Needy cocker spaniel is making me miserable

[opalescent]

A hand hold please, and some practical advice.
My 16 month old cocker spaniel is much loved, but her current neediness is really impacting on me. I'm finding her quite overwhelming, and it's not a good feeling.

My husband and I work from home, and I currently really miss the days of being able to just crack on with what I'm doing.

I appreciate that a young working dog needs a lot of stimulation; and I really do feel that she gets this. She has a minimum of two decent, off lead sniffy walks each day (more often 3). Usually am, pm and one around lunchtime.
During the day I will play a quick game of ball with her, or hide some treats around the garden for her to find. She is left alone in the home only occasionally, usually for no longer than 2 hours.
When at home during the day, we generally restrict her to the kitchen/diner, with free access from there out to the garden.
If I sit and work in the same space as her, she constantly bothers me, or finds inappropriate things to chew to get my attention.
If I work elsewhere in the house, she cries from downstairs, or sits forlornly at the stair gate in the kitchen, looking desperately bored and lonely.

I guess what I'm really looking for is permission- is it ok for me to leave her in that space downstairs for a couple of hours at a time, and crack on with work upstairs?
She has plenty of space, her bed/ crate, food and drink, chews, and access to our garden. I feel guilty but I'm probably being stupid.

She seems totally incapable of creating her own fun 😂 and rarely even bothers going into the garden, just sits and waits for interaction with me and my husband.

P.s- in case it's not obvious- she is my first dog!!!!

Her, sorry!

Huge sympathy - I am also revolving my life around a needy spaniel!
1 This is a normal spaniel attribute.
2 You absolutely can leave her ”bored and lonely” safe and comfortable for an hour or two.
3 If you’re getting stressed/exasperated/irritated/craving spaniel-free time, she is almost certainly picking up on this and redoubling her efforts to please/engage/glue herself to you!
4 You can improve this, but dear god it is hard work! Act your arse off, model calmness (whilst inwardly bewailing the need to concentrate on non-spaniel things!) and it IS usually possible to get to a point where you can work with merely a heavy weight on your foot and occasional cute sleep woofling noises. Until the doorbell rings. Or you want to get something from the printer…
Things to consider;
Does she have a comfortable bed/crate/space right next to you?
Can you work while she gnaws/attacks a Kong or licky mat? (Ours always had their chewy treats last thing, so associate chew treats with going to sleep - bit different as they mostly come out to work with us and I don’t do lots at a desk.)
Is shes good in the evenings while you potter about/watch tv? Is she starting a “they go to those desks and ignore me, therefore I must up my game to get love when they’re busy working” spiral at the moment? If so, what behaviour could you recreate while you’re working ie could you sit on the sofa with a laptop while she leans on you? And slide to the desks when she’s settled? And in the evenings when you’re not stressing about deadlines sit at your desks and let her get used to this is where we chill?
Lots of quiet praise/just catch her eye and look approving whenever she’s sitting quietly/kind of croon her name when she’s in her basket snoozing - you need to let her know that this is good stuff - it’s so easy to reward them with attention when they’re bouncing all over you and playing, harder to remember - and give - the validation they crave when they’re finally peaceful and you’re just thinking “thank god I’m getting on with something here”!
I agree with wetotter’s point - try and build up a bit with shorter work periods, and then 5mins interaction. Nice calm minute or two stroking, get her to sit on her bed on her bed and let her settle, maybe offer a treat, and back to work…

Be glad she HASNT "created her own fun"... yet. Leave her bored, lonely, under-excercised long enough, and trust me she WILL act out and "have fun" in ways you're not going to like. Very distracting, messy, noisy, destructive ways.

I'm afraid that was a really stupid choice of breed and age for your personal circumstances. The best solution is to responsibly rehome the dog NOW, before she develops any of the frustration behaviours that make her hard to rehome with a family.

This is so helpful, thank you.

It sounds like she’s never been taught to settle and be calm around you?
All your interaction with her is exercise or play?

I would suggest working where she can see you but can’t get to you, ie she is on one side of a baby gate and you are just the other side. She will soon learn to settle down, as she will be comforted that she can see you, but can’t be stimulated by bothering you.

Eventually you should be able to leave the baby gate open and she will still settle down, and then you should be able to work in another room.

@2bazookas stupid choice of breed and age for personal circumstances...rehome - really?

The OP and her DH both WFH and are able to take the dog out 2 or 3 times a day and do regular play and training in the house in between. If those personal circumstances aren't suitable for a spaniel, really, whose are? Are you saying nobody who has a job should have a spaniel?

OP is asking for advice on helping her dog learn to settle calmly in the house. Nothing about the breed that means they can't learn to do that, and the OP's circumstances won't stop her teaching the skill. And it sounds like the OP and her dog have a lovely bond.

