How do you cope with a pet loss? My beloved dog has terminal cancer, I am struggling to cope with it.

[JustlookingNotbuying]

……And the thought that in the near future, the one stable in my life, my best friend who has loyally been by my side almost 24/7 for the last 10 years will be gone.

My Archie is 10 and since early 2020 he has bravely fought off 2 cancers. A mast cell tumour in Jan 2020. Then April 2021 he had a very aggressive histiocytic sarcoma in his spleen. The spleen was removed (vet wanted him pts half way through the op as it’s had stuck to other organs). He pulled through but the vet gave a very grave prognosis of a few weeks to months.
But by a miracle Archie did so, so well and went a full 15 months in really great health and tbh, even though I know he was on borrowed time as he was so well and active, I had truly convinced myself that it was some kind of miracle and he would go on to be one of those bow legged little old doggies who just slip off in their sleep on night, at the age of 17!
But fate has other ideas and a month ago we found a big lump in his abdomen. It has turned out to be a very large liver tumour. The vet says that although his liver is functioning ok at the moment, there is nothing they can do, it’s just palliative care and just a matter of time now.
He is quite good spirits but has an upset tummy every day and his tummy is very swollen. He doesn’t appear to be suffering right now and I wouldn’t let him.
But, I am beside myself with anticipatory grief, I am checking him over all the time, looking at all the quack ‘alternative’ remedies in the hope we can find a miracle and am so on edge and anxious all the time. I can’t feel joy or happiness right now.
I hate the thought that we will have to make the decision to end his life. I know it’s the last kindest act we can do for him but it is killing me, when will the time come? What if we do it too soon and regret it? What if we do it too late and realise he suffered? I am truly torturing myself.
I am having arguments with dh as I want to dash off the the vets every few days for advice and he says we can not afford it and there is nothing more they can do or say.
When I rescued him as a 6 month old, 10 years ago and during our wonderful years together, never did I think just how absolutely awful and dark these last days/weeks together would be.
I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to leave him alone.
How did you cope when you had to go through this with your pet?
I have had personal human loss in the last few years, that was really bad but weirdly this feels so, so raw, I just can not get my head around it.

What a gorgeous dog.

there is no advice, it is so hard. Just making sure they know they are loved is so important and will mean more to him than anything.

aside from the expense I agree with not dashing off to the vets all the time from a stress point of view. Nothing is to be gained, but your dog is much better off spending their time pottering round fields or on the beach than going to the vet. But if you have insurance you may get free vet video calls - look up and see if you get these as they might help put your mind at rest on occasion -you can pay for them individually (I don’t know if you can get a standing subscription so you can use them as a when without insurance-but they aren’t particularly cheap if you use them outside insurance)
focus on fun things to do together-it’s so difficult when they eventually leave us- but I know all of my boys that have left me had the most full and happy lives- and never had the confusion or pain of losing me. I’d much rather it was that way round.

SarahSissions Bless you, thank you. I definitely have to focus on him now and spend as much happy time as possible. No more vet visits I know, I suppose I’m hoping for a miracle medication that will hold it all back but I know that doesn’t exist. Although the vet has called us this afternoon, even though he’s now home, to check how Archie is which was lovely.

So sorry OP

I hate the thought that we will have to make the decision to end his life. I know it’s the last kindest act we can do for him but it is killing me, when will the time come? What if we do it too soon and regret it? What if we do it too late and realise he suffered? I am truly torturing myself.

I think a planned end when they aren't in pain and have been spoilt for a few days is actually the best way to go.

Having had to walk away from the vets expecting the worse as an emergency in the past I honestly hope I can do this for me dog if needed in the future so no I don't think you can do it too early but you can easily leave it to late

You are not alone, I am in the same situation, the clock is ticking and the thought of losing my darling girl is unbearable, she has been my constant for 13 years, like your dog she should not be here now but she has rallied a couple of times and I have poured all my love, time and attention in to her, my whole life revolves around her and her needs, I honestly can’t imagine my life without her. In a way I am grateful that I know the end is coming rather than a sudden illness or accident, it is giving me time to try and prepare, having discussions with my husband what we will do in various different scenarios whilst I am in a ‘normal’ state of mind.

I am also making as many lovely memories as possible, taking lots of videos and pictures, taking her to places she loves, extra special treats and nice food! You may find this silly but I have done a video of just her and me together telling her what she means to me and how much I love her and the joy she has brought to my life. I probably won’t ever be able to watch it and I know she doesn’t really understand my words but it was something I just needed to do.

