Struggling to Cope with Euthanasia Experience

[MonaLisaUC]

I'm really struggling with the loss of my dog. I had to take him on my own to be put to sleep. I'd had him for 10 years (and his brother is still wondering where he is and keeps waiting by the front door), which makes it harder I think.

He had heart failure and the vet said it would be kind to let him go, which I agreed with.

When he was at the vet, even though he was finding breathing difficult, he was still excited to be on the vet table and was moving around a lot. When he had the injection I'm struggling with two things: how he was moving around so excited and then just collapsed, as he was so full of life. I kind of wished he'd be lying down when it happened. I don't mean to say that he shouldn't have been put down at that point. He absolutely needed to be because he was suffering but I can't get that so much life turned so quickly to stillness.
Has anyone else's dog been that way (standing up/excited or worked up when they had the injection)?

The other thing was that I was holding steady from behind as the vet was doing the injection at the front of him on his paw, so I couldn't look at his face when he passed, and I don't know if I should've changed position so he could have, or maybe he shouldn't have because I was such a mess.

Also, I was asked by the vet if I wanted 2 minutes alone with him before he had the injection. I said no, because I was crying so much and he was too excited he would have been wanting to explore etc, so wouldn't have taken too much notice of me anyway, and now I keep thinking I should have taken that 2 minutes.

I read that it is normal for dogs to have their eyes open when they pass, so now I am OK with that.

But the other things continue to upset me with hindsight. I suppose I'm just a bit shell-shocked.

I would be appreciative of any advice/help with that.
Thank you.

Instead of being frightened your dog was happy and relaxed in an environment he didn't mind. It doesn't sound pleasant for you but for your dog it sounds so quick and peaceful without any fear. Sending you a hug x

@JustlookingNotbuying “I keep in my mind that we have lost him but he never lost us, we were with him to the very end.”

So beautifully put - I’m so sorry for your loss, and everyone else’s. 💕

Thank you so much for all your replies, and sorry to all who have lost a loving pet. It makes me feel better that there are others with similar experiences and I'll try not to second guess myself with my choices. On the way to the vet's, in the vet's and after the vet's I couldn't stop crying.
Whenever anybody talks about him at the moment, I burst into tears, but I hope that will pass in time. I think I'm depressing his brother and my kids! I think his brother still thinks he's coming home as he waits by the front door, and he doesn't usually, which upsets me again.
But thank you so much everyone. I'm crying less and I'm so glad I posted on here. It has brought me a lot of comfort. x

I lost my lovely lab girl end of May. She had gone downhill quickly and her glucose levels had collapsed and couldn't been maintained. She was staggering and fitting it was awful. At the vets she had glucose intravenously and recovered but as soon as they took her off it she crashed again.they called us and said it was either her liver or pancreas and there was nothing to be done . We went to the vet. They brought her in to the room. She seemed absolutely fine. Happy waggy thrilled to see us. I just wanted to take her home but I knew I couldn't. We got to say goodbye and give her hugs and treats. Then my DH had to leave the room he couldn't bear to stay. I made DDog a promise when she was little that I would be there always for her even at the end.
DDog sat down. I held her tight. One arm round her, one hand feeding her treats. I told her over and over how much I love her. The vet said are you ready. I said yes.
I felt her leave me. I'm so glad I held her in my arms like I promised her. It was so hard because at the time she seemed fine. But there was no choice. It was as lovely as it could be for her. Her favourite person and munching on salmon skin treats.
She was only 8.
My heart is broken 💔💔

I couldn't read and run because I felt the same as you last year when I had my dog PTS. He was only 4 and his lymphoma cancer came back. I hope me story helps you to know you're not alone.

When I went into the room at the vets, my dog jumped up excitedly on his hind legs and gave me kisses. He was so happy to see me but I was in tears. I had my partner with me and we spent about 10 minutes together before the end. We called the vet back in and she asked me to hold him from behind too. I couldn't look at him because of the angle but I remember feeling shocked at how he went from alive to dead before she'd finished pushing the syringe.

Afterwards I asked my partner to take a photo of dog and I, with my dog laying across my lap like he was sleeping. I've never been able to look at the photo since but knowing I have it brings me a small comfort.

It's been about 18 months since he passed and for the first month it was all I could think about. His final moments. I think of him every day still but not of him in his final moments. This pain will get easier to bear. I wish you comfort.

Thank you so much. You've made me feel as if I might get more of a sleep tonight, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your pets also. This whole thread has given me a lot of reassurance and support. x

I just want to thank everyone again as I actually slept (after a little cry) last night. I'll always remember him in that vet's room but also the good times. Knowing I wasn't alone in my experience of euthanasia really helped, so thank you, and I'm so sorry about the loss of all of your pets.

