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Original poster

Struggling to Cope with Euthanasia Experience

53 replies

MonaLisaUC · 03/08/2022 16:32

I'm really struggling with the loss of my dog. I had to take him on my own to be put to sleep. I'd had him for 10 years (and his brother is still wondering where he is and keeps waiting by the front door), which makes it harder I think.

He had heart failure and the vet said it would be kind to let him go, which I agreed with.

When he was at the vet, even though he was finding breathing difficult, he was still excited to be on the vet table and was moving around a lot. When he had the injection I'm struggling with two things: how he was moving around so excited and then just collapsed, as he was so full of life. I kind of wished he'd be lying down when it happened. I don't mean to say that he shouldn't have been put down at that point. He absolutely needed to be because he was suffering but I can't get that so much life turned so quickly to stillness.
Has anyone else's dog been that way (standing up/excited or worked up when they had the injection)?

The other thing was that I was holding steady from behind as the vet was doing the injection at the front of him on his paw, so I couldn't look at his face when he passed, and I don't know if I should've changed position so he could have, or maybe he shouldn't have because I was such a mess.

Also, I was asked by the vet if I wanted 2 minutes alone with him before he had the injection. I said no, because I was crying so much and he was too excited he would have been wanting to explore etc, so wouldn't have taken too much notice of me anyway, and now I keep thinking I should have taken that 2 minutes.

I read that it is normal for dogs to have their eyes open when they pass, so now I am OK with that.

But the other things continue to upset me with hindsight. I suppose I'm just a bit shell-shocked.

I would be appreciative of any advice/help with that.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Fandangles · 03/08/2022 16:37

Oh I’m so sorry OP💐You did what you felt was right in the moment - I agree having those two minutes may have actually made things more distressing. We were all with our dog when he was PTS, I was only about 14 but it is still quite a painful memory. However, I know that you simply being with him would have comforted him enormously. It sounds like his last moments were actually lovely and happy.

Teadrinkingmumofone · 03/08/2022 16:40

I'm really sorry for your loss. My dog was the same, on the way to the vet she really perked up and was excited and just as you describe your dog being. I had to really remind myself that she was seriously ill. She had heart failure and swelling on the brain, but was a happy little dog so could always raise a wag of the tail.
You will have been a huge comfort to him, just being there right with him.
You've done the right things, as painful as it is

sittingonacornflake · 03/08/2022 16:56

OP just reading the love and warmth towards your dog means you did everything right. Because it's clear you gave him a life of love and joy. Your lovely dog didn't experience any distress whatsoever when passing, which is clear from the energy he had that you talk about. I think your gut instinct told you if you had have taken those 2 minutes it could have turned a very comfortable passing into something more distressing. You should be proud.

longtompot · 03/08/2022 16:57

I am so sorry for your loss💐My ddog is 10 and I am dreading that day

I don't know if a dogs passing is similar to a cats, but when we had our old boy pts earlier this year, the vet talked us through all the usual things that might happen. One thing she didn't tell us was just as the meds were injected he would lift his head and give us the loudest purr before going. I guess for that second he was no longer feeling awful (I found him collapsed on my bedroom floor and thought he'd gone then but then he started to do the saddest meows :( )

ErrolTheDragon · 03/08/2022 17:00

Flowers We had to have our 16yo dog PTS a few weeks ago. It is hard - your head knows it was the right thing but oh your heart...

Objectively - he didn't know what was happening, and that's one of the reasons apart from avoiding pain why it's kind to them. The speed is shocking - I'm glad the vet warned us, I thought he'd be asleep for a few moments first. But you know for sure there was no time for any pain even subconsciously for him.

ChuckItBucket · 03/08/2022 17:03

Oh OP I’m so sorry for your loss. Can you think of it more like your lovely dog didn’t know anything about it - he knew you were there, he was happy and excited. The vet should have offered sedation really to make it a bit more peaceful. Absolutely shocking for you of course

BlueSkyWarmSea · 03/08/2022 17:08

I know it's hard for you, but that sounds like the perfect way to go for him .He was happy, then he wasn't there. Have you ever had a general anaesthetic? It must be similar, you are talking away then nothing. There's no conscious knowledge that anything is happening, you're awake one minute and unconscious the next. He sounds like he had a well loved life, and his death was the best it could possibly be.

