This will make me sound callous, but I wouldn't miss him if he went to another family- but this isn't an option as DH and kids would be devastated and he was a wanted and planned dog - we have waited several years until all kids in school before getting him.

I don't know what I want to hear from this thread really. Maybe hoping that someone who had similar feelings can now tell me that everything is fine? How do I work through these feelings without feeling immense guilt and regret? When do things get better?

yes, it does pass. basically you've got a toddler on your hands. But thankfully they grow up a lot quicker; but then you have the teenager cropping up at about 12 months.

Consistency is key. You should have the house training cracked soon if he's 3 months. (fingers crossed!)

Ref the nipping and biting - redirection

Make sure the children aren't winding him up.

Little and often ref the car. Does he hate the car or is it because he's separated from you all /trapped and can't move? Or is he physically ill?

Facebook - dog training advice and support is your friend!

I came on here when our puppy was about the same age. I'd have happily handed her back to the breeder without a backward glance. Bitey little shit. I got some really good advice. It got better once she could go on regular walks - and then at about 6 months she was pretty much great. Which is no time really

She's 2.5 now and happily asleep in her bed in the kitchen. She's a dream on walks. Loves a snuggle at night. Is very, very soft. And I can't imagine not having her. She's turned into the dog we wanted. Wish she barked less...but you can't have everything.

Some of it is just the age, they grow out of most of the bad stuff - they really do. They stop biting and eating everything. We found behaviour was worse when tired and would try and get her to sleep. Praise the good, ignore the bad. Watching Monty with his puppy on Gardener's World - when the puppy is doing bad stuff he doesn't turn it into a game - just quietly takes whatever it is away.

With the car, probably start slowly - so look at the car, get a treat, door open, get a treat, sit in the car get a treat, everyone get in the car - get a treat. Eventually start the engine - don't go far - it might take a few days....

Lab puppies are so painfully bitey. It gets better but you need to totally separate kids from pup for a long time, unless supervised to make it safe and manageable- their teeth are sharp, and when they start jump-biting it’s tough.

We have a stair gate on the kitchen door. Also saves the pup from eating toys/foods they’re not meant to eat (that said- they have a tremendous reach on the kitchen worktop so don’t leave stuff out!)

Pup should be sleeping around 20 hours a day- otherwise they get totally overtired and bonkers. Have you crate trained? This will save your sanity. As will frozen kongs- the licking calms them.

Have you crate trained? That was a game changer for us. He goes in there when he's being land shark because it usually means he's overtired or over stimulated.

Sleeps then is back to chilled boy.

Don’t be embarrassed- your feelings are perfectly understandable and widely shared at the early puppy stage!

We waited years for our second dog, and got her at 9 weeks (the week before Christmas too). By the end of January, I honestly think that I could have handed her back. I was exhausted and it was completely relentless - dark days, cold mornings stood in the garden encouraging wee wee's that she'd already done all over the floor inside.

By the time she was 5 months, it was a long forgotten memory. Hang in there, it really does get better. We used a crate for time out when she got too much, and that helped our older dog manage with her too. You can't have too many chew toys, and ours loved split deer antlers which go on forever.

Labs are notoriously bitey puppies. I went to see the litter and wore flip flops and came out bloody.

Do you have somewhere to put the pup whilst you do things, a crate (I’m not a crate lover, but needs must).

My Lab used to scream in the car, do short journeys, with a lovely (short walk, 10 mins is it?).

Let him out and say go wee /toilet /whatever regularly and lots of praise and a treat for doing it.

Join a Facebook Lab group or similar for tips.

Don’t be tempted to over exercise. It damages their joints.

Get a king and doggy peanut butter.

It WILL stop.

Labs are the best dogs ever, but the worst puppies in the entire world.

• Kong in the freezer with the doggy peanut butter. Don’t give human peanut butter.

I was where you are about 6 months ago and promise that it gets easier.

My puppy was a biter. Big breed and very reactive so keeping him calm and under control was impossible. Toilet training was a disaster.

It started to change at about 6 months and toilet training clicked overnight. He’s 10 months old now and still has the very occasional accident (which are our fault- he’s not gotten the hang of asking to go out yet so we need to stay vigilant) but he’s trained and dependable.

For the biting, we got a trainer. The main thing I learned of that if a puppy jumps up to nip your hand and you pull it away, the pup thinks it’s all part of a great and fun game. When it happens, let your hand drop down dead and distract with a toy that you can throw with the other hand.

I absolutely love my dog now but remember the puppy days and having some really awful thoughts.

Stick with it, OP. Invest in training and stay consistent.