The thing I need to do now and all I want for her is as much as possible to give her a pain free gentle ending to her life, my friend left her dogs passing to late and he did suffer, so I would rather a day to early than too late. One crumb of comfort for me is that she doesn’t have the grief of losing me, I will gladly take that pain so she doesn’t have to. I’m sorry you are going through this OP it is really really tough

BiteyShark I have a vet on standby who will come to the house when the times comes, I’m just dreading it 🙁
LadyVictoriaSponge Oh I am so sorry you are on the same journey as us, it truly is heartbreaking isn’t it? I love the idea of the video of the two of you. I think I’ll do this with Archie and individually with each family member including my elderly parents as they love him too and poor mum has Alzheimer’s which makes it even more poignant. I’ve had a lovely poster made up of him which I’ll get framed and have a paw print kit to do.
Like you, I definitely don’t want him to suffer, my parents left their cat too long and in hindsight they know they let her go on too long.
Hugs to you and your lovely dog.

I will hang this with pride somewhere special when the time comes.

No different advice, I will be the same when my boy's time comes, but just to say he is so very lovely and I'm so sorry. How lucky you have been to have had such a wonderful companion xx

Goodness, no advice apart from to say he's a lovely boy and it will be hard when he goes. Try and remember the amazing life you gave him.
I will be just the same when my boy goes, he is almost 15 and I do think about it.

MrsEricBana thank you so much 💕. Sadly, losing our lovely dogs is the only draw back of having them in our life, they really are one of life’s biggest joys. Hopefully, you will have many happy years with your boy. We have been truly blessed to have had Archie in our lives, he is such a good boy and everyone adores him. I have to focus on that.

eagle9 Thank you. We rescued him from a hell hole of a place so I take comfort in the fact his life would have been very different if I hadn’t seen his little face on a Pre-loved advert, I knew straight away he was for us. I hope you do get some lovely years yet with your boy.

I'm in the same boat and struggling. The tears are flowing and I can't quite manage to make them stop which is a nightmare whilst out shopping! Tough times 💐

"You will lose him, but he will never lose you."
I saw this recently and gave me comfort after losing my beautiful girl aged only 8. Losing DDog is the most heartbreaking thing. My lovely girl went over rainbow bridge in May and my heart is still broken into pieces. I'm grateful in a strange way that I didn't have to make the awful decision when is the right time to let an old ill dog go. My DDog got ill suddenly and there was nothing we could do. But she had been spared being old, arthritic and in pain. And I have been spared making the dreadful decision is today is the day? But better a day too early than a day too late. It is our last gift we can give our best friend. They will wait for us over rainbow bridge xx Thinking of you OP

no real advice but just to say thinking of you and your lovely dog! I say this carefully you might get a bit longer, our vet gave our cat a ‘he has 2 months left at best’ with kidney disease and tumours…. Here we are a year later still fine. Also know that the Blue cross for pets charity has a wonderful bereavement service which you can phone x

Oh Archie, you are a beautiful boy!

I had to go through similar 3 weeks ago. We are abroad and had to make a quick decision before we left as our boy was really suffering. My heart shattered into a million pieces and I've still not faced the reality of being back home without my special boy.

I had posted here and had lots of responses which in truth helped me so much. It was very comforting to know that lots of others loved their little loyal companions fiercely and had to make the selfless and heartbreaking decision to have them pts.

It's by far the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm sending you all the love in the world. Take your boy to his favourite places, give him extra tummy scratches, kiss his little ears, feed him his favourite foods and just enjoy him for now.

Sounds like he's had a wonderful life with you. I'm so sorry you're going through this, you really do have my deepest sympathy.

What a handsome chap he is!

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I'm in the same boat at the moment and it's awful. My girl is 12 and has a bad heart. She's managing ok on her medication and a lot of the time you wouldn't know there's anything wrong with her but then there are dark moments during the night sometimes when she struggles for short periods of time. All I can do is give her an extra dose of medication and sleep downstairs with her where it's cooler. She fine within half an hour but I'm left awake for hours on end worrying.

I'm not sure how I'm even going to get out of bed without her being here, she's brought me 12 years of joy and we are together practically 24/7 because I've always worked from home. I don't have children and my days revolve around her.

I'm also worried about making the decision too soon or too late and while she's still getting excited for her meals and her treats I can't face doing it. I was at the vets for her booster the other day and asked her opinion and she said I'd definitely know when her time comes. That brought me some peace.

You are not alone OP but we know we've given them the best life possible and will continue to do so until we can't anymore. They might not be here for our whole life but we've been there for theirs.