NotQuiteUsual · 03/08/2022 17:15

Dogs primary sense is smell not sight, being so close that he could clearly smell you was absolutely what was important for him. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how you feel. Xxx

Original poster
MonaLisaUC · 03/08/2022 17:22

Thank you so much everybody, I take real comfort from you all. I'm starting to feel a little better about the experience, so thank you.

OP posts:
BiteyShark · 03/08/2022 17:26

As others have said your lovely dog didn't know what was occurring and went from knowing you were close by to nothing. Hard and painful for you but the best for him as no more suffering.

FlowersFlowers

Shemakeslists · 03/08/2022 17:31

Hello @MonaLisaUC I had to have my darling old boy pts recently and the overwhelming support I received on MN really helped me through. I was in two minds as to whether it was best for me to be there with him (ie what was best for him, not for me), actually, and was advised by virtually everyone that I should be there. I did it and though it was v hard, it was the right thing to do. So I’ve come on here to say you’ve done the right thing for your darling dog, please comfort yourself with that. You kept things as ‘normal’ as possible. And don’t feel alone in any way as there are many of us sending you our support and love for being such a caring doggie owner. 💐

GhostCastle · 03/08/2022 17:37

He knew you were there for him at the end. He would sense and smell you. He is at peace now and wouldn’t want his lovely owner to be sad.

RaininginDarling · 03/08/2022 17:40

I'm so sorry @MonaLisaUC - huge hugs from me. Its absolutely rotten when they go - and you so want to have that moment of acknowledgement pass between you. It sounds like your pup passed without really knowing what was going on. I'd quite like to go that way myself. Take comfort in the fact that when the time came, you did right thing by your beloved friend. Be kind to yourself. The heartache is the price we pay for love. I lost my girl in May. I think about her every day and I mostly smile at the memories of a life well lived rather than focussing on her last days. Give yourself time .X

ilovesushi · 03/08/2022 17:41

I'm sorry you are struggling with that experience. It sounds like your doggo was not unhappy or distressed when he passed. Hopefully he sensed he was in safe hands with vet and he knew you were there with him. It is sad you didn't get that final moment of connection before he went, but he knew you were there. It sounds like his final moments were happily distracted and pain free, so I hope that can be a comfort.

I was there with my mum and her dog when she was put to sleep. We got time alone with her before hand and weren't hurried or put on a time limit. Her dog wasn't standing but she was sitting upright and kind of softly crumpled down. I think her eyes stayed open but I'm not sure. The vet did warn us they might. For a while after I felt annoyed that the vet was stroking our dog's head, when we were both there giving her strokes but I wonder now whether it was more a medical check than overstepping with the goodbye caresses.

If you wanted to you could always feed back to the vet's how you felt about it, so they can improve how they do things. It is such a painful moment and nothing can take away from that but sometimes little things can give a lot of comfort. Because I was there with my mum, I was able to do things like ask for a chair for her, and be the one to call the vet back into the room when we were ready. On your own in your grief and shock, you just don't have the head space to do those things. Sorry again for you loss.

Honeyroar · 03/08/2022 17:46

More recently I’ve always had the experience where you the vets sedated the dog first, so it went sleepy, gave us a few minutes to say goodbye,, then PTS. It sounds like your lovely dog was just PTS without sedation, which makes no difference to the dog’s experience, but makes it a little more shocking for you. But it just shows how quick and painless it was for him..xx

Ihatethenewlook · 03/08/2022 17:49

Op I’m so sorry you’re so (understandably) upset by this. But you’re massively overthinking things and hyperfocusing on the wrong bits. It was the right time for your dog to go. The right time doesn’t mean waiting until they’re in such agony that they’re miserable and can barely walk. And there’s no point in looking back and wringing your hands over different decisions you could have made. You followed your instincts over what you felt was right at the time, if you had to go through it again your instincts and therefore decisions will still be the same. Your dog passed happy with your arms around him. What better outcome could there be given your circumstances?

