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The doghouse

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Original poster

Needy cocker spaniel is making me miserable

41 replies

opalescent · 27/09/2022 10:19

A hand hold please, and some practical advice.
My 16 month old cocker spaniel is much loved, but her current neediness is really impacting on me. I'm finding her quite overwhelming, and it's not a good feeling.

My husband and I work from home, and I currently really miss the days of being able to just crack on with what I'm doing.

I appreciate that a young working dog needs a lot of stimulation; and I really do feel that she gets this. She has a minimum of two decent, off lead sniffy walks each day (more often 3). Usually am, pm and one around lunchtime.
During the day I will play a quick game of ball with her, or hide some treats around the garden for her to find. She is left alone in the home only occasionally, usually for no longer than 2 hours.
When at home during the day, we generally restrict her to the kitchen/diner, with free access from there out to the garden.
If I sit and work in the same space as her, she constantly bothers me, or finds inappropriate things to chew to get my attention.
If I work elsewhere in the house, she cries from downstairs, or sits forlornly at the stair gate in the kitchen, looking desperately bored and lonely.

I guess what I'm really looking for is permission- is it ok for me to leave her in that space downstairs for a couple of hours at a time, and crack on with work upstairs?
She has plenty of space, her bed/ crate, food and drink, chews, and access to our garden. I feel guilty but I'm probably being stupid.

She seems totally incapable of creating her own fun 😂 and rarely even bothers going into the garden, just sits and waits for interaction with me and my husband.

P.s- in case it's not obvious- she is my first dog!!!!

OP posts:
Fenella123 · 27/09/2022 10:24

All the spaniel owners I know have a distance runner in the family, apart from the spaniel-cross owner who just walks them 10km+ a day....

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/09/2022 10:27

Cockers can be a real pain for this. They are bred as working dogs to have a really close relationship with their person and this can really create a needy dog. You are fine to work upstairs! I have a sprocker and a springer, both seem to think I am the centre of the universe 😂. Have you thought about some more focused training? Possibly find a local gundog group and put some of those natural urges to work 😂.

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/09/2022 10:28

Oh she'll get used to you working upstairs and accept it as normal after a while. But don't make a massive fuss of her when you come down - almost don't even acknowledge her otherwise it'll ramp up the spanielness.

minipie · 27/09/2022 10:30

Cockers are known for being needy! How long have you given it a go working in the same room with her.. maybe if she felt secure that she had you around all the time, she’d chill out and stop demanding attention? No guarantees though…

Original poster
opalescent · 27/09/2022 10:31

😂 thank you all for empathising. It really helps!!!

OP posts:
wetotter · 27/09/2022 10:40

By coincidence, I saw a tweet today

OTD 27/09/2020 - Col John Waddy died: the last surviving officer from the battle of Arnhem
"My men are like my spaniels; brilliant in the field but a bloody nuisance out of it"

That doesn't help you find a way of living with your dog, but might show that this is normal for the breed!

Yes, settling is a learned skill. And she might find it easier if you are out of sight, rather than present but not interacting.

If she can be happily left for 2 hours, you have a good starting point. Does your work allow little breaks? Because repeats of an hour's work to 5 mins check and play might give you decent amounts of working time.

And make sure her walks are really stimulating - which doesn't just mean distance/pace (that can lead to you having a fit bored dog). It means things that exercise the brain and stimulate the senses

Original poster
opalescent · 27/09/2022 10:46

wetotter · 27/09/2022 10:40

By coincidence, I saw a tweet today

OTD 27/09/2020 - Col John Waddy died: the last surviving officer from the battle of Arnhem
"My men are like my spaniels; brilliant in the field but a bloody nuisance out of it"

That doesn't help you find a way of living with your dog, but might show that this is normal for the breed!

Yes, settling is a learned skill. And she might find it easier if you are out of sight, rather than present but not interacting.

If she can be happily left for 2 hours, you have a good starting point. Does your work allow little breaks? Because repeats of an hour's work to 5 mins check and play might give you decent amounts of working time.