It gets so much better this is not a reflection of the dog you will have.
our dog was like a snappy crocodile!! (Labradoodle) training (positive reinforcement type) and getting older. I had serious regrets and he’s our best friend now!

Puppy blues are very very real and horrible! I massively struggled at the start despite so much research and desperately wanting a dog for years. I honestly found it harder than either of my DC.

Do you have a crate or pen he can go in when he’s especially bitey? Also enforced naps like a toddler can work wonders.

My puppy is now 11 months and I can’t describe how much I love him, going on holiday tomorrow and I’m panicking at how much I’m going to miss him!

Just like children this phase will pass and it will be ok x

You need to teach bite inhibition. They're gundogs so mouthy anyway. Yelp when he bites. Like it's hurt you and immediately turn away and stop playing for a few minutes.

This is how his mother and siblings would communicate that he is being too rough. He will quickly learn how hard is too hard. I taught both mine this way. My older one won't even play tug of war with me. As soon as my hand touches her mouth she lets go.

Toilet training is quick once they get it. The trick is to get them outside before they start to go. Immediately after meals and every hour, on the hour through the day. Otherwise they don't understand. All they know is that they pee inside then get taken outside. You need to reverse it so that he goes out THEN pees then gets rewarded. Then he'll grasp it.

Agree with this comment, especially the toilet training!
We also bought a puppy pen (you could use a bit of old wire fence etc) when ours was too bitey, so for the times where its just TOO MUCH and you cant cope with another bite, even to teach them bite inhibition, we would put her in the pen (and on a couple of occasions put her outside for a couple of minutes so everyone could calm down)

Also chews! JR Pet Products do a puppy pack for 12 weeks and over that can keep them occupied - yakkers, frozen yoghurt or veg in a puppy kong etc. These plus the puppy pen and the 'flitting' game mean you will be able to eventually clean! But puppy houses are very scuzzy for a bit yes.

Could you make going in the car a treat time for pup - so he gets a treat when he goes in and a treat when the car stops etc, or his he being sick? If he's being sick its worth trying a few different setups - ours is happiest in the boot, but a friends dog prefers an enclosed crate in the middle seat, another sleeps secured in a footwell etc.

I would be willing to bet 90% of puppy owners go through this, its so common! There's an ongoing puppy thread on here too you might find reassuring to read/join and i think there was a 'reunion' thread the other day that you might read to be reassured they do come out the other side?

Its VERY tough being in charge all day long on your own, i cried more than once. How old are the kids, how are they getting on with it, can you send DP and the kids off on a puppy adventure one day soon so you get some time alone in the house to either do nothing or clean (first option preferable obviously!!)

Ah don’t be embarrassed, our pup is 13 weeks, we got him just over 2 weeks ago and during the first week I sat in the Tesco car park and cried (big sobbing cries) rather than going home to him.

Its not so bad now, it’s moments of hating having him rather than all the time as it was in the first week - like this morning when he was jumping and biting my son.

Things I have found to work - teaching sit and practicing it with duration, distraction etc, it helps when they are being naughty to be able to bring them back to sit - it’s almost like it kicks his sensible brain back in rather than the manic, jumping obsessed brain. Distraction using toys and/or long lasting chews, his favourites are deer skin and buffalo tails but even things like chicken feet and rabbit ears are helpful in distracting him enough to calm down. I also use these things to help with an enforced nap in his crate, it doesn’t seem like punishment when he’s given a treat in there.

Also, knowing his triggers - for my pup it’s people eating food and people coming and going/being busy around the house, like us all getting ready to go out - that seems to be what sparked this mornings episode for us so in future I’m going to try putting him in the other room with a toy whilst we get ready.

Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for all of your replies - it helps so much to know that I am not alone and this stage will pass.

He does have a crate that is attached to a puppy pen, I think I need to start utilising that more when he is getting bitey or I need to do some chores.

He has a puppy kong, but he can't seem to get everything out of it and then loses interest - I have the puppy one so maybe we need a bigger one? We have a licky mat bowl thing but he nearly chewed it to pieces once he'd licked everything out.

We have started dog training classes and are also doing the easy peasy puppy squeaky suggestions - good suggestions re: bite inhibition, I will definitely make sure we work on those.

He is doing well, I think I just need to chill out a little bit and have some patience. The kids love him so much, to the point where they won't tell me if he nips/scratches when playing as they think j am going to send him away (I may have said this once when I was having a particularly, sleep deprived day!).

He is doing well with toilet training but has the odd accident - I think I need to stop being so neurotic every time he sniffs the floor as 9 times out of 10 he is scavenging for food!

