Finding dog owning a bit relentless

[Blueberrywitch]

We’ve just returned from holiday and had our lovely dog returned to us.

She’s honestly a treasure, is such a good girl and absolutely no complaints about her, but I just found that the day we arrived back before she was collected from her doggy sitters was so relaxing, and having her back feels like this endless list of chores and life admin stretching ahead of me.

I’m getting a bit panicked!! I honestly wonder if I should even have children if the prospect of walking and feeding and organising care for a perfect dog is too much for me.

I guess I just miss having the house to myself and DP and that 1:1 energy, with her here we just spend most of our time talking to the dog or patting her instead of each other! We used to be such a tactile couple, constantly canoodling, and now she gets 100% of both of our cuddles.

I don’t even know if there is any advice I am seeking, just needed to vent really. It might just be holiday blues as well and needing to get back into that rhythm of life again. Or maybe I need to get some doggy sitting for a break even if we aren’t on holiday.

Completely terrible but sometimes I imagine adopting her out to a lovely retired couple beside the sea so she could live her best doggy life and I could sleep in again 💔😭

I have no idea how all you wonderful people with reactive dogs and dogs with other issues deal with life, you must be absolute saints and full of so much energy.

Need doggy sitting for a break from your own dog ? Yet you say she’s well behaved.
Honestly, why did you get a dog ?

Sometimes dog ownership can feel like that because despite all the lovely benefits of owning a dog they are a responsibility and a tie.

Like with babies I guess, the love makes the hard work and lifestyle limitations worthwhile.

If you don’t feel like that I’m not sure what to suggest. It’s the reason I wouldn’t get a dog at this point in my life.

I got a dog because I absolutely adore dogs, had dogs my whole childhood and couldn’t picture my life without a dog, and could think of nothing except wanting to have a dog in my life. We have put so much love and effort into our dog and trained her exceedingly well, plus chose a great breed and got lucky, hence her excellent behaviour. But thanks for your supportive comment 🙃

Owning a dog is relentless. Is this your first dog?
My old girl was PTS last week and brutal as it sounds, I am not missing the mental load of an elderly dog with anxiety and poor health.

Yes having a dog is a responsibility for sure. They can be quite demanding, requiring attention, walks, feeding and vets - they cost in time, emotion as well as money.
If you find the dog is coming between you rather than building a bond (going for walks together, bringing joy and sense of family), becoming more a burden and a chore, then maybe you should rehome it.
If this was a bit of a trail run before starting a family, a child will absolutely be way more of a disruption. Your focus will be on the baby not each other for the first years. You can of course keep your connection, but it will inevitably change.

That's the reality of owning a dog.

As the dog gets older you will find it settles down and becomes less demanding. Our 10 year old Jack Russell doesn't voluntarily get up until about 10 am and after an hour's walk sleeps most of the day until she gets another short walk and her dinner. She has been like this for some years now.

@BiteyShark @Donotgogentle thank you. I think perhaps it’s returning from holiday and slightly losing that connection with her that makes it all worthwhile. I hope we bond a bit over the coming days and the love and joy outweighs the prospect of the responsibility!

In all honesty, OP (and I don't mean this as a dig at all) - I think sometimes people get a dog expecting something other than a dog, if you see what I mean?

It's only really worth getting an animal that requires lots of input, fuss, training, walking, cleaning up after and grooming if you enjoy the majority of those things and/or see the ones you don't enjoy as worth it for the ones you do. Otherwise, it's always going to be one long pain.

A bit like getting a fancy garden with all sorts of plants when you don't enjoy gardening.

A dog inevitably changes your life and shapes your life around them. If you don't want your life shaped like that then a dog is probably not the right option.

And I really don't mean that as a way of making you feel bad: but can you remember why you got the dog to start with? What were you hoping for, because perhaps that's the key to helping you see the dog as more fulfilling than burdensome?

