Puppy - is there light at the end of the tunnel?

[LandLover123]

Hi,

Name changed as embarrassed.

We have a 3 month old lab. We have had dogs before (smaller breeds and pre kids), but I honestly cannot remember it being this hard. I am close to tears most days, deeply regret getting him and just yearn for my pre-puppy life.

He is particularly bitey at the minute, especially with the kids. I feel trapped. I feel like I can't clean the house properly as he needs constant supervision for signs of weeing (and gosh, how many times a day does a puppy wee!?). Doing anything is a complete mission. When we take him with us, he hates the car. I'm just thinking of all the things we can't do and just hate myself for getting the dog. My husband knows my feelings so he does the majority of the early mornings, late nights but I am with him most days and am just struggling.

This will make me sound callous, but I wouldn't miss him if he went to another family- but this isn't an option as DH and kids would be devastated and he was a wanted and planned dog - we have waited several years until all kids in school before getting him.

I don't know what I want to hear from this thread really. Maybe hoping that someone who had similar feelings can now tell me that everything is fine? How do I work through these feelings without feeling immense guilt and regret? When do things get better?

It gets much easier with a Labrador! I lost mine in July this year but as a puppy I was extremely lucky......he was easy to train & barely did a thing wrong! They are wonderful dogs that will love you forever & you'll soon forget the early behaviour as the bond grows! Try be patient & in a short time you will never want to be apart! I live alone am partially disabled & my big black Lab was just amazing - my 3 cats & myself miss him so much! Enjoy owning a wonderful Labrador, I would rescue an older one in a heartbeat now! @😊

When I got my latest Labrador puppy earlier in the year, I didn't do anything non-essential in the housework line. Cleaned wash basin and loo, scrubbed kitchen sink, hoovered through downstairs. As things got easier I decided one room a day was manageable.

You need to get him used to the car. Feed him in it, then after a few days wave the tailgate about, progress to closing it. Then start engine. I took mine out in the car every day before he could go out for little walks and he gradually calmed down.

This was me. I dreamt of having a dog for my whole life. Age 36, my dream came true. We picked up our Golden Retriever in Feb. I then had possibly the worst 2 months. Anxiety was through the roof. No sleep. Bitey land shark. Kids (6 and 3) wouldn't go near him. Felt like we'd made the biggest mistake and the guilt I felt was all consuming. Crate training was a disaster.

Fast forward to now and he's the biggest goofball. So loving. Kids adore him and won't leave him alone. 6 months old was a huge milestone for us.

He's now 10 months and has hit adolescence so his recall is shit again. He's still not great in the car. We can leave him home for a few hours if we need to. But he enriches our lives.

I had no idea the puppy blues were a thing until I was in the thick of it. Be kind to yourself. It WILL get better. Small steps forward, and you'll look back and (eventually) laugh at the trauma you went through! ❤️

10pm to 5am is actually really good going, im sorry to say! Ours was a bed at 10, then 1am and 4am wakeups before waking up at 7 for what seemed like eternity! Definitely a maturity thing im afraid - you will find it gets gradually better - the only thing i can suggest is that you keep things calm from 5am until the time everyone in the house gets up, so no encouraging play etc at 5am and largely just encourage them back into bed and sort of ignoring them.

We're not long out of that stage and this puppy has been the easiest one we've ever had, which is still far from easy!

You've had lots of good advice. Things I'd add -

What are you feeding? Mine are on butternut box (shortly about to change, but that's another thread) and I always feed them a portion of it stuffed into kongs, frozen for the bigger one and fridge cold for the puppy. So they get a lickmat (if you pick it up as soon as they're done, they won't get a chance to chew) followed by a kong in the evening. Making them work a little for their food really helps us.

I also second the JR puppy pack suggestion. Retriever puppies really do need to chew, chew, chew. Marrow bones are also really good - if the marrow bit is too rich, get ones that are split down the middle and scoop the middle out. We keep them wrapped in parchment in the freezer.

Yelping seems to work to stop the land shark behaviour for some dogs - it never really has for ours.They just seem to think they've lucked onto a giant squeaky toy, so we try to just go into ignore mode - cross arms, turn your back until they settle and reward for settling.

Can you push the last wee at night back a bit? We had pretty good luck by waking them up at 11 or 11:30 and taking out for a quick wee, without engaging much, then right back to sleep. I also agree with the PP about not engaging too much if you're up at 5. Quick toilet trip and then back inside without being too much fun or feeding them, and ours even as puppies have often been happy to curl up and go back to sleep for an hour or so (particularly if there's someone willing to snuggle on a sofa).

When all else fails, a bit of daycare or an hour or two with a dog walker can provide a real sanity zone.

We started to do a 2am wee where we woke him up to go to the toilet, then kept pushing it back in 15 min increments. It was hard - much like a newborn doing a night feed - the sleep deprivation was tough. But it seemed to work for us.