VimFuego101 · 03/08/2022 17:58

He would have known you were there regardless of where you were standing. It sounds awful for you but also that he was happy in his last moments.

Original poster
MonaLisaUC · 03/08/2022 18:14

Thank you everyone. It helps to think my gut instincts were probably right and it was not wrong to have that last two minutes. I didn't know how it would go but yes, I didn't know how rapid the process would be, and how fast he would go from being full of life to lying down in with no heartbeat. It helps to know think that it wouldn't have mattered if he was sitting/standing up (excited) or lying down when it happened. Thank you to everyone.

OP posts:
MirandaJayne · 03/08/2022 18:26

You did the right thing for your doggie. Better a day too soon than a day too late. He went into the vet unknowing and that is a kindness. You can't change how he was euthanised but you did the right thing. If he could have seen how sad you were it might have been harder for him be happy for the time you had. I know how hard it is Flowers

Original poster
MonaLisaUC · 03/08/2022 18:29

And thank you for saying he knew I was there and it didn't matter that I wasn't looking into his eyes. I hope it didn't matter and hopefully his eyes were all over the place anyway because of the excitement, and he didn't need to see me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MonaLisaUC · 03/08/2022 18:34

You're right, I wouldn't have wanted him to be sad looking into (crying) eyes. Thank you.

OP posts:
exnewwifeproblems · 03/08/2022 20:06

I am so sorry for your loss

Amicompletelyinsane · 03/08/2022 20:11

It's so hard on an excitable bouncy dog to have everyone in the ideal position. I think what you need to try and take from it was he had no idea what was going on and was happy and excited right up to the end. It's not ideal when they won't lie down. However I often people wait too long to pts and by then the dog is so collapsed that is why they will lie down. It sounds like you made a hard decision but the right one

Bananaman123 · 03/08/2022 20:20

I’m so sorry, this made me cry thinking of my old boy passing, he had kidney failure. He was a staffy and was excited to see the vet too although it was most definitely the right decision and when she was shaving to put the needle in it was almost like he knew she was helping him and he became really calm. My partner held his body and I was at his head. We stayed with him for 5 minutes or so but it was really upsetting. You did the right thing for your dog, try not to overthink it, you had so many great years,try to focus on the good times.

JustlookingNotbuying · 03/08/2022 20:27

Oh op this made me weep. I am so sorry for your loss 💕
You absolutely did the right thing, it was because you loved him so much.
We had to have our dog (my absolute best mate) pts on Monday.
I don’t think it matters where you were positioned or if you did or didn’t look into his eyes, he knew you were there at that’s the main thing.
I looked into Archie’s eyes the whole time and he was exhausted and didn’t move an inch even when the vet struggled to find a vein and had do faff about in his other arm), neither have made me feel any better than how you did it with your lovely dog. I feel absolutely awful and am constantly questioning myself all the time.
Dh and I were in pieces and I was to the point of sobbing hysterically. Even though Archie was poorly with liver cancer we honestly didn’t think it was his time to go on Monday but he took a turn for the worse. Our teen dc didn’t know so I asked the vet if I could ring and let them say goodbye over the phone, in hindsight it probably wasn’t a good idea because I was sobbing, dh was sobbing then dc started which then started the vet nurse! Poor Archie had all these people sobbing, I keep thinking that all he heard in his last moments were all these people crying but we couldn’t stop it, he was family to us.
I was also taken back that his eyes were open, I wasn’t expecting that but the vet says it’s completely normal.
Our Archie was also 10 and we gave him a great life. You gave your lovely dog a great life too. Sadly, too many dogs don’t have the joy of a loving family.
The loss is torture isn’t it? I have struggled every day since and feel I will never get over it but I keep in my mind that we have lost him but he never lost us, we were with him to the very end.