Oh OP I could have written your post! I had my 12year old girl PTS yesterday, heart failure too. She was still so excited about food and treats, still wagging her tail even though she was panting for breath. It's the worst thing I've ever had to do, and I have a few regrets too. I wish I'd have crouched down closer to the table so she could have looked at me as she went but instead she was looking at the needle and I keep replaying it over and over.

I'm absolutely heartbroken. I just keep bursting into tears, I went out this morning and when I came back and when she wasn't there to greet me I cried again.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope and pray it gets easier over time, it doesn't feel like I'll ever feel better at the minute.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean. It just happened so quickly and I wasn't prepared. I didn't have time to think what I should do or how I should do it. It upsets me too, the way he was so excited and coughing and then he was just so still. I thought it would be different and he would be lying down and calm.

The posters on here have helped me a lot, sharing their experiences too. I still cry when he's not at home and how my other dog is waiting for him, but I'm starting to feel better about the euthanasia, as others have shared similar experiences and you yours. When I see my other family members later on today I know I will cry recounting the experience again, but I know now that it was not that unusual.

I'll always remember him in that room and how he went so quickly, when I'd had all those years with him, but I'm trying to focus more on the funny/good times he gave us.

You absolutely did the right thing. Our dogs are so tuned into us, he will have known how much he was loved. It also does our dogs no good to see us upset as it confuses them, so I think you were so right.
your other dog is so lucky to have an owner like you. What about taking a day for his brother tomorrow to make him feel better? Go to his favourite park and share a sausage roll?

Thank you. I will. I took him to play with his doggy cousin today and gave him his favourite dinner.

So sorry for your loss OP. And yes, I had a similar experience two months ago with our 13 year old greyhound. Like many greys he wasn't able to sit or lie down on command, so love him he just stacked it for want of a better term and I had to try and catch him. His eyes were open too. It just happened so quickly and I think I'd expected there to be some time for me to whisper things into his ear as he passed but it was literally less than 10 seconds after the injection. I think it's the hardest responsibility we have as dog owners, but you did the right and kindest thing. Sending love x

And just to add I felt almost traumatised by the memory of the vet room for a few weeks afterwards. Obviously I still miss him terribly and it was a sad ending but I'm now getting to a point where I can look back on the happier times when he was healthy and not automatically think of how his life ended. You'll get there too 😊

Thank you. I'm really sorry about your dog, I was also surprised at how quickly it happened. I wish I'd researched more about it so I could've been more prepared. But these posts have really helped me and I was reassured about him being stood up, (he just crumpled down too and not in any position I'd seen him in before), the minutes I didn't take with him beforehand, and the being behind him when the injection was given. I somehow felt alone in those things, but now I feel a bit better.

You've done absolutely the right thing with your DD. And lots of respect ro everyone else who has been through something similar and supported OP. It's the price we pay for the love we have with our dogs.

Thank you. And you're right, every single one of the posters has been amazing.

Hi OP, I hope you are feeling a little less overwhelmed since your dog's passing. How are you doing?

Hi,
Thank you for checking in. I'm doing so much better thank you. I find myself thinking about him in the vet's room (I know I did the right thing still and I feel so much better about the decisions I made thanks to everyone who replied) and I get sad, but I'm a lot better thank you! x

Glad to hear you're doing better. This forum was a great source of support for me when my dog was put to sleep. I keep his ID tag on my set of keys so he's never far from my thoughts. It gets easier with time even though the pain remains.

Yes, it was a great support. Thank you, and I'm sorry also for your loss.

We were perhaps a day too long having ours pts (1st Covid lockdown obstruction)
So consequently it was a textbook euthanasia with DD not moving much, looking at us all and chomping sausages.

That said it was the best euthanasia for us not him. Personally I think in your situation it was the other way round, you gave your DD the best experience yet it was traumatic for you.

I suspect there's never a perfect time/balance.

Look after yourself.

Thank you and sorry about your DD. I'm glad both mine and yours aren't suffering anymore now. Not standing in a different position, not taking the 2 minutes and everything was eating me up but I didn't expect to get so many replies on here, and this support has been nothing short of amazing. We did the right thing in the end however it happened I suppose.

Honestly from his perspective, it sounds like a good death. He's being held by the person he loves most, he's excited and not scared, and he went very quickly. It's always so much harder on us than them, I promise!

I've been there when horses are PTS and it's usually awful to see because they tend to so down hard, especially if they're shot. But they're not suffering and are gone very quickly.

It is so so traumatic.

He sounds like he was very happy and much loved when he died. We should all be so lucky.

Everyone dies with their eyes open, even humans.

You gave him everything you could and when biology turned cruel, you gave him a happy peaceful end. That’s an incredible gift.

Thank you.