@easyday it was a trial run in that sense (although I also desperately wanted a dog vs not having this feeling at all for a child) but it has been great to see my DP step up and take it on 50:50 - I would definitely recommend it for women in that sense, he’s been amazing and it has reassured me that we would be a great baby raising team. But yes you’re right that a baby would be much more of a disruption. I think maybe we have tag teamed the dog a bit too much, splitting all the walking duties instead of enjoying walks together and having her add to our bond.

I wonder if this is partly holiday blues as I was the same a couple of weeks ago when we returned from holiday! But all good again now :)

@SpringersLoveSofas that’s good advice thank you x

Dog ownership is a way of life really and it may not be the way of life that everyone wants to live.

However getting a dog will always be a big commitment and will at times mean you have to do things at times that may not be convienent to you and may feel a bit restrictive.

Lets hope it is just post holiday blues and you will feel happier again in a few days. Maybe your dog is highlighting how your life is at the moment and possibly the drudgery of everyday life that you were able to forget whilst on holiday.

Give it a few days and see if you can add some change into your daily life so you all feel happier about things

@Luckymummytoone gosh I hope so! Not helped by the fact that we are exhausted from the holiday which was a destination wedding and then doggo woke me up twice in the night barking at sounds she’s not used to anymore, so I ended up just sleeping beside her on the couch under her dog blanket and now have first Monday back at work ahead of me 😂

Splitting all the walks makes no sense..sure, some of them, but if you're going on a longer, enjoyable walk then all go together. Otherwise the dog is a chore you're dividing - rather than part of the family.

@Beamur I’m sorry for your loss xx

Not being funny but what did you expect when you took on a dog? You take on responsibility for another living creature and you have to adjust your life to suit their needs and put their needs before your own. Exactly the same as you do when you have children. If you aren't prepared to do that then a dog isn't for you.
I love the mess, upheaval and effort required as it makes our home feel complete and there is nothing better in the world than the love and adoration a dog gives you. Kids grow up and stop needing you but a dog never does. This makes up for the 5am/8pm walks, constant hoovering up dog hair etc.

Yes with post holiday perspective I’m wondering if this needs to be a key change for us

I adore our dogs but I completely hear what you’re saying. Sometimes I feel the same way. Life with dogs (and children) is demanding and you have to make so many sacrifices. Sometimes it’s just so tiring. I expect more people feel like you do but it’s taboo to say it (more so with children obviously). If taking time out by her going to a sitter helps then don’t let anyone make you feel guilty. Do what works for you.

I am glad I had kids before owning a dog, I would 100% not have kept my dog if they'd come first, the shock of responsibility hit me like a tonne of bricks even after having 2 children.
In a way, dogs are more tying as they have to be walked (you can't just set them in front of the telly), you can't take them everywhere whereas kids are portable, and they can't communicate with you in a way kids can.
See it as getting you prepared for kids, problem is with a dog you can (not necessarily should) re-home, can't do that with sprogs ha!

Very much like having a baby ... yes the cuddles are lovely but most of it is relentless.... and yet many people go on to have more than one baby (although I knew to stop at one ).

To be fair people do feel this way about babies. Luckily women don’t give birth to 2 year olds immediately or the human race would die out within a generation. At least they start as babies for a year or so to get you use to the toddler relentlessness 😂

Nothing has validated my decision not to have children more than getting a dog.

We have a lovely 18 month old dog but I do regret getting her. Not down to anything she's done, she's a pretty great dog but I hate that I can never switch off from thinking about her needs. We'd done loads of research, I've lived with dogs before but I don't think I'm really suited to dog ownership. Only 12ish more years to go...

Dog ownership IS relentless. They rely on you for pretty much everything. I love my two, but I also love holidays when I leave them at home with a family member. There are days when DH and I both get up and you're like 'ergh, who's going to walk the dogs'. Other days, we get up and we're arguing for the privilege and we both go! It's life with dogs, but we've been doing it for 30 years .

@Bekind2yourself @Lookingforrecommendations @Ragwort @sashagabadon thank you for these comments, they made me laugh and feel better 😂 I’m off walking her now and have a podcast on and feeling better about the whole thing, I think I just had a wobble