And make sure her walks are really stimulating - which doesn't just mean distance/pace (that can lead to you having a fit bored dog). It means things that exercise the brain and stimulate the senses

What a lovely post, thank you. Really good tips, and I did chuckle at the tweet 😂

OP posts:
mountainsunsets · 27/09/2022 10:48

Yep - this is what always puts me off cocker spaniels Grin they're fab dogs but so, so needy.

Have you done any formal gun dog training with her? Or you could train her up in something like scent work or agility? Working breeds need a job - off-lead walks just don't compare to what they'd be doing in the field.

I don't know anyone with a cocker who doesn't work it in some way. Cani cross, agility, scent work, dummy retrieval and gun dog training are all popular.

Another option would be to send her out with a dog walker during the week so you get a break and she gets some extra exercise and socialisation.

Cockerdileteeth · 27/09/2022 10:49

Mine is a couple of months younger than yours and DH and I both WFH too (him f/t, me p/t). They are loving dogs bred to want to work closely with humans and they also tend to find chilling out and settling a hard skill to learn. Settle is a work in progress here too!
Ours finds it easier to switch off and nap in his crate and I sometimes work in the same room and sometimes in a different room while he's in there. He will nap for an hour or so at a time. When awake he will sometimes chill in the living room (with baby monitor on) or we work on practising settle on a bed by my desk. You could try ignoring undesirable ways of getting your attention (barking, chewing your stuff etc - which will get your attention so will be repeated!) but teaching her a way if asking that is OK eg offering a sit.
If she is looking to you for the fun rather than finding her own I would say that is a big win - it's what you want ie for her to believe you are the source of ALL the fun, as a self-employed cocker finding its own fun is usually bad news :-) So the skill to work on is probably chilling out and doing nothing much.
Leanne Smith's book Where's the Off Switch? might help (she has cockers herself, and it's all positive training methods)

Cockerdileteeth · 27/09/2022 10:52

We do the chill/nap for an hour, 5/10 minute play/train, rinse and repeat - subject to work demands - here too. I've found teaching an "all done" signal that playtime is over, is helpful.

Snoken · 27/09/2022 10:57

I think the problem here is that it is a working breed, and it's unemployed and bored. At that age they have energy in abundance and need to be out and about working or at least pretend working. I think you need to set aside more time to activate the dog. An hour in the morning, an hour at lunchtime and then another hour in the evening of activation outside of the home is a good start, togheter with ball throwing and brain games at home a few times a day.

NormalForNuneaton · 27/09/2022 10:58

Sorry, I'm of no help to you whatsoever but you could have described my friend's cocker in your OP!

She follows my friend around, whines if she leaves the room and she can't see her and finds things to chew to get attention (mainly reading glasses!) despite very long walks and lots of attention.

In her case I think lockdown made it worse as she was used to having people around all day.

Snowberry3 · 27/09/2022 11:02

Maybe it's own cosy cage for a while each day might be better than leaving it to roam the rooms.

Bestcatmum · 27/09/2022 11:03

Some animals are just very clingy. Dogs are better when they know their place in the world and have some discipline, I've had dogs in the past.
They have to learn that sometimes they can't have everything they want, a bit like kids but get treats when they have behaved for a while.
Unlike my one year old cat - the cling meister. I have grown a cat shaped accessory. I am mum and therefore must be cuddling her at all times. It can get annoying.

Sprig1 · 27/09/2022 11:06

Why can't she sleep in the same room as you while you work? I can see why she would struggle knowing that you are at home but she can't be with you. I know you said that she bothers you but that should be v easy to train her out of using a 'settle down' or 'on your bed' command. Dedicate some time to sorting that and things should be much happier for all of you.

Enko · 27/09/2022 11:07

If financially possible have you considered a doggy day care a few times a week, our d dog goes twice a week ans he is exhausted when he returns. If you have 1 or 2 days you know dog is well looked after it may feel easier to split the other days to give him some work outs.