He is generally good at night as well - bed at about 10pm but we need to get up at 5am as if we leave it any later, he will have an accident. Any tips on how we push him past 5am or will that just come with maturity? We have tried to get him to go out a bit later but he just won't wake up and if he does, refuses to go out!

Thanks again 😀

I have a puppy lab who is now 15 weeks. We’ve learnt that when he’s tired, he gets snappy so we shove him in the crate. Doesn’t always work, but he often sleeps.

Does your pup have a routine? Ours is awake for 1 1=2 -2 hours, then sleeps for a similar period. We find taking him for a walk helps to tire him out.

Our pup still has the odd accident inside, mainly when we miss the cue or he gets over excited.

Finally, come and join us on the puppy survival thread.

And don’t be embarrassed. We’ve all been there. It can feel relentless at times.

It will come with time. His bladder is small and very weak, much like a toddlers at the moment. 10 -5 is actually very impressive for such a young puppy. Mine only did 11 to 4 at that age and needed out again by 8.30.

Like with kids it comes as he grows up. You basically have a 4 legged toddler who sheds and doesn't speak English atm.

I have a new pup and he's pretty good but I still went to work on Sunday and didn't want to come home! Our last pup wouldn't sleep just screamed all night for a week i honestly thought I was having a nervous breakdown,I just cried all the time... this pup is much better but it's still absolutely all consuming and I don't have kids! But labradors are the best dogs in the world- it WILL be worth it!! I found it gets easier once they can go for walks, otherwise we all get a bit stir crazy. Hang in there Op there's lots of us out in the garden at 3am in the rain!!

Ours is 20w tomorrow and has stopped biting/jumping/snapping in the last 10 days. Otherwise we were just like you. We decided to give him until 6m and if he was no better we'd rehome. He's a dream boy now.

We learned to never tell him off as that made him anxious. If he got snappy, or started digging/humping his blanket then we said it was time for sleep and locked him in crate. He had to have forced naps.

We also noticed loose stools and identified chicken as the culprit. His behaviour improved with his stools lol

also hates the car. Needs someone in the back with him or sits in the front. He's getting better with that too.

So just want to say, hang on it will get better, almost overnight it seems to us.

Our biggest mistake was paying too much attention to online advice. For example playing with tug toys made him worse.

Hang in there, you can get through it xx

Crate crate crate. If you can't supervise, pup goes in the crate.
Don't feel bad, but also try to not resent him as he's literally a toddler.
When our pup was in her mental 3/4 month stage my OH thought she was actually unhinged and something was wrong with her mentally.
Each time they nip you tell them a stern no, and redirect to a toy.
You're doing good, ok. Don't beat yourself up
This time next year you'll laugh at how emotional you were.
In regards to the car. What position in the car is he in?

Back up all the other great advice you’ve been given here. At his age I was taking mine out to do a wee every 3-4 hrs inc through the night. He is only a baby but with very sharp teeth. They are all like little crocodiles at that age but do grow out of it! They are very hard work at first but absolutely worth it in the end. Hang on in there.

Hang in there. I took 3 months off work with our pup and have no kids to contend with and it was still really hard work. Sleep deprivation was the killer for me. 10pm until 5am seems quite decent at 3 months.

A year on she's mostly lovely...

Another vote for joining the puppy survival threads here. They are very supportive and friendly.

I agree with PPs that enforcing naps when puppies are bitey is often a very effective technique. A lot of biting behaviour is due to being overtired. Naps don't have to take place in crates. I'm not a fan of crates in general, but a pen or a puppy-proofed room behind a gate can work very well.

I also think it's so important to learn about your puppy's personality and temperament. Maybe that goes without saying. But in a way it's very similar to having a baby. You know what they say about babies not having read the parenting books? There are all these techniques that other people swear will work but then the baby has other ideas. It can be the same with puppies. Observing what makes him tick, what he responds to, what he ignores, etc. can make all the difference in the world. For instance, some puppies become wildly excited if you yelp when they bite you (something that is often advised). They are all individuals, of course.

Hang in there! It really does get better. (And then doggy adolescence starts, but let's ignore that for the time being.)

Random tip op for when pup is really doing your head in and you need peace - try giving them an apple. Straight from the bowl, as it is.

We have a 15 week springer pup. She's lovely and ridiculously clever - but there have been times when I've wanted to throw her out of the nearest window.

I read it on a dog training fb page - gave her an apple tonight at 8pm to try (usually her worst time for biting, barking, creating havoc) and it kept her busy for nearly an hour...chewing it, carrying it round, chasing it when it dropped and rolled, chewing it more. She was exhausted after it and passed out sleeping, it was amazing!

An apple is my new go to to keep her occupied and out of my hair. She likes a whole large carrot too but that was more like 20 minutes of peace.