The reaction she gets to the attention seeking is important - like the technique for taking a wandering child back to bed at night! Whisper rather than raise your voice, no eye contact until you’ve lead her back to her bed… If you can feign surprise rather than annoyance it might help - mine sees annoyance as “I didn’t do this well enough - must try harder” rather than “change tactics”.

And more stuff!
I found less exercise, and a lower energy diet works best - counterintuitive, but they are serious athletes, bred over generations for energy and endurance. In peak form, they’re awesome. Doesn’t sound like you need a dog fizzing with energy, though! Keep up the brain work exercises - this has a physically draining effect on the majority of spaniels! Mine works 3 days a week in shooting season and has a busy life the rest of the year, and we increase exercise in September, drop it right back in February, and feed a maintenance diet year round.

I’ll be delighted if any of that helps - they are so very lovely when you are managing them well but I’m going back to labradors in 10 years time!

Our sprocker now has a doggy sister so this has improved a lot however what used to really help was leaving the radio on. Classic FM works best for him, and a few chews. I stick to a really rigid routine with leaving them and they've learnt that and now are a lot calmer when I'm elsewhere in the house as they know I'll be back for cuddles later. Could you try implementing a routine and using radio/chews for distraction? Shutting the door also helps. They know I'm home but also know I'm not available. If the doors open it makes it harder for them to settle I think.

I'm writing this from underneath a damp fifteen month old Cocker Spaniel girl and completely understand you. Our girl has FOMO and is happiest right next to a human of choice.

I know crates divide opinions but she feels safe in her crate, takes her teddy with her and closes the door behind herself.

Can safely leave for a couple of hours. Classical music calms her. She still has her moments though.

Can try leaving the radio on for her if you're upstairs?

You've had some great advice from Spaniel owners here. All the Spaniel-philes I know have the same issues at some point. As I understand it, for Spaniels it's all about the love.
As you can tell from the username, I'm a Labrador lady (I like the way you can pop them onto standby while you go about your day). However, I have working Labs, and have found that they are at their best when they have a chance to express their breed traits. For us, this has meant two pack walks a week with a gundog trainer, us learning lots of gundog exercises for walks and offering daily oppportunities for scent work (mine aren't Einsteins, hiding ham under cushions seems to stretch them to an alarming degree- Spaniels are brighter I think).
Anyway, we've found this resource invaluable, and it's been great fun learning to be a gundog owner. I'm not sure we'd be allowed out on a real shoot anytime soon, but they can hold their own with a dummy in a bramble bush:
www.thepetgundog.co.uk/

I laughed when I saw the title as our cocker is currently laid on my Dps chest as close to his face as she can get.

I adore cockers and has them for over 20 years, but they are needy. When I first started working from home she camped out next to me all day occasionally nudging me for petting.

Now she stays downstairs so I can actually work.

I agree with what op said about Physical exercise. So many people think if they walk them more they will settle. You just end up with a Spaniel who is super fit and doing the same behaviours at home.

They need interaction and mental stimulation. We have licky mats, kongs, dog puzzles etc. we only let them have the mats when we are there. But the kongs get stuffed and put in the freezer then given when they need to be left downstairs. Then when we have time we play hide and seek with toys or the kids. Obedience training etc. on walks we let them run but also keep their brain engaged. Keep calling them back, send the kids to hide and let them find them etc.

The mental stimulation is far better at calming their behaviour. They do still wants lots of cuddles though, but happy to lay on or next to us and snooze.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to advise. It really is helpful to hear from experienced spaniel owners 😂

I will definitely be taking a lot on board

I agree with PP that she needs to learn how to settle.

It sounds as if she is getting enough exercise, but not very much to tire out her brain. As other PP have said, gundog training will probably be helpful. Teach things like a formal recall (to she comes and sits in front of you, and then when directed sits at heel). Get her to hunt for tennis balls in long grass and undergrowth, and retrieve to hand. I have two high-drive gundogs and things like retrieving and long sit-stays keep their brains occupied and make them MUCH easier to live with.

Working dogs have 'drives' - that is, they are bred to do certain things. If you can give those drives an outlet, you will have a much happier dog who will settle much more readily.

I LOVE cockers! I have Vizslas, another high drive, needy breed.
My (lovely) scent work trainer said about his working drug/gun indicating cockers ‘if I didn’t kennel them I’d have to throw them out of the window’
Basically they need to have no options left other than to rest. My Vizslas are the same when they’re young. A crate or pen and ignoring them when you’re not actively supervising/playing/working them works really well.
I currently have a 4 year old Vizsla who has only just learned her off-switch, and her 10 month old daughter who I bred specifically to be laid back and quiet as I was expecting twins.
My working bred older dog is still much harder work than my youngster. It’s just how they’re made.