Mollyplop999 · 27/09/2022 11:11

My cocker is almost 13 and still needy. I've learnt to treat her like a child demanding attention and it works. She is in the kitchen with a safety gate between us when I'm in the lounge. If she starts being a pain I just ignore her, shut the door for a few minutes and then open it again. Works for me. I think you hsve to reach her to be on her own for a while.

PersonaNonGarter · 27/09/2022 11:11

I look after spaniels as a dog-swap holiday arrangement and, OP, sympathies.

Spaniels are so sweet and loving but the always-at-my-feet-wagging thing is exhausting.

Boxin · 27/09/2022 11:14

Teaching rest and settling is so important to all dogs especially spaniels. Don’t fall into the trap of more physical exercise. The most wired ones I know are the ones whose owners are constantly exercising them. They just get fitter and more filled with adrenaline.
I’ve always had spaniels they have good off lead time main walk every day and plenty of running and sniffing then. We then have a short lead walk for sniffs and toilet in the evening. We do scent work a couple of times a week which is really good for tiring their brains. They get frozen kongs which keep them busy licking and chewing which is also calming.
No toys in the living room as that’s a restful place with dog beds and blankets, they have a toy box in the kitchen and play there and outside.
By about 2.5 they are usually getting calmer in the house but depends on temperament.
Lovely, lovely dogs but have to be managed well with the right balance between busy time and rest time.

Original poster
opalescent · 27/09/2022 11:15

Boxin · 27/09/2022 11:14

Teaching rest and settling is so important to all dogs especially spaniels. Don’t fall into the trap of more physical exercise. The most wired ones I know are the ones whose owners are constantly exercising them. They just get fitter and more filled with adrenaline.
I’ve always had spaniels they have good off lead time main walk every day and plenty of running and sniffing then. We then have a short lead walk for sniffs and toilet in the evening. We do scent work a couple of times a week which is really good for tiring their brains. They get frozen kongs which keep them busy licking and chewing which is also calming.
No toys in the living room as that’s a restful place with dog beds and blankets, they have a toy box in the kitchen and play there and outside.
By about 2.5 they are usually getting calmer in the house but depends on temperament.
Lovely, lovely dogs but have to be managed well with the right balance between busy time and rest time.

Love this, thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
opalescent · 27/09/2022 11:16

PersonaNonGarter · 27/09/2022 11:11

I look after spaniels as a dog-swap holiday arrangement and, OP, sympathies.

Spaniels are so sweet and loving but the always-at-my-feet-wagging thing is exhausting.

It really is! Thank you 😊

OP posts:
Leakingroofagain · 27/09/2022 11:17

I love spaniels, they are like me and I have ADHD which probably explains why. Constant need to be busy busy busy! Our spaniel thrived on a frisby walk at least once a day and lots of mental training. why not train the dog to bring you your slippers so you can work in warmth?

KatieBenz · 27/09/2022 11:21

Springer owner here. I think they basically have the same temperament.

My boy is a right whiny baby if he can hear us in the house. When we’re both upstairs quietly working he (eventually) settles down, but if he can here us (conference call, etc), he whines, barks and looks for trouble. His breeder is also a gun dog trainer and he told us that unless his dogs are out working or inside, doing brain training, he ignores them and locks them in their crates. He says the worse type of springer is an over exercised, over stimulated dog. They really need to learn how to chill. I think it may be a case of grin and bear it for a while and ignore the behaviour. Good luck!

Pegsmum · 27/09/2022 11:25

Cocker owner here, I can empathise! Had working dogs all my life and Cocker’s have been the neediest breed (but also the most loving) I’ve had so don’t doubt yourself because you are a first time owner.
i would suggest that when you want to work and you want your dog to settle, put her in her crate and leave her. Having the freedom to roam is giving her too much choice and she needs it making clear that it is time to settle and have a nap. As long as she is fed, watered, toileted and exercised she’ll be fine. If she cries for attention ignore her.
Her exercise sounds ok as long as she is also using her brain as well as her legs! She needs to be mentally tired as well as physically. In my opinion it is not always a good idea to have hours and hours of exercise, the more she has the more she’ll need.

ChocChipOwl · 27/09/2022 11:26

Op you clearly need to get him a friend!