I haven't got much advice, but have experienced two pet losses in the last year (one very sudden and one after a short illness). It's heartbreaking and I tortured myself for a while, and sometimes still do, with the "what if I requested stronger antibiotics sooner" and "what if we had tried x y z". My losses weren't dogs, they were gerbils, and I'm sure many will eye roll and say "it's only a gerbil" but they meant an awful lot to me and were my whole world. What I will say is - don't let anyone else's opinion in. It's devastating, particularly in your case as you've had your little one for 10 years, that's a long time. He is part of your family and your life and it's okay that you are really hurting. People will have opinions like "keep busy" and "maybe get another one" but honestly, just blank them out. You know what you need to do right now, and if that's staying in the house and being with him as much as you can that's okay. Look after yourself, plan/prep meals when you can to make sure you eat, if you work, look at your contract and see if you can take bereavement leave, and either way let work know so that when the time comes it's no surprise if you need time off or to take annual leave.

Sending you so many hugs, what a gorgeous boy he is ❤️ It sounds like you have given him the most wonderful life and that is an important thing to remember

I am so sorry userxx, I am exactly the same, find myself bawling at the most inconvenient times, I just can’t stop either x
Thank you Sunflowers765 that’s a lovely statement and so true. I am so very sorry for your loss, it must still be so raw. Think of you too x
Briandouglas that’s fantastic news, I hope he continues to keep going. I didn’t know about the Blue Cross service, thank you x
Oh jcmd I am so sorry for your loss, that must have been so very tough. Having a dog (or any pet) is one of life’s biggest joys but the absolute heartbreaking downside is that they just don’t live long enough. Right now, Archie is squished up against my leg as we both veg out on the sofa, I am breathing in biscuity aroma even more deeply than usual, it’s my most fav smell in the world and I never want to forget it. I want to make as many wonderful memories both physically and mentally as possible. I am really so sorry for your loss x

MustBeThin I am so sorry you are on the same journey as us. When you are going through something like this you feel so alone until you get online and realise there are so many others in the same boat, it’s both comforting and heartbreaking at the same time. I am the same as you. I don’t know how I’ll go on, I got Archie to help me with severe depression, he really helped but I feel it creeping back up knowing he may leave at any time, he is with me all the time, even sleeps on our bed. I know we will get through it but it certainly doesn’t feel like it right now x
Springblossom2022 I am so sorry for your losses and totally understand. I am a huge animal,lover and have had dogs, cats, rabbits, hamsters to name a few. I got 2 gorgeous Guinea pigs for my 40th (friends thought I was mad lol) but one of my girls had a stroke in front of me at the age of 4, I was devastated. I give out 100% love to all my pets regardless of there breed or type. I just love them all x

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What a gorgeous dog. I'm so sorry OP. A huge hug from me.

All I can say is to make the most of every moment that you have. Cuddles, tug of war, walks, smell his head....

Bless you, thank you ❤️ Oh how lovely, animals are just wonderful aren't they. One of my gerbils had a stroke in front of me and it was awful and just so traumatic. She clung on for a long time until we took her to the vets and had her put to sleep as I couldn't bear her suffering and she wasn't going to improve. It's never easy. Losing a dog must be so hard though as unlike the other lovely animals dogs are often with you 24/7 when you're at home. Look after yourself and don't be afraid to tell others what you need from them

Thank you whiteroseredrose I’ve definitely been taking in extra sniffs from his biscuity paws!
Thank you so much Springblossom2022

@JustlookingNotbuying we too have just found out today that our 11yr old husky has liver cancer based on scan/blood results.she seems in excellent health eating drinking happy etc but took her to vet due to weight loss. Option is palliative care and prognosis could be weeks or months, but I’m scared as I don’t know how long and when will be the best time to pts. Worse still we have paid 6k to go on hol to Cyprus next week and if we canx it wouldn’t be covered by ins. I keep looking at her and worrying about how she feeling. I’m so sorry you are going through this too with Archie, hugs xxx

@MyaStorm If your dog is looking well and acting normally this week I'm sure she'll be the same next week. How long are you on holiday for ? It's such a worry when we know they're ill, they don't seem bothered though!

MyaStorm I am so sorry your dog has the same as Archie, it’s a horrible thing to go through. Hopefully, you will still be able to go on holiday. Where is your dog going during your holiday?
Archie did go a full month in really quite good health after this tumour was diagnosed but it must have been quite aggressive as sadly we had no choice but to have him pts yesterday morning. I know it was the right thing to do as the tumour had started to bleed and the vet said he probably wouldn’t see the day out but it was so quick we are in shock.
My heart has shattered into a million pieces.