At 10 months he now goes for his last wee 9.30-10pm ish and when we go down at 6.30am he's still asleep. He only has accidents now if he's got a poorly tum.

@Flat04 I took your advice and woke up Sunpup at 23:15 for wee and he then went til 6am! He's nearly 10 weeks so that's pretty good! Thanks for the advice, love these threads , so helpful 😀

Glad it helped. Hope it keeps getting better (it will)!

@LandLover123 well you definitely aren’t alone because I have been in tears today, feel like we were doing so well, coming up to 2 weeks since I last felt like this but today I could happily give him away.

He’s turned into a horrible bitey little shit again today for no reason what so ever (other than teething probably) but he’s nipped at my son so much today and that just tips me over the edge plus he’s jumping and biting at peoples clothes, particularly my teen DD. No amount of distraction has worked at all either!

Another one who’s cried today, more than once!! We’ve only had pup home since Sat, he’s 10weeks, and we’ve had a vomiting bug affecting both kids and myself. That combined with disrupted sleep and the general torment of being in a situation you don’t know what the fuck you are doing…I have found it stressful.

There have obviously been many lovely moments and I also had read all the threads, done all my research, but it’s like babies isn’t it, what you can’t prepare for so easily is how to manage your own emotions. It reminds me of potty training kids, the emotional rollercoaster of that, getting so excited when things going well and despondent when low.

I’m also upset at how ratty I have been with kids at times - they are struggling a bit being directed when to stop interacting with him etc. When I’m rational I can think he is doing well, yesterday there was only one pee inside (today not so much). He has been so chilled when I’ve carried him about meeting other dogs and people, traffic etc. But agreed, the biting. The worst thing for me is barking. He is upset if he wakes from a nap or in the night and finds himself alone, and yelps/barks in a very screechy fashion, it’s painful. I feel like I’m rewarding the behaviour by going to him but whenever I’ve tried waiting a while it just persists and gets louder. Which is not doable in the middle of the night. He will settle in his bed when told, if I sit by the crate, and I can leave once he’s relaxed, but then it starts up if he hears a noise upstairs etc. Sorry that’s a total rant but cathartic thank you. It’s reassuring to think of others going through it too!

@MrsWhites so sorry you had a bad day. Mine is a bitey little shit at the minute as well, must be teething. One thing that the dog trainer said is yo have a Hugh value toy, in a high place that only comes out when he is in this mood to redirect his attention (as when in this mood, he doesn't want the usual toys that he can always get). We have found a rubber duck thing from pets @ home does the trick. We then put it away as soon as he's stopped playing with it. If he's still being a dick, I put him in his play pen (entice him with a treat as he is bloody massive and also once bit my face when I picked him up in this mood!) and he then either sleeps or calms down. I understand how angry/upset you get when they are biting the kids - my son came down yesterday in his boxers and he nearly bit his penis off! It's hard to like someone who hurts your child but I need to rationalise it that he's only a baby.

@Beginningless sorry you're having such a shit time. Honestly don't know how you manged when you had a vomiting bug- hope you're all better now. I completely get the roller coaster of emotions - he hasn't done anything overnight for a while but I can't get excited as last time I did, he shit all over his pen! It is so hard to focus on the positives when you are bloody knackered.
I have found dog training invaluable - it's a group session but the lady is lovely and I've messaged her when at my wits end and she has given us loads of help, suggestions and reassurance- once your pup is old enough to go, maybe that will help?
All in all, I think we shouldn't have got him, but he's here, not going anywhere, so we have to make the best of it!

Knackered today. Took pup out for wee at 11:30 pm thinking that would help to get through the night like last night, but no... up at 2:30 , 4:45, and up for the day at 5:30. FML I think is the expression!! Wish I could fast forward a year 🙁

Just to add to the comments that we've all been there.

I honestly wanted to give mine back so many times. You feel like you've done one thing and got stuff sorted and another crops up. First the biting, then the chewing, then the walking on the lead, then recall ... it's so hard.

I've got a Lab crossed with a red setter and as hard as it is, I just let him bite me. When it hurts, respond with a loud ow. Mine is 9 months now and doesn't bite at all.

I've started to put him in his crate for 2 hours after a walk, and when we're eating. He has a bed in the kitchen for when I'm cooking and this has helped him massively so he knows when to settle.

We're having a tough time this week as had an accident with another dog so needed surgery for that and a hernia, so we decided to get him castrated at the same time. He can't do much, so is a bundle of confused energy. It's hard work again, but I know 10 days max, and then we can get back into our routine.

Routine also, is key I find. Walks at set times, settle at set times, which is difficult I know.

The jumping up biting is so hard! I was petrified he would do it to our young kids but he just directed it to me and DH. I have a jumper which has a thousand holes it in from his bitey puppy teeth. One time it gave me a panic attack. I found most of the time it was over stimulation or over tiredness. We used to give him a time out in the garden, the crate or we'd just leave the room. He grew out of that behaviour in a couple of weeks I'd say. That was definitely one of the worst